Chapter 13

Everything has been so unreal.

I am tired of faking. I don´t care what my part in your play was, when I accepted it I never thought it would get this far... you didn´t need another hero, you just needed a monster, a villian. You had that boy... the one with the black hair and clear eyes to guard you. He wasn´t a prince charming that we thought when you were together, if he was just like people told me later. Well, you were taken when I came back, and I respected that. Probably, I shouldn't´t have.

I almost can´t remember how we were so close, those times are more a dream for me than memories of what really happened. I wish they were just a bad dream. I am tired of faking, I refuse to continue being a coward.

Everything has been so absurd.

I can´t stop thinking about you, not since I met you. I have tried, I have pretended, but your eyes keep coming back to me even if you don´t want them to do that. I know you aren´t in the crowd for me, however, I am completely and absolutely absorbed by your presence. And I know that you are aware of mine too. Every time my eyes stay for too long on you, you sight deeply.

I would like to know what are you really thinking.

-Takeru, we´ve got five more minutes.

I raise my eyes from my notebook to him and nod so Ken knows that I have listen. He catches my eye unsure, opens and closes his mouth; he leaves me alone shortly after sending me another look. I am lucky that he is not the type of person that gets into people´s business without an invitation. Even if I wanted to tell him, I wouldn´t know what to say. I can´t even confess it to myself sometimes.

You were so good at figuring me out. That is the reason why I know you care, that there is good in you, I have seen it when you tried to help.

The team is ready, well everyone but me. Today we have an important match, but I can´t stop thinking about her eyes, of how they have hardened. I shake my head to push away those thoughts. I should be focusing on the game... I try to get ride of those thoughts by taking out of my locker some of my things, like old stinky clothes and my little book - my whole existence in some sentences-, and putting them in my bag or in the trash. Then, my bag is thrown in my locker and I procede to put on my team´s shirt, the number seven.

I reach for my water bottle and drink the refreshing liquid. The, slowly I put it back in my locker, turn around and look straightly into a pair of menacing brown eyes.

- Don´t think too hard, you might hurt yourself.

His jaw is tense. Probably, if he could he would eliminate me with that look. It is quite entertaining to make him mad.

- Stop messing around. You need to decide: get away from her or make up with her.

Maybe it is that simple. Maybe what we´ve been doing is making a whole drama of something easy.

- If you ask me, I prefer that you disappear. - Daisuke stressed.

Oh, but I didn´t ask you.

- Come here.

- Why?- He asks.

- Just come here.

- No, you are gonna hit me.- He said.

- Then stop meddling.- I warned him as I exited the room.

Maybe he is right, I´ve got to decide. But I won´t tell him that.

I join my team, as the coach is making his last minute motivation speech. My eyes wonder through the crowd and find her immediately. My friend puts a hand in my shoulder and nods, effectively distracting me. It is funny how we know each other even when we don´t actually talk much. Sometimes I think we pretend to be friends - neither of us is open enough with the other - but times like this, I know he´s got my back.

-¡Go titans!- the cheerleaders scream.

There is one voice that is louder than the others. I look, as I try not to be so obvious: yes, it was her, there is Catherine. Her smile shines and her energy is on top, her mask is excelente, the perfect girl. Well, she can be perfect without our little agreement that I had to break.

That was the easier combination of our characters: the golden couple. Sadly for the audience, the play is almost over and they would have to accept the improbable pairings. One of those would be Ken and Yoilei, the simple guy and the gossip queen; other, the gossip queen and the indomitable girl. Ha... the indomitable girl, you weren´t like that at all, just as I was never that perfect either.

No, even now, I am not.

When I came back to Japan I didn´t know what to expect about what would happen to me in school, about us or even if we would had to move again to another country. But even though I was in the dark without knowing those answers, I did know that I didn´t want to suffer or that others cry for my leaving. That is one of the reasons why I accepted the part you assigned me: the villain of your story. It was suppose to be easier for everyone. Starting from there I builded an invisible wall in order to prevent someone getting close to me, so that neither that person or me could get hurt. It would be easier.

But I was wrong.

Now I know that no one can save me but myself, that you might be my light, but it is my decision to not stay in the dark. We are not victims for we have decided this path. There is no knight in shining armor nor a dragon. But in my stories and poems you are my muse, you have accompanied me in all my scripts. You don´t have to be alone fighting your demons, I can hold you hand and walk past them with you.

However, I desperately need that conection, those strong attachment that made the world dissapear because the only important thing was you and me together. The perfectly imperfect couple of... friends? Well, now we are perfectly strangers. I don´t need you, not at all, I just want you in my life.

This has been a charade. We have play some roles which were created by ourselves based on our insecurities. I can´t stay like this and I hope you can´t either.

She is standing very still far from me, at the end of the hallway and I run, run, run to her. The moment I am standing in front of her, she hugs her sides and I saw life leave her beautiful eyes, even if she was not dead. She smiles like she is about to cry, like sending a message to her brain: I am fine, do not cry. She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half angel half hell.

That moment I realized more than ever that pain changes people, it makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out.

That night I hug her in my dreams, I hug her with all the time that I´ve missed her.