TWELVE

"Okay, okay—let me see it," Kate said as she walked into Rick's apartment, not even bothering to say hello when he opened the door and let her inside. She pulled off her coat, draped it over the back of one of the two wooden chairs in his kitchen, spun around and looked at him expectantly. He remained beside the door, the Christmas lights tacked around the frame giving him an angelic-like glow.

"To what are you referring?" he asked, taking a step forward.

Kate did not bother to hide her eye roll. Honestly! He had texted her about it at eleven a.m., just three hours into her shift, meaning she had been waiting impatiently for the "surprise" his text referenced for six hours and ten minutes. "It! The book!"

"What book?" he replied. That time his innocence faltered because the very edge of his lips quirked up in a smile, though he tried to hide it.

She walked over and gave him a playful shove on the chest. "Rick!" She half-whined, half-groaned. "C'mon! I know the surprise is your book. Let me see!"

Ever since Black Pawn told him on the first of December that he would be receiving a draft printed copy of his novel to approve the layout Rick had spoken about almost nothing else. He worked it into every conversation they had and, beginning on the fifth, lamented about how slow the mail was and complained that the wait was killing him. Kate didn't mind his one track mind too much; he was just excited and she was excited for him; however, as time wore on she did wish the document would arrive sooner than later for all their sakes.

Kate loved Rick's book—even more after he'd improved the dialog and descriptions—but she had to admit to being stunned at the overwhelmingly positive response he was getting from his publisher—and the speed at which the book was moving through the process. She did not expect it would take years before the book went to print, but less than six months felt like almost blinding speed.

As the date of publication drew nearer, Kate felt herself growing progressively anxious for her friend. They were still several months out, but as quickly as time passed they would soon arrive at the release date. She wanted his book to be a success both critically and with sales volume. She just knew the potential was there—it truly was a better story than many she'd read—but that did not necessarily mean it would be a sales success. That was, in some ways, luck and marketing, which they could not control. More than anything, though, she hoped a poor performance would not discourage him; she wanted him to keep going with his writing as he had never seemed happier about anything.

That morning when Rick had texted her to let her know about a "surprise early Christmas present" he had for her, she knew he had received a copy of the book. It had to be the book if for no other reason than it was the first morning he had not whined to her about not getting it yet. With the news, she felt the flutter of nerves in her belly stirring; this book had to be amazing—it just had to. Rick deserved it.

His cheeky grin grew larger—if that was possible. "What if I just got you a really nice pair of gloves?"

"RICK!"

"Okay, okay—I'm kidding, of course." With that, he walked over to the desk tucked in the corner by his bed and returned with a standard sized manila envelope in his hands. From it, he pulled the stack of white pages bound with gold clips on the left side. Proudly, he held it out to her. "It doesn't have the cover art on it, but you can still get the idea."

Kate let out a squeal as the book fell into her hands. Looking up to him, her face practically aching from how wide her smile was, she chortled. "Oh Rick! It's real—it's really real!"

He chuckled. "Well, kind of. It's not hard bound, yet—then it'll be real."

"Close enough!" She insisted. Then, without second though, she hurried over to his couch to sit down. Opening the front cover page, she began to leaf through. After the title page, she had expected to see the first chapter, but instead was shocked to see just two words reflecting back at her.

For Kate

The dedication; he had dedicated the book to her. To her!

Instantly upon viewing the words Kate felt a barrage of emotions wash over her. She felt her skin flush and tears prick her eyes while tingles flowed down her spine. The dedication could not have been simpler. There was no flowery language or professions of gratitude; just two words and in that moment she had never wanted to see anything more.

"Me?" she said softly, still looking at the page. She dusted her index finger over the words before looking up to him and finding he watched her with adoration. "You dedicated it to me?"

His smile never wavered as he said, "There's no way I could have done it without you."

She shook her head with disbelief. "You wrote it before we met."

He dropped down beside her on the sofa. "In an unpublishable form! You helped me get it to where it needed to be and encouraged me. I'd have none of this if it weren't for you—my best friend."

The sparkle in her eyes made her say, "Thank you; that's very kind," but his words made her heart fall ever so slightly. If her expression showed it, the writer did not notice. Instead, he squeezed her arm quickly and bounded off the couch.

"Now, of course you can skim through that as much as you like, but what do you want for dinner? Do you want me to order us something? I can probably go pickup Chinese from that place we tried last time. I think I still have the menu." He walked over to his kitchen and began rummaging through one of the drawers. "And, you know me—as soon as I got that I already started mentally spending my money. Nothing too crazy, of course, but definitely some more college classes. Literature, creative writing, and maybe even—what's wrong?"

By that point, Kate was certain her smile had dropped almost completely from her face. She shook her head, trying to brush it off, not wanting him to know how disappointed she was inside, because that moment was not about her—it was about him. "Nothing."

He pulled his hands from the drawer and took two steps towards her. "But you look so sad. Why? Are you unhappy with the dedication?"

She quickly shook her head and placed the manuscript on the couch beside her. Standing up she promised him, "Oh no, never." The dedication was unbelievably kind and absolutely something she would have expected of him once she thought about it. She could not put into words how much the acknowledgement touched her.

His brow knitted. "Then what is it?"

She pushed herself from the couch and brushed off his concern. Walking towards the kitchen she said, "It doesn't matter; let's find that menu."

"Kate." He caught her arm as she walked by him—damn the tight apartment space—and held her firm until she met his eye. "It's not okay if you're upset. Please tell me what's wrong."

Her heart flipped over in her chest and her breath caught in the hollow of her throat. The words "best friend" echoed around in her mind and her gut instinct was to run. Get away, go home, find that iron padlock for her heart once more and fasten it on tightly, but that was what she always did—she ran. She didn't want to run, not from Rick. He was her best friend, too, and she loved him. She was in love with him and that's what hurt. She didn't want to just be the best friend—she wanted more.

For over seven years the concept of "more" seemed unfathomable; incomprehensible. She didn't want to open up so she didn't get hurt, but then Rick came along and she drew herself ever closer to him. She didn't want to be hurt by him, but there she was on the cusp of being hurt via "The Friend Zone." Given that, she knew she would face no further pain by simply asking the question. Otherwise, she might wonder forever.

"I just…" She took a half step back and his hand slid down from her bicep to the crook of her elbow. "Do you ever think there's a time when we might be more than just best friends?"

She watched him swallow hard and for a quiet twenty seconds he stared at her. Then, tentatively, he began, "You mean a time when you're the first and only woman I've fallen in love with and by some miracle you love me too?"

Her heart rate sped slightly and a soft smile crossed her lips. The term miracle almost made sense—but not when directed at her. Loving Rick was easy—so easy it was almost terrifying for her—but Rick? He was the miracle and far more incredible than he had any right to be. "Something like that, yeah."

"Could that time be now?"

Her heart swelled and a tear burned a path from her left eye, down past her nose and to the corner of her mouth where Rick caught it with the brush of his thumb. Cupping her face with his hands he said, "Kate, I love you. I probably have since the first day you smiled at me, but I didn't know what that feeling was. I was scared and confused for sixteen years. Terrified that no one could love me because of how damaged I was—especially you, because you saw more of me than I'd ever let anyone see before, but I still fell in love with you and…and I'd like to be with you if you think you can stand me and my leftover trauma."

She almost winced at his last words for they made her so sad. How could he truly believe that? "If I can stand you? Rick, you're my best friend and I love you, too." The words spilled out without any hesitation. They were quickly followed by more tears and the brightest smile she had in quite some time. "Of course I love you. Admittedly I tried to fight it. I thought that maybe two damaged people shouldn't be in a relationship together-"

"Let's be honest here, Kate – compared to me you're one hundred percent normal."

She shook her head. "I'm not. But the more I thought about it the more I realize we're just what each other needed." It seemed crazy, and she never could have properly explained it, but love didn't need to be explained; that would ruin the magic. All her life she'd imagined finding a perfect man with a good job who was serious about work and accepted her workaholic tendencies as well, but perfect men did not exist. Those who came close were ones she never felt comfortable around, but the man before her who was rough around the edges, battered and bruised, made her feel happier and more at ease than she ever had before and that was how she knew; he was the one for her.

Smiling, he said. "I could not agree more."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he echoed. And then, he kissed her.

Kate melted into him, winding her arms around his waist. As his hands still held her neck gently she parted his lips, took him in, and let out a soft moan. Unlike their prior kisses, when Rick's overzealous aggression was too much of a turn off, this one was the complete opposite. His lips were soft and gentle against hers and he tasted like cinnamon chewing gum.

When their lips separated she hummed and bumped their foreheads together. "Mmm you got better at that."

"That's not possible – I haven't kissed anyone since I kissed you."

She opened her eyes and leaned back to meet his gaze saying, "I haven't either." They shared a breathy laugh before kissing once more. That time it was Rick who let out the moan of pleasure.

"Mmm okay I don't even know what to do now I'm so happy. Should we order dinner now?"

"We don't have to."

"Okay...What should we do instead?"

A blip of laughter escaped her lips and she skimmed her hands down his chest. "Do I really have to spell it out?" She quipped, but his brow wrinkled with genuine confusion and she let out a little gasp. Oh, dear. He really was a novice at this. "You really don't know…"

"What are you talking about" he asked with a tone of concern.

"Sex, Rick."

"S—oh. Oh."

As his ears turned tomato-red, she looped her arms around his neck and grazed her fingertips over the edge of his t-shirt. Seeing as she was completely in love with him and he had just dedicated his book to her, making love seemed the next natural step, but if he didn't want to rush, she would not pressure him even if it had been quite some time since she'd been with someone. "Do you want to wait? We can if you'd feel more comfortable. I don't mind."

He took a step back from her and combed a hand through his hair. Cupping the back of his neck he looked at her tentatively. "I just…I'm not…"

"Rick." She walked over to him and gently placed her palms on the sides of his face. In her mind flashed his joke from several months earlier: If you think I'm bad at kissing… But she didn't mind. Whatever happened, they would work through it—together. "You don't have to be nervous. I love you, all of you, and whatever happens is okay. And if at some point you want to stop, just say so and we will."

His expression turned a bit sheepish. "I have done this before."

"I know that."

"Just not that many times…or very well." He confessed.

She offered a soft smile as an answer and leaned in to kiss him once more. Grasping on to the sides of his t-shirt, she backed her way across his tiny apartment until they reached the edge of his bed. There, she momentarily separated their lips so she could pull his t-shirt up over his head. Then, she kissed him once more.

Though she could feel his pulse racing, he did seem to relax once they sat on the bed. As her hands explored his chest and abdomen his roamed her arms and shoulders until he grazed a hand down her side, pausing to cup her breast. She smiled against his mouth and pulled him in a bit closer, using that opportunity to skim her fingers all the way down his belly and dip them into the waistband of his jeans; he groaned.

A chuckle escaped her lips when her hand cupped his crotch and she could feel his excitement for the situation. She thought things would go smoothly from there, but as soon as she unbuttoned his jeans he rolled away from her, embarrassed. "Wait please."

She pulled her hand back and nodded. "Okay."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't be. Do you just want to slow down or do you want to stop?"

He glanced up at her briefly and folded his hands in his lap. "Do you…do you remember when we were at Coney Island and you asked about my ankle and I told you that wasn't the only scar I had?"

She swallowed hard and nodded, not liking the direction this was taking.

"I should probably warn you about something…"

The guilt on his face broke her heart and she reached out to touch his arm gently. When he ventured a glance at her, she asked softly, "May I see?"

He stood off the bed and undid the fastening on his jeans as though the act were a precursor to entering an executioner's chamber. At that point, she was certain there would be something wrong with his penis, but (fortunately for both of them) that was not the case. Since she was so convinced whatever scar he referred to would be on his genitals she didn't see it at first, but when she did, she let out a soft, "Oh."

Just a few millimeters above his left hip bone was a crescent shaped scar. The closet she looked, Kate realized it was not one, but two scars similar in shape to an opening and closing parenthesis, though one was far more prominent than the other. Despite the peculiar placement, it only took Kate a few seconds to deduce the origin of the scars. "He bit you?"

He shook his head. "Not him."

Kate felt her face flush. If not his captor then…good god, one of the women? She swallowed hard and looked up at him, waiting for him to continue, but he never did, so she said his name softly.

He moved his hands so that they covered his groin. "If I tell you this story it'll ruin the mood."

Judging by what was revealed when he removed his pants and boxers, his mood was already ruined, but Kate didn't care. She didn't care if they didn't have sex that night, in the next week or even in the next month if Rick wasn't comfortable. This was the beginning of their relationship and it needed to be done right. Reaching up, she took his hand, and pulled him down onto the bed with her. "This story is more important."

He pulled back the sheets and slid beneath, covering himself loosely with the fabric. Kate slid up beside him and sat on her hip, her hand resting carefully on his forearm. As he began the story, his eyes remained focused on his lap. "He kidnapped a lot of women over those years—over twenty, as you know. Most of them blurred together because they seemed cut out of the same mold: always blonde, always petite or medium in build. This woman stood out because she was very large—slender, but tall. I guess that's why he had me help strap her down to the table—normally he did that himself.

"I was, I'm not sure, maybe fifteen or sixteen. I'd had a growth spurt recently—the old pants and shirts he made me wear were tighter and too short in the arms and legs, because of that—and the fact that I didn't get much exercise—I was a bit gangly and awkward. When I was helping put her on the table she slipped and sort of twisted so that she was half flipped over—anyway, her head landed about here," he gestured towards his left side between his waist and hip, right above where his wound was.

"I thought she was still passed out, but, ah, apparently she wasn't because the next thing I knew…"

"She bit you," Kate concluded with a nod.

He let out a mirthless laugh. "No, she clamped down like I was the bear's foot and she was the trap. I actually thought she was going to rip all my skin off. I was screaming and she wouldn't let go—not until he bashed her in the head with something heavy. Then he, ah, blamed me of course and said it served me right for being such an idiot. Wasn't one of my better days." He concluded with a wry smile.

She stroked her hand down his bare arm. "I'm sorry that happened."

He turned away from her and gave a noncommittal shrug. "I suppose all things considered it was no worse than anything else but, uh, women have been upset by the scar before so…"

Kate leaned down and kissed the top of his shoulder. "It doesn't bother me…though you're actually very lucky. Human bites have a tendency to get infected—Espo was bitten by a suspect once; long story." She added with a dismissive wave of her hand when he gazed at her curiously.

He hummed under his breath. "Yeah, then I guess I'm…lucky."

His tone indicated he felt anything but so she stroked her hand over the top of his shoulders and slid just a little bit closer. "You're here with me and that's pretty lucky right?"

A sad little laugh escaped his lips and he picked up her hand that rested on his forearm, lifted it to his lips, and kissed the back of it. Looking over at her with utmost adoration, Rick said, "You have no idea."

Kate leaned in and kissed him, soft and gentle at first, but then a bit slower and deeper. His hand fell across her back until it found the hem of her sweater and creeped underneath. She pulled back and looked at him with questioning eyes and when he nodded ever so slightly, she knew it was ok to continue. She wanted to love him, but needed him to be okay with their intimacy and so as she slid into his lap again she kissed him sweetly in a silent promise to let him set the pace.

After, they lay side by side in Rick's bed, rearranging their bodies beneath the sheet and against the pillows. At one point, Kate gazed over and saw that Rick's expression made it seem as though a detonation had just occurred in his brain; it made her chuckle. Reaching over, Kate casually traced a finger down his jaw and just below his lips. "You okay?"

He blinked at her. "So that's what that's supposed to be like?"

She nodded. She imagined their coupling filled with love, trust, and one hundred percent honesty was significantly different than any other he'd had previously. "Yeah, it is."

He let out a heavy breath and shut his eyes. "Jesus, you're amazing."

She let out a low chuckle and he dragged her close, using his large hand against her waist. He buried his face in her neck kissing her throat gently a few times before moving his hand up to the center of her back and snuggling them together. She threw her leg over one of his to further entangle them. Then, she settled contented into the arms of the man she loved.

The cuddled together for the better part of five minutes before Rick pulled back and said her name softly. She sighed out her response, her eyes remaining closed.

"I don't even know how I would begin to thank you for everything. I wouldn't be what I am now without you. You're extraordinary."

Her eyes popped open she smiled up at him lazily. Stroking her finger down his jaw she said, "You're not so bad yourself, Rick."

"I'm serious—I…I'll never stop loving you for what you've done for me."

Her heart swelling to at least eight times its normal size, she covered his mouth with hers and held him firm before sighing out, "I love you, too," and meaning every word.

A/N: Thank you for reading - Epilogue will be posted on Thursday.