Ana
"Bye Mom, enjoy your girls' night out." I call after my mother as she leaves to meet with her colleagues to go out for some cocktails. I wish I could have a drink myself, because in five minutes the Skype session with Autumn and Christian will start and I know that I have to be honest now. I don't want to keep this a secret, because it is killing me, that I basically tried to use the hold that bitch had over Christian for my own benefit. I just need to say it, not just to get it off my chest, but also because Christian needs to know that what Elena did was not his fault at all.
Had I opened up to him right away none of it would have happened, but I didn't so now I have to own up to that.
So, I set my laptop up at the kitchen table start it and a minute later I can see Christian and Autumn on two windows on the screen.
"Nice shirt, Ana." Autumn grins and I blush. Damn, I didn't even think about changing out of my yoga pants and t-shirt for the session while they both look like GQ models. I decide I don't care.
"I know right, and it's true… see." I get up so they can see the words "This girl loves Christmas" printed on it.
"Isn't it a bit earlier for that?" Autumn asks.
"Okay, I actually made the first badges of Christmas cookies today and wanted to send some to you, but if it's too early…"
"Girl, you better send those cookies, because this girl sure loves cookies." Autumn says making both Christian and me laugh.
"I'll send them out tomorrow morning."
"Great, so Ana how has your week been, Christian told me you found out it's a boy?"
"Yes, I'm so excited, I always wanted at least one boy first and then two or three girls."
"You want four kids?" Christian asks immediately.
"Well, actually six, but I'm open for negotiations after I had three babies." I let him know and he seems to need a moment to find a reply to that.
"Six kids, eh? Well, at least that means you are not going to cut me off after our son is born." He smirks and I bite my lip. Shit, I know that this conversation will become serious soon, but I'm freaking horny again… damn those pregnancy hormones!
"So does that mean you two had sex?" Autumn asks.
"No." I mutter and can't help the pout in my voice, which makes Christian stare at me and Autumn giggle.
"Second trimester can be a bitch, right Ana?" She laughs and I pout.
"All I can think of is food and sex, it's not even funny." I mutter embarrassed.
"Oh I do remember that part." Autumn says still amused.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Christian wants to know and I roll my eyes.
"Because I can't tell you that I'm not ready to jump into a relationship with you and then ask you to fuck me." I snap.
"I wouldn't mind."
"No! That would be like using you for my benefit, so not going to happen!" I say really irritated that he would even offer something like that.
"Okay, how about we drop this subject for a moment, is there anything else either of you wants to talk about?" Autumn jumps in and I know it's now or never.
"There is something I need to say." I get out in a rush and stare at my knotted fingers.
"Okay, go on Ana."
"What happened the night Elena ran me over… it's my fault… or well, I did something that led to everything that happened that night."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, what could you have possibly done to spark what happened?" Christian asks and I can tell he is already aggravated.
"I was so mad at you. Mad because you wouldn't leave me alone and Elena was constantly threatening me to release those damn pictures if you would continue to run after me. That is why I wanted to take the new job in the first place, I wanted to put more distance between us and then you told me I had to work at SIP for six more weeks which meant I wouldn't get the other job. I just snapped and I… I called her." I stop and force myself to look up at the computer screen.
Christian face shows no emotion at all, if anything he looks frozen.
"What happened then?" Autumn asks.
"I told her to make Christian stop contacting me… I told her that she wanted me to break up with him, now it was her job to make him stop running after me. I guess that is why she showed up at his place the way she did. I completely forgot that I even called her when I saw them together… but recently when I thought more and more about that night, it became clear and I… I…"
"You what?!" Christian suddenly hisses, making me jump in my seat.
"I don't know, I'm so sorry Christian."
"Sorry?! You hated her guts, you told me she was a child molester, yet when it suited you that she was fucking manipulating me you sent her my way?" He yells and gets up.
"Fuck this!" He suddenly yells and slams his computer shut, leaving me with Autumn.
"Give him some time to calm down, Ana." She says when I start to cry. I hate that I am crying, because I knew this was going to happen.
"No, I need to see him now, I'm driving to Escala." I say and get up.
"Ana wait, I don't think that is a good idea." I hear Autumn call out to me.
"I have to go, Autumn. I need to talk this out with him. It has been me not talking to him that has gotten us into this mess, now I need to fix it." I say, close my laptop, put some sneakers on, grab my purse and leave my apartment.
Fifteen minutes later I am at Escala and find to my surprise that Christian hasn't changed the code for the elevator, so the doors slide to a close once I have typed it in.
Inside the penthouse it is eerie quiet. I know that Taylor and Mrs. Jones have the evening off, because Christian told me they had some kind of anniversary this weekend.
I look around but can't find him anywhere, so I walk to his study, knock and enter but find it empty as well. Next, I walk towards his bedroom, knock again but he isn't there either, so I walk back into the great room and start calling out for him, but there is no reply, sitting down on the piano bench and I take my phone out to call him, but it rings before I can even dial him.
"Yes?"
"Where are you?" Christian sounds out of breath and I frown.
"Where are you?" I ask in return.
"Outside your apartment, buzz me in please, we need to talk, Ana."
"I thought so too and well…" I press some keys on his piano so he can hear it.
"Wait, are you at my place?"
"Yes, I want us to talk this out, so are you coming back or do you want to wait and I drive back home?"
"No, stay at Escala, I'll be there soon." He says and hangs up.
Feeling restless while I wait for him, I clean the breakfast bar and wash the dishes he just left there because Mrs. Jones wasn't there to clean up after him. I have just finished with everything when I hear the ping of the elevator and Christian steps out.
I watch as he walks into the apartment and looks around until he finds me in the kitchen. In this moment I have no idea what is going to happen, but I know I have to talk to him now.
"You didn't have to clean up." He says as he comes to a halt at the breakfast bar.
"I was a bit restless, so I needed something to keep myself busy." I reply and I hate myself for not even being brave enough to look him in the eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me that Elena was blackmailing you?" He asks surprising me.
"I didn't think you would believe me over her." I answer truthfully.
"Why? Is this because of that damned day where she came by when we had dinner?"
"Partially, but it is also about all the other times, Christian. Each time she stopped by or called you and somehow pissed you off, I was the one who ended up with a sore ass. I just feared that I would talk to you, you would talk to her and she would convince you that I was lying. I know it doesn't excuse that I called her and demanded to stop you, but I never thought she would try to whore herself out to you or that she would try to kill me because she failed to seduce you."
"Then what did you think she would do?" He asks and I can tell by his voice that he is hurt.
"I really don't know, I guess that she would talk to you, convince you to move on with another sub… I'm sorry, I should have talked to you… but I was just scared and instead I sent that monster back to your place."
"It was the wake-up call I needed." He says and I frown.
"I'm not going to lie, I was pissed when you just told me that you called her to deal with me… but that evening, when she dropped her fucking coat trying to seduce me, it was like taking off shades and I was finally able to see clearly for the first time. When you saw us and walked out, I finally knew that I needed to remove her from my life, that she was not my friend. I wanted to run after you, but I thought you needed time to calm down, I didn't want us to fight again." He says and I look at him, finally ready to tell him the whole truth, which so far I haven't shared with anyone.
"When I saw you with her like that, I was angry, confused… sad, I just needed to get out. I had walked for about three blocks when I stopped. I just couldn't believe that what I saw was true, that you would try to win me back and at the same time have an affair with her. It made me so angry, that I decided to come back and demand the truth. I had just turned around and started to walk back to Escala when I saw Elena's car, for a moment our eyes locked and then all I remember is her speeding up and I thought she just wanted to scare me, I never in a million years would have thought that she was actually going to run me over… that's the last thing I remember before waking up at the hospital. The first few days I felt like I was caught inside a fog and I just wasn't ready to face you, because I knew, if you had told me that you did have an affair with her, I would have lost it and I just wasn't strong enough to face that. I guess that makes me an idiot." I murmur and he takes my hand.
"You wanted to come back?"
"Yes, I just couldn't deal with Elena any longer, I needed to know if she was just a manipulative bitch or if the two of you were playing some kind of sick game with me."
"Is that also why you didn't want me around our son when you first woke up?" He asks and I sigh.
"Partially, yes, but look it is just, we never had this… you know just us being us without any rules. Even when we went to your parents' place or out with Elliot and Kate, you always gave me rules how to behave… it was like your lifestyle was dictating your life 24/7 and because of that it was dictating my life too. I didn't want to go back to that or have our child grow up with parents who live like that 24/7. I'm not saying all of it was been bad, it's just I like what happened between us in the playroom, just not whatever took place outside of it… and I wasn't sure if you were willing to change." I confess and look up at him.
"I wish you would have told me all of this earlier… we could have avoided a lot." He says deep in thoughts and I nod.
"I know, it's just… back then I didn't feel like I could talk to you… and to be honest, I would go a long way and take a lot of crap in order to avoid being punished." I confess and to my surprise he smirks.
"Yes, you Miss Steele have been a lousy sub in that aspect. Most subs slip from their role on purpose to be punished… you never did that."
"Yeah, well, excuse me, but why on earth would I do that? Because frankly, a sore behind is not something I particularly like or enjoy." I mutter and he laughs.
"That's just the point, Ana. A real submissive wants to be punished, they enjoy it… you don't… took me a long time to see, but even though at first you came across all shy and submissive, you are anything but. That's why I appreciate the fact that you tried for me even more." He says and I look at him.
"Do you miss it?"
"In some ways, yes, I do. It gave me the control that I need, safety in a way, but the simple truth is I need you more, Ana. I feel alive when I'm with you. You make me see and appreciate the simple things in life. Things I never even noticed become exciting when you are with me. I can still be in control at work, but just sitting here with you talking… it gives me so much more… I don't need to be a Dom when I'm with you, because you like me anyway… you don't expect me to be a certain way or act in a certain way… it makes me feel free… happy even." He says and I smile.
"I want you to be happy." I reply and fight back a yawn.
"It's late, you need your rest. Do you want to stay here?" He asks and I want to say yes, but I feel that even staying here overnight would be too soon, plus I don't ever want to sleep in the subs room again. I have cried myself to sleep in there so many times that I don't want to be in there again.
"I have to go home, Christian. I have to work tomorrow and everything I need to get ready is at home." I reply afraid that he might take it the wrong way, but he smiles.
"Okay, I'll drive you home. Taylor will drive your car back to your place tomorrow before you have to go back to work." He says and takes my hand to help me up.
Outside of the apartment building I live in, he walks me to the door and I look up at him.
"Are we good?" I ask, still a little unsure if what I have done has caused damage to the progress we have made over the last week.
"Yes, we are. Now up you go, our son needs to rest and so do you." He says and opens the door for me. I step inside but turn around and give a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Goodnight Christian, I'll call you tomorrow." I smile at him and hurry to the elevator, because I know, if I turn around to look at him once more, I will ask him to stay and as much as I want him, it's just too soon.