Alec's Note: Welcome back. It's time for the beginning of my story. Or the ending I guess, depending on how you wanna look at it..

School has recently become a constant state of overwhelming feelings. When another student dies, the school shakes. As if an earthquake has wasn't a natural disaster though. A boy I had started to care about killed himself.

I walk through the hallways, away from the gym and that awful assembly to my car a few days later, looking around and still hearing the whispers. I see signs. Suicide is not the answer. Talk to somone. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. All the wonderful phrases you hear when these things happen. I scowl at the signs.

I see a few miserable looking people and I can't help also feeling anger at them. Who were they to be sad? They didn't really know Alec Lightwood. No one did, they didn't take the time to try. I keep my thoughts away from the possibility that if I had tried a little harder maybe he'd still be alive. I had tried my best.

I just want move on at this point. That's what was supposed to happen when there is a disaster, natural or other wise. The initial shock should dim and the disappointment at no longer seeing Alec in his usual place should fade. The signs should be grafitied, they are trash anyway.

The only moving on we seemed to have accomplished as a whole is the progression of cruel jokes. I have gone by people who seem to think the situation is hilarious. That was one half the school. The other half continue to pretend to be upset. I haven't decided which is worse.

When I finally make it home after this long, long day, I find a package on my frontstep. Just my name on it next to other crossed out names I couldn't make out. No return adress. Curiously, I take it up to my room and set it on my bed.

Usually I'd be getting ready for a party at this point. Recent events of course, didn't really have me in the party mood. And I seriously doubt the Lightwood's are throwing their usual party tonight.

Once I change and find a box cutter, I sit beside it to examine it. It doesn't seem to be dangerous. Just a vans shoe box taped tightly shut. Huh.

I cut the tape off and open it to find one, two, three.. Seven Cassettes. Cassettes? Who listened to cassettes anymore? I sigh, slightly disappointed, but still curious. They were to me, so something interesting is on them.

"Mom!" I call. Thirty seconds later, my mother stands in the doorway. "What is it honey?" She has a phone in her hand, obviously on a buisness call. "Do we have a cassette playyer?" Mom doesn't look happy I interrupted her with something she probably finds so unimportant. But it wouldn't matter when I try to talk to her, she's never not on the phone.

"Uh.." She thinks quickly, already backing out of the room. "Check the garage maybe?" Then she's gone.

I do as she instructs, entering the dusty room on the far side of the house. We don't use it for cars as intended, more like a storage unit. Which is why I go in thinking I'd probably be in here searching an hour for a small device that may or may not exist.

I'm pleasantly surprised when my eyes quickly find an old radio sitting against the opposite room. Cassette in hand, I go over and kneel in front of it. I insert it into the slot, Tape 1 Side A side up. That label, in strangly familiar glittery nail polish, on the top right corner of it seemed to be a pretty good indicator of it's status as the first in the mystery series.

There was no hesitation in pressing play. A chill runs through me as Alexander Lightwood's voice fills the garage.

'Hi. It's Alec Lightwood. Live and in sterio. No return engagements,no encore. And this time, absolutely no request.

I guess, you could call these my.. no. I can't say it yet. Maybe that means I haven't completely excepted this as my fate yet. And maybe that means by the end of this, I will change my mind. I'll go into the living room without ever hitting thirteen and return to my day to day life as if I never considered taking the pills that now sit on my dresser. If you're listening to this though, that isn't what happened.'

I almost smash the pause button when the door opens, my breath coming out in small burst. "Magnus?" I turn to see my mom in the door way. "What are you listening to?"

At first my mind doesn't register her words, Alec's still echoing through my head. I think I snap out of it just in time for her not start worrying to much. "Sorry um.." My eyes go from the radio, back to her. "School project."

Mom gives me a suspicious look, but after a moment shrugs it off. "I just wanted to tell yout that dinner is in an hour." I wave her off. "Oh yeah.. yeah.. okay." "And.." She bites her lip and I raise my eyebrows. She leans against the doorway.

"I'm sorry I've been so busy lately.. Just with this whole Alec thing-" "Alec?" I interrupt, the box of casettes heavy in my hands. Mom crosses her arms, nodding. "Yeah, Alexander Lightwood. Did you know him?" I hold back my disbelieving look. Of course. Alec had been over quite a few times to hang out. There was no reason to remind her though. It didn't really matter anymore.

I slowly nod. "Oh!" Mom's focus, seemingly devided before, seems to narrow in just on me for the first time in a while. "How?" I frown. "More, I knew of him I guess." I backtracking, lying and adding to it with a small shrug. Disappointed, my mother seems to deflate a little "Why?" I bite my lip.

Though Mom had withdrawn back into herself, she answers me. "One of my clients is trying to file a case against the school for bullying. They think what happened to the Lightwood boy may help. My eyes narrow. So she just wanted to know if I could help her make Alec another point in one of her lawsuits. And not only that.. I had been telling her for years about people at my school. How they called me a fag. I didn't care. But you could tell Alec did, when they did it to him. But I had already told her all this. It only mattered now that someone had killed themselves.

I grab the radio and stand, walking past her. "What?" She calls, confused. I shake my head. Wasn't worth it. "Nothing Mom. I'm just tired." I get to my room. "And I need to finish this project." "But-" "And I'm not hungry. Love you, talk to you in the morning." I close the door quickly before she can respond. And click the play button again before I can stop myself. I find it being much harder then the first time. This had to be a joke.

Shocked? Shy, little Alec Lightwood calling people out? Don't be. This isn't for me. Ever heard of the butterfly effect?' I had heard of that. 'If not, it's a theory that basically states that when a butterfly flaps it's wings on one side of the world it can cause a typhoon on the other. Or that every little decision and action sets the course for another. If you are on these tapes, you're part of the butterfly effect that led to my death. And I don't want you to end up being part of anyone else's.

The words on this tape are put in an order specifically designed to make you uncomfortable. They do. So if you do, good. But wait! I hope you haven't turned them off yet. You won't want to once you hear the rules for my game. Yes, game. Because once you get to a certain point, that's all that life becomes. A game and a joke that you can always guess the punch line too.' I think of the jokes the people were making in the hallways earlier that had Alec as the punch line and think of the irony.

'The rules are actually quite simple. One, listen to them all the way through. Two, rewind them and pass them on to the person after your tape.' He wants me to inflict the feelings that came with listening to these onto someone one else?

Or.. You could just throw them away. That thought had occurred to me. Never pass them on and forget about them, me and your mistakes forever. That'd be the easy thing to do. I'll never know, I'm dead. I flinch.

Or will I? I've made a second set of these tapes in which I've given to somebody I trust. They're watching.' I glance over my shoulder at this, as if said person would be sitting with me on my bed.' If the tapes are not passed on that set will be released. What could that mean for you?' I'm not sure what that could mean for me. It couldn't be anything to bad. I was nothing but friendly to Alec was I? What did I do to deserve to be on these tapes?

'If I wanted this to be easy, I would have just sent it to you over MP3 or something. Casettes are kinda strange these days, arnt they? They make people question what you could be listening to. So. If you want this to stay between the fifteen of us, pass on the tapes. And don't get caught. Without further ado, Jace. This is your tape.

Jace Herondale.' Woah Jace? ' Jace Lightwood since you've been adopted. You came to our house at seven, when I was nine. I didn't really know how to talk to you at first. I didn't really know how to talk to anyone, but especially you.'You knew how to talk to me. You were awkward, but it was perfect.

'At the time I had had a few fleeting thoughts about being with boys. But I was a child, and even in our generation, gay wasn't really a thing. Boys liked girls, girls like boys. Maybe homophobia will be gone one day.' Maybe, I think bitterly. 'But it's a big part of these tapes. Big surprise. Gay boy is bullied. Kills himself. Ha. Perfect Hollywood story' Yes.Go on about how hilarious you are Alexander.

'Regardless,once you came, the thoughts increased. You're beautiful Jace and you know it.'If nothing else on these tapes is true..' I didn't know what they meant. As I grew older, I never voiced them. Boys didn't like other boys, so I ignored the feelings.

Even if I knew these things, I didn't know just how 'bad' it is to be gay in this world until I was thirteen. When an asian boy,'My heart stops.' I'm sure yhall know of who I'm talking about but again that's for later, came out in the eighth grade. He didn't really care what people thought. That didn't stop them though. And I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.

When I was fifteen however, I took a leap of faith. You were my brother. I could trust you to help me. So I told you. First that I was gay, to which I couldn't really read your reaction. Then. I told you how I felt about you. And you told me I was disgusting. 'I knew there was something there. First with the feelings. Then with the tention between them. I shoud've known the tention was about that.'

"We're fucking brothers Alec!" "I know-" You wern't gonna listen to me had made up your mind and couldn't have my weird thoughts interfering with your life.

"You're gross," You told me. "It'd be one thing if you were just gay, but even that.. You know what Ro-" Well. I'll get to why and from who you got -your- homophobia later. He's got his own tape.

But you don't know how much that hurt me Jace. You're right, you are my brother. And my best friend. I don't want these feelings. I mean, I didn't. There gone now, just so you know. And not just cause I'm dead. Because they wern't ever really there.

I just wanted your help to understand what was going on. I have found out on my own though, it was all just my own strange way of dealing with things. I just wanted an excuse not to face my sexuality.

You made me feel like a monster and were one of the many who abandoned me. Which brings us to tape two'

Alec's voice stops and I take the tape out.