Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.
Chapter 11
Some days I think that it would be better if I were an only child. Today is one of those days.
I am sitting with my legs crossed on my bed. I am wearing a two sizes big hoodie and black leggings. My hair is in a top knot bun. The wind blowing, the grey skies and the silence that fills the place united form a gloomy atmosphere.
The day of the performance of the Teenage Wolves, Tai and Matt fought like children: for no valid reason and with all their might. If the other two guys that were out with us didn´t do something… well, I don´t know if I want to even think about what could have happened. My brother ended up with a black eye and several bruises; the older blonde, with a split lip and bruises. What started as a spontaneous outing (at least for me) turned out to be the cause of a fight and of a prohibition. I don´t have to tell who fought for you to know and about that prohibition, well, I am not even allowed to breath the same air as the blue eyed brothers.
Ha! As if I wanted to spend my time with them. Tai made me a favor. Really.
My cell phone vibrates, it´s an incoming message. A half smile forms on my face after seeing who he is. "The unmentionable": the sender appears on the screen. Apparently he wants to talk or something. I do not know what he wants, because the assignment that we had together is already done and submitted. There is nothing else for us to talk. Anything.
My eyes move automatically to my closet. Perhaps I should…
I stretch my legs until they fall off the edge of the bed. I lean on my hands for a while before using them to stand on. I walk slowly to the mirror and study my reflection. I look untidy, emotionless, I have spoken my hair dark circles and my hair shoot in all directions.
-Maybe is time to change.- I mutter to myself undoing my hair and taking between my fingers a lock of hair.
I take the scissors and soon, on the floor of my room a small mountain of brown hair can be seen. The haircut has been improvised as the one I had as a child. I go for a dustpan and broom in order to clean up the mess I caused. Once it´s cleaned, I play with what is left of my hair. I feel more free, as if I had taken a weight off me.
A shiver runs down my back when I hear the male voice of my nightmares. I get stiff and immediately a grimace of horror is all over my face. At full speed, I put on my shoes, take some coins, collect the keys, I write on the white board that I will be back soon and quickly leave the department.
I told you I preferred the fall? It is true, partly.
Voy a paso lento a ningún lugar. The trees are almost naked, the wind blows stronger than before, people walk faster and their clothes are heavier. I think what happened was a sign that told me to take shelter, that I should not be a easy prey.
This summer seemed spring, we were the same as before, but at the same time, we were not. Time passes and things will not return to be what they were in the past.
-Hey.
I am still myself, although a little different. Life does not go on just for the sake of it.
-You- Says the voice.
Why am I still imagining your voice? I hear it so close and clear…
-HIKARI!- shouts the same voice filled with despair.
Dead stop. The call did not come from my imagination, I know it when a pair of arms close around my waist and a truck passes in front of me. My eyes open before the realization of what could have happened. His breathing resounds in my ear, some of his blonde strands rub my face.
-You´ve got a new haircut.- He quakes, he hasn´t recovered yet.
Neither have I.
-You called me by my name.- I mumble.
We remain in the same position: both at the edge of the sidewalk, his arms around me and his head resting on my left shoulder.
-You shouldn´t have…- I start, I don`t want to be a burden.
-I know.- He mutters against my shoulder, his hair brushing my neck.
I shake my head. You can´t know that.
-I don´t need to be saved, I can handle it myself.- I try to seem convinced.
He smiles at this, I can´t see it, but I know.
-I know.- Before I can protest, he continues:- I wanted to...
He drops his arms. I stay where I was. I hear him take a few steps away.
-Aren´t you coming?
I turn around with caution, he is smiling at me. He is smiling and his eyes shine, although they have a point of concern. Or fear. It seems that he is afraid of my answer. I do not blame him, I also am afraid. Terror accept and panic of not doing it. He saves his hands in his pockets and shrugs.
-It is cold.
I don´t answer, I just watch him. That is something I haven´t done, that I haven´t let myself do for a long time, for some years now.
-There is a coffee shop around the corner.
His smile is still there, I think that hope wins over worry in his eyes. It is so easy for you, I wish it was the same with me.
-I shouldn´t.- I stutter grasping my left arm with my right hand.
His face becomes so expressionless before my words that now it can be compared to a mask. I glup. He walks slowly to get closer, he leans until his eyes are at the same level as mine. Again I can see all shades of blue in his irises.
-Why?- He wonders.
I can feel his hot breath on my skin. I should not. I should not. I should not.
-Tai said…
He presses his lips together.
It is easier this way, the decision has been taken and it was not me who arranged it that way.
-What do you think?- He searches for something in my eyes.- Forget Tai, forget everyone.- Now his focus is on my lips.- Do you want to go to drink something hot with me? It is cold.
Before I can answer, we hear male voices, they are now closer. My eyes widen in panic and a chill runs down my spine. The blond frowns.
I am sorry.
-I have to go.- I state before running away from there.
I don´t look back. However I get to hear "did you see that?" "yes, I think it was her" "that´s a shame, wanted to have fun" and then laughs. My feet take me to a park, one that I know well. I go to the swings and sit on one of them, I stay there without moving. While I regain my breath, I see children playing happily, their parents talking to each other and watching their children from time to time. I wish I could be so carefree.
I can hear footsteps getting closer. I close my eyes in anticipation.
-You´ve always liked this swing.- There is a pause.- You refused to use another.
My eyes open. I didn´t expect him to be the one who followed me. I am not reassured that it is him, and even less because he remembers. I'm trying to avoid his involvement, he isn´t making it easier.
Suddenly, he pushes me and the swing I am in starts moving. No words come out of my mouth, the will to tell him to go has left my body, so I do not put any excuse to leave. This nostalgic swinging is so soothing.
-Why did you ran away?- He muses anxiously.
I do not know if he wanted me to listen and anyway, I do not want to answer, so I keep quiet. He stops pushing. Turn to him, he comes closer.
-Who were them?- He asks in a tone that I had not heard him use before.
I try to avoid his eyes. He places his hand on my neck to force me to look at him. I let an involuntary giggle out. He realizes what just happened, I know because his clear eyes twinkle mischievously.
-No, please don´t.- I beg standing up.
Despite my request, he does it anyway: he tickles me. I try to avoid it, but I can not. I can so not handle that I lose balance and in an attempt to steady myself, I grabbed him. This gets us both falling on the sand that surrounds the space where the swings are.
-Ouch- We complain in unison.
We share a look and then laugh. I´ve fallen back, with my feet on the swing seat and him by my side. I sighed and looked up at the sky.
-I used to send you letters,- I say with my voice full of nostalgia- I never knew if you ever got them. -My mouth closes for a second.- I never received a reply.- I close my eyes.- Do you remember when I send you that letter in which I asked you the best way to tell someone "no"? Well,- I continue without waiting for an answer, as if I was talking to myself, for a moment I forget that I am talking to another person- it was about them. The boys that we passed by before live in my neighborhood.
Their voices, snickers and taunting live in my head.
-Are they the same ones that bullied us due to our friendship? Because boys and girls shouldn´t be just friends?- A bitter feeling envelops his words.
-Yes.
For some time that excuse was overcome and their actions were more extreme than the innocent friendship that they wanted to makes us ashamed for.
-They are just fools.
-They are three fools and I am one girl. It is all about the numbers.
No one speaks. The sound of silence is better.
The silence, in this case, doesn´t make me remember their hands on my body. Sometimes, I can hear the horrible sound of their laughs, taunting me. They didn´t go too far... any of those times... but I still feel dirty.
-It is getting darker.- I excuse myself as I stand up.
-It was already dark.- He corrects me with suspicion in his voice.
-You know what I meant.
He nods and gets up as well.
-I will walk you.
This reminds me: I still have his jacket. I do not know how to return it. I do not want to do it.
A/N: This chapter has some information that I didn´t add on the original.