Chapter 22

Back at the table Jason wanted to know who the man was but knew he had no right to ask. He also had no right to the jealous rage building up inside him but his feelings for Sam hadn't always been rational or normal, and he'd given up trying to explain them. He hated seeing another man around her but Sam was a beautiful, confident woman, so he supposed he shouldn't be surprised that she had other male attention. Didn't mean he had to like it though.

"Will you come today?"

She nodded, "I'll be there."

Carly didn't miss any of the body language spoken between the two - she didn't know what they were talking about but Sam and Jason had always had a language all their own so she was far from surprised. She was just glad to see that the little mishap with Simeon hadn't angered the couple, making her confident they were on their way back to each other - they just moved at a snail's pace - always had.

A couple hours later Jason and Sam turned up at Dr. Collins' office. They passed Elizabeth in the hallway outside but neither acted like they noticed her. Sam smiled to herself when she saw the way Jason didn't even flinch when they walked past. That bitch had burned more bridges than she'd built and she was finally getting her just rewards.

They were right on time so they got started right away. Kevin pointed out the difference he noticed compared to their last session where the tension was extremely high. In this session they easily sat next to each other on the couch, not touching but definitely not the previously noted mile apart either.

"So, Jason, Sam - what's been going on since you were here last?"

Jason looked over at his wife and she replied, "Well…I took an unplanned sojourn south of the border." She smiled almost shyly at Jason as she explained to Kevin how he'd surprised her, finishing almost inaudibly, "That was sweet."

Kevin nodded approvingly, "Very nice, Jason. I think you two can really benefit from some time together, outside of these walls as well."

Jason looked down at his lap when he replied, "We did't travel together. It wasn't about me."

"So you wanted Sam to take some time to herself to think about it all in a neutral setting? Good for you - Sam, do you have a new outlook on things? Did you make any decisions that will affect your relationship with Jason?"

Jason almost expected her to mention the Simeon guy and didn't realize he was holding his breath until he let it out when she replied, "I had a relaxing time with friends - really didn't dwell too much on the chaos I left here." She took a deep breath as it all seemed to come back to her, events from the afternoon replaying in her mind. "That never lasts for very long anyway!"

"Would you like to elaborate, Sam?"

She started looking at her hands also. "Not really," but knowing she couldn't get away with that in a counseling session she sighed and continued, "I just can't seem to get away from any of it. Every time I turn around, everywhere I go, it all returns to smack me dab in the face. Every single time!" Her voice got lower again, "There are just so many things I'd like to do over, and I can't. I can't change any of it."

Jason was curious to find out what she was referring to. Something in her voice had him worried. "What things, did something happen?"

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head, "Nothing short of my least shining moment making an appearance." Her voice was so soft he barely heard her…but he heard.

Jason understood right away what she was referring to. Nothing had torn Sam up as much as the kidnapping incident with his son. "Sam, you've apologized and apologized to me and to Elizabeth - we worked past that a long time ago - please stop beating yourself up over ancient history."

She turned to look at him with pain in her eyes. "But it's not is it, Jason? I don't think it ever will be. I froze, Jason. I saw it happening and I was so wrapped up in watching her live the life I wanted so badly for us that I froze, watching to see how she would handle the situation. But while I was watching her with her perfect hair and her perfect name giving you the perfect son I'd wanted to give you so badly…while I stood there and thought about what I was missing, a disturbed woman took off with your son." The tears started coming as she relived the hurt from so many years ago. "By the time I realized what had happened and that she'd taken off with him I was so ashamed of my inaction that I just tried to bury it, Jason. I couldn't tell you that I was there and didn't do anything. I couldn't tell you that I was frozen in place with jealousy and hurt and I was barely paying attention to anything else but her. I envied her sooo much! I wanted what she had so desperately that it blinded me to everything else. I'm so sorry, Jason. I'm so sorry for letting Maureen take Jake! I should have stopped her and if I had it all to do again I swear I wouldn't have let her take him. I would give my life to protect your son, Jason - I swear!"

She was sobbing so hard that he couldn't stop himself from reaching for her. Forget her not wanting to be touched - he needed to hold her, to make the hurting stop. "Shhh, Sam - it's okay. I know all that - I know you're sorry. Shhhh." He hushed her as he rocked her in his arms, but only a minute had passed before she broke free snifflingly, "How can you say that? You should hate me forever. I didn't help your innocent little baby - how could you ever truly forgive me for that?"

"I do forgive you, Sam! I forgave you years ago and you know that!" He grabbed her hands and bent his head to catch her eyes and force her to look at him, "We forgave each other a long time ago, why are you doubting it now? What happened to make you this distraught over something that we put behind us when we moved on and got married?"

Kevin interjected quietly, "Sam, Jason obviously has forgiven you - maybe its time that you forgive yourself."

She hung her head again, "I'll never forgive myself. He was just a baby." She sobbed again as she sputtered, "Imagine that happening to Danny!"

Jason's heart tore to see her in so much pain and he felt powerless to help. "It did happen to Danny! Our son was taken from us and he was gone for months, Sam…and Jake's mother, who had gone through the pain of having not one but two of her own children kidnapped, still had the heart to play a part in trying to keep Danny from us…and she wasn't going through emotional turmoil from having her life turned upside down by someone she trusted. Please don't tell me you're worked up over something that she said to you - she's the last person who should point fingers or cast stones, and I won't allow you to beat yourself up like this - look at me, Sam!" He waited for her to make eye contact before he continued, "You risked your own life to save Jake, I was there - I remember! It's because of you that he wasn't blown to bits in that housefire! I don't care what Elizabeth says, you made up for your mistake and on top of that you've grown so much, Sam! I see it, your family and friends see it, anybody who knows anything about you has seen it. Why can't you?" He clasped her hands tighter in his, "Why can't you see the phenomenal woman I see every time I look at you?"

Kevin prodded her again, "What is it, Sam. What is at the heart of your doubts about Jason and you?"

At first she was quiet, reflecting on the question as she pulled the sniffles under control. They were both waiting for her answer and she was starting to feel scrutinized but she shrugged and said, "I don't know that I can trust it again. I don't truly feel that he won't go back to believing everything she says and rationalizing and forgiving everything she does."

She ventured a quick look at Jason, seeing the pained expression on his face as he listened to her continue. "You always back her! No matter what you always gave her a pass while the rest of us were taken to task for messing up. She cheated with you, snuck around and slept with you while she was still married, lied to you and to her husband about the paternity of her baby, then convinced you that you should give up your son, cheated on her fiancé again with his brother, blamed you when you thought your son was dead saying it happened because you didn't choose a life with her, almost killed you in a car crash, attempted to leave our kidnapped son in the care of a stranger and make me go on believing he was dead, tried over and over to drive a wedge between us…and you still loved her. You still defended and trusted her!"

The tears brimmed her eyes again but she was angry too, "I froze! I froze and fell to the lowest point I had ever been in my life and you hated me! You threatened to kill me you hated me so much! You chose her! So why wouldn't I have doubts, Jason? Why wouldn't I believe that it's only a matter of time before you go running back there?" He reached for her again but she rose from the couch and stomped over to the window, looking out at nothing in particular.

Jason's nostril flared as his eyes watered and his breath suddenly ached in his chest. "You're never coming back to me, are you?" His lip quivered with the devastating realization that she was truly done and he could barely breathe. "I've really lost you for good this time haven't I?"

Sam didn't answer, she couldn't. The sobs caught in her throat and she wanted to be able to reassure him but she really couldn't. She loved him so much, always had and probably always would. She had forgiven and accepted everything about him - the emotional short comings, the crazy schedule and litany of crazy people in his life and in their business, she'd even accepted the mountain of baggage that came with him because loving him had always been worth it for her. The unconditional way that he had loved her had always been worth everything she endured to be with him, but in this moment there was one price she didn't intend to pay ever again. No matter the crime, he had always forgiven the vindictive, insensitive, cruel woman and had given her free reign to wreak whatever havoc she wanted…she would never go through that again. With her back turned to him Sam hugged herself as she listened to Kevin try to mediate once again.

"Ahem…I think maybe Jason, you should tell Sam how you really feel about everything she's been through to be with you - it might hel…" Kevin was cut off as Jason stormed towards the door.

"I have to go!" That was it, and he was gone, leaving Sam to turn around and stare at the door in confusion, before it dawned on her where he'd go.

Elizabeth grabbed the hamper of warm clothes from the dryer and headed up the stairs from the basement, cursing what had become of her life. Not so long ago she had a partner who shared all the mundane chores with her, someone who wanted to share forever with her - now she was back to being a single mother of three with no job, no lover, and someday soon she could find herself with no freedom. "Screw you Sam - screw yyouuuu!" She screamed into the air as she turned the corner to the living room, only to stop short at the sight of Jason standing in the middle of her living room. "J-Jason!" All she got out was his name before he pounced toward her, upon her so fast that her instinct sent her crashing back against the wall. Elizabeth's eyes bulged with panic as she struggled to catch her breath as she rammed into the unyielding wall. He was practically fuming at the mouth, his face in an enraged sneer as he shoved it right up to hers, practically touching nose to nose. For a split second her confused mind thought he meant to kiss her, but then she raised frenzied eyes to see his and the thought vanished before it even took shape. Jason was nowhere in the icy blue depths of the stonecold killer before her who was practically snarling as his eyes brimmed with unshed tears, his mighty fist coming up to land furiously next to her head. Elizabeth heard the shattering of painted stucco following his monstrous roar and she knew she was dead.

She dropped the basket as she stared terrified into the eyes that once held such warmth for her and her fear catapulted when all she saw was cold, cold hate - the taut stretch of his lips pursed angrily together accenting the hand squeezing his fingers shut and showing white knuckles where he wanted to slam at her throat. "Jason - please….Jason." She wept his name repeatedly as her frantic whispers seemed to fall on deaf ears. "Please…"

With a grunt and another roar he punched a new hole in the wall next to her head as he backed away to watch her fall in a heap on the floor, her shaky knees giving way under her. She gasped giant gulps trying frantically to send oxygen through her lungs as he kicked the nearby chair to send it crashing into the wall, yelling once again in pent up frustration.

Pacing for a second, he then came to stand over her as her breathing leveled out and the black dots disappeared. "You made her leave me. She's finally had enough and nothing I do will fix it, all because of you!" He was so cold. "I could fucking kill you!"

He knelt down next to her and Elizabeth instinctively tried to scramble back further into the wall to get away from the anger directed straight at her. She had never in her life feared Jason Morgan until recently, this moment bringing her the most dread as she knew he meant every word he was saying to her. "Ever since that night I slept with you, you've been nothing but a parasitic plaque on my life. I was blind to you hurting her in the worst ways, telling myself she was seeing spite where there wasn't any because you were good and kind and generous to a fault. How fucking stupid was I? Thinking I loved you just because a fucking condom was no good? But she was right about you…she was right all along - look what you did to our lives just in the last year alone?"

The disgusted look on his face and the stinging words from his mouth made her feel small and insectile, and she had never wanted to disappear as much as she did right then.

"I hate you, I fucking hate you and if you weren't the mother of the child I love so much I would kill you right this fucking second!"

She buried her head in her hands and wept. How had it all come to this?

He rose to his feet and with a sweep of his arm across the nearby sofa table he sent everything crashing across the room. "She's worth a million of you!" He bellowed as he repeated the action on the mantel, the pictures of them sailing to land near her feet as glass shattered and splintered everywhere. Elizabeth yelled in fright and drew her knees up to her chin, her head still in her hands as she wept.

"Jason, stop!" She heard the sound as another crash sounded across the room as he'd moved on to the bookshelf near the window. "Stop this!" She peeped out to see Sam rushing to Jason, grabbing his arm as she pleaded with him to calm down. "Jason, no. Please baby, no."

Elizabeth couldn't believe it - almost immediately he stopped tearing her house apart, his face fading into calm as he studied the woman by his side, the touch of her hand on his arm alone seeming to soothe him. Elizabeth saw her reach out to touch the side of his face with her palm and there was no missing the way he leant into that palm, sighing deeply as he took another calming breath. It was like watching the taming of a savage beast, and she had to admit to herself finally, that those two had a connection like nothing she knew. He'd certainly never been like that with her.

"Sam," was all she heard him say before giant arms lunged out to wrap the tiny brunette to a huge chest as she sobbed and buried her head in his neck. Elizabeth watched as they clung to each other as if one or the other would vanish into thin air if they let go, and she felt like a puny intruder to an inner sanctuary that held no room for her.

Jason couldn't believe she was there. He'd lost her, forever this time, he was sure. She'd never look at him with love or longing ever again, she'd never let herself feel safe in the refuge of his arms as she always had - he thought she was done. But then he heard her angelic voice and felt her satin touch and his upsided world was right side again. Just like that he could see more than red as she came to his arms. He lifted her clear off the ground and buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent deeply. She was here, in this bitter, callous place with a shrew of a woman where his love had come to die, she was here and in his arms giving him life once again. Jason breathed in and held that breath for as long as he could, basking in the feel of her soft, curvy body locked within the confines of his arms. He wanted to keep her there always.

"It's okay, Jason." Sam practically cooed as she soothed her savage beast, "We're going to be okay, baby."

Finally he placed her delicate, booted feet back on solid ground but his arms held steadfast to his love as he gazed upon her beautiful face, noting that she'd been crying. "Promise!"

She hugged his waist and squeezed him tight to her body. "I promise! We'll work it out, let's go, Jason. We'll work it all out."

Elizabeth couldn't believe it and if she hadn't witnessed it for herself she doubted that she ever would. Those two seemed to be in a world of their own speaking a language known only to them, completely oblivious to everyone and everything else around. She watched in shocked awe as they walked through the front door, Sam leading the way as she clung to Jason's hand, looking back at him every few moments as though in reassurance, leaving the door wide open as they disappeared from view. The nurse surveyed the wreckage in her home and the body-heaving sobs wracked her endlessly. He'd never been like that with her - never - not once. He'd never been that threatening and she had never had that kind of calming effect upon him. He had never loved her like that!