Authors Note: Okay so this is… very late. I actually finished this last week but things with my beta got a little… skewed with real life problems so this hasn't been beta-ed either. I'll hopefully get another chapter out next week… Hopefully…

Also, I'm not a violinist. But I do listen to a lot of violin pieces so if I maybe get anything wrong… I'm really sorry?

V

"Will you tell me what happened back there?" I immediately demanded as soon as the door to our cabin was shut closed.

We were on a rather large ship, heading towards Belgium now. The cabin we were in wasn't fancy but it wasn't too shabby either. A queen sized and a single sized bed with clean linens, a dresser, a table with three chairs, a lumpy sofa, and a low coffee table. There was a bathroom adjoined, thankfully. I just hoped it was clean.

Nathan sighed and Mana smiled soothingly at him as he placed our bags on the floor near the dresser.

"You really don't waste any time, do you, Ellen?" Nathan chuckled in fondness and Mana hummed at that.

"So impatient," Mana chimed in.

"I'm plenty patient, Mana," I huffed. "I had to suffer being dolled up and fawned over,"

"And what a sacrifice that was," Nathan said dryly.

Ignoring the sarcasm, I nodded firmly in response. "Yes, it was a very noble sacrifice. Now are you going to continue trying to avoid my question or will you answer it?"

Nathan's jaw tightened and Mana looked a little uncomfortable at this, shifting his eyes between Nathan and I. I felt a little bad. No matter how mature he knew I was, to Mana I was still a child and the information I wanted was probably something that he would rather I didn't know. Nathan had the same conflicted look on his face and I wondered if it would be better to just tell them I was older than I was.

They probably wouldn't believe me but Mana… Reincarnation was something the Noah Clan did and I didn't want to trigger anything. The slight scare I had before was enough of a warning that the Earl was lurking in Mana, even if he wasn't fully awake.

We stayed in silence for a while, Nathan obviously reluctant to tell me anything and Mana was busying himself with organizing the new clothes I got from Haven's House. I pursed my lips, understanding their reluctance but not liking it one bit. I wanted to insist on knowing but I knew it was hard for someone as protective as Nathan to tell me something potentially dangerous. Information had a certain weight of power. And having such information could mean that I could be in potential danger. In my opinion, knowing was better than not knowing but…

"Fine," I finally said, drawing both their attention to me. "Don't tell me. I… I get it. I may be mature, but I'm still too young for you to be comfortable telling me things related to your… side job,"

Nathan's shoulders slumped in relief even if his face flashed with guilt. I could hear Mana breathe a sigh in relief as well. It made me feel ashamed of myself. They've been struggling to accept and cater to my apparent maturity while I still looked like a six-year-old. Sure it was frustrating to me but it must be super uncomfortable for Nathan and Mana.

I felt a hand ruffling my hair and I looked up to see Mana smiling apologetically at me. Nathan was kneeling beside him and pulled me into a tight hug as soon as I turned to him.

"I'm really sorry, Ellen. But I really do think you don't have to know this yet," Nathan whispered in my ear. "I know I said I wanted to teach you about all sides to the world but some things… Some things, I'd rather not tell you just yet. I want you to enjoy being ignorant for just a little bit longer,"

I clutched onto Nathan and buried by face further into his shoulder. I couldn't tell him I had some ideas on what he was talking about. It was going to be frustrating, keeping my mouth shut while Nathan did his work and maybe told Mana what he was doing but not me. But I would do it.

For Nathan, I was willing to do anything.

The 5-day ship ride was not fun at all. Who on earth could stand being on a transport ship mainly used to transport cows of all things.

Nathan, apparently.

Mana had found it amusing and honestly, so had I. But after just a day I was ready to jump off the ship. It freaking reeked of cow faeces. Nathan had apparently gotten used to such things and teasingly told me to get used to it too. He said that while he could definitely afford to get us into ships that were used to transport actual humans, he needed to be covert and not draw attention to himself. Flaunting off his riches with luxury ships would definitely draw attention.

When I asked him why not to just use a normal middle-class ship, he blanked out on me and changed the subject. Mana had later told me Nathan didn't really think about using the middle-class ships because he forgot they existed.

So now here we were in Bruges, Belgium and it was stunning. Honestly the only good thing about being reincarnated into the 19th Century besides meeting Nathan was being able to see so many different places before modern architecture took over. It was a beautiful sight to see with all the canals and gothic looking buildings. I think my favourite part of my life these days was travelling to so many different places and seeing them in person instead of through Google Maps. I remember that I had always wanted to go on a European tour but airplane tickets were obscenely expensive and travelling for leisure just wasn't possible for me at the time with a full-time job and little savings.

We were in Bruges because of some sort of music festival going on that Nathan wanted to participate in. Despite using his skills to gather information via eaves dropping in bars or high-class parties, Nathan loves his violin and took every opportunity to play it.

Mana and I enjoyed listening to him play. I've always loved listening to the violin in my past life and that love had carried over and strengthened as Nathan kept playing. I was still a bit leery about playing my own violin, though. I knew Nathan was confused as to why I was scared of playing it but had no problems with listening to him, especially since I apparently had a natural talent for instruments. I didn't know how I could ever tell him I was scared that playing any sort of instruments would coax the Noah in me to awaken. I definitely didn't want to tell Mana about it, for obvious reasons.

Never the less, Nathan had stubbornly tried to get me to continue practising with my violin. It was starting to piss me off with how easy it was for me to play what I knew to be difficult arrangements, especially since I was only six and haven't exactly matured physically to be able to play what I do perfectly.

Being the Noah's Musician is such a hack.

Mana enjoys listening to us, though. I had thought that maybe he would associate music with Nea but so far, when I play the violin, Mana gets a bit more grounded. He doesn't space out much anymore when I play, though he does get this sad look in his eyes. Mana's been calling me Ellen more than he called me Allen now, even when I cross dressed. Which I did the whole time I was on the ship. I think that maybe my constant reminders about my name helped a bit.

The slight scare I had with Mana maybe turning into the Earl back in Great Yarmouth still played at the back of my mind. I couldn't remember if Allen had any incidents where Mana's eyes had turned gold, but I figured that he probably wouldn't notice it anyway. Mana to Allen was both a father figure and someone he deeply depended on. I knew that Mana was the first to show kindness to Allen and that kind of hero worship relationship would make Allen blind to things he thought were inconsequential.

So… The Earl might be closer to surface than I thought. That's… bad. But is it really the Earl? I know in the manga that the Earl didn't have any memory of Mana's time with Allen so… was there a barrier of some sort between Mana's and the Earl's memory? When Mana died and became the Millenium Earl, did he block his memories from being absorbed by the Earl? It was… probably a legit theory but not one I could put my money on. I had no idea how magic worked. I mean it might be possible in Harry Potter but in the D. Gray-Man world where the only magic I was aware of is the one Cross uses?

Or was there more to the magic of this world? I can't imagine the magic Cross uses is the only type of magic in this world filled with Akuma and Innocence. So there has to be other types of magic, right…? Damn it, I can't confirm anything. Mana might know something but… with his Noah memory, I'd rather not risk anything with him.

"Allen why don't you play with me tonight?" Nathan asked me, bringing me out of my thoughts. We were walking towards the inn we were going to stay in for the festival and I was cross-dressing once again. It was unsurprisingly crowded and decorations littered the buildings in preparation for the festival.

"Um, no thank you," I answered quickly, almost paling at the thought of performing. Sure Nea's hack ability to play instruments probably wouldn't let me mess up but I had never even liked giving practised presentations in class. I definitely didn't want to get up on stage in front of possibly hundreds of people. My stage fright combined with the possibility that playing instruments might awaken Nea…

It probably won't happen but I really didn't want to take the risk.

"Really, Allen," Nathan sighed at me. "You play beautifully and there's nothing to be afraid of. I don't understand why you refuse to share your music,"

I pursed my lips in an effort to not yell at him. This was one of the few arguments I almost always had with Nathan. He loves music and he knows I love it too, so he finds it petty that I won't play to show my love for it. I do understand where he's coming from but…

"I do not think it would be a good idea to force him, Nathan," Mana cut in smoothly. "Allen surely has his own reasons and you cannot force him to play if he doesn't want to,"

Nathan sighed heavily. "I know." He smiled apologetically at me. "I'm sorry. Why don't you and Mana go around and enjoy the festivities tonight?"

…God, Nathan was getting better at guilt tripping me. "Maybe… I'll play with you later on... When it's not so crowded…?"

Almost immediately, Nathan's visage brightened as he beamed at me happily. I could feel myself twitching as he rushed to tackle me in a hug and started babbling about how I wasn't going to regret this and how proud he was of me trying to get over my stage fright. Mana chuckled at me bemusedly, a knowing glint in his eyes. I sighed but I knew I was smiling a little as well.

Since my former life, I had always wanted to learn to play an instrument. It might be a bit unfair that because of Nea I could play well, but… I couldn't always be afraid of Nea's awakening. I might be able to delay it, but I knew he would awaken one day. The Noah memory from what I could remember, cannot be stopped. This is my life now. With Nathan… and with Mana. I wasn't going to give it up without a fight.

If I wanted to fight, I needed to face Nea's abilities. No matter how scared I was of losing.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

That was the only thought running through my head as I stared at the mostly abandoned park near another canal. Since it was nearing dusk, most people there were leaving before it got too cold. Mana and Nathan were of course, nowhere to be found.

…How the hell did I get lost in the 30 seconds I took to look at the delicious cakes that were being sold off at the bakery.

I sighed in frustration as I looked around the quickly darkening park. It wasn't that I was afraid of being alone, it's that I was alone after dark in a seemingly empty park located in a port town. Nathan, Mana and I were on our way to the square where Nathan would be playing as a guest musician when I had spotted a bakery that had just set down a display of cakes in front of his shop. I had stupidly stopped to look, not noticing that Mana and Nathan had already disappeared into the crowd. When I did notice that I was alone, I again stupidly tried to find them in the crowd only to be pushed aside by enthusiastic tourists and festival goers all the way to the park.

A slight breeze blew through the trees and I shivered at the cold. It was already autumn, probably nearing winter; I could never be too sure. The temperature was bound to drop even more when night fell. I wondered if it would be a good idea to leave the park and try to find Mana. Nathan was probably already playing so it's possible Mana was looking for me right now. It would be best if I just stayed put like I should have when I first noticed their absence.

I shivered again at the cold wind and knelt down to hug my knees to my chest, hoping it would help conserve whatever warmth I had. Night had already fallen by now and I could see the streetlights getting lit up from where I was in the park. I should probably head towards the town but it was just so crowded and I could get even more lost if I tried. I sighed dejectedly and frowned at the visible puff that appeared when I did. It was getting cold enough that my breaths were visible…

I really hoped Mana would find me soon.

I groaned at my own helplessness and buried my forehead into my knees. I could feel tears starting to gather but held them back. I may be in a child's body but I was over twenty-five mentally. I should not be crying over getting lost or not being able to get back. I got lost almost all the time in my past life. Granted, I had a damn GPS system on my phone and Google Maps was a saviour in those times.

"Gaahh!"

I started at the sound and looked up only to find a large golden ball with a lighter shade of a cross on it, wings and a tail that curled like a cloud.

… Wait… Is this Timcanpy?! As in 'killed-by-Apo-whatever-his-name-was' Timcanpy?

I fell back on my behind as Timcanpy came closer to rub itself against my cheek. I flinched at the sudden warmth that came from the action and blinked in wonder as Timcanpy settled itself against my chest and continued to rub itself against me. I stared at it for a moment before slowly bringing my hands up and wrapping them around it. I could feel the soothing warmth spreading from the contact Timcanpy had on me and I snuggled into it, already feeling tears that I had tried to hold back start to run.

Timcanpy's death in the manga was one of the most memorable things that had happened and there was no way I could forget it. Seeing the gold golem here, right in front of my eyes, snuggling up against me and sharing its warmth was… I cried like a damn baby when Timcanpy died and now… now I can't stop the damn tears!

I felt Timcanpy freeze when I started hiccupping in an effort to hold back my sobs. It frantically flapped its wings and tried to burrow itself closer even though I was already hugging it so tightly. I appreciated that it was probably trying to get me to stop crying but I didn't think I could. I had no idea why the thought of Timcanpy's death affected me so badly now. I mean yes, I cried like there was no tomorrow in my former life when I first read that scene but it was a one-time thing, so why was I crying so hard now?

"T-Timcanpy… Don't- don't die…" I whimpered as I cried onto the golem, not being able to stop the tears or the sobs anymore. I just continued to hug the warm golem, uncaring to its frantic flailing and just cried and cried and cried.

I didn't notice when I stopped crying. All I felt was Timcanpy's warmth leaving me before a familiar voice called my name. Then, everything just went black.

I woke up to the smell of freshly baked bread and strongly brewed coffee. Blearily, I blinked at the wooden ceiling in confusion. Where was I…?

"Ellen? Are you awake?" Mana's relieved voice came from beside me. I turned to look at him slowly, my mind still trying to process where I was and what had happened.

"Ma…na…?" I could feel my mouth moving but was that really my voice? It sounded really scratchy and I felt like my throat was hurting really badly.

Mana's face contracted into worry as he reached towards the bedside table to pour some water into a small glass. I tried to sit up and I felt hands helping me steady myself. I hazily recognized Nathan's normal attire before Mana gently tilted the cup to my mouth. I took big gulps of the water, feeling a soothing feeling travel down my throat and relished in the warmth. I settled down in bed again right after, Nathan fidgeting with my sheets and Mana petting my head. Both had expressions of worry on their faces and I tried to remember what happened.

We were walking towards the square and I got distracted. When I noticed I lost Mana and Nathan in the crowd I tried to find them and ended up in the park nearing night time. And then…

Timcanpy.

I froze and tried my best not to react too obviously. I… I met Timcanpy. Hell, I cried on the thing! Why? How? Was Cross watching Mana? But why? Oh god, I hope he didn't see me crying all over Timcanpy…

"Ellen?" Mana questioned, worry still laced in his tone. "Are you alright?"

"She doesn't have a fever…" Nathan commented when he laid a hand on my neck, checking my temperature. "She's still a bit too cold, though."

"Wha… What happened?" I finally managed to get out, my throat protesting at the use and I winced a little in pain.

"I found you in the park, crying your eyes out," Mana told worriedly, his hand never stopping its movements and instead started to thread through my hair soothingly. "You had been missing for just under two hours or so when I found you. Were you scared, Ellen?"

I didn't want to tell Mana the real reason I had been crying so I just nodded a little. I immediately felt bad for lying to him but I vaguely remembered seeing a panel of Mana holding Timcanpy and I didn't want to risk triggering Mana's memory of Timcanpy.

Nathan sighed heavily and took my hand to give it a quick squeeze. "Next time we go out, you're holding our hands, Ellen. No more getting lost in the crowd."

I pouted at him and turned to Mana, hoping he would be the voice of reason. He looked at me sternly and shook his head. I pouted harder. Mana won't help me out of this one.

"It wasn't that bad…"

"You were on the verge of hypothermia, Ellen," Nathan said in a dark tone. "If Mana hadn't found you when he did…"

I gulped at the thought and paused a little. If I had been missing for two hours in the cold… My eyes widened. I should have gotten cold to the point of hypothermia. That was what Timcanpy had been doing. It had been trying to keep me warm but no matter how big it was; I was still just a little bit bigger than it. It had only just managed to keep me warm long enough for Mana to find me.

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled, feeling guilty at what had happened. "I shouldn't have gotten distracted…"

"We should've been paying more attention to you in that crowd, Ellen," Mana soothed, moving to sit on the bed and moving me to lean against him. I burrowed into his side, the feeling of guilt heavy in my chest. "It's not your fault. You stayed in one place like you should. I should have been able to find you faster,"

"It's all our faults," Nathan affirmed sternly, giving both me and Mana severe looks. "Mana and I should've kept a better eye on you in that large a crowd and you shouldn't have gotten so distracted that you lost sight of us," He paused. "What did have you so distracted anyway?"

I would admit that my face was probably turning a deep shade of red. I felt Mana shaking in his laughter and Nathan's face turned amused. "I… I saw some… really pretty cakes…?"

Mana burst out laughing and hugged me to him, practically squishing his cheek to my own. "Oh, Ellen! You're so cute!"

"Mana!"

Nathan was watching us looking vastly amused and I probably gave him a pathetic enough look that he rose to help me get out of Mana's grip. Once I was settled back onto the bed with Mana still sitting on the bed beside me, I remembered about how I was supposed to play with Nathan.

"Um. How was your performance, Nathan?" I asked, not really sure if I wanted to bring up playing the violin right now.

"Hmm? It went fine. I was a bit distracted since you were missing but I didn't mess up if that's what you're asking," Nathan replied nonchalantly as he prepared some tea.

"Oh," I awkwardly responded, not wanting to bring up the topic but I knew how much Nathan wanted me to play with him in public and I felt guilty since we couldn't do that last night.

"I think," Mana started as he raised a hand to thread through my hair soothingly. "Ellen's feeling a little guilty because she couldn't play with you last night, Nathan,"

Nathan blinked at Mana and then at me. I really wished I wasn't blushing in embarrassment at getting caught out like that but Mana could read me better than Nathan could and I could feel heat rushing to my face. Nathan could read me as well, but not as well as Mana could. Nea's twin was ridiculously attentive to my emotions and knew exactly what I was thinking sometimes to the point that I thought he could read my mind.

I knew he couldn't, because of how my head goes around on so many topics. If Mana could read my mind he would've confronted me on the things that I knew.

"Well, why don't we stay a bit longer and play when you're up for it?" Nathan suggested with a wide grin, his face practically lighting up at the thought of playing with me. "There's nothing really pressing for me to do and we don't need to be in Paris until Winter. Since there's a train straight to Paris we can take our time here. There's no rush, so just concentrate on recovering first. Okay, petite soeur?"

I would never in a million years admit to anyone that Nathan calling me his little sister made my heart jump in happiness. It made me deliriously happy that he would willingly admit and even brag about how I was his little sister to anyone who was curious enough to ask. I had family now. Even though that family only consisted of Nathan, it was still something I cherished deeply. To have someone love you just because you were family…

I couldn't help but feel deeply grateful and ecstatic to be able to experience it.

I burrowed my face into Mana's side, trying to hide my probably very red face. I heard Mana chuckle and adjusted himself so that he was lying in bed with me. Feeling a little childish, I snuggled deeper into Mana's chest as his arms came up to hug me close and continued petting my hair.

I felt another hand, Nathan's, ruffle my hair and soon heard the door to the bedroom opened and closed. Mana started humming a familiar tune as he started to thread his hand through my hair again. Slowly, my eyes fell close and I slipped back to sleep with a smile, listening to the strangely familiar and comforting tune.

"Are you ready, Ellen?" Nathan asked me enthusiastically as we waited in the back room of the rather small café that had asked Nathan to perform. The café was a quaint one with very few people, which I was pathetically grateful for. Mana was sitting at a table close to the small stage that had been set up for us so he wasn't with Nathan and I.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and gave a nervous smile to Nathan. He returned it with a reassuring pat on my head.

"You'll do wonderfully," He gave as he straightened out the ribbon around my neck. I was still cross-dressing mostly because I actually liked wearing pants and also because I had been crossdressing the entire time we had been in Bruges. Especially since Nathan had won the small music competition a few days back. It would seem weird and invite questions if I had suddenly started wearing dresses again.

I didn't reply to Nathan, too nervous to even think of a response. How did Nathan manage to go up on stage in front of so many people so confidently? I had jitters just reciting a speech to classmates in my past life.

"How are you not nervous?" I asked, slightly exasperated with myself. "I feel like I'm going to forget the scores if I go up there…"

"Well… I was actually pretty scared to perform when I first started learning the violin," Nathan mused. "Ciel and Lizzie were my first audiences along with the servants at the Manor. They were very encouraging and it was difficult not to have fun playing when all they did was create chaos before Ciel threatened to throw them out in the snow. When I first played for other people, I remembered that scene when I first played for my family and it helped me not get so nervous about performing,"

I listened attentively to Nathan's tale. He had dropped small snippets of his past ever since we left Great Yarmouth and I always tried to commit them to memory. There were some very entertaining things that Nathan's family got into and it was always a delight to hear them.

"You know how you play for Mana and I?" Nathan smiled at me. "Just concentrate on Mana and play,"

I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do but the café manager came in just then to tell us we could go up on stage now.

I froze in fear, my heart in my throat even as Nathan pushed me to walk and guided me on stage. I had a death grip on my violin and I could feel it squeak a little at the force I was exerting. There were… a lot more people than I thought there were in the café. It was almost a full house. So many people I didn't know just staring at me…

I wanted to run away.

Nathan's hands were squeezing my shoulders just then. "Ellen, look at Mana. Just look at him,"

At those words, my eyes immediately fell to the table closest to me. Mana sat there, a cup of tea and a plate of scones and jam on the table. He was looking straight at me with an encouraging smile on his face. His smile widened when he saw me looking at him and his mouth moved.

"You can do it," Nathan mimicked Mana's words. "Concentrate on Mana and play,"

I looked straight into Mana's encouraging eyes, lifted my violin and played.

And it was the most liberating feelings I've had. My fingers almost automatically pressing the right strings for Vivaldi's Concerto and my hand drew the bow like I had done it a million times before. I let the sound of mine and Nathan's violin drown me, the sharp tones washing over me like deep waves in the ocean. The sounds of the crowd I had only vaguely heard was covered by the violins tune.

I could feel something stirring inside of me but I paid it no heed. The warmth I felt coming from my heart was heady and addicting. The music flowed through me, making me feel like I was floating in the clouds. It gave me a sense of peace that I've never felt before. I wasn't sure what the feeling was but I revelled in it. I wanted nothing more than to feel more of it.

As the song came to an end, I slowly opened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them in the first place. I immediately found Mana's proud and nostalgic eyes that looked on at me so warmly. I felt a burst of affection for this man who had done nothing but give me so much care and love. Still feeling slightly intoxicated from the wonderful feeling that washed over me, I gave him a blinding smile.

I felt a hand ruffle my hair and I turned to Nathan. He had a small, proud smile on his lips and he turned back to the applauding crowd. I blushed, nearly forgetting I had been performing in front of a crowd. The two of us bowed to the cheers and claps and Nathan pulled on my hand to lead me off the stage and directly to Mana whom had stood up to approach us.

Mana kneeled down and opened his arms. Without thinking, I ran into them even with my hands occupied by my violin and bow. Mana's arms wrapped around me and I felt his cheek rub against mine, his whiskers and stubble tickling my face.

"You were amazing up there, Ellen," He cooed softly, his arms tight around me and I breathed in his comforting scent. "I'm so proud of you, my little girl,"

I felt my lips curve into a smile that was hidden because I had my face buried into Mana's chest. The heady feeling of warmth and affection washed over me again. Nathan's own hug when Mana let go of me made me so content with my life.

Maybe… Even if it did wake Nea… Maybe playing the violin wasn't that bad.