Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

Chapter 3

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it; I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it

It was less than two weeks later when the ambush that Harry had feared happened. Hermione showed up unannounced one night, shoved a sobering potion down his throat, vanished his glass of firewhisky, and demanded that he tell her what was wrong. He had, of course, denied that anything was wrong, but Hermione wasn't known for being gullible. She had pressed, but Harry had refused to tell her anything. She had eventually sighed in defeat, making it very clear that she didn't believe him. She had then informed him that he was coming out for dinner and drinks at the Leaky Cauldron the following evening to prove how fine he was. He had wanted to argue, but he knew that it would just make her more persistent to find out what had been going on with him.

Which is why he was currently standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, trying to make his hair cooperate even a little bit and apply some charms to get rid of the dark circles under his eyes that made Harry look so haunted. A moment later, he sighed and resigned himself to a night of fake smiles on his part and thinly veiled looks of concern from Hermione. He glanced in the mirror one last time before Apparating to the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry took a deep breath before opening the door to the pub and entering. It was fairly busy, as it was a Friday night. He surveyed the crowd and easily spotted his friends sitting at a booth in the corner. When he arrived at their table, Hermione jumped up and hugged him enthusiastically. Harry returned the hug and slapped Ron on the back in greeting. "Hey, mate! It's good to see you. You've been so busy at work lately," Ron said cheerfully.

"Yeah, I know, hopefully not for too much longer. It's good to be out," Harry lied, trying to keep his voice light.

Harry slid into the booth and got himself settled. The first few minutes were filled with inconsequential small talk as they picked out their meals. Harry tried his best to stay focussed on his friends, but he couldn't help wishing he had had a drink or two before coming. He had considered it but figured if Hermione realized what he had done, and she would eventually, that he would be in for a lecture. He felt terrible that he needed to be intoxicated to enjoy his best friends' company, but he couldn't help it. He really didn't enjoy much anymore, and he hadn't felt like himself since Draco left.

Much to his relief, once the food came the conversation moved from stilted chitchat to an actual conversation about the baby. This led to a conversation about the rest of the family which morphed into a conversation about work, and before Harry could process what was happening, he was distracted from the ever present sadness. His smiles turned from forced, fake gestures to soothe his friends' worries to genuine smiles and even a couple laughs over an amusing story that Ron told about Rose getting ahold of her Uncle George's wand and making random objects float around the room.

Harry was halfway through his 4th drink when the questions started. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he wasn't anticipating it at that point. He cursed himself for drinking so much with Hermione around. He should have known that she would use his intoxication to her advantage. His guard was down, and he was enjoying the pleasantness of his buzz mixed with his friends' company. So when Hermione asked bluntly, "Alright, Harry, are you ready to tell us what's been going on with you lately?" Instead of replying with his usual denial of anything wrong, he paused for a second, staring down into his glass before answering quietly, not quite trusting his voice, "I just miss him so much."

Harry slowly raised his head to assess his friends' reactions. They had identical looks of poorly concealed surprise on their faces: their wide eyes the only indication that they had even heard him. They were both sitting stock still, and Harry could feel his anxiety building the longer the silence continued. Hermione managed to compose herself first. "I didn't realize you had been seeing anyone," she began tentatively. "What happened?"

"You weren't to know. We had agreed to keep things under wraps, you know the whole Boy Who Lived nonsense. I had suggested he come out for my birthday, it led to an argument, and he left. He just left," Harry explained quickly, his voice cracking slightly at the end.

"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry," Hermione comforted, reaching out to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "Anyone we know?"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the onslaught of memories. He didn't think his voice would work properly in that moment so he simply shook his head. Hermione moved around to his side of the booth and wrapped him in a hug. "That sucks, mate, but it just means he wasn't the one for you, y'know?" Ron piped in awkwardly, clearly not sure how to handle this situation.

Harry felt his heart break all over again at his words, the tears he had been choking back, leaking out of the corners of his eyes. "But what if he was?" he asked in despair, his voice muffled by Hermione's shoulder.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione lamented, rubbing his back soothingly.

After a minute or so Harry could hear Ron and Hermione quietly conversing about something. "Hey, mate, why don't we get out of here? Maybe go back to your place and talk some more?" Ron suggested.

Harry lifted his head from Hermione's shoulder and wiped away his tears with a nod. "Probably for the best."

"'Mione, why don't you guys go. I'll settle the tab," Ron said, sounding somewhat nervous.

Harry narrowed his eyes in suspicion, wondering what his friends were keeping from him. "Great plan, Ron! See you soon!" Hermione replied overly enthusiastically.

Hermione then stood up and arranged herself between Harry and the other side of the pub. Harry didn't know what was going on, but he knew there was something across the room that he wasn't supposed to see. As the pair made their way out of the pub, Harry let Hermione leave the pub first, glancing behind him as he left. And that's when he saw what his friends had so desperately not wanted him to see, although for likely very different reasons than why Harry wished he hadn't seen it. When Harry glanced back, he was met by the steely grey stare of Draco Malfoy, whose eyes were following his every move.

Harry felt his heart drop into his stomach. Why did he have to see Draco for the first time since the break-up tonight of all nights? Why, on the night that he broke down in public for Merlin's sake, did Draco have to be watching him? The train of thought was broken when Hermione grabbed his arm to Apparate them both to his house.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. We were hoping you wouldn't see him. If anything ends up in the Prophet tomorrow, I swear he will face a lot worse than the punch in 3rd year," Hermione growled.

"If something shows up in the Prophet, it won't be because of him," Harry mumbled miserably.

"How can you be so sure?" Hermione asked curiously.

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not able to keep the secret anymore. "It was Draco," was all he could manage.

Hermione looked at him in confusion for a few seconds, before realization dawned. "He was the one you were seeing?" she whispered, eyes wide once again in shock.

Harry nodded in despair, not able to meet her eyes. "Please don't tell Ron. I shouldn't have said anything; he didn't want anyone to know. I just couldn't keep it in anymore," he begged.

Hermione nodded in understanding. "Of course. How long have you been keeping this secret?"

"We were together almost a year," he informed her flatly.

Hermione seemed to be at a loss of words so in lieu of responding, she pulled him back into a hug. After several moments she pulled back and lifted Harry's chin so that they were eye to eye. "Harry, you listen to me, and you listen well. If you two are meant to be, he'll come around. And if he doesn't, then there's someone better out there for you. I just know it," she said fiercely.

Harry let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. "You aren't mad?" he asked quietly.

"Of course not. We've all grown up. Hogwarts was a long time ago, and I'm sure if you decided that Draco was worthy of you then he's a different person than he was back then," she responded matter-of-factly. "Don't expect Ron to be quite so logical if he ever finds out though."

Harry chuckled weakly. "Oh believe me, I know," he said good naturedly, just as there was a crack and Ron appeared in the living room.

"Well you're looking better!" he exclaimed.

Harry gave him a small smile. "Yeah, I think I'm feeling a bit better too. Thank you guys."

"Anytime, Harry," Hermione said affectionately.

The trio spent the next hour or so continuing to catch up. Eventually, it was time for the couple to go home to the baby. Harry walked his friends to the door and bid his goodbyes. When his friends were gone and Harry was left with nothing a quiet, empty house, he realized that, although he still had a long way to go, for a couple hours today he had started to feel like himself again. It wasn't much, but it was progress. He had been starting to believe that he didn't know how to be himself anymore, but maybe he just needed to search a little harder.