A Man's Choice

No…No, damnit. Ace shut the box again, and fingered the latch closed. He could give it to one of the others. He should give it to one of the others. He didn't need that kind of thing. He never had. He was strong enough on his own without it. Always had been. Yeah. So he didn't need that thing. He shoved the box aside and leaned back in the chair, pushing it back on two legs and stared at the empty desk that he couldn't remember ever really using for desky things. All that was on it right now was some old newspapers, a girly mag somewhere, a tankard of rum and that stupid ass box which he didn't need. Not at freaking all.

But what if it did something really cool? Ace rested his fingers against the lid, flicking the latch up with his thumb and opened the box again, staring at the round swirly fruit inside. Some of them were really awesome, like Pops', and some were sort of awesome looking, like Jozu's—except not really on Jozu— and lent itself to really stupid jokes that not even Luffy would laugh at. Well Luffy might laugh but only because he was an idiot. Ace rested his chin on his fist. But as awesome as the fruit could be, it could also turn out really dumb. Every one had heard about the ox ox fruit: cow model guy, who'd got so ridiculed he became a hermit. Not that Ace was worried at all about what people called him. He'd gotten too used to stupid names that weren't true and other names that were and made him want to punch assholes in the face just for saying them. But it was going to be hard to make a name for himself if he turned into something weird like a sea sponge, or gained the ability to fart bubbles or something like that.

Except he'd already made his decision.

Or had he?

Damnit.

"Knock knock." Thatch said from behind the door of the tiny cabin. "Is anyone home?"

"No," Ace said. "Beat it."

"Okay," Thatch said and opened the door.

Bastard. Jerk.

Ace decided not even to acknowledge him as Tatch's shadow fell over him and he rested his chin on Ace's head, just to be an asshole. He did whack away the questing fingers that were reaching for his rum, though…which Thatch gave up easily enough because Ace knew what he was really in here for.

To bug the shit out of him.

"Ace-kun has a big decision," Thatch said. "Would a new issue of Busty Babes help?"

"Not everything can be solved by a new issue of Busty Babes," Ace muttered. Anyway all of Thatch's "new" issues were months old, well circulated, and all the really good pictures were usually already torn out.

"No but you could turn into one," Thatch said, resting an elbow on Ace's shoulder. "Could help you determine a cup size."

"Get bent."

"Well well. Has Ace-chan made a decision?" Vista's voice boomed into the room, followed by the swordsman himself. Ace clenched his teeth as an additional pressure on his head meant that Vista was resting his chin on Thatch's head and peering down at him.

"I had the door closed for a reason, you know," Ace said, not that it would matter with these assholes.

"I didn't see a closed door," Vista said. "Did you, Thatch?"

"Nope."

"Liar," Ace said, tempted to elbow Thatch in the gut but that would mean that he was really making a big deal of this whole decision thing which he really wasn't. Not at all. Because it wasn't a big big deal. A man just wanted some privacy between himself and his fruit. Was that too much to ask?

"Has Ace made a decision?" Haruta said said from the door.

"What is he? Namur asked.

"I bet he's a squid-man," Jozu said.

"I like squid," Namur said.

Wasn't bugging him. Not at all.

"He's going to be a lady," Thatch said.

"Nice choice," Vista said, giving him a thumbs up. Yep. That was it.

"Get out, you assholes!" Ace snapped and for a moment he was focused on punching, kicking,shoving or otherwise glowering laughing nakama out of his room. He slammed the door and latched it for good measure and glared at it. How the hell was a man supposed to make an important decision with these dumbasses around? He turned back to his desk and saw Marco sitting on it. That— How had he even—

"Yo," Marco said, lifting a hand. Ace glared at him, all ready to send the bastard flying, first division commander or not. He started forward and Marco seemed to ruffle a bit, then shifted into bird form, his tail swishing over the edge of the desk. Cheating bastard. Fine. So he had a giant blue sparkly chicken in his room. No big deal. He flopped down in the chair and stared at the Devil Fruit again, rocked back on the chair and out of the corner of his eye, watched Marco twist his head sneakily toward his tankard.

"Keep your beak outta my grog," Ace said, grabbing said beak and wrenching it away. Marco made a squeaky sound and Ace let him go to bring his mug closer to himself. Marco ruffled for real this time, his flaming feathers, fluffing up as he seemed to give Ace a look asking him how he could take food from a birdie's mouth even though it was rum not food and it was Ace's damn rum to begin with. Well he knew the solution to that. Ace down the rum in two swallows and slammed the tankard back on the table.

"Ha!" he said, but Marco only poked his head inside the tankard, as if searching for stray drops. If Ace was affected by cute it would have almost done him in. But he wasn't affected by cute and even if he was, Marco wasn't cute at all and Ace could roast him like a turkey even now without much trouble. Apparently, though, there wasn't enough rum drops even for a bird because Marco soon took his head out, shoved the tankard to the side and stared at Ace.

Ace stared back at him, determined not to be moved at all by that deadpan expression.

Marco stared back.

Ace stared back at him staring back until his eyes started to water. Didn't birds blink? Maybe they didn't.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Ace snapped, closing the lid of the box again. Marco gave him a little bird shrug and started to preen his wing feathers, getting sparkles everywhere. Ace watched him continue to be obnoxiously innocent all over his desk and eventually poked him a few times in the feathery chest.

"Are you sure you're not really a bird that ate a human fruit?"

"Are you sure you're not an idiot that ate the man fruit?" Marco said. Ha ha. Funny.

"I'll wring your neck, featherbrain," Ace said.

"Try it, yoi," Marco said and pecked him right on the forehead. Ace glowered at him. Marco moved as if to peck again and Ace tackled him with a yell. Marco squawked like a chicken and it was hard to fight when there were wings beating at his face but he wrestled the bastard to the ground anyway despite the pecks that kept landing on his head. Ace tried to grab one of the flailing wings. No way in hell was he being beaten by an…

"Has he eaten it yet?" a hushed voice from outside.

…overgrown…

"I don't know."

"What is he now?"

"I don't know."

…sparkly…

"I thought he was a squid," Namur said.

…chicken…

Ace drummed his fingers against the floor.

"I wonder if it's the hothead-hothead fruit?"

"Wouldn't change much."

Laughter.

"I can hear you, you know!" Ace shouted. Silence.

"Did he say he was a bear?" someone whispered. Gritting his teeth, Ace marched to the door, unlatched it, and flung it open, and it bounced off of something and nearly closed. What—?

"Ow!"

That…

Ace opened the door slower this time and saw a whole slew of nakama and Pops, lying on the deck and rubbing his nose where the door had hit him.

"Damnit, guys! Knock it off!"

"We just want to know," Pops said with a huge hurt frown, continuing to rub his nose. A frown matched by nearly everyone else. Staring at him with big eyes if they thought it would work. Well it wouldn't! He didn't go in for cute and anyway these morons weren't cute.

"I'm trying to concentrate."

"Sounded like you were trying to wrestle Marco," Thatch said. Grinned. "And losing."

Ace punched him. Thatch punched him back. Things escalated and it was only when he was in the middle of beating off Jozu's contingent of allies with Teach at his back, Thatch trying to sneak in from the side and Pops 'Gurararing' above that he remembered he was supposed to be making a stupid decision about a stupid Devil Fruit. Ace growled and wiped the blood from his nose, moving at the last minute so Thatch crashed full on into the oncoming Jozu before ducking back into his room, latching the door again and dragged the sea chest against it.

He turned back to the desk and saw Marco sitting on it, tossing the Devil Fruit in one hand. Oh right, he was still here.

"Give me that," Ace snapped, grabbing it from him mid-flight and sitting next to him on the desk. He stared at the fruit in his hands. Weird how something this small and innocent looking could make such a damn difference.

"No matter what it does, it's not going to change who you are, yoi," Marco said. Ace snorted. If only, he thought. Not that he really wanted to change who he was. Well—sort of. It was just—

"You just thought: 'if only', didn't you?" Marco said.

"Hey, shut up!" And so what if he did? He had a right to, didn't he? If he wasn't— If he was anyone else— Had been from anyone else none of this would really matter. Not that he cared because he really wasn't anything like that man, no matter what anyone said. He was his own person and he didn't need a Devil Fruit to prove it. It was sour anyway.

"The truth is, Ace is Ace whether he has an ability or not, yoi. It's not really going to change anything."

"It's not like I need it," Ace said. And it was way too sour. Almost beyond belief. And bitter, too. Why would anyone eat this thing voluntarily?

"Of course not. But who cares about things like that?" Marco shrugged. "Just do it because it's fun, yoi."

Just because it was fun. What kind of idiot philosophy was that? But—yeah. Ace licked his fingers. Why not? Just for fun. Who gave a damn what it did as long as he had fun with it. Whatever it did, it had to be fun. And if anyone mocked him for it, he'd just kick their ass and move on.

"Yeah, I guess I will eat it then. Why the hell not," Ace said with a grin.

Marco stared at him. Just stared. A bead of sweat creeping down the side of his face. What? He hadn't been joking had he? Had he? If he had Ace really was going to throttle him.

"What?" Ace said. "You'd better not start saying shit for me wanting to eat it or I'll-"

"You just did."

"I just did what?"

"You just ate it," Marco said pointing at him. Ace stared at his empty hands. Oh hey the fruit was gone.

"WHAAT? How the hell did that happen!?" He had just— It had just been right there and— He hadn't even— "What the hell is wrong with these weird fruits?"

"…You really are an idiot, aren't you?" Marco said. Ace glowered at him, and jabbed a finger at him. Though his witty comeback died in his throat as a wave of fire raced over Marco's head turning him from mostly sort of bald to all bald, blond tufts crumbling away to ash. Ace stared at his hand. Fire was licking over it but it didn't hurt. He didn't even really feel it, except he sort of did, like he felt his own fingers or toes, not a separation but…an extension… Huh…

Marco was staring at him. A single blond hair resting near his forehead, wavering with the heat rolling off of Ace's hand. He lifted his finger and pressed it against that tuft, burning it away completely, before shoving his hands in his pockets and striding toward the door, whistling. He unbarred the door, opened it, and realized his pants were on fire a split second before Marco slammed into him from behind.

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