I wasn't really an awkward person, because making conversation came rather easy to me. Most of the time, I talked a lot and other people listened. I was fine with that, because to be honest, I liked hearing myself talk. On this occasion, however, I felt as awkward as I had ever been. Lupin sat opposite me and his eyes were fixed on his cup of tea. Besides us, Potter and Evans were talking animatedly to three of our neighbors — the others hadn't been home or something — and didn't seem to notice my change in behavior. I guess that was because they just didn't know me all that well. I wished I could get away. I hated feeling awkward, but I just didn't want to start small talk with my new neighbors right now and I especially did not want to talk to Lupin. He had made me clear what he wanted and well, whatever, it wasn't like he was that special. I looked at him for only one second and cursed myself when I felt my cheeks heathen. Great. I looked down again. My black painted nails were wrapped around my steaming mug. I blew the surface of the tea and steam clouded my eyesight for several seconds.

'Why do you wear make-up?' a soft voice sounded. I looked up. It had been the small boy that always ran after Potter and Lupin. Right. He was here too. To be honest, I had barely taken notice of him.

'Uhm… because I like it… I guess,' I muttered. I felt rather self-conscious, because the conversation on the other side of the table had finished and now everyone was looking at me.

'Isn't that like a girl thing?' Potter sneered. Evans shot him a look and right she was, because his tone had sounded anything but nice. I shrugged.

'I could ask you the same thing: why do you act like an arrogant git? But I suppose everyone has things they enjoy doing.' I shrugged again and took my mug for a sip of tea. I heard several snorts from around the table. Potter scoffed. I grinned against the porcelain of my mug and put it down, looking rather smug.

'There is nothing wrong with it, right?' I froze and looked up at Lupin, was he going to defend me now? He was looking at Potter with a calm expression. There it was again: that endless ability to say the right things and get everyone to listen eagerly. 'I mean,' he put down the mug he was holding, 'Sirius just expresses himself in that way, while you might express yourself in Quidditch and I would in reading novels.' I expressed myself in make-up? Damm, that sounded shallow. It was not like I was some badass make-up artist or anything. 'Besides,' he went on, 'it's not fair to judge people only on what little things you know about them or… on what they are.' Everyone remained silent, until Potter eventually said: 'Ye..a,' he cleared his throat, 'yeah.' I noticed that the expression he was wearing looked almost… guilty? I frowned and looked up at Lupin who gave him a sympathetic look. Okay, that was my cue. I got up.

'I have to go,' I announced.

'Already?' Evans sad and she actually looked rather disappointed. I almost felt guilty. Almost. I walked over to her and wanted to shake her hand, but as before with Madalea, she hugged me. I wasn't sure what to think of it, but I carefully hugged her back. She looked at me with a smile and ruffled my hair.

'Hey, just because your baby boyfriend allows you to touch his hair, doesn't mean I do,' I said. She looked at me and then laughed, pushing me softly.

'Oh shut it Black, we all know you like some attention. Don't pretend all tough.' I gave her a wicked grin and turned around to wave at the table. I noticed Potter looked especially murderous and that made my day. I also noticed that Lupin had gotten up as well.

'I am going as well. I still have to unpack my own stuff,' he said and smiled at everyone. He started hugging everyone and I wasn't sure if I could just walk out right now. I felt awkward. Again. Damm it.

'Be safe, Remus,' Evans said and she kissed him on the cheek. Potter didn't look angry when she did that, but apparently that was something normal in their little gang. Once again, I felt like a complete outsider. Lupin promised Evans he would and took his coat. I walked to the door and opened it, mumbling a soft goodbye. I stepped into the hallway. Lupin closed the door behind us and once again, I found myself alone with Lupin, only this time I was the one eager to leave.

'Well, see you later then,' I said and made way to the stairs. I felt a hand close around my wrist and bit my lip. I had hoped he would just let me go and let this go, but this was Remus Lupin we were talking about. I didn't turn around, but he made me turn around and looked at me. A mix of feelings showed on his face, but most pronounced were regret and guilt.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. I shook my head and pulled my hand away.

'I don't want to talk about it. You made your choice,' I said. I wanted to sound harsh, but my voice sounded sad instead, and hurt. I turned around and walked up the stairs, but Lupin followed me and stood in front of me so I couldn't pass. It felt a bit like we were in some kind of musical, if this situation was anything near funny I would have just asked him when he was going to start singing Tonight. That was the song with the stairs, right? I looked at him and sighed. I wanted to push past him, but he stopped me.

'Sirius, please,' he said, 'can't you give me another chance?'

'For what?' I snapped at him. 'You aren't gay right? You don't like men? You are super straight and you don't want to look like a fool by dating an evil Slytherin.' He looked taken aback and I realized that this time, my voice had sounded harsh.