It was day time when Jack opened his eyes to the blinding sunshine penetrating through the large windows of the bedroom. He was lying on bed in yesterday's clothes, shoes still on. Aching pain pulsed through his head like a sledgehammer and his stomach turned upside down. He hated his life when it involved hangovers.
He lazily looked to his side, catching sight of Felix's thin body occupying the spot beside him, face deep into the pillow and snoring faintly. His blond locks were a mess but he at least got rid of his shoes… And jacket and shirt and pants. Wait, why was Felix half naked again?
All of yesterday night's events were a blur and it took Jack a moment to wrap his mind around the major parts: upsetting Felix, sharing twenty tequila shots, kissing Felix.
Oh my fucking god. They kissed.
And Jack can't remember anything past that.
He promised himself not to freak out in case something happens during his stay at Felix's this weekend. Jack was mentally prepared and ready for the worst case scenarios. But on his numerous list of possibilities fucking kissing Felix was nowhere to be found.
His mental alarm went off when Felix's body shuffled beside him. Jack jumped to the edge of the bed, nearly falling off. His heart was pounding violently in his chest, and the sight of Felix in boxers spread out in bed with his back curved so beautifully wasn't helping at all. The second time Felix shuffled Jack was sent running to the bathroom.
The cold shower helped immensely with his hangover and he was eventually able to relax. By the time he dried his hair and rolled a towel around his waist to walk to the guest room, Jack realized that it wasn't Felix's house but flat that they spent the night at. Jack recognized the place because Felix would constantly force him through video tours during their late Skype calls, bragging about his collection of games, or his new consoles.
He has never physically been here before, but Jack was already familiar with the large TV and the cosy white couch in the living room, the hanging black shelves cramped with video games and the dozen consoles Felix owned kept neatly on a shelf on their own, dusted off and taken care of far more frequently in comparison to the the rest of the apartment. In a way, this place was Felix's man-cave, and being able to visit made Jack's chest flutter with excitement.
However, his excitement quickly died when Jack remembered his clothes were back at Felix's other place. So Jack was forced back inside the danger zone: Felix's bedroom. The man was still spread on the bed like a star fish, limbs tangled within the warm blanket they apparently shared all night. There it goes, his heart picking up the pace again as Jack sneak-walked his way to Felix's wardrobe.
The moment he opened the wardrobe's door, the intense rush of Felix's scent washed over Jack like a whirlwind. He focused on the task in hand, fiddling through the shirts until he picked one he liked, a black, long-sleeve shirt with a cartoon-style cat face printed in the middle. He felt like a pervert going through his boxers next, and decided to pick one at random before his mind could wander off somewhere else, then at last, he settled for a pair of black skinny jeans that fit him rather perfectly.
Once he was done, Jack closed the wardrobe door to check out his reflection. His gaze fell on Felix lying on the bed just like he left him, except his eyes were half-open and he seemed to have been watching Jack for some time now.
"Jesus!" Jack exclaimed "You scared the shit out of me" He blurted out, trying to ease the awkwardness. "Thought you were asleep."
"Your naked ass woke me up" Felix mumbled lazily, a stretched grin making Jack wonder if he's seen him naked. God, Jack would die of embarrassment if he did.
"Hope you don't mind" Jack lightly pulled on the shirt's fabric. "Can't believe we walked to your flat instead. All of my shit is back at your house."
"Right- Fuck!" Felix suddenly shouted, startling Jack for a second. He turned around to watch Felix squeezing his head. His hangover was kicking in.
"Cold shower helps, man" Jack suggested, his eyes lingering a bit over Felix's half-naked body. His muscles barely existed but they were prominent enough to give his body a refined figure. Jack always thought it made him look sexy.
"God, what the fuck did we do last night?" Felix rubbed the back of his neck, he must've pulled a muscle there.
Jack's heart skipped a beat at the hearing of that question. 'Oh nothing much, you just poured your heart out to me, we made out in the middle of the street and then we fell asleep on the same bed' Jack wished he could casually answer, but it was far more complicated than that.
"What d'you remember?" He asked first, testing the water.
"We went to that fancy as shit bar, what was it called again? Fuck, I don't remember, anyway" Felix started "After a couple beers Brad made up this drinking game, whoever says 'fuck' throughout the night needs to chug down, and then he was so wasted PJ had to walk him back. Weak-ass bitch."
"Remember the shots?" Jack hinted.
"Fuck yeah I do, and then…" Felix suddenly stopped, throwing Jack a sudden glare, as if he just remembered something. Jack froze.
"Did I pass out?" Felix guessed "Is that it? Holy shit, did you have to ,like, drag me all the way here? Fuck I'm so sorry man!"
Jack's heart sank. So Felix doesn't remember. He doesn't remember what happened between them and he most likely doesn't remember the kiss.
"Dude, don't ask me" Jack lied, forcing out a laugh. "I had fourteen motherfucking shots, remember?"
"Oh fuck, shit, you did" Felix laughed "You were showing off to that pretty waitress, right? Don't worry about that, by the way, I won't tell Signe. I know you guys are serious 'n shit."
"You better fucking not" Jack laughed along, then watched Felix force himself up and grab his phone from the night stand.
"Marzia must be freaking out" He quickly dialled her number and stood to his feet. "Can you make us some coffee? I'll just let the girls know we're here"
"Gotcha" Jack agreed, then watched Felix walk out to the living room.
A long exhale escaped his lungs. Now Jack was faced with a choice.
He could keep up the act. They could ignore it, pretend yesterday never happened and continue being the way they were before. But then again, Felix might not remember last night but he still knows about Jack's feelings, and that alone was a huge eye-opener. Jack still can't believe that all this time, Felix knew yet never brought it up.
Now Jack was angry at Felix. How could he so easily forget last night? Why can't he be the one to remember and Jack the one to forget? God, he hated being in this position, he hated it but also couldn't do anything about it.
Felix's voice was loud and clear in the living room as Jack walked through the flat to reach the kitchen. His hangover was kicking back in and he was in deep need of a cup of coffee. The coffee machine was up and ready, and all Jack had to do was click random buttons until the hot liquid started spilling into his mug.
He watched the cup fill up absentmindedly, reminiscing on what happened last night. No matter how foggy his drunken mind was, he could clearly remember the taste of Felix's hot lips burning against his in the cold of the night. Felix tasted like beer and tequila and something else entirely amazing, the kiss was everything Jack wished for and better than any fantasy he's ever had. If he could, he would relive that moment a thousand times over.
"Are you done yet?"
Jack was shaken back to reality when Felix's figure entered his vision, an empty mug in hand.
"You alright there?" He asked, picking up Jack's coffee mug and placing his underneath the coffee maker. Jack was silent through the process. He didn't say a word until half of the mug was full, and Felix's frown was apparent on his face. "Jack?" He repeated.
"God, this is fucking awkward."
Jack pushed his back against the kitchen counter across from the coffee machine and threw his glance aside. He couldn't play the ignorant game, this wasn't working.
"Dude, I know you know about me" Jack confessed, his eyes searching for anything else to lay on.
"Jack?" Felix's voice cracked, sounding more serious than ever. "What the fuck happened, Jack?"
"We were fucking wasted last night and you snapped at me for showing off to the bartender and then…" Jack took a moment to bring his hand up to his face, hiding the shame that was painted all over it. "We fucking made out, Felix. In the middle of the fucking street 'cause we were fucking stupid and shit-drunk."
Jack's voice was trembling at the end, and he feared the worst, all those scenarios he played in his head whenever he would imagine Felix finding out about his feelings, they all rushed into his mind at once. And somewhere, in the back of his mind, a small voice muttered 'Good job, you fucking ruined it', because that's what he just did. He ruined everything.
"Jesus Christ" Felix's soft voice reached him, and out of shame Jack couldn't even look him in the eye right now.
"So, uh" Felix continued, "What happened after that? Did we, like…" Felix didn't finish his sentence but Jack understood the reference.
"I don't think so" Jack finally brought his head up, catching sight of Felix's face. He looked confused and embarrassed all that once, but he wasn't angry. Somehow that calmed Jack down. "I mean I woke up in my shoes, I must've passed the fuck out the sooner we got here"
"Fuck man, I'm really sorry" Felix instantly apologized, his voice softer than ever. "I mean, like, you must've felt like crap having me ask you what happened and shit. I feel like a fucking ass right now."
"Dude, it's all right" Jack said, raising his head a bit higher to finally take in a full view of Felix.
"Maybe we can like, uh, I don't know, talk it out sometime?" Felix suggested, his eyebrows slightly perking up, his expression turning into one of compassion. "Is that okay with you? D'you wanna talk about it? I mean, I don't want to force you to, like if you want, man, we could just forget about it and all, but if you want to talk about it then-"
"Jesus, Felix, chill" Jack interrupted with a chuckle. "How about we sit our asses down and drink some coffee first? My head's killing me."
"Y-Yeah, that sounds cool too" Felix shrugged, smiling softly.
Jack sat down around the table and Felix made them toast and scrambled eggs. They had a nice meal and laughed about how Marzia and Signe slept until late and didn't even realize the two didn't make it home last night. They joked about how they could get kidnapped and neither of their girlfriends would even notice.
Coming clean about it all was the right way to go. Now whatever happens next, Jack was sure he would be able to take it.