Chpt. 13
Karkat was, by all definitions of the word, pissed. Okay, sure, he had to deal with Egbert. And maybe he had to deal with all the other assholes too. But he might actually be alright with that. And sure, throw being a human on top of the pile of misery. But nope, surprisingly, he wasn't too surprised. Angry? Sure. But surprised? Nope. With everything the game had thrown at him so far, this wasn't that big of a surprise. Did he like being a pink flesh monkey? No f***ing way. But, no, that wasn't the whole reason he was pissed off. No, he was pissed off because he had to spill his life story to an overprotective human-lusus because it would 'help' him. Like, how the hell would that help him? How would telling a bunch of people how completely f***ed up his life was be beneficial to anyone?
When he voiced his thoughts out loud, all he got were a few strange looks from the humans in the room, a snicker from John, and a, "Oh, shut up Karkat," from Terezi.
"No, I do not think I will. I think I will continue to speak and point out every f***ing thing that I do not like. Oh look at me, flaunting Seer powers all of a sudden, like how completely weird is that?"
"You're being dumb."
"What? No, I am not being dumb. I am being the only person here who doesn't have their heads stuck up their nook and pointing out what I AM NO GOING TO F***ING DO."
John, in between his laughs, managed to blurt out, "Oh my god Karkat, you're even funnier in person."
"F*** you Egbert."
"Watch your language!" Mrs. Weasley snapped, to which Karkat responded with a glare that would make many shake it their shoes.
"No, I am not going to. I am not an ignorant wriggler whose vocabulary consists of five words."
"And what would those five words be?" John asked curiously. "How about, 'I am a huge asshole'?"
"No, that would be stupid. Even more stupid than most the bullshit that comes out of your mouth."
As John opened his mouth to retaliate, Terezi butted in, snickering uncontrollably. "Both of you stop, before I go all Austipice on both your asses."
Karkat stopped and looked mortified, while John and Terezi both began to laugh.
"Oh hell no! There is no way in hell that I am waxing black for John!" while John began a chant of, "He hates me! He hates me!" while the adults looked on in confusion.
John stopped laughing for a moment to ask, "Austipice is the hate-stopper, right?"
Terezi nodded, and John's laughter came back, even louder than before.
"Thank you so much Terezi! If you hadn't intervened I might have had some horrible mutant baby sent from the pits of hell!"
Karkat rolled his eyes.
"Okay, both of you stop laughing before I finally snap and do a pirouette back to our pointless session and smack Noir upside the snout."
"But then you might hatesnog him without Terezi there!"
"Yes, and we would have some horrible mutant baby who would f*** us over even more than we already are. Now, can we all be mature and SENSIBLE AND JUST GET THIS OVER WITH SO WE CAN LEAVE THE F***ING ROOM? THANK YOU, YES I WOULD LIKE THAT SO I CAN GET BACK TO LEARNING THAT THE ASSHOLES I TALKED TO THREE YEARS AGO ARE EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLES NOW. Would that make you happy?"
John let out one last laugh, and returned to his chair, which he had fallen out of previously.
"Alright," he said, fighting to keep a straight face, "I think now's the time for questions about Rose's letter."
Sirius was the first to talk, "What the hell is an Austipice?"
Karkat opened his mouth, strangely compliant, one might say almost excited to talk about troll romance, but John had the words out first.
"Oh no! No! Not the quadrants! Anything but the quadrants!"
"F*** you too, Egbert, they asked a question and I am going to give an answer." Karkat cleared his throat, and John rested his head on the table, his hands resting on his ears. Terezi absentmindedly flipped a coin as she leaned back in her chair, waiting for Karkat's speech to begin.
"Austipice are, a type of romance in our society. Troll romance is divided into four quadrants, which are then divided into the two types of romance."
"Is that your species name?" Snape asked.
Terezi nodded as she caught the coin for what had to be the hundredth time.
"Anyway," Karkat said forcefully, "Troll romance is divided into four quadrants, and then divided into the two types of romance, pity and hate. Matespirits are when you pity someone so much that you want to try to take away some of their pain or help. It's depicted by a heart. And then, the other pale quadrant is Moirails, where you and someone else help keep each other from losing it. It's like, best friends in a way, but deeper, more meaningful. That's depicted by a diamond."
John let out a fake snore.
"Then there's black, or the ashen quadrants. The first is Kismesis, that's where you hate someone so much, but in a romantic way. And the last, Austipice, is someone who intervenes if a Kismesis gets too violent and they start trying to kill each other."
"There aren't enough Austipices in the world to help Karkat," John said.
"Shut up. Anyway, the only true romance is in Matespirits and Kismesises."
"And there's your crash-course on troll romance," John said loudly, "Now, can we please talk about anything other than alien romance?"
"What do Terezi and Karkat look like normally?" Sirius asked.
"They look pretty normal surprisingly. I mean, just some grey skin, yellow eyes and horns."
"Horns," Snape deadpanned.
"Yep! They look like candy corn."
"Candy corn." John gave Karkat a questioning look, who resolutely turned away and gave John the baby bird.
Q: ASRHJFKDSL WHEN WILL THEY GET TO HOGWARTS (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
A: Soon
This chapter is a huge filler. HUGE FILLER . All you get is Karkat discussing quadrants pfft lawl. I realized that last chapter my ships got cut off so here you go
Karkat HEART Terezi
John HEART/DIAMOND Vriska
Nepeta HEART Karkat (Unrequited)
Karkat DIAMOND Gamzee
Nepeta DIAMOND Equius
Kanaya HEART/SPADE Rose
Dave HEART Jade
SLIGHT Gamzee HEART Tavros
Eridan HEART Feferi
Feferi PALE Sollux
MENTIONS OF SLIGHT Terezi SPADE Vriska
Kanaya DIAMOND Karkat (Unrequited)
I added some of the ships I forgot to put last time :3 Sorry
And alpha kids/trolls are canon as a reminder
Guest: Yes, the trolls still have the same color blood. TROUBLE'S A BREWIN. And thank you!
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE KIND REVIEWS AND ALL THE FOLLOWS/FAVS
YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON I CAN GET OVER WRITER'S BLOCK
I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD GET THIS POPULAR
-SkaianClouds OUT
Homestuck © Hussie
Harry Potter © J.K Rowling
(P.S. While waiting for the next update, look up MamboStuck and A Lullaby For Gods on Youtube to keep you happy)
(THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THESE SPAWN)