Disclaimer: No, I still don't own them, just like to throw them into angsty situations sometimes :-p

CHAPTER 9

Kate stood in the centre of her apartment, still staring at the closed door that she had slammed on Castle, after she told him to leave. She was also reliving the conversation, and mentally flaying herself for again letting her temper and obsession get the better of her. He had given her an opportunity to show that he was important to her, that she meant it when she said she loved him, and instead she had dived down the rabbit hole, and thrown him out of her apartment. 24 hours ago, she was desperate to find him and make sure he was OK, and when she finally did get to speak to him, she messed up so badly she had probably lost him altogether. She collapsed against the door, letting her tears flow freely.

Kate didn't know how long she had been sitting on the floor, but her joints were cramped and she felt drained. She got up, had a hot shower, denying herself the comfort of a bath, and crawled into bed. The sound of the door slamming still reverberated through her head, and sleep was a long time coming.

The next morning, after some fortifying coffee in the cold light of day, Kate also realised the reason why Rick had come over to tell her about his 'lie'. He knew exactly how she would react, and when she threw him out, she not only confirmed to him that her mother's case was the most important thing to her, but he also made sure there would be no more secrets between them, so they could both move on. But she couldn't move on, she needed him in her life, and only by losing him did she recognise that need. He had come back to her many times, when she had pushed him out, so it was her turn to fight for him, show him she really meant what she said, and continue to prove it until Rick believed her.

With new determination, she flagged a cab and headed to Broome Street, determined to speak to Castle again and beg his forgiveness. On the way over, her spirits lifted for a moment when a text arrived, only to be crushed when she realised it was just Lanie confirming their drinks were still on that evening. She was in no mood for drinks of any kind, and she knew exactly what Lanie would say about the whole convoluted mess her life was right now, so she declined, feigning illness. Right now she only had one priority, and that was the man who lived on the top floor of the building the cab delivered her to.

She had a momentary panic when she walked into the lobby, because it wasn't Eduardo on the desk, but the door man obviously remembered her because he just waved her through. When she got to his door, she gathered all her courage and knocked confidently on the door. She could hear murmuring but couldn't make out words, before footsteps approached the door, and she could already tell it wasn't Castle, so she wasn't too disappointed when it was Martha who stood in the door, having only opened it enough to put her body in the way.

"Hi Martha. I was hoping to speak to … Rick?" Kate stumbled over his name, she was so used to calling him Castle.

"I'm sorry, Katherine, but Richard's not home, and I am also about to head out, and so I can't invite you in. Perhaps another time?" Martha asked, already pulling back into the loft and slowly closing the door. Martha was too well bred to close the door in her face, but Kate could see the older woman was tempted, and when she recalled Castle saying on the phone that his mother knew what was going on, and encouraged him to move on, she didn't blame her.

"OK, thanks Martha. Could you tell him I was here, and I would really love to speak to him?" Kate deliberately stressed the word love, and she could see Martha's eyebrow raise slightly, but other than a nod there was no response, and the door was closed in front of her. She had no choice but to leave, heading down the stairs and out the door before the door man could see how quickly she had been turned away.

When she was half a block away, she turned back towards his building, leaned against the doorway behind her and stared at the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but of course the interior of the loft was dark, and the anti-glare foil on the windows only reflected the storm-laden clouds hanging low above her head. Maybe Martha had been heading out, and the loft was empty, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was home, and just didn't want to see her.

Over the next couple of days she experienced multiple repeats of this rejection, sometimes with no response at all to her continued knocking. His phone went straight to voicemail, and soon that was also full. She was in despair, but she pulled her Beckett armour around her and returned to work, spending her free moments wracking her brain for a way to get through to Castle.

Her boys had her back, but even they were curious about where Castle was, and finally they bit the bullet and asked Kate, Espo jokingly asking her what she had done to finally get him to leave, only to see her face crumple before she ran from the break room to the ladies restrooms. Kevin slapped his partner hard enough to bruise, and by the time Kate returned, her makeup fixed and her poker face firmly in place, the topic was buried deep. Kevin risked her wrath by sending a text to Castle, but his brief reply did nothing to clear up the situation, and soon they were all too busy with new cases to wonder about the missing writer.

Bro, where are you? She is hurting.

So am I

TBC

A/N: Another short-ish chapter to move the story along. I prefer writing separate chapters for different POV. Please note, Headhunters didn't happen in this timeline.