Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; they belong to the genius of AWM and that other three letter network I really don't like.

Overheard

Chapter 6

Kate considered stopping at the little café half a block down for coffee for both of them, but didn't want to waste any more time. She jumped out of the cab, throwing a fifty at the driver, but then took a breath and slowed her steps as she opened his building foyer door. She smiled at Eduardo, but didn't take time for a chat, going straight for the lift. Once at his door, she hesitated a moment, then took a deep breath before she knocked on the door.

There was a delay, but then she heard slow footsteps approaching, and she prepared herself to face Castle again after almost a week without him. He obviously checked in the peep hole, because there was another delay before the door was opened just a crack, with his face and chest blocking all access into the loft. She stifled the sigh of relief at seeing him breathing and whole, but that was just the start of what she wanted to achieve here.

"What do you want, Beckett, I am busy." It was the first time he had spoken to her since he left her at the precinct after Naomi's case, and his face was just as closed off and cold as it had been the last time she had tried to speak to him. But this time, she knew what was really going on, and she wasn't going to give in.

"Can I come in? I hoped we could talk." Kate said, this part of the conversation having been planned out in her head already. Castle held back a snort at her comment about talking, but didn't move.

"I'm really busy right now, Beckett, I am behind in the book and Gina is on my back, so I don't have time." His tone of voice said the conversation was over, and he started closing the door. Kate put her hand out, reaching towards him but then decided to place it on the door instead.

"Well, OK, how about later this afternoon, or tonight then?" She asked.

"I have a date." He said this with a totally straight face, and again moved to close the door. This time, she put her foot in the way, determined to confirm a time to come back.

"OK, well, what about tomorrow? Let me know a good time and I will come back. Or you could come to my place?" Rick couldn't control the eyebrow raise at this offer, but he controlled his expression quickly and again shook his head.

"I am heading off on a book tour, Paula has been at me for a while, and I need to keep on her good side. Maybe I will call when I get back." Kate could tell from his expression he had no intention of doing so. She could feel the ending of this conversation, and all hope for fixing her lie was disappearing as well, so she pushed the front door open against his arm, and placed her body in the gap. Castle was a little surprised at her determination, surprised for a second, but then he scowled again.

"Beckett, what the hell? I said I was busy. Can you please leave?" Even in his agitated state, he couldn't and wouldn't physically hurt her, so he waited for her to back off, as she had done before. But this time, Kate was having none of it.

"I heard you, you know." She started.

"You heard me ask you to leave? Then why aren't you leaving?" Castle was shocked at his own cold tone of voice, internally wincing at asking Beckett to leave, but he couldn't be this close to her, not until he had some more time to get over her.

"No, I heard you talking to Yolanda last night. Telling her you had suicidal thoughts."

Castle's eyes flicked up to hers so quickly, and a momentary panic overtook his features, before he exerted iron control again and almost sneered.

"What on earth are you talking about Beckett? I didn't speak to anyone called Yolanda last night. I don't even know anyone called Yolanda. You must be delusional. Now please, I really have things to do." He pushed on the door, just gently, hoping she would take the hint. He refused to look at her face, but she could still see the edges of panic in his eyes.

"Please Castle, we need to talk about this, because you are wrong, but I don't want to have this conversation in your hallway." Kate had finally found her courage, and made her stand, here in front of the man she loved.

Castle just stared at her, finally meeting her eyes, and then he sighed, his shoulders drooping, as he stood back and let her in. She walked to the lounge, waiting to sit until he did, but Castle walked straight past her and into his study, taking a seat behind his desk, putting the bulk of it between them.

Now that she had her chance to talk, her words seemed to have dried up. She had to say something, and very soon, because Castle was fidgeting and looking like he regretted letting her in. While she was still getting her words in order, he obviously lost patience.

"Well, you wanted to talk. Fine time you picked to be determined and pushy." The last part was almost mumbled, and if it weren't for the seriousness of the situation, she would have smiled at his almost pout.

"I've been seeing a therapist since I came back from the cabin." This was news to Castle, because he looked at her with surprise, but she put her hand out, asking for time.

"Castle, I have a lot to say, but I don't have your way with words. Please let me tell this my way."

Castle looked at his watch, obviously considering if asking her to come back another time was viable, but then he shrugged again. If they were going to revisit her time since running away after her shooting, they may as well get it over with, then he could truly make a break with her and the precinct, and try to move on.

"I had to see one before I was allowed back to work, but then I kept going back to him, so I could work through all the issues that the shooting brought up. Early on it was PTSD, which I am sure you noticed, but later it was about my dealing with all the other things that happened that day."

The therapist's name is Dr. Carter Burke. His wife runs a phone counselling service, and he thought it would be good for me to listen in to some calls, to understand that everyone has issues, and it's OK to ask for help, it's not a weakness. You know I can be stubborn, and ridiculously independent." She heard him snort at that, so she knew he was listening, even though he was looking at his hands.

"So I was sitting with Yolanda when your call came in last night, listening to Alex talking about the woman he loved, who had lied to him. I wasn't sure it was you at first, because I couldn't fathom you having suicidal thoughts, but the more I listened the more I realised it was your voice. And I was frozen in place, not knowing what or how to respond, because this is a situation I had never imagined." Kate was about to continue, when Castle finally lifted his head.

"Well, thanks Beckett, although not sure how many patient confidentiality breaches that entails. But you can see I am fine, and I am not suicidal, nor am I considering something stupid, so you can go now. I still have a chapter to finish and a date to prepare for." He stood up, as if to usher her towards the door.

"No, Castle please, I am not finished." Kate was pleading, but now that she had started, she had to finish what she had come to say, because she knew there would never be another chance.

"What more is there to say? I can ask that you don't leak the information to Page Six, more for my family than myself. I would hope you can honour that request."

"There is lots more for me to say. Please, Castle, let me finish. I would never divulge the content of that conversation to anyone, I am only telling you now because I want you to understand why I am here." She looked at him, waiting for his agreement before continuing. After a few moments of silence, he nodded, although he didn't look enthusiastic for her continued presence.

"I heard you in the cemetery, last year, when you told me you loved me. I could feel my life slipping away, and the last thing I saw was your blue eyes pleading with me to stay. I was prepared to die, but then I remember waking to never ending pain and confusion, and the first time I was even partially aware of where I was, Josh was next to me, and I remembered that I had a boyfriend, who wasn't you, could never be you. I broke it off with him before I left the hospital, but you came so close to being shot, that I was afraid my crusade would claim your life as well as mine, and your family would never forgive me, so I tried to give you up, to let you go and hope you would find someone better, more deserving to love." For a moment Kate thought Castle would speak, but he just shook his head and became still again, waiting for her to continue.

"That is why I didn't tell you that I heard you, that I remembered you telling me you loved me, because I didn't deserve your love then, and I still don't deserve it now, but you were right when you said the heart wants what the heart wants. I have gotten used to having you by my side, having my back, bringing me coffee, and when you suddenly pulled away last week, I was lost. Now I know, from hearing your call, that you heard me admit my lie to that suspect, and that you think that means I don't love you, that I don't want your love. But the opposite is true, Castle, because I love you so much, it terrifies me. I can't be half hearted with you, can't have one foot out the door. And if I mess this – us – up, I would never forgive myself, so it was easier to stay friends, than risk losing our friendship for no guarantee of anymore, until maybe I could get to a place where I could return your love."

When Castle heard Kate declare her love for him, he snapped his head up, shock clearly written on his features. What the hell? That didn't make any sense, didn't fit any narrative he could come up with. It was an overwhelming amount of information, bombarding his already overwrought brain. He needed her to leave, so he could analyse it all, work out what to do. He stood, and walked to the study door, opening it for her.

"OK, Beckett, you have said your piece. Now I really have other things to do, so I would appreciate it if you could leave." He said nothing else, but turned away as she stood and preceded her to the front door, which he opened and stood to the side, allowing her a clear path to exit.

She stopped at the door, turned to look at Castle one last time, and then made one last plea.

"Castle, I ... You waited three months for me to recover, so I will do the same, until you are ready to talk to me again, but please don't let this be the last time we speak to each other. I cannot see my life without you, and I will do whatever it takes to make you believe that I love you." With that, she bowed her head and turned, walking to the elevator, waiting for the slam of the loft door that would indicate him shutting her out of his life, but it never came, and as she turned to step into the elevator, she could still see him in profile at the door, but neither of them said anything. The ding of the elevator door closing was loud in the silence.

TBC