"It appears that I have won this time, Light-kun."
I sat before the chessboard, frowning at how badly the tables have turned, my pieces locked in a fatal position.
I can't let him win again!
There must be a way out of this.
I stared at the board, looking over again and again, for a way to get pieces out of check, vaguely aware of the bastard staring at me in amusement.
Once I have resigned to the fact that there was no winning in this one, I sighed and turned my glare on L who had the cheek to grin smugly at me.
The wind blew and I frantically reached up to fix my hair, which earned me another smile from the annoyingly adorable detective.
No, he's not adorable, I chided myself before those mortifying words decided to make themselves known.
I wouldn't hear the end of it after that.
"Would Light-kun like to have a rematch?" He asked in an imitation of my mocking tone, chuckling.
I narrowed my eyes at him.
Asshole!
"We'll go another round," I grumbled, beginning to put the pieces back in place.
"Light-kun is such a sore loser," he commented, chuckling as he helped me.
"Shut up."
I need a strategy, something that wouldn't leave myself so open to L's attacks.
In terms of chess, we've been mostly equals whenever we played, our victories counts are all even so far, as if it was orchestrated by the both of us even though we have indeed played seriously.
These days L seemed to be able to beat me more often and I can't sit with that.
Why is that?
I peered at him, his blank expression radiating with a sort of contented glow.
He seemed happier these days, is that the reason why?
Maybe it was because he was no longer plagued by the thought that I was Kira, the case was over after all and Higuchi was the sole culprit while Misa and I were both cleared of suspicion.
I stared at L for a second too long and he looked up, wondering why I haven't made my move yet.
I ducked my head down, hiding a blush at being caught staring.
L smiled and I cursed him in all manners that I could, before moving a pawn forward.
L reached forward when his cellphone rang.
He fished it out of his pocket (in his adorable manner- no, shut up!), and held it to his ear in that iconic pincer grip.
"Yes, Watari?"
"L, where have you gone?" His worried voice filtered out of the phone, as I resumed my move.
"I am currently in the park."
"Outside?" He sounds alarmed, I suppose that is reasonable, I rarely come out after all
"Do not worry, I have a disguise on right now," L said to console him as he shifted the knight and forced me to alter my path.
"Well, as long as you're alright…"
"I'll see you later, Watari," L said dismissively and pocketed his phone, pouring his focus back into the game when he found a trap waiting for him.
"Checkmate," L proclaimed happily, his black eyes glinting with glee as I once again stared at the board in utter disbelief and humiliation.
"I believe you owe me an ice-cream cone, Light-kun."
My head snapped up at that mention, "Since when did we agree on that?!"
"Since just now," He said, nibbling on his thumb in that innocent manner of his, eyes fixed on something behind me.
I followed his gaze and, low and behold, an ice-cream truck up the hill behind us, so brightly decorated that it was painful for me to look at.
"Are you kidding me, L," I snapped, glowering at him, even Matsuda could see the indignation on my face right now, if he were here.
"I never kid, Light," L said with a smile, torn between eyeing the truck and me, "Though I think it would be better if you go ahead now, the ice cream truck will not stay there forever.
"You'd wish for that, wouldn't you?" I grumbled, getting up and making my way towards the van.
The shop vendor gave me an incredulous stare as I ordered what seemed to be a monstrosity of a treat, fit for a monstrosity of a person that is L.
Part of me wondered why I'd went so far to accommodate him, then smiled to myself when I realize how idiotic my thoughts are, considering what he is to me.
The shop vendor stared at me some more and I managed to wipe the stupid smile off my face while he conjured up the largest ice-cream cone anyone has ever seen.
I walked back with the abomination of a treat, the rainbow sprinkles and chocolate chips dropping off from how overflowed the toppings are.
I now regret making the man happy, feeling stares directed my way as I attempted to balance the ten-scoop cone with all its toppings.
I certainly feel petty enough to switch his sugar out for salt, let's see how he likes that!
That was when I noticed that the seat was empty.
"Ryuuzaki?" I looked about, finding no one else in the area.
Maybe he went to the bathroom?
He would tell me then.
He'd better not be trying to pull something.
I doubted it, since when would L give up his sweets for the sake of playing a prank?
"Ryuuzaki!" I called out, walking with the ridiculous ice-cream cone and unfortunately attracting the attention of more passersby.
Things are going great…
I have been wandering about the park for about ten minutes now, growing more worried by the second.
What if he was kidnapped? Has his identity been leaked? Has a vengeful criminal come to exact revenge?
I prayed that that wasn't the case.
I left the melting ice-cream with a kid, who looked like that was the best thing that had ever happened to her, while I ran off to look for the missing insomniac.
"Have you seen my friend?" I asked, "He's really pale, has really messy hair and looked like he hadn't slept in days."
They looked at me confused, then asked, "Is that your brother?"
What?
L certainly does not look like me!
I was confused, then annoyed by that, dismissing them and resuming my search.
"Ryuuzaki!"
I somehow wandered into a secluded area of the park, right in front of a pond obscured by numerous trees.
I panted, tired from the shouting and running and the anxiety.
Where the hell is he?
"Where the hell are you?!" I screamed in frustration, and dropped down into a crouch as habit tended to make me.
Wait.
I don't crouch.
Puzzled at my thoughts, I glanced down at the water.
L stared back at me, his eyes wide in surprise.
"Ryuu-"
His lips moved as mine did, I was bewildered.
He wore my clothes, why is he wearing my clothes?
I reached up to touch my shirt.
L reached up to touch his white buttoned shirt.
My white shirt.
I touched my face, he mirrored my actions, our hands trailing upwards until I felt my spiky hair.
Realisation hit me.
I screamed, falling out of my crouch and onto my butt, hands tearing at my hair, wanting to reach the awareness, reach it and extract it from my mind and throw it away, far away.
My screamed died down, turning into a sob as my hands clutched at my hair, despairing as the awareness settled in my mind and there was no more escape.
L was never gone.
It's Light.
Light is gone.
A cry escaped my lips and I held myself, trembling as my tears sprung forth and it won't stop as all of my pain and agony returned and they gnawed at my heart and they won't leave.
I shut my eyes and covered my ears, sitting alone by the pond.
Alone.
Alone.
Forever.
I remained by the pond, numb to all sensation and time.
Light sat by me.
Is he numb too?
As numb as I am.
My tears have long since dried, but the pain kept growing, more that it overwhelmed my nerves, then my nerves died and I felt nothing more but an empty agony.
"It's all my fault," I muttered blankly, staring anywhere but at his face.
It will only be worse.
"Don't be an idiot, L," His lips moved, as I see out of the corner of my eyes, staring at me in sadness and concern, "It wasn't your fault."
But it was only my voice that I heard, not his.
Light will speak no more.
I pushed that thought away to respond to him.
"I should have told you, Light," I mumbled, closing my eyes, "I should have told you in the first place."
How much you truly meant to me.
"It should have been me," My voice wavered and I buried my head in my arms.
"Don't talk like this," He pleaded, his voice as broken as mine.
I will speak for him.
"I wouldn't be better off if you'd been the one to die."
"It's all my fault."
It is true, my fault.
"It's no one's fault," 'Light' argued.
"Then whose fault is it?" I snapped at him, turning to glare at him and regrettably catching sight of his beautiful face, "If no one was at fault?"
Light stared at me in silence, he does not have an answer to provide me with.
Silent as the grave.
"It was all mine alone," I croaked, "Because I am this way, because I am L."
I looked away and muffled my sobs in my arms, my eyes dry.
No more tears.
"No…" I said with a realisation, "There was someone to blame."
He waited for me to answer, his eyes as blank as his existence.
Because I am L.
"He made me this way," I continued, "He made it this way, all his fault."
I rose to my feet, Light did not follow.
He remained as he sat, sorrow etched on his face, his eyes remaining empty.
Empty.
He does not need to witness, what I am about to do.
"All his fault," I muttered, barely conscious of my actions as I stumbled off, mumbling to myself.
"He needs to pay."
I stood in the middle of the sitting room, unaware of the time, unaware of how I got here.
The front of my white shirt felt damp, damp and sticky.
I blinked, then finally had the sense to look down.
I did not register what I am looking at, failing to perceive for a moment.
A body laid on the floor.
A body in black clothes, a suit.
A body, black, grey, red.
Red.
Red blood?
Blood.
A body, a man…
Quillsh.
Dead.
I realised I was holding onto a handgun.
Quillsh's pistol.
I remembered.
That's right, Quillsh, he had to pay, he made L, he made me.
All his fault.
He had to pay.
He had to pay for what he had done wrong, he'd done wrong to me and my Light, he killed him, he killed me.
That was the point of justice, right?
That's what he'd taught me.
Quillsh.
My mentor, my guardian.
I gasped, realizing.
What I have done.
What have I done?
I killed him.
I killed Quillsh with my own hands.
I stared down at my hands.
Red, holding a pistol.
His blood.
He's dead.
I killed him.
I sank down to my knees, trembling.
He's dead.
My fault.
It was his fault.
No, my fault.
I killed him.
He'd paid, I have not.
I have to pay.
I glanced down, onto the pistol that I still held.
I have to pay.
I looked down again at his dead body, a hole in the back of his skull that I have created, red, gray and pink staining his white hair, gray eyes wide open, staring at nothing.
My turn to pay.
I raised my hand that held the gun, pointing the barrel into my mouth.
Silence awaits.
BANG.
A/N: ... That is the end of it. I do not have any more words, please don't make me. (sobs)