Hawke loved the holidays. All of them. But Hanukah and Christmas were his favorite. His mother and father had raised him with both and now it just didn't feel like December unless there was a menorah and a Christmas tree in the house.
Even though his father had been gone for years, Hawke still put up a menorah and lit a candle every night for 8 nights. This would be the first year that Fenris would be a part of it, and Hawke would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous about it. Sometimes, he still wondered how solid their relationship was; if at some point Fenris would decide Hawke was too much a mess and leave for a simpler life. The man basically lived and breathed minimalism and Hawke accumulated junk at an alarming rate.
A man who had lived on the run deserved a simple peaceful life, and life with Hawke was anything but that. He wanted to ask Fenris about it sometimes, but didn't know the wording. He jumped at the knock on his door. He straightened his shirt once more before opening it for his boyfriend. Fenris stood out front and offered a small smile.
He looked as gorgeous as ever even with a dark knit beanie covering most of his snow white hair. "Hey! Right on time," Hawke said then groaned. "I mean not that you aren't always on time. I mean... nice to see you, come inside." He opened the door.
Fenris stepped inside and stomped the snow off his boots on the matt then peeled them off. Next came off the jacket, hat and scarf, bits of snow still clung to him and Hawke smiled as he ruffled Fenris' hair and knocked a bit more snow loose.
Fenris didn't even offer a playful sigh at that and Hawke frowned. "Hey, is everything ok?" he asked.
"Fine," Fenris said quickly, far too quickly before sighing. "I don't know what I'm doing."
For a moment, Hawke panic hit him hard. "What?" Hawke asked.
"This. Holidays."
"Oh, Hanukkah isn't that complicated Fenris, you just-"
"It's not that Hawke."
"Is it…me?"
"No!"
"Fenris, I can't help if-"
"I've never had a holiday like this. Candles, trees, any of it," Fenris muttered.
Slow realization crashed over Hawke. His boyfriend had lived on the streets, on the run, never his own man. Of course he'd never had a holiday.
"Oh...Well then this will be your first." Hawke smiled, "And we'll make it one to remember," he said.
Fenris didn't look convinced but he didn't bolt for the door and Hawke took that as a good sign.
"Come on, I've got food," Hawke said as he took Fenris' hand and pulled him out of the mudroom and into the living room. The fire roared in the massive fireplace and food nearly spilled over the edges of his coffee table.
"How many people are you cooking for?" Fenris asked as he eyed the banquet.
"I don't know how to cook for small groups," Hawke laughed. "Besides appetite runs big in my family."
Fenris sat down by the fireplace in his usual spot. "I don't recognize a lot of these," he said after a moment.
"Well, I've got some lox because it's delicious. Brisket that is delicious. Latkes because they're delicious," he said. "Oh and a cheese platter because, well you know."
A slow, small smile tilted just the corner of Fenris' lips. "I am seeing a trend here."
"I only make food if it's going to be delicious," Hawke said with a nod. "Why waste your time making bad food?"
"What a wise man you are."
Hawke nodded and sat down. He filled one plate and passed it over to Fenris. When he saw Fenris eyeing the portion sizes, Hawke added, "You don't have to eat it all, really."
Fenris nodded and slowly started eating. Hawke waited a few seconds before he dove in to eat as well. Everything tasted amazing: sweet, salty richness burst across his tongue. He'd spared no expense on anything. Any time he knew he'd be feeding Fenris he went top of the line. He'd always make sure his boyfriend got the best; Fenris deserved it. Hawke always made sure to always have food around to feed his too-thin boyfriend. Hawke was all about food and eating the best (even if that did include potato chips, Twinkies, and mac and cheese from time to time), and why eat alone? So he took Fenris with him and made him fancy meals; that slow smile of Fenris' made all the struggles in the kitchen worth it.
Fenris ate at a leisurely pace, glancing at the menorah on the fireplace mantle.
"So, what exactly... do you do?" Fenris asked.
"Well first we have to draw our sabers and duel," Hawke said in the most serious voice he could muster.
Fenris stared at him, wide-eyed and alarmed before Hawke's poker face disintegrated and he laughed.
"You're joking," Fenris said.
"Maker, you should have seen your face!" He laughed, wiping his eyes even as Fenris glared at him.
The edges of his lips twitched into a smile so he wasn't truly annoyed, just teasing right back just the way Hawke liked it.
"No, no dueling," Hawke said. "Well we'll light one candle tonight, well two technically, the shamus is the middle one, it's like a helper candle. You use it to light the other ones. Tonight is the first night so we're just lighting one candle on the far right." Hawke explained as he pointed.
Fenris watched, his brows furrowed together and nodding slowly. Hawke resisted his urge to pull Fenris into a kiss. Fenris was too damn cute when he was being serious (which was most of the time if Hawke was being honest).
"And how long do these candles stay lit?" Fenris asked.
"Until they burn down, takes an hour or two." Hawke said.
Fenris nodded as Hawke got up and pulled out the candle. He lit the smaller shamus and then carefully placed the candle on the furthest right and recited the prayer just like his father had done when Hawke was just a small boy. This quiet moment was the one time of year when Hawke felt close to his father again, like he could just call him up and ask anything. He hoped he'd done his father proud, hoped he'd done his family proud.
Fenris' cool hand touched his shoulder and Hawke wrapped his arms around Fenris' back to pull him close against his chest as they both leaned back into the couch to watch the flickering of the menorah as outside the wind and snow picked up.
Hawke pulled Fenris close and kissed his temple; they didn't need words at the moment. All they needed was each other and the warm light in front of them.