Thank you so much for the reviews, even the hateful ones means you're reading my story with me 'n my JaSam "delusions." DWL! Hey, my true JaSam peeps! Thank you for the wonderful reviews and encouragement - you guys are awesome! Just so you know, I actually shed a tear writing this chapter, so tissue warning! LOL! There's more JaSam goodness on the way - let's do this…

"Maxie, where the hell are you?" Sam had arrived at the address Maxie had given her for the new bar but it turned out to be a baseball field. Thinking that her SUV's GPS had gotten her lost she double-checked the address on her phone, which only mapped the same route that she had followed to her present location. Looking around and not seeing Maxie's car in the parking lot, Sam wasn't convinced that she was in the right place so after three unanswered text messages, she dialed her number.

"I'm sooo sorry, Sam! Just hang tight two minutes!"

"Hang tight where, Maxie - I can't possibly be at the right place so you gave me a bum address!"

"What? Wait, you're not at the baseball field?"

"You mean you intended to send me here? Since when do you like baseball and since when do we meet for drinks at a baseball field?"

"I just want somewhere private and I got the bottle - just relax, Sam - two minutes! Luck!"

"Wait, Maxi, how…" Sam stopped talking as the phone went dead. "Oh, great."

Maxie hung up with Sam and immediately dialed Jason's number, yelling before he even said hello.

"What the hell, Jason! You get me to send my best friend out into the middle of nowhere so you can leave her waiting alone in an empty damn parking lot? Why aren't you there yet? You were supposed to be there waiting when she got there, what the hell?"

Jason started to say, "I just had to pickup…" but she cut him off in true Maxie fashion.

"That's exactly the type of crap horror movies are made of. I swear, Jason, if you let anything happen to my best friend I'll be the worst damn alarm clock slash bedtime story of your life. You'll hear my voice so much it'll run on loops in your dreams for the rest of your unnatural days! What the hell's taking you so long? You're trying to beg the woman to forgive you and take you back after your EPIC departure from common sense and good taste, and YOU'RE LATE?"

"I'm pulling up right now, Maxie. Gotta go." He hung up quickly as she started again, heading off the usual migraine that was trying to set in behind his eyes. Jason pulled up next to Sam's SUV and got out, walking around to her door hurriedly. He held up his hand in hello, then knocked softly on her rolled up window as she sat there looking at him without moving.

Sam sat in her SUV and watched as Jason pulled up next to her. "Son of a bitch! I'm gonna fucking kill her," she mumbled to herself, figuring out why she was there and Maxie wasn't. She watched as he left his SUV and walked around to her door, standing there looking at her. For a second Sam seriously considered putting her car in reverse and leaving him standing right there, but the curious side of her wanted to know what this was about. After a full minute of just watching him standing out there looking almost sheepish, waiting to see what she'd do, she finally rolled the window down. "Jaason?"

"Hi."

"Hi. What're you doing?"

He reached for the door handle and when it didn't budge he motioned for her to unlock it. She looked at him as though contemplating again, before she did and stepped down from the truck, ignoring the hand he offered trying to help her down. "What're we doing here, Jason?" She stood in front of him.

"First, I'm sorry I'm late, I was supposed to be here waiting for you when you got here, I'm really sorry about that."

"That's all fine and good but why am I here?"

"Again, I'm sorry, I know that you don't like games, Sam, but you wouldn't have come if I'd asked you myself."

"Okay, I'll give you that. So…what's this about?" She noticed that he actually looked nervous and thought to herself, good - he should be!

"I just think we really need to talk and let's face it, you refuse to give us the opportunity to be alone long enough to make that happen. Please, can we talk, just for a little while?"

Sam stuck her hands in her jacket and looked around them at the clear night with Nature's star studded ceiling above. They were on the outskirts of town and there was only one other car at the far end of the parking lot. She nodded in its direction, "someone you know?"

Jason followed her gaze then looked back to her with a sly smile, "yes."

Sam was guarded. She didn't appreciate being ambushed but she agreed that they needed to talk. They had been making circles around the growing tension between them and maybe clearing the air once and for all would do them some good. "Fine. You wanna talk, let's talk. You had to bring us out here to do it?"

He smiled again. "Thought it would be safer if I give you something other than my head to hit."

Sam eyed him and thought to herself he didn't know how right he was because she wanted to hit him right then. Instead she kept her hands in her pockets and shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, lead the way then."

She could see the relief as it washed over him but she ignored it and fell in step as he turned towards the gate that led to the field. Three minutes later they walked into the dugout where he had the gear stashed. He handed her an helmet, then tried to brush an errant loch of hair from her face after she'd donned it, but she saw his hand coming and took a step back, almost on instinct. Sam saw the hurt look that crossed his face for a second before she took the bat and headed towards the mound. He was right, she could really benefit from hitting something in that moment. As if reading her thoughts, he came up next to her and showed her the remote in his hand. "Ready?"

After she nodded and took up stance, having used her foot to sweep the dirt to find her footing, he pressed the button to start the baseball machine. Jason was expecting her to miss the first couple swings as she got used to the trajectory of the balls coming at her but she hit the very first one out with a resounding crack, making him instantly second guess the wisdom of his putting a weapon in her hands when he knew how angry she still was at him. Almost instinctively he moved to stand behind her…not much chance of her accidentally hitting a ball in that direction, and as he stood there he applauded his wise decision to move. Not only was he safely out of target range but the new spot afforded him the very best view on the entire field. Jason watched her swing vigorously at the balls as he got to fully appreciate the tight, jeans clad cheeks in front of him. Sam had always been beautiful to him but with the memories of their life together fresh in his mind it was as if he saw her in a whole new light. Her outward beauty had become so much more pronounced when he remembered her inner beauty as well - her huge heart, her unselfish spirit, her zestfulness and courage. He loved everything about her, the way she adored their son, how fiercely protective and attentive to him she was, how thoughtful and resourceful she'd proven herself to be over the years, even her anger was a thing of beauty to watch. In the next instant, that anger was turned on him! She'd turned suddenly to look at him and he realized that she had spoken and he'd completely missed it and not only that but she'd caught the downward angle his eyes just travelled from. Looking in hers, he knew he was in for it. He cleared his throat and straightened his back to his full height as if preparing for defense. "Ahem. Sorry, what?"

Sam wanted to throw the bat at his head. Was he standing behind her all this time looking at her ass? "I said, can you increase the speed?" He was, his ass had moved behind her so that he could check her out without being noticed! She had been getting angrier with each hit and the balls were moving too slow to soothe her so she wanted him to increase the speed.

"I don't know, Sam, are you sure that's a good idea?"

Her answer was to turn back around to wait for the next ball, then twist her body in such a way as to send it swinging in his direction with a loud whack!

Jason saw her swing and realized her intention in the split second before the ball came whizzing by his arm, missing him only because he jumped to the right the second before it could make connection. "Okay, maybe this wasn't the greatest idea." He moved around in front of her and pressed the remote to turn off the machine.

Sam was really angry. "I disagree - this was the perfect idea! We're just getting started, let's go!"

Jason was shaking his head. "I just wanted us to have a chance to talk, Sam…" he pointed over to the far corner of the field where she turned and saw flickering lights ontop of white linen, and a waiter standing next to the table watching them at bat, "have a little dinner under the stars, I remember how much you love the stars," he finished.

Sam looked back at him in awe. "Candlelight, Jason? You think dinner by candlelight is what we need right now?" She threw the bat to the ground in frustration, anxious for it to leave her hands before she used it the way she really wanted to. "We have real issues, Jason, do you get that? You didn't forget our anniversary or my birthday, you chose, chose to build a life with someone else, and then you were an asshole not only to me but to our son because of it. Do you get that candles and stars cannot undo any of that or replace the trust that you and I always had between us? God, Jason, even when I hated you I trusted you! Do you have any idea how painful it is to wake up from the nightmare that's been our lives for the past few years to find that gone?"

Jason was taken aback. He knew that she was still angry at him but they had talked about his choice to stay with Elizabeth after they found out that he was Jason Morgan, he didn't realize that she was still holding on to it. God, how blind has he been?

He took a step towards her but stopped when she took one backward. "Sam, I know that romance won't fix anything that happened, but I can't fix any of it if you won't give me a chance to. All I want is the chance to sit down and talk, like we used to." He had to make her hear his pleas, he'd die if she wouldn't, she just had to give him a chance. "Please, Sam, please talk to me. I have to find a way to fix this, please give me the chance to fix it." Jason noticed his vision suddenly got blurry and he wanted to turn away so she couldn't see but the urgency to make her understand was so much greater than his male pride. "I know you don't owe me anything, Sam, I know that I hurt you…I was a fool and a jerk and you have every right to hate me, but please, Sam, please don't turn your back on us now, not without giving me the chance to fix it."

His pleas didn't fall on deaf ears. As angry as she was at him he was still the man she owed the most to in her life. He was still the man who gave her the greatest treasures she had in the world - her beautiful son and her sense of self. He was the man who first made her realize that she was worthy of love and all that came with it. He taught her that she was enough, that she didn't have to be anything or anyone more than who she was to be worthy of the greatest kind of love, and to top it all off, he'd given her Danny.

Without a word Sam stuck her hands in her jacket pockets again and started walking towards the table and the waiter. She supposed with all that he'd given her that she could give him dinner.

Jason watched her for a couple seconds, utter relief coursing through him like a wave, and as he dropped his bat and turned to follow her, he looked up to the stars and whispered, "thank you!"

Sam sank into the chair that the waiter pulled out for her and she had to admit that the setting was beautiful. The stars were out in full force and she was able to give full appreciation for the picture she and her dining companion presented…two specs of humanity out on a lush green field surrounded by a quiet night and blanketed by the stars spanning a vast universe. The out of place table set for two with its shimmering candles and chilled bottle of wine were nice touches to the canvas. Yes, it was romantic, but romance was not on the list for tonight, whether Jason Morgan knew it or not!

The waiter poured the wine before he turned to the wheeled bar in the corner and returned with two steaming plates that he set down cautiously, asking if they needed anything else before he retreated. Sam looked at the plate in front of her and her stomach sounded out her hunger instantly. She'd shared some Mac-N-Cheese with Danny earlier that evening but that was long gone and the seafood plate in front of her was calling her name. She looked over at Jason suspiciously, "Squid?"

He wanted to smile but decided against it, knowing she wouldn't appreciate his levity in that moment. "It's not Noodle Buddha but Carly promised me her chef is pretty good."

"Carly? So Maxie wasn't my only traitorous friend that you roped into helping you with this?" She was still going to kill Maxie and now she could add Carly to the list.

"Don't blame them, Sam. They love you and they know that I love you and you're way too stubborn to listen to me without assistance, so here we are," he opened his arms as if to accentuate his point. "Im not trying to make matters worse, I just want to know what I can do." He leant across the table to engage her fully, "tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it, whatever it is, I'll do it. Just please, don't tell me to leave you alone."

Sam was using her fork to lance a chunk of crabmeat when she suddenly stabbed it instead. Looking over at him she said, "don't do that, you don't get to be charming and sweet and imploring after what you did." She dropped the fork to her plate and leaned across the table too. "I don't get the sudden urge to be a family with me and Danny again. You wanted nothing to do with us, Jason. You wanted nothing to do with my husband, the man he was. You decided that your new life was much more appealing to you and it makes me believe that it's what you really want, so why are you doing all this? Why all of a sudden are you trying so hard to go back to being my Jason? Getting your memories back shouldn't affect who you are at your core, so which is it, Jason, who's the real you?"

Jason eased back slowly from the tabletop, mentally chastising himself for not seeing it sooner. He did this, he'd made her doubt him and doubt what he feels for her. He'd made her doubt what he's always felt for her. "I'm both of them, Sam," he replied quietly. When she looked skeptical he continued, "it's never been about living a quiet life with anybody else. When I found out I was Jason Morgan, I felt stuck, Sam. Not only had I made promises to those boys but I liked being a simple guy with simple problems to solve and a simple existence. It was what I'd known for a year, and I was at peace with it. Then I found out that the man who everybody kept talking about since I woke up from that coma, the man who was ten feet tall in their eyes, the man who practically walked on water and was this town's most dangerous and feared killer was me? I didn't feel like I could live up to him for all of you, and I know I didn't want to be able to kill at somebody's orders."

Jason saw that she was looking down and he needed her to see his eyes, to see the truth in them, so he inclined his head to get her attention, holding it when she looked up, "it was never that I didn't want to be married to you or to be Danny's father…I honestly felt like Jake Doe fell short of your husband, Sam. The way you talked about the man, the way you loved him was the most powerful thing I'd ever come across, and I wasn't him. I was this simple Joe with no memory of what we had together, so essentially nothing to offer you…you, the dynamite mother and doctor's fiancee…I had no right to draw you out of the wonderful life that you'd created for yourself! To offer you what? What may have turned into a lifetime of me never remembering? Never being able to share in the recollection of an adventure, or a favorite date, or even a tiny, private joke from our past together?" He leant across the table again. "You deserved a lot more than a guy like me, Sam. And you had it - you had a new life and you were happy and in love, I had no right to take that from you after all I'd put you through already. Danny was a happy, well adjusted, loved little boy and you-you gave him that!" Jason's vision got blurry, "I was his father but you gave him a better role model than a hired killer with no memory of him or the love that created him…I couldn't take that from him - I couldn't take it from you…so I kept my distance, for both your sake, I let you go."

"Let us go? Kept your distance? Sam slammed both hands down on the table, rattling her silverware. What you did was ignore and belittle us, Jason! Everyday that you were gone from our lives I talked to our son about you, about how much you loved him, because I had to make sure that he always knew who his father was. Of course you were ten feet tall to us! You were the person who kept us safe and warm, you saved our son from a crazy woman who tried to jump off a roof with him, you gave us comfort, wrapped us up with love and gave us a home, a family, we belonged! Because of you our son would never have to grow up the way that I did, he would never know a day that we didn't love and want him - you used to say that. I know you didn't remember any of it but how could you not have wanted to? How could you not have wondered?" Angry tears welled in her eyes, "how could you not even try?"

His eyes got glossier when he saw her tears, why did he always hurt her so much? "I was a coward, Sam. I didn't think I could live up to that kind of love. The kind of love that you talked about was so powerful I could almost touch it at times…and I did wonder, I did want to! But what if I failed? What if you were never able to feel that way about me again? What if by trying I ended up defacing that love with resentment because I couldn't measure up without my memories?"

Sam was surprised, "since when do you do 'what if' Jason? You've never been able to picture or speculate about anything ahead of you. What changed?"

He shrugged his shoulders lightly, shaking his head, "I couldn't risk hurting you even more, Sam. I'd done enough, leaving you to go get shot, to raise our son by yourself, I couldn't ask you to wait around for a man I didn't think I could be again?" He reached across the table and took her hand, holding steadfast when she tried to pull away. "I remember now that you accepted every single part of me, the ugliest part of me that hates that I can pull a trigger and take a life, you're able to see that I did it in protection of those I love. I know now that I've never taken a life that wouldn't have taken mine first, given the chance. I remember now that you've always thought I was enough, whether I gave you a penthouse in the middle of town, or a modest cottage on the beach a world away, whether I lived as Sonny's hired gun or just the owner of a little beachside bar, you've always, always accepted all of me. You've loved me through the darkness where I thought I belonged, and you brought out a light side of me that never existed before you." His voice cracked with the force of his feeling. "I need you, Sam. Please don't leave me."

Sam swiped angrily at the tears streaming down her face, why the hell was she crying? She pushed back from the table and walked a few feet away, turning to mask the tears that wouldn't stop. She was still so very angry, and she knew where it was coming from. Just a few days ago she had put it all aside and had moved on from him and his string of bad decisions that had derailed their lives more than once. She had never blamed him for going to work that night and she never would, but she blamed him for how he's behaved since coming back. She now understood part of what led to his recent bad decisions, but hearing why he made them didn't lessen the hurt that he did. It should have somehow, but she expected more from him, more from their love. He hadn't come through for their love each time it got tested in the worst ways…not when Manny shot her and he broke up with her, not when he unwittingly got the bitch pregnant from a one night stand and he hid his child from her, not when Franco and Heather tried to use their family as pawns and he let it drive a wedge between them so they missed out on Danny's pregnancy, and certainly not when Nurse Nutcase wanted to get married and he went through with it. She had forgiven him everything, had let their love guide her heart to forgive him all past transgressions because they belonged together, they always had. But she didn't know if she could forgive him this. He actually went ahead and put a ring on her finger and promised her forever - the woman who tried more than once to destroy them, who almost succeeded in getting them to hate each other forever, who had knowingly kept their child's maternal identity from them in order to keep them apart, the woman who would have let them go on forever with her son never knowing his father, never knowing his father's love - how could she ever be able to forgive him that?

Jason walked up behind her and stood as close as he dared but didn't touch her, he knew she didn't want him to touch her then, so he shoved nervous hands that were yearning to hold her in his pockets so they wouldn't automatically reach for her. She was shutting down and he knew he had more work to do. "Sam." Her name was soft on his lips.

She lifted her head in acknowledgment but she didn't move. Jason continued, "I've been seeing Kevin Collins at GH and he's helping me through some things."

She turned to look at him, surprise in her eyes, but she didn't ask.

He was earnestly pleading in his next words to her, "would you come with me to see him sometime?"

Surprise grew in her expressive eyes. "You? You're in therapy?"

He nodded, not missing the wonderment in her question. "Would you consider doing a session with me?"

"How long have you been doing this?"

He didn't like talking about seeing a shrink but he would do absolutely anything to get his life back and he wanted, needed her and Danny in it. "I've been going a couple weeks and it's been helping. Will you think about it, please? For me?" His eyes were pleading again, "for us?"

Just then, rain started pouring down on them with instant ferocity. Sam looked up, shielding her eyes with her hand as she started to head for cover, only to stop short when Jason grabbed her other hand and held her there, looking down into her eyes softly. She was transfixed by the deepest blue, as he turned to face her fully, reaching to tenderly sweep a wet strand of hair from her face, before he continued down to caress her cheek with the softest brush of the back of his fingers. With their eyes locked, Sam couldn't miss the heated electricity that surged between them and as Jason's hand left her cheek to move down her arm, his eyes slowly following suit, Sam became acutely aware of his fingers lightly brushing over the surface, literally burning through the leather of her jacket with its intensity. As her breath held and her heart pounded through her chest, Jason snaked his arm around to encircle her waist, pulling her close to hold her tightly against his body as he started to move, slowly shifting his feet, moving her with him. He locked eyes with her again, placing his face so close to hers that their breaths mingled sweetly, before his forehead was upon hers, both their eyes closed as he continued to turn them to the music in their hearts and the song in their souls.