CHAP 3: SUMTHIN IS RON

What's a Weasley doing here?

Sara fites a battal with Capten Falkne butt thins dont go accordion 2 plane.

Well, time to find a new plane then.

I see sum libruls r hear 2 say bad thins abot my storey agen.

It's not that they're liberals, it's that they're smart people of varying religions and ethnics who like Super Smash Bros, can read, and can recognize you for the bitch you are.

U libruls sholdnt doo that butt i thenk moast pepole who say my storey is bad r bean pade by Barak Obema (prolly with taxpayar dolers, 2)

Why would Obama even care enough about your story to pay people to flame it?

She's just too full of herself.

too maek me lok bad.

Honey, you do that job well enough all on your own.

Jus remamber that evan tho ur getan alota munny now ur stil gona go2 hell wen u die becuz of this.

I've said this before and I'll say this again; Pot calling the kettle black.

Also 2moro is laber day so i get a tree day weakand.

Wouldn't a Tree Day make more sense on Earth Day?

Tahts grate, butt i maye hav treble updat thes storey 2moro becuz on my mom wants me to leev the hose and hane ot with on of my frends 2moro wile my dads at werk.

It is healthy and important to get out of the house and hang out with your friends instead of locking yourself in your room all day. The human body needs sunlight.

Pot. Meet Kettle.

…I never claimed to be human.

You're right, you're not human. You're a gremlin.

Maybee shes planen sumthin for my birtday

Or she just wants you out of the house and doing something useful.

(witch is wendsday! Im so exited! Im gona be fiften yers odd).

You're plenty odd enough.

CHAP 3: SOMETHEN IS RONG

Is it Rong or Ron. Make up your mind.

I was sleapen in Me and Lucinas bed

Wait, is there only one bed?

You sure aren't helping to make yourself looking straight when you're writing them sharing a bed for no reason.

wen sudanly the lodspekar in the rome startad talken with Mastur Hands vois.

How does he even speak when he has no mouth? Or vocal cords? That is the real question we should all be wondering.

"Sara u ned 2 cum 2 teh arina 2 fite Capten Falken" Mastar Honda sed.

Oh, hi Honda. What happened to Master Hand?

Master Hand up and left. He was sick of Sara's bullshit last story, he's not dealing with it this one.

Me and Lucina waked up.

Just waked up. No details. It was like a switch; flip it they're awake.

"U ned 2 fite Capton Futon?"

Isn't she fighting Capten Falken? Leader of Tires?

I guess Capton Futon of the Bedding Brigade is teaming up with the Tire Army.

Lucina sed "u ned to be carfol Capten Falcin is dangaros. He beeted up my fathur and alos me and my bruther and the Robans and Iek neded 2 teem up lotsa tims in r gaems to stop his evul planes."

Oh, no. Not the evil planes. Whatever shall we do?

"Its ok" ised "i hav powars frum God that i can us 2 defet him."

I'm assuming your powers never left.

Ugh, just, ugh.

"tahts cool" Lucina sed.

If someone had powers from God, I think it would warrent something a little more than a 'That's cool'.
So i wented 2 the areena 2 fit Capital Falcone.

Capital Falcone is in this too? Jesus Christ its Three on One, how is that fair?

It wuz a 1-on-1 fite

No. It's a Three-on-One fight. Can't you count? There's Capital Falcone, Capten Falken and Capton Futon.

on teh fecal defenestration stag tahts teh stag withot anethin expect the flor 2 standon. Wen the mach beganed Capten Falken runed up2 me.

Go, Falken! Go! Kick her ass!
"FALKIN..." he sed. I new he wuz gona us his Folcan Pinch atak witch wold reely hurt me if I didant us my powars frum God 2 activat my final smosh.

That should be considered cheating!

So i tred 2 do that BUTT NOTING HAPANED!

It's a true miracle! God really is looking out for us!
"... PONCH!" Kappa Vulcan sed. I wuz hit by teh atak and flyed of the stag and lots 1 of my liefs. I repared on a platfoam abov the stag butit vaneshed.

I am so happy that she's going to get owned in this, so, fucking, happy.
"ONO!" I sed "HOW CANI WIN THES FITE WITHOT MY GOD POWARS!"

I don't know. Actually fight instead of relying on something you did nothing to earn?

"Dont giv up Sara!" Lucina sed "I beleev in u!"

Stop ruining Lucina.
"Ya I beleev in u 2" Sholk sed "defeet taht bluddy wankar Capton Falcan."

There's a fourth Cap'? Man, where do they keep coming from?

Shulks fake British accent is killing me.

Sudanly a basbol bat apared on the stag and I garbed it.

Well. It was nice while it lasted.

I did that theen wer u start glowen with the basbol bat and than hit reely hard. That cause Capten Falken 2 fly of the stag and los a lief so we wer both evan.

Why was Falken on a stag? Was he like, I don't know, trying to mimic Santa or something?

Than I ussed mor items to keep up with him until we both onely had 1 lief left. Sudanly, a smash bell apared.

PLEASE I BEG OF YOU LET HIM WIN.
"MWA HA HA!" Captan Falcan sed "Im gona us thes 2 beet u!"

Do it! Win!
He startad hitten the Smash Bal 2 try 2 getit to brake. Butthan a fan apared

Dues Ex fucking Machina.

and i throwed it to knock Capten Falcen away frum the smash baal and braked it myslef. I wuz finaly abel 2 us my finale smash witch i did and it mad me tun in2 an angle liek b4 and I noked Capton Falkan of the stag agen and wan the mach.

Okay everyone, try not to rage too much over the sheer bullshit of this battle.

But I want to go totally ballistic over it. It's not fair. Futon, Falcone and Fulcan didn't even get a mention.
"Yay u 1" Lucina and Sholk runned up 2 me wen the fite was ovar.

It was rigged.

"Ya but theres treble!" I sed "my God powars r gon!"

Good Riddance.
"Ono! That must be becuz God is captar by Satin" Lucina sed.

I'm pretty sure God wasn't captured by Satin. He's just in a fabric shop and can't decide between all the many satin sheets.
"Bluddy Hall!"

My ears! They bleed!

Sholk sed "who had u defeet Satin and saev God and Jesas withot ur god powars!"

I have a feeling she's getting new powers anyways.
"I dont no ill hav 2 thenk of sumthin" I sed.

Yeah. Use that brain you claim to have.

Sudanly tho a reely big evul guy flyed up. It wuz the evul guy frum the end of the vido that shoed that Sholk wode be in Smash Broas.

Metal Face, right?

I dont no wat his naem is or wat he loks liek, butt if u no who he is than he loks exectly liek his dose in Sholks gaem.

What. The fuck? You're putting in a character you don't know the name or appearance of? How lazy can you be!

Very lazy as you should know.

Al i no is taht he is relly big (becuz he has a big shado) and hecan fly.

Word of advice; don't put in characters you know absolutely nothing about. Makes you look like an even bigger idiot than you usually are.
"Ono! Its teh bad guy frum my gam!" Sholk sed.

Nobody cares.

Accept he sed the bad guys naym becuz he new it.

Give me an L. Give me an A. Give me a Z and give me a Y. What's that spell? Lazy. La-a-azy!
"MwaHaHa! Kween Lazerbath

Lazerbath. What an awesome name.

and Harey Potar sent me 2 bluddy captar Sara so that Lauren can rap her!"

I wanna hear Lauren rap. I bet she can drop some sick beats.

The Bad Guy sed.
"Ur a bluddy wankar!" Sholk sed.

Uuuugh. Someone. Please. Get me some earplugs or ducktape. Either I stop hearing or Shulk stops speaking.
"No ur a bluddy wankar!" the bad guy sed becuz they wer both Britesh.

NEITHER of them are British! Shulk is from Colony 9 and I don't know where the hell Metal Face is from. But, neither or British! The voice actor may be, but the character isn't!

Shark runed at teh badguy and tred 2 hit him with the Tornado sord butt the badguy noked the majak sord awey and then hit Sholk 2 nok him awey in a difrant director.

This could, possibly, just possibly, be a very interesting fight. But the spelling and complete lack of detail make it agonizing to read.

Than Lucina tred 2 fite him butt he beet her 2. I new if i didant do sumthin the badguy wode win soi runed ovar and grabed the Monsanto frum the grond and hit the badguy a buncha tims withit.

Sara shouldn't even be able to wield the Monado. Only Shulk can properly use it. Yet of course here she is breaking the rules of the game to fit her own stupid way.

"Stop doen that u wankar!" he sed. Butt son it wuz cleer i wode beet him so he gived up and flyed awey.

Of course, because Sara is capable of beating him when two trained and veteran fighters can't.

Logic = FAILED.

Lucina and Sholk gotted up and I gived Sholk his sord bak.
"Ono so the bad guy from my gaem is teemin up with all teh otter evul pepole! This is bluddy turible!" Sholk sed.

No shit, Sherlock!

"I no rite!" Lucina sed "we ned 2 thenk of sumthin."

I know, maybe instead of just goofing off you should have started making a plan of attack when you first got here.

"Maybe wecan thenk easer if we go get sum fode.

They are terrible at this.

Ucan breen ur bofrend and ur brothar and ur brothars gurlfrend" I sed.

Because let's make this as Hetero as possible to hide the fact that I'm gay or bi.

"Ok" Lucina sed.
So Lucina and Me and Sholk and Mart and the 2 Robans wented 2 chikfela

I ate there before; we have one on campus. I'm sorry for those who like it but damn I find the food disgusting.

2 talk abot wat we shold do 2 fite the evul pepole. Also we donated extar munny 2 tha chickfela so they cold stop teh gay ajenda.

I'm pretty sure all that money did was go to some other thing.