Well, that was a long-ass wait, wasn't it guys? Here's what happened: I had to do some re-planning for Hollow Fragments, then write that chapter. After that was done, I had to move onto this, all the while dealing with the holidays which are a minefield of opportunities to get lazy and fall behind on writing. Blah blah blah, you don't care, onto the chapter.

As you wish. Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Spoiler Alert

One week. It had been one week since he had entered this world through the Plot Hole. In that time, he had responsible for many headaches, a few minor emotional breakdowns, and the death (and subsequent replacement) of one excellent headmaster. There was little doubt that his arrival had caused many problems, and the only benefit Beacon had to show for it was the construction of a pool in the middle of campus.

'Well, that changes today.' With the biggest obstacle to his plans, Ozpin, replaced by a much more willing accomplice, Chaos could really get down to work. 'It's time for a little community service.'

Stepping into the CCT tower's elevator, he pressed the button for Ozpin's office. When the doors opened, he approached the man behind the desk. The current headmaster was leaning forward in his seat, staring intently at the screen before him. "Hard at work?" Chaos asked.

"Indeed, never before have I been so tested by a foe of mine." The insane duplicate of Ozpin replied. "Still, there are some things worth fighting for- I cannot lose this battle."

Able to see the back of the holographic projections, Chaos could easily tell what the headmaster was doing when he got to the desk. He was playing chess online. "I'm not sure Glynda would call that hard work."

"That is because only a true master can fully appreciate a game such as this. Now please, be quiet. I'm in the process of making a tactical decision which could well swing the whole game my way." Chaos looked at him skeptically, Ozpin only had his king left, and it was just about trapped.

"Ozpin, you've lost. There's only one move you can make, then he puts you in checkmate."

"Admittedly, at first glance that is indeed the way it looks." Ozpin countered. "What you're failing to take into consideration is that my opponent here, one Professor Oobleck, has a class beginning in four minutes and thirty seconds." Grinning smugly, the grey-haired man continued. "And if he goes before the game is concluded, I win by default. Four minutes and twenty five seconds!"

'Oh he's good. Very good.' "Well, what if I told you there was something else to do right now? Something much more interesting." At this, Ozpin tore his eyes from the positively riveting game of chess to face Chaos.

"And what would that be?"

"What are we doing here in the student dorms?" The headmaster inquired. "Normally I make it a point to avoid this part of the school- entirely too many students here. We're not going to have to talk with any of them, are we?"

Chaos chuckled mirthfully. "Don't be concerned, you won't have to worry about that." As they turned the corner, the two men saw many hunters and huntresses in training walking about the hall. Each carried luggage, as well as their scroll-each searching for their temporary rooms.

"Allow me to introduce to you, Professor Ozpin, the talented representatives from Haven Academy in Mistral!" He proclaimed with a flourish. While the older man appreciated the enthusiasm, he couldn't keep a look of hurt from flashing across his face.

"You lied to me…."

"No, I hold that my earlier promise remains true- you will not have to speak with any students. Now come along, there are some unwelcome visitors attending the Vytal Festival. I think it's high time we introduced ourselves to them."

Before they reached their destination, a thought occurred to Ozpin. "Would you care to explain why the students visiting for the Vytal Festival Tournament have arrived early in our first term? They shouldn't have arrived for months."

Nodding in agreement, Ozpin's escort replied sympathetically. "Yes, time is a rather strange thing with the Plot Hole influencing your world so strongly. For example: Later today, General James Ironwood will have arrived nearly a month ago. Understand?"

Ozpin nodded his head slowly. "…. No."

"Oh, look at that, here we are. Room 205, why don't we greet some of our guests?" The younger of the two knocked lightly twice, then waited for it to open. When it did, the pair were faced with a grey-haired boy in black and silver clothing. "Hello! Mercury Black, I presume? Is the rest of your team here?"

Looking suspiciously at the strange man before him, the supposed student shook his head. "Oh, excellent! That makes our job so much easier!"

*THWACK*

Ozpin stood in silence, his gaze shifting from the motionless student on the ground, to the one who just forcefully ushered him from consciousness with a frying pan, and back again. "Mister Chaos, while I can certainly appreciate the art of clubbing one's students like Atlesian seals, I feel the need to ask why you chose this one in particular. That blue-haired one in the hall we saw seemed like he would be much more satisfying to bludgeon- what makes this young man special?"

"Well, for starters, he's not actually a student. He and his 'team' are really just infiltrating Beacon disguised as Haven exchange students. They prove to be a very dangerous group if left unchecked. Therefore, I have decided that as an act of charity, from which I absolutely do not benefit personally, I will help you handle this security risk!"

Ozpin hummed thoughtfully. "I see. You have yet to make good on your promise, however. At what point does this become more interesting than watching the increasingly desperate messages from Oobleck requesting that I make my move?"

Chaos smiled and held out the frying pan in both hands as if it were a holy artifact. "You get to apprehend the rest of them."

"Hmm, it seems great minds think alike. On another note, are we just going to ignore the fact you haven't answered my question about the time anomalies?"

"Really, it's best just not to ask."

'Has the world gone mad?'

This question had plagued General Ironwood since he'd been tricked into demolishing a small patch of forest. Though Ozpin frustrated him at times, never before had he been led astray by the man. His old friend had been by his side through thick and thin, always doing what he felt was right. While many questioned his methods, and it was difficult to see from his point of view at times, Ironwood held no man on Remnant in higher esteem than Beacon's headmaster.

That was, however, until he'd watched his friend casually dismiss his demands for an answer regarding his actions by simply saying he had none. It just wasn't like Ozpin to do this sort of thing. He would be vague and mysterious, sometimes borderline manipulative, but he always had his reasons and would explain himself when needed to.

As his ship made its final descent onto the landing pad, Specialist Winter Schnee approached him. "Sir, more news on Ozpin, this information just came in." She held out a folder.

The general accepted it, turning it over in his hands, wondering what could be inside. "Good news, I hope. I've never had to doubt my friend like this before- I'm not sure if I could handle more insanity from him."

Winter gently grabbed the folder and tried to take it back. "Um.. well… actually, sir, you may not want to read that. It's… uh… outdated."

"Didn't you say it "just came in"?" He responded with an eyebrow raised. "Winter, I'll be fine. If he's done something wrong, it is vital that I know about it." Flipping it open, the general began to read. "Besides, it's still Ozpin. What could he have possibly-"

The headmaster of Beacon Academy stared at the Atlesian fleet that was holding position over Beacon and Vale. Glynda stood in the corner, working on her scroll as the pair waited for the headmaster of Atlas Academy to arrive.

When he finally did, the light chime of the doors opening was drowned out by the angry roar of their visitor. "Ozpin! You've gone too far this time!" At the outburst, Goodwitch stepped in between the elevator and the desk. Ozpin lazily turned around in his chair, swiveling to watch the two speak.

"James! Calm down! What has gotten into you!?" The combat instructor demanded furiously.

Though he couldn't make out most of their conversation, he enjoyed it nonetheless- particularly when Ironwood brought up his latest complaint. "He did what!?"

Storming over to him, his colleague stuck the tip of her riding crop just beneath his chin. "You kidnapped a team from Haven!? Headmaster, what is the meaning of this!?"

"Glynda, it's actually rather simple if you would allow me to explain my actions." Clearing his throat, he continued. "Chaos informed me that they are not in fact students, but rather assassins, thieves, and criminals allied with Roman Torchwick, the White Fang, and the Grimm to bring about the demise of humanity."

The room was filled with an oppressive silence. Despite her barely-contained rage, Glynda managed to whisper out, "and you believed him?"

"I won't lie, it sounded a lot better before I said it out loud."

Rubbing her temples in frustration, Goodwitch tried to keep her cool despite this unacceptable lack of judgment demonstrated by her superior. "Where are they, Professor? What have you done with the kidnapped students?" she asked exhaustedly.

"They're currently in the infirmary." Glynda nearly breathed a sigh of relief, before she remembered with whom she was speaking.

"They're not receiving treatment for their injuries, are they?"

"No they are not."

"And what exactly are they in the school's medical facility for?"

Ozpin remained quiet, internally debating whether it would be less painful to tell her the truth, or to leap out of his window and make a run for it. "Now before you judge my decision, understand I believed I was dealing with dangerous terrorists."

"Oh dust…."

"No, no, no! This one goes there, that one goes there! Right?" Upon entering the school's infirmary, the trio found Chaos ordering around the medical staff who were carrying around unmarked boxes. Stomping over to him, Ozpin's two associates began to berate him furiously.

"You! You were the one who convinced Ozpin to do this!?"

"What did you do to him!?

"What are you planning!?

"What did you stand to gain by blowing up part of Forever Fall!?

All the while, the man simply smiled smugly, the self-satisfaction positively radiating off him. "Now, now, please compose yourselves. I assure, I have a perfectly rational explanation for all of this. Not that I will give it to you, but it exists. Now, to the matter at hand, I can see you are… skeptical about my claims regarding these four. Worry not!"

Turning to Beacon's headmaster, he held out his hand. "Your scroll, if you please," he politely requested. Upon receiving the item, he opened it and went straight to the contacts section. Chaos called a number, and set it to video chat.

After several rings, the person on the other side picked up. "Oz, what the hell do you want? Don't you know it's the middle of night in Mistral?" Upon seeing who had called him, Qrow Branwen blinked in confusion. "You're not Oz…."

"Very perceptive." Glynda snapped from behind him.

"Hey, I'm tired… and maybe a little drunk… give me a break."

"Hmm, we'll address your alcoholism later. For now, could you identify these four lovely individuals?" He turned the camera to face the unconscious 'students' from Haven. "Recognize any of 'em?"

"Hey, yeah! Those are the ones who attacked Autumn… and some ice-cream girl…." He exclaimed in surprise. "Son of a bitch, you got them! Where were they?"

"Beacon."

The huntsman stared at the screen in silence, his the gears in his mind trying to process what he'd just heard. "So, the three who attempted to kill the Fall Maiden were at Beacon, like, the school?"

"That would be correct, they were posing as students."

"Huh," Qrow shook his head slowly, "I'm too tired to deal with this shit. Call me tomorrow- not too early, the last thing my hangover will need is having to deal with Jimmy over there." With that, the drunk terminated the call, and Chaos returned the scroll to Ozpin.

"See? Just because nothing good has come of my presence, doesn't mean nothing good can come of my presence! I'm just trying to help out!" He batted his eyes at the three. Goodwitch wasn't sure if he was actually trying to feign innocence, or if he found it amusing to be this blatant with his sarcasm.

"Now, killing them would be awfully rude, and it doesn't sound like something a person with such a strong moral fiber as I would do; so, I've devised a new solution!" Sweeping his arms out to the sides, he gestured to the boxes by each patient. "I've managed to get my hands on some lovely, questionably legal, drugs! Just stab one of these syringes into each of these dangerous criminals, and you don't have to worry about them ever fighting again! No aura, no semblances, nothing!"

They all gasped at this- aura and semblances were a hunter's greatest weapons. If one could deprive any person of those with a single injection from such a syringe… it could be devastating in the wrong hands! "Where did you get these!?"

"Not important. Besides, these are the only ones in existence, and they're only around for this chapter anyways! After that they'll just vanish into the shadow dimension along with all the other plot points inconvenient to me." Ironwood began to protest, raising his arm, but Glynda laid a hand on his shoulder.

"It's… it's just not worth it. He'll just infuriate you until you storm off, and even if you can resist the urge to kill him, there's no way you're getting a straight answer out of him."

"Hey, look at that! Barely a week and you're already adjusting- told you guys you'd get used to me!" Chaos clapped happily, clearly pleased with himself. "Now, let's get this stuff inside them, and Beacon will get its first 'janitorial team'!"

"We already have janitors."

"Yes, but do you have four combat-trained, criminals working together to purge Beacon of every speck of filth? I didn't think so. Begin the treatment!"

The medical staff just went along with his insanity. Ozpin hadn't objected- nobody had- and if these people really were dangerous, it was the right choice. "Have these drugs undergone animal testing?"

"Dust no, I love animals! I'd never put this crap in them, they don't deserve that!"

"Just a moment." Ozpin turned to look at Chaos. "I'm not going to have to do another naming ceremony for these four, am I?"

"Cinder Fall, Mercury Black, Emerald Sustrai, and Neopolitan… uh… Neopolitan. The four of you done fucked up. From this day forward, you will work together –for minimum wage- as Team CMSN, led by-"

In the middle of his speech, the holographic board blinked red. This drew the attention of all five people on the stage. After a short delay, the screen was again briefly tinted red, with a black chess piece in the middle. Two more flashes, and suddenly the 'S' beneath Emerald's name became an 'E'.

"Uh… I stand corrected. From this day forward, you will work together as Team CMEN, led by- oh come on Chaos, this is petty, even by my standards- led by Cinder Fall."

Sighing, enjoying this almost as little as the four criminals currently glaring balefully at him, Ozpin ended the mockery of his speech. "This is shaping up to be an… interesting year."

Tell me what you though about this!

Seriously, do, reviews are what fuel me. I really like criticism and corrections, plain old "good jobs" or funny comments are also appreciated, and I'm still taking suggestions for chapters (if I like the idea, and by now you should have figured out what type of chapters I'm writing).

Thanks for your patience, and as soon as I've got the next Hollow Fragments out, I'm getting started on an idea that I've really wanted to do- one that's just a nice chapter without any real insanity behind it.

Next chapter: Phoenix Weiss: Fake Attorney