I had requests for both longer chapters and two updates each week, sadly I can't do either. Everything up to chapter 16 is already written and apart from one chapter which has 4k words, all others are between 2k and 2.5k... as for multiple updates each week, most of you know that my updating schedule is seriously messed up with my other stories, since I have very little time to write, so I don't want run out of pre-written chapters too fast. However, once I have all chapters written, I will switch to two updates a week.
A guest asked me what happened to Monday updates... I don't know since this story is updated each Tuesday ;-) but I guess depending on where you live it is still Monday when I update in the morning...
Christian
I storm out of the hospital and race towards the car. I'm going to kill the bitch!
"Sir, I cannot allow you to leave in this condition." I hear Taylor behind me.
"I'm going to fucking end her! She nearly killed Ana and... and... my child!" I shout and Taylor grabs me by the shoulders.
"We'll get her, Sir, but I can't let you run off, not in this condition. I need you to take a deep breath and listen to me." Taylor says and I try, really fucking try, but no matter how hard I try to take a deep breath I just can't get enough air into my lungs and then I feel the wetness on my cheeks and I realize that I am crying... fucking sobbing thinking about my Ana inside that hospital fighting for her life and the tiny life inside of her that might never get a chance to be born.
"Christian?" I vaguely hear Mia's voice and then I feel her wrap her arms around me.
"She will live and the baby too... I know it, but you can't leave. She needs you now, ok?" Mia whispers and I look at her.
"She broke up with me." I admit sadly.
"But she loves you, it's obvious, sometimes we leave the ones we love to make them realize how they feel about us. Have you told her that you love her?" Mia asks and I shake my head... I can no longer deny it, I am in love with Anastasia Steele and I might not get the chance to tell her.
"Tell her now, Mom said that once she is on the ICU her parents can see her. I'm sure you can see her too." She says.
"What if I never get to tell her? What if the baby... what if..." Shit I can't bring myself to say it. For all of my adult life it has been my worst fear that I would accidentally get a woman pregnant, because I could never see myself as a father, but now... now it is my worst fear that the new life Ana and I unknowingly created doesn't survive... that I will never get the chance to prove myself wrong by being the best father I can be.
"Come, there is a place we need to go." Mia says and I just follow her back into the hospital when she takes my hand. Instead of leading me back into the waiting area she leads me to the opposite end of the hospital where I have never been before and then we enter a small chapel.
"Why are we here?" I ask, but she just smiles and lights two candles before she hands me the matches and asks me to light two more candles.
"Do you remember three years ago when gramps had a stroke and the doctors told us that after a stroke as severe as his he had only days left to live?"
"Yes, but he recovered." I murmur not understanding what she is trying to tell me.
"I was so scared and not ready to let him go, I was wandering through the hallways and found myself here. I lit a candle, sat down and found myself praying... well more like bargaining with God. I promised to become a better person, a better daughter and sister if he would let me have more time with gramps. I would come here every day light a candle and pray and you know what... two weeks later I went to visit gramps and when I stepped out of the elevator he was walking down the hallway with the help of a nurse. Miracles do happen, Christian we just have to believe and if God wants Ana and you to have this child then it will live, but you have to believe that it will live, don't give up on your baby or Ana just because the odds are against their survival." She says and squeezes my hand.
I look at her, I had no idea that my baby sister believes in God. We all went to Sunday school and church with our parents, but I thought she, just like Elliot and I stopped going once we moved away for college. In this moment, I don't know if I even believe in a higher power, but I'm willing to try if it saves the life of Ana and our child.
So, in the end I sit down and try to think of something I could offer to God that would be enough to let them live. And in this moment I realize that right here in this moment everything I own is worthless and I can only offer to become a better person and to try to embrace my family more, be what they deserve to have in a brother, son and grandson. I don't know if this is enough or if God is even listening to me, but if it's up to him if Ana and my child are going to live I have to try.
Carla
"Ray, I'm scared." I confess when a nurse leads us to a private room on the ICU where my daughter has been brought to.
"I know, Carla, I'm scared too." He says surprising me when he takes my hand in his and it gives me enough strength to enter the room.
As soon as I lay eyes on my child I can no longer hold back my tears. My poor child is covered in bandage and bruised up badly everywhere. Her face is so pale and all those tubes and wires attached to her really scare me.
"Can I touch her, I don't want to hurt her." I ask the nurse and she gives me a reassuring smile.
"Of course, you can touch her, in fact even in a coma some patients react very positive to the touch of their loved ones, their voices and even music." She replies and I step forward to touch her sweet face.
"I'm here, darling. I'm here and so is Ray. We'll get you through this, both of you." I whisper thinking about the tiny little life that is growing inside my daughter and I'm so, so thankful to the Grey's for all they have done for my daughter. I know Christian is paying for the private room and her treatments and his mother has been on the phone ever since she came out of the OR calling each and every specialist in their respective medical fields she knows to come to Seattle and help Ana and her unborn child to survive.
I wish I could do more too, but sadly there isn't much I can do, besides making sure that I won't leave my daughter's side. I know Bob is not going to like it, but I won't leave Seattle until my daughter is out of the hospital and ready to take care of herself again. I haven't always been the best mother, but in this moment I make a silent vow to her and myself that I will become a better mother and amazing grandmother, I won't miss anymore time with my child.
"I'm going to see if Christian wants to see her now." I let Ray know after we have sat by Ana's side for almost half an hour. The boy was so upset and devastated while we waited, he needs to see Ana.
When I re-enter the waiting area all the Grey's, Kate, Jose and Ethan are there, but Christian is not in there.
"How is Ana?" Kate asks me.
"She is hanging in there. I was looking for Christian, but if you like you can go see her until I have found him." I offer. I know Kate doesn't really like me, because I have missed so much time in my daughter's life, but I'm happy my girl has such a loyal and protective friend.
"Thank you." She says and hurries off.
"Where is Christian?" I ask and his sister speaks first.
"He is in the chapel. It is at the opposite end of the hospital."
"Thank you, I will go find him. I'm sure he wants to see Ana too."
While I walk down the hallway I switch my phone on to ask Bob to send me some clothes. In my hurry to get to Ana I just grabbed my purse and nothing else.
"Hi babe, how is Ana?" He asks when he answers the phone.
"Not good, Bob I need you to send me some clothes and everything else I need to stay in Seattle until she is better."
"What are we talking about, three or four days?" He asks.
"Bob, Ana is severely injured, we don't even know if she will survive at this point and if she does, she will need help. I won't leave her until she can take care of herself, so we are talking weeks, months even."
"Months? Be real Carla, I need you too. Who is going to cook my meals, wash my clothes and..." I close my eyes and blend his voice out. Is this man seriously telling me that me cooking for him is more important than my daughter's life and health?
"Bob, I hope you are not serious at the moment, but just to make this clear, my child could die, right now it's machines and God knows what else that is keeping her alive and you just cannot seriously ask me to leave her like that, because if you are then you won't like my answer."
"She has Ray and her friends... and what about that boyfriend of hers? Don't be such a drama queen, Carla."
I close my eyes and mindful of where I am I decide not to scream into my phone.
"Bob, I have changed my mind. Do not just send me a few of my things, please do send all of my belongings, because I won't return period." With that I hang up and take a deep breath. I know Ana is not his child, but if the man I am married to doesn't have any compassion for my daughter and what is happening to her then I can't have him in my life. I have been down this path before with Steve and it nearly ruined my relationship with Ana, I can't let my bad taste in men ruin our relationship for good.
Finally, I find the chapel and see Christian sitting on the bench in the front row. He is leaning forward, holding his face in his hands and from the way his shoulders are moving I can tell he is crying, but I approach him anyway, in a situation like this we can't waste time.
"Christian?" He looks up and wipes his tears away.
"Ana?" He asks then.
"She is at the ICU now, I thought you would want to see her."
"The baby?"
"A doctor wants to come and do another ultrasound soon." I reply and he looks so devastated and lost that I decide to share something with him not even Ana and Ray know.
"I was sixteen when I met Ana's father, he was a few years older and it was love at first sight. We had to date secretly, because my parents were very strict and I wasn't allowed to date. I was seventeen when I got pregnant with Ana and I knew my parents were going to freak out. When I told them, my father asked my mother to leave the room and then he beat me, he beat me until I was lying on the floor and he would continue to kick me. I don't even remember how, but somehow I managed to get out of the house and called Frank. I was sure my father had murdered my baby, every punch and kick he landed was intended to end the pregnancy... when Frank brought me to the hospital I was already bleeding and the doctors just made an ultrasound to confirm that I had miscarried. You know what happened? I heard that little heartbeat and it was so strong... my little girl wasn't about to go anywhere and she didn't. You have to believe that your child is just as much of fighter as Ana is. She was meant to be born and live a long and happy life, just like your child is meant to be born." I finish my story and he nods.
"She is a fighter, right?" He says and I nod.
"That she is, now let's go see her, I can't wait to hear the heartbeat of my grandchild."
Soon we reach the ICU and Ray, Kate and I decide to give Christian a few moments alone with Ana, but we all re-enter the room when a woman, who introduces herself as Doctor Greene, arrives and wait while she sets up the ultrasound machine.
"I'm going to look for the heartbeat." She says and we all hold our breath as she moves the doubler around until I can see a tiny baby on the monitor and sounds of a strong heartbeat float through the room. And just like almost twenty-three years ago, when I was admitted to the hospital after my father beat me up, it's hearing the strong heartbeat of my unborn grandchild that I know somehow it's all going to be fine...