Hi guys… so many opinions on Ana's reaction… so let's clear the air a little, shall we?

First of all, I fully agree with those of you who said that no mother has a right to keep a father from his child. Still, I think we have to cut Ana some slack here. At this point of the story, Ana doesn't know that Christian is trying to change for her or that he is in love with her. She only knows what she saw and experienced when she was his sub and of course Elena's poor attempt to seduce Christian.

So, basically, to her the father of her unborn child is not only friends a with pedophile and doesn't see how wrong it was for Elena to introduce him to BDSM at the age of fifteen, but she also has to believe, that they never ended their affair. To me, knowing or believing that the father of her child is involved with a pedophile at least justifies her initial reaction of wanting to protect her baby, even if it means keeping Christian from meeting his child once it is born. And lastly, she just woke up from a coma and is still severely injured, so give her some time to think and I promise she will come to the right conclusion on her own…

Another topic that was highly discussed and critized is Ana's view on how Christian's lifestyle aka being a BDSM Dominant is going to influence the baby. I agree with those who said, that she must have seen, that he does not treat women in generell as second class people. But, he sure treated her that way when he made her sit at his feet and fed her like a dog in front of Elena. In addition, (and now I am making assumptions ;-) ) Christian was taught BDSM by Elena, a woman who thought it is perfectly normal to turn a troubled fifteen year old boy into her submissive and to have sex with a child. So, he was never allowed to learn and understand the lifestyle in its true nature and instead learned from her twisted view of it. So, when Ana became his sub, 90 % of the time she only saw Dominant Christian, no matter if they were in or outside of the playroom. At this point, she still has to believe, that if she returns to him and they raise their child together, the child will see how he orders her around and goes all Dominant on her, even if it is not in a sexual context, which is what she has experienced with him so far and was ok with her, because it was just between them. She feels different about that now, because of course, for a child to witness such behavior would be not a good influence. I can assure you though that they will talk and the might even start some kind of communication in chapter 11...

Grace

Arriving at Escala I don't know what to think. Hearing Ana say that she doesn't want my son to see his child was a shock. For a second I wanted to yell at her, tell her she has no right to do that, but then I saw it. I saw something in her eyes I only know to well and that was the overwhelming need to keep her child safe. She was genuinely worried for the well being of her child, should it ever be near Christian.

I want to say I know my son, but if the recent events have shown me anything, than it is that my son is very good in keeping secrets. This has to stop now, I won't allow my grandchild to grow up without his father.

Once I get out of the elevator I am greeted by Taylor.

"Good afternoon, Taylor. I need to speak to my son."

"He is upstairs, Ma'am." He says and I follow him. As I am climbing the stairs I can hear my son cussing up a storm and I am surprised to find his voice coming from what he told us is a storage room. Taylor motions for me to go through and when I open the door I can't help but smile. Christian is in the middle of the room, his clothes splashed with cream and light green colored paint, the faint smell of fresh paint still in the air and he is trying to put a crib together.

"Fucking hell... damned piece of crap." He mutters under his breath when he doesn't get the screw in.

"May I offer my help?" I ask to make my presence known and he turns around.

"Mom, hi ... umm... thank you, but I have to do this myself, I want to. It's important." He says and gets up to kiss my cheek, careful not to get any paint on me.

"You want to decorate the nursery all by yourself?" I ask.

"It's not the real nursery... this... umm... it used to be my playroom... in the context of BDSM." He says clearly embarrassed.

"Oh... well, I'm not sure that it is appropriate to have your child sleep in a room that you previously used for... well..." I stop, not wanting to make this conversation anymore awkward.

"It's more of a symbol, Mom. I want to show Ana that I want to change, that I am committed to us raising our child together... do you think she'll like it?" He asks and my heart breaks a little knowing what I have to tell him next.

"Ana knows."

"What?"

"She has to see Dr. Greene today, so we had to tell her that she is pregnant." I explain.

"How did she react?"

"Good, better than anyone could expect. Of course she said the timing isn't great seeing her age and present condition, but she seemed to be happy about the baby."

"Does she want to see me now?" He asks and there is so much hope in his eyes that I have to fight back tears.

"No... Christian we need to talk. Ana... she said she doesn't want you anywhere near her child, she wants to raise the baby on her own. She said there are things we don't know about you and that she doesn't want you to be a part of the baby's life because of it."

I watch as my son takes this news in and then he sits down on the floor and just stares at his hands.

"She gave up on me." He whispers more to himself than me.

"Darling, I don't think Ana has given up on you... it's more like she is scared to face you and that is why I need to know what happened. Please Christian, no more secrets. I want to help you, but to do so I need to know what happened. Why does Ana believe having you around will have a bad influence on your child." I ask and for the longest time he remains silent.

"Because I am... or would have been. I can change, Mom. I just need her to give me a chance." He says.

"Christian, I know you are going to be wonderful father. Still, I don't understand why Ana would feel any different about this."

"Mom, look we didn't have a normal relationship. Fuck, I've been such a dick. Ana she... well she's never been with anyone else. I was her first and what I offered to her wasn't a normal relationship. We had a contract, rules and all you have seen, when I brought her with me for lunch or dinner at your place, it was all just me putting on a show. She had clear rules how to behave and it just was nothing but acting." He says and I'm shocked.

"What do you mean you had a contract with her?"

"In BDSM there are contracts involved. Both parties have to sign the contract if they decide to get involved. There are rules, limits, punishments... it's all mapped out and agreed on. In hindsight, I have to admit that Ana really didn't have much of an idea what she was getting herself into and at the time I liked that fact, because it gave me the chance to train her after my liking. There have been a few incidents..."

"Incidents?" I gasp, good grief all of this sounds so detached and completely alien to me. I saw them together and thought they were happy...

"Mostly due to Elena's interference. She challenged me because she thought I was going easy on Ana and one weekend when she stopped by, I just had enough of her questioning my skills as a Dominant... Ana and I had dinner and we were just talking, laughing and enjoying ourselves, but then Elena stopped by. To prove a point to her I made Ana sit at my feet and fed her like a dog while Elena was watching. I know she was upset, but I never apologized, because within the rules of BDSM it wasn't out of line. Another time I had a long phone call with Elena and she really pissed me off, so instead of cutting all ties with Elena, I ordered Ana into the playroom and punished her. She never complained about anything... but looking back I can see it now." He says, stops to get up and stare out of the window.

"When I met Ana, I wanted her because she was different, she was so young and beautiful, funny and full of life. She was like a ray of light in my world of darkness, but over time she changed. She became very silent, she wouldn't laugh or giggle as much as she used to and I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to confess to myself that I wasn't making her happy. When the contract ended and I offered her a new one, she didn't sign. Elena blackmailed her so she couldn't, but she didn't tell me. What she told me instead... I didn't want to listen then, but I do understand now and she was right. I wasn't giving her what she needed, because I was selfish and only wanted things to go my way. But I made things worse the day Elena tried to murder her."

"How?" I ask not sure I can take to hear much more of this.

"She wanted to start a new job, so she wouldn't have to work for a company owned by me any longer. I told her she had to work at SIP for another six weeks, knowing that she wouldn't get the other job if she did. She was so mad at me and later... Elena came to my place, I wanted to kick her out and she took her coat off... she was completely naked underneath and dropped to her knees in front of me. She was trying to open my pants, for a second I was too shocked to react. Ana came in just then. Taylor had convinced her to tell me about Elena's blackmail and when she came in she must have thought that Elena and I... that we were intimate... I guess that explains why she doesn't want to see me." He says and for a moment I don't know what to say.

"Christian, I want to help you, but I need to make one thing perfectly clear. You need to change, I know you say you are trying and I believe you, but I need your promise. Because the way you treated Ana was appalling. Now you may had her consent, but I don't care, because now there is a child involved and I don't want my grandchild to grow up believing it is okay to order women around or treat them like second class people. The moment this innocent little baby is born you are his role-model, the standards and morals you set for them have a tremendous effect on the person this tiny baby will become one day. Imagine it is a girl, do you want your daughter to grow up thinking it is okay to be treated like a dog in front of others?" I stop, I don't want to upset my son anymore than he already is, but I cannot believe he would do that to another person, much less so to a beautiful young woman who so obviously was head over heels in love with him.

"I know, Mom. Believe me, the very same thought has been on my mind constantly. I want to be the best role model for my child. I don't care if it is a boy or a girl, all I want is for this child to grow up to be a happy person and not such a fucked up piece of shit like I am."

"Stop! Do you hear me? I do not ever want to hear you referring to yourself like that again. You are a wonderful person, Christian. I know you are and I am so sorry that I ever allowed such a vile person like Elena anywhere near you, but you have to see that she filled your head with lies. The only way for her to remain in constant in your life was by alienating you from everyone who wanted to make you believe that there is more waiting for you than contracted relationships and being in a lifestyle I am sure she has never allowed you to understand in its true nature. As long as you see yourself in such a negative way, she still has power over you. There is still enough time to make things right with Anastasia before your child is born, but if you talk to her still believing that you are not worthy of her, she won't see anything but empty promises. So starting now, you will stop this, understand? You will get up every morning look into mirror and tell yourself that you are the best thing that has ever happened to her and that you are going to be the best father for your child... because if you believe in yourself, than you can make her believe in you, too."

"Mom I don't know how to do that." He says and hangs his head, so I step closer and take his hand.

"You have to believe in yourself and I know it's hard, but you can do this. Do you know why your Dad and I decided to adopt?" I ask, maybe hearing my story will help him understand.

"No."

"I was twenty when I got married, still in college just like your Dad and after I got my license and your Dad started to work for his father we decided it was the right time to start a family. I miscarried six times within a little over two years. It was so heart breaking and I thought I was never going to be a mother. Then I got pregnant again with twins and I lost them nearly five months into the pregnancy. After that we were told not to try again and I drifted into a severe depression. I felt like I was caught in darkness and there was no way out. I saw a psychiatrist, had to take drugs to help me cope and just felt detached from anything. My mother was so worried, she went to her minister and asked him to visit me. He did and he told me something that stayed with me. He said if God wanted me to be a mother, it doesn't mean that I have to give birth to the children that are supposed to be mine, he said I would just know when I see them and that God has a reason for everything. That day was a changing point in my life. I started to believe that no matter what, I was going to be a mother and then God blessed me with the three most amazing children any parent could ask for. So, I want you to believe too. Give Ana time to recover from her injuries and use this time to find to yourself and when both of you are ready, sit down and talk."

"What if she won't listen to me, Mom, or what if she finds someone else in the meantime? What if she simply forgets about me?"

"Oh Christian, don't be silly, she is carrying your child, she won't forget about you or just move on when her focus is to heal." I try to convince him, because even though Ana deserves to know the truth, I feel like at this point they both need time for themselves before they can try to work things out between them and move on into a happy future...

P.S.: No pins for this chapter so far, but I will try to find some this evening…