"Sam, I'm very happy you could join us, Jason has been looking forward to sharing this experience with you, and it is my belief that you can each benefit from a candid discussion with a neutral mediator so, welcome." Dr. Collins was very familiar with how uncomfortable couple's counseling could be for some people, those who felt pressured in any way and especially people like Sam or Jason who didn't relish discussing their feelings. He felt it was important to put Sam at ease. It also did not go unnoticed that she took the extreme opposite end of the couch facing him, as far away from Jason as she could get in the room. This couple had some really deep issues indeed.
Kevin continued, "So, Jason has told me a bit about your relationship and I think I have a lot of your foundation history, but why don't you tell me a little about how you and Jason fell in love? It's always interesting to compare the two different views about the same situation."
Sam ventured a look in Jason's direction on the couch next to her. He looked quite uncomfortable as he appeared to dry a sweaty palm on the knee of his jeans, not taking his eyes off her. She looked back towards the doctor, "It was a really long time ago. Jason took me in when I had nowhere else to go. I was pregnant with someone else's child but he took very good care of us and didn't ask a thing from me in return." Her voice got lower, "We spent months dallying around each other until one day I realized that…that I loved him." She looked at him again, the sling on one hand looking so out of place on him, "Jason is a very good man. He's kind and loving and he's extremely gentle - most people don't know that about him, but he's the most gentle man I've ever known in my life."
Kevin didn't miss the way their eyes locked when she spoke.
"You make it easy, Sam. You're real easy to love."
She looked away and down at her hands in her lap. "Love has never been the problem between us, Jason."
That last statement got Kevin's attention. "Sam, what would you say is the fundamental thing that is missing from your relationship with Jason, meaning, what is the one thing that you think is important, but you don't get from him?"
There was no hesitation in her reply, "Respect."
Jason was taken aback. "You don't think that I respect you? Sam, I respect you." His pleas said he needed to make her hear the sincerity in his words, "I do respect you."
Kevin was asking Sam, "You obviously don't agree. Would you like to share an instant where you feel like Jason did not show you the requisite respect? Maybe a recent incident?"
Sam looked down at her hands, her fingernails suddenly the most intriguing things in the world. Her voice was low and almost inaudible, "Our divorce comes to mind."
"Okay, Sam. Why don't you turn to Jason and tell him how it made you feel and why?"
Sam rolled her eyes at being shrunk but still, she looked up at Jason and she could see the pain in his blue eyes as he listened and seemed to brace himself for the worse. "The ink hadn't even dried on our divorce papers before you married someone else. It was disrespectful, Jason. I didn't expect you to wait indefinitely to go on with your life but you didn't even pause to consider my feelings. You had been my husband, the love of my life, and you married the woman who hates me more than anything, two seconds after our divorce was final." Her brown eyes relayed the pain that was breaking her heart. "The amnesia just picked up where the old you left off - always her white knight, and as usual my feelings never mattered when hers were in play."
"Sam, no." Jason wanted to go to her but knew she'd push him away. "No, that's not it at all! You filed for the divorce, Sam, remember? I thought it was what you wanted, that you wanted no part of me because I couldn't remember us. Then you left on your trip and I thought it was your way of telling me that you'd put us behind you, that you'd put us to rest when I couldn't remember anything. I honestly didn't think you'd care what I did after that, that's why when she made her plans I just went along with it. I swear I respect you, Sam! Don't you think I see how strong and loyal you are, how fiercely protective of the people you love? You're independent and secure, and you're feisty as hell. You're the mother of my son and you've been to hell and back, with and without me, and still - look at you! I promise that I respect you so damn much!"
"I may have filed, Jason, but you asked for the divorce in the first place." She started twisting her fingers again. "You don't think there's a reason that when you came back you didn't fall in love with me, but with the woman who'd chased after you for years, who'd given you your firstborn and who you've left me for before? You remembered her son's name, you remembered her name. Doesn't that tell you that she's who's in your heart?"
Jason turned his body on the couch so he could face her. He hated the stupid sling that kept limiting his motions and getting in his way of reaching her. He wanted to touch her so badly, to hold onto her and make her hear him. He hadn't realized that she still carried around all the old wounds that he had so unwittingly inflected on the one person in the world he would die before he purposely hurt. "Sam, please look at me." He waited until she sighed, then turned to face him on the couch, her beautiful brown eyes looking so sad, yet strong as she faced him head-on. He would get through to her today or die trying.
"I spent a great deal of time with Elizabeth when I was Jake Doe. She was the nurse on my case, Sam, and after my accident she was always at the hospital, always checking on me. I developed feelings for her, yes, but it wasn't because of any underlying or latent emotions from our past." He got emphatic so she would hear and understand every word, "the minute I saw you I had the strongest reaction I'd had since I woke up. I felt like I knew you! But my brain wouldn't remember, and then I found out that you were seeing someone, so yes, I went with Elizabeth because she was free and she was there all the time." He hung his head for a second to look at the couch seat. "I don't know why my first memory was Jake and Elizabeth and not you or Danny, but I know it's not because I love anyone more than you…because that's not even possible, Sam."
Kevin cleared his throat to get their attention. He hated to interrupt when they are engaging so well but he felt he needed to interject at that point, so when they both looked over at him he added his interpretation. "I think I can help clarify that last part a bit. You see, Jason you went through the most traumatic thing a parent could go through when you thought you'd lost a child, and you and Elizabeth had shared something earth shattering with the loss of that little boy. When you were first brought in your head was hurt and your brain was actively disintegrating right there as you were being worked on, but you had not yet lost all cognitive use, so when you saw Elizabeth your brain registered the familiar sound of her voice and landed on the most poignant thing that you had shared together as your way of recognizing her. Jake's name came to mind when your brain put the broken pieces together in that instant, categorizing Jake and Elizabeth, so to speak. There's really no way to say that had Sam been the one who had appeared before you in that moment instead of Elizabeth, that her name would not have been what your brain remembered. From what Jason's told me Sam, you had just gotten Danny back and named him right before Jason got shot. That means that Danny was essentially new to his brain, which is not to say that he loved him any less than he did Jake, but he had fewer memories associated with Danny's name. The human brain is a source of constant wonder and unpredictability, I assure you."
They both stared at Kevin, enthralled as he wound down, gesturing to them, "Please…go on." They both continued to stare at him, processing his words slowly. Then Jason turned back to Sam and she instinctively looked over to him as he said, "I don't agree that I didn't fall in love with you before I remembered you. There were lots of images and dreams of you that didn't make any sense to me then - I saw us in our bed, you getting on the bike with me, me asking you to move in…there's no way I would've remembered you so much if you weren't important! I never had another memory of that woman after the first one, even after months and months spent with her - doesn't that tell you something?" When she didn't answer he sounded a response. "I didn't see it then but it tells me it's always been you, Sam - always!"
Sam dropped her head in outright disbelief. "How can you even say that to me? You leave me every time things get a little hairy for us! You leave and turn to Elizabeth Webber and I know that she makes it super easy for you by always being her available wanton self, but you turn to her every time! Why not just give in to what your heart's been trying to tell you for so long, Jason?"
"I am, Sam but it's not saying what you're thinking! I admit that I confided in her whenever things went wrong between us, but it was never more than friends. I thought she was someone I could trust, it felt natural to let her in but I've never wanted her over you, not ever! I've always loved you so damn much!"
He couldn't seem to make her understand and he could tell she wasn't any closer to believing him. "I was an ass after I found out who I was, I couldn't process the feelings that had been circling around you to get them to make sense in my corroded mind so I pushed you aside. The way that I felt every time I was near you and Danny…it was scary as hell how raw and powerful those emotions were…Sam, it was just easier to settle for the more rational way that I felt about Elizabeth - that I could manage, that I could control."
She turned away from him again, nervous and on edge, moving from the couch over to the window to look down at the harbor. She watched the ships sailing away as Jason watched her, and Kevin watched one then the other.
"Honestly, Jason, I've sometimes felt that you settled for me and the life we built together, like you couldn't have the one you really wanted."
You could've heard a pin drop as Kevin sat there and listened and Jason's eyes opened in shock. He'd had no idea that she'd ever felt that way. "Sam, why would you ever feel like that?" What had he done to this incredible woman's love for him? "Did I do something to make you feel this way?"
She turned to face him, her arms wrapped around herself in the tightest hug. She looked him in the eye and her voice was sad as she said, "You don't like who you are, Jason. You don't like who we are together, can't you see that? Every single time we stumbled in our relationship you turned to Elizabeth Webber. It's always her Jason, it was always her. It's become obvious that the only reason you weren't with her to begin with is because she can't handle your life, but you don't live that life anymore, so what're we doing here? That life, that you, were always the things that kept you apart and with me - the tough chick who didn't need much maintenance, am I right?"
"No, God, Sam, you're not right at all!" He was off the couch and moving over to her, his one good hand reaching out of its own volition to rest on her arm and grab on tight. "I don't know what I ever did to make you think that but I swear to you that I've never wanted anyone more in my life!" Jason felt his eyes tearing up when he thought about her seeing herself as anything less than the perfect woman, partner, wife and lover that she was. How could he have let her down this colossally and been so completely unaware? "I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved you, Sam. That has never changed and it never will." The unbelieving look in her eyes tore at his heart. He shook her gently as he said, "You have been by my side through some of the darkest periods in my life…when I thought Michael was dead, when I thought my son was dead YOU were my rock! You supported me when I felt alone. The first time I lost my memory you were my sole source of trust because you never lied to me…I could count on you, I've always been able to count on you! You encouraged me when I had crushing doubts, you've even carried me when I felt paralyzed and afraid…how do you not know how incredible you are to me?"
He bent his shoulder to get them eye to eye. "You were my very best friend, Sam…you know every darkness, you've seen through to my soul and you still stayed. You've held me at my weakest and my lowest, you've experienced me at my worst and you still loved me. I've never laughed or smiled, or known the sheer bliss with anyone like I've known with you! Sam, the biggest joys in my life came out of loving you…our son, our marriage, US…have been the single most rewarding and fulfilling accomplishments of my life!"
Jason fell to his knees in front of her, wrapping his good arm around her tiny frame, pulling her to him to press the side of his face against her belly, the rhythmic sound of her beating heart like sweet music to his own. "How do you not know that my world begins and ends with you? Elizabeth, of all people, could never compare to you in my eyes or my heart!" He felt her hand brush over his hair haltingly and he wanted to stay there forever. "You're amazing Sam, and if anything, baby you settled for me!"
Kevin sat there, resolute to giving them a quiet moment but he soon cleared his throat to indicate that he was still in the room. They had seemed to branch off into a private little world where no-one and nothing else existed, but they had more work to do before he would be confident this couple would let each other in again.
Remembering that they weren't alone, Sam and Jason broke away from each other and returned to the couch, but Kevin noticed that they sat closer in the middle, rather than at the far ends as before. He smiled a little as he picked the talks back up. "I'd say we're off to a good start. Sam, Jason, there's a lot of love in this room, leading me to believe that your relationship, your trust in each other can be rebuilt. It won't be easy but something tells me that you two know that nothing worth having ever is." He noted the agreeable look between the two and kept going, "I'd like us to continue to work together for a while. I would like to help you get back what you lost."
When they agreed that they were open to getting help and moving forward on a journey towards each other, they set a plan for therapy with Dr. Collins. He told them that over the next few sessions they would dive into their marriage in an attempt to weed out the pitfalls and to identify the strengths that could help them rebuild. After that the rest of the hour was spent synapsing that period for the good doctor.
Kevin's questions opened up a biting anthill for Sam and took her through the joys and the pains of that time in their lives. They relayed to Kevin how so many people had inserted themselves into their relationship and into their marriage. There was Franco, who had invaded the sanctity of their honeymoon and made them doubt Danny's paternity and allowed Sam to think that he had raped her. Then his crazy mother Heather Webber faked their paternity test as payback for an imagined slight, and of course, who could forget Elizabeth Webber's major role in driving yet another calculated wedge between them when outside inflicted marital issues threatened their brand new union. Sam determined that the woman could have been Heather Webber's biological daughter from how crazy and detached from reality she was, the same unstable DNA seemed to course through her veins. She had literally allowed their son to be kidnapped by faking the DNA test Jason had her run when he suspected that Danny was alive and well and living with Tea Delgado in another town. She deliberately led Jason to believe that the DNA test was negative for a match to Sam, simply because she didn't want the baby bringing the separated couple back together. A couple who she knew were separated only because of how much they were hurting over the supposed death of Sam's baby…a couple who she knew were madly in love with each other. She, the same deranged bitch who for years liked to tell anyone who would listen how Sam watched Jake get kidnapped and did nothing to stop it and told no-one…she, the picture of virtue and sanctimony, the halo-wearing Florence Nightingale of Port Charles, was willing to let a mother go on believing her child was dead and allow that child to be raised by someone else, all because she had her eyes set on someone else's husband…someone else's husband who she'd tried and failed to hold, over and over again. How did her actions make her any less than an accomplice to Danny's kidnapping? Her ass whopping was a long time coming!
"Speaking of marriage," Sam quipped, "will you please tell him that it's kinda weird how he keeps referring to me as his wife? We've been divorced for a long time now - it's kinda odd!"
Jason was quick to answer, "Nothing odd about it - in my heart you will be my wife till the day I die - that's just how it is."