Now that Jack became aware of Felix's thoughts and feelings –or at least the parts the drunken Swede was able to reveal-, he was starting to perceive Felix's actions under an entirely different light.
During their lunch outside at the five-star French restaurant Marzia proudly picked and Signe approved, Jack noticed Felix was giving him his entire attention whenever spoken to. He was still his playful, humorous self, and fought and teased Jack on multiple occasions, but at times he would be too sweet, and would shower Jack with compliments while wearing his most honest and earnest expression Jack has ever seen on him.
It was only later in the evening after Jack crawled in bed that the realization hit him. He might have been too blinded by his unrequited love and too absorbed by his feelings to notice Felix's own. He remembered Felix mentioning his anger at the sight of Jack and Signe's intimacy the day before. Perhaps it is a form of jealousy. Perhaps,and as much as Jack hated clinging unto false hope, Felix shared some of Jack's feelings.
Jack's mind was suddenly too active, too awake to be able to fall asleep. He reached for his smartphone and sought distraction through his social network news feed for the next ten minutes. Then a message popped up from the active Whatsapp application he had left open, Felix's name displayed on top.
Go sleep ur plane leaves in 8 hours
Jack found himself foolishly smiling at the text message.
Can't. Coffee after dinner just kicked in
Which was a big lie, because the reason Jack couldn't fall sleep was all Felix. He nearly dropped his phone when it vibrated three times in a row. Felix was a goddamn fast texter.
Looser
Can't sleep 2
Chill with me on the back porch?
The invitation came as bit of a surprise. Jack didn't think Felix would still be up at this hour. It was a little before midnight and everyone in the house was supposed to go to bed an hour ago. Jack then thought it through, and concluded that it wouldn't hurt if he went to bed a little late tonight, after all, he could always get some shut-eye on the plane back home if he wakes up tired.
Back home.
Something in Jack's chest clenched as he was reminded that his weekend at Felix's was coming to an end. He wished he could extend his stay; but both he and Signe had their lives to get back to, the stress, the work and the daily routine. Just thinking about it all had Jack's mood drop.
He sneaked out of bed, making sure not to wake Signe up in the process. The light of the full moon shined brightly through the dark hallway, lighting up Jack's path through the calm house. Everything was quiet, and he could clearly hear the crackling sound of his footsteps against the wooden floor as he crossed the living room towards the backdoor.
The door to the porch was wide open and the cold breeze brushed against Jack's exposed limbs making him shudder. He had a T-shirt on and a pair of summer shorts that he wore to bed, and he thought about turning back to pick up something warmer, but then his eyes caught sight of a line of smoke in the darkness of the porch, and when Jack stepped over the threshold he was right there.
Felix was lying on a cosy and comfortable wooden bench. His black sweater contrasted perfectly with the blond of his hair, and his fair skin glowed under the bright moonlight. His icy blue eyes were focused on the screen of his smartphone. There was a cigarette between his lips, its tip burned slowly as the smoke got carried away by the occasional breeze. He was also nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels, though it was left on the wooden table, untouched and full.
"Dude, you smoke?" Jack broke the silence of the scenery to announce his arrival.
"Jesus!" Felix jumped in his bench, startled. At the sight of Jack, he let out a hearty laugh. "You scared the crap out of me, man."
"Pussy" Jack chuckled.
"Fuck you"
Jack caught sight of a blanket laying on the armchair across from Felix. He picked it up and wrapped himself in it before taking a seat. Felix had sat himself up and crossed his legs while facing Jack, phone still in hand.
"On and off" Felix then answered the former question as he captured the cigarette with his long thin fingers. Jack watched it slowly combust, its fire reflecting beautifully in the Swede's eyes. "Like once or twice a week. Sometimes once a month. You know, just for the rush of it, like I'm not a fan of the taste and it stinks if you smoke too much. Want a drag?"
Jack was in no position to judge. He had friends who smoked, and he was totally fine with it. He even tried a cigarette once or twice at parties. But ever since he started dating Signe he hasn't been partying that much in the first place.
Jack's hand sneaked from underneath the blanket and went to seize the cigarette from between Felix's fingers. Felix didn't seem to mind, but looked mildly surprised, and he followed it until it landed in between Jack's lips. Jack didn't know what he was doing or why he was doing it, but under the bright moonlight that shined over the darkness of the backyard, and in the company of the man who made his heart palpitate by just lying on a boring bench and scrolling down his phone, he felt like he was allowed a stupid smoke.
Jack took a slow, steady drag and watched the half-consumed cigarette ignite back to life. He felt a slight burn form in his throat which moved down to his lungs and almost made him cough, but he held it, and threw his head back against the chair, allowing his eyes to catch sight of the moon in all its glory before he could deeply exhale. The line of smoke drifted past his lips and into the cold air, dissipating away from sight.
When Jack lowered down his head he caught Felix staring, and at that point he couldn't tell whether it was just the cigarette rush or Felix's stare was genuinely intense.
"Drink?" The Swede offered, eyes escaping towards the bottle of Jack Daniel's. He pulled two glasses from the table drawer and put them on the surface of the table, then began filling up the first.
"Cheap Whisky's always good" Jack remarked, allowing himself another drag. "You do this a lot?"
Felix handed over the half-filled glass to Jack then picked up his own. "The drinking or the back porch chilling?"
"Both" Jack answered, holding onto his glass and returning the almost burned out cigarette.
"Whenever I can't sleep or have too much on my mind" he explained, taking one last and long drag before putting the cigarette out. This time the smoke slipped past his nostrils and Jack thought it looked extremely sexy when he does that. "Man, I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow. I'm gonna miss your stupid Irish ass."
"My stupid Irish ass is gonna miss you too" Jack replied, downing the content of his drink at once. He wondered what could be keeping Felix awake tonight. Perhaps what happened earlier between them? Could it be that Felix's still worried about it? They didn't mention anything about the talk throughout the day, so Jack assumed they were doing it another time, maybe over Skype or a phone call.
Felix went quiet for a while and Jack watched him bring out some material and roll what looked like a joint.
"Again?" He questioned with a huff, until Jack noticed the substance Felix was using this time, then it hit him. "Jesus fuck, are you serious?"
"Ever smoked weed, Jack?" Felix wondered, a dirty grin appearing on his lips. "Or you're too chicken?"
"Dude, last time I checked Amsterdam was miles away" Jack scoffed. "Where'd you even get that shit?"
"Have you heard of dealers?" Felix's tone was sarcastic.
Felix was done rolling the joint in less than a minute, talk about experience, and then brought it up to drag the tip of his tongue over the edge of the paper for the final touch, fixing the filter with his thumb while at it. Jack couldn't take his eyes off him. Why did it turn him the fuck on to watch Felix do illegal shit? He must have a serious problem.
He watched Felix light up the joint and his heart literally skipped a beat. He watched him take small consecutive drags before holding it in for about five seconds and releasing the smoke into the air. The smell of grass was strong but Jack preferred it by far over the smell of cigarettes.
"Wanna go?" Felix asked after taking his second drag, hand stretched and offering Jack the joint.
"Why do I feel like you're gonna fuck me over before sending my baked ass back to Ireland?" Jack laughed, part of him getting all giddy and excited by this.
His hand reached out for the joint and this time the touch of Felix's cold fingers against his own sent a little shockwave through his body. Jack could see Felix watching him intently as he brought the filter-tip to his lips and took a slow drag, experimenting. He blew out rather fast and realized it wasn't much different from smoking cigarettes except the taste slightly improved in comparison.
Felix didn't comment, and was soon busy pouring himself and Jack some more Jack Daniels while briefly checking through his phone for new messages. Jack wanted to have his entire attention, and so he took another, longer drag, watching the tip of the joint burn up faster as he held the smoke in for longer than five seconds. The action sent a sudden rush to his head and Jack's heart picked up the pace as he closed his eyes and sat back to enjoy it.
The high, oh god, was it good. Jack felt relaxed, amazing, and the breeze of cold wind felt comfortable against his warm cheeks. He felt like he was floating in the air, melting into it. It was incredible, but the feeling was quick to wither, and he was soon opening his eyes to Felix's wide blue hues staring at him in pure disbelief.
Felix burst out laughing. A loud, genuine laugh that made his eyes wrinkle on the sides and his perfect white teeth flash brightly. He looked so gorgeous that Jack thought Felix's smile should be just as illegal as weed.
"Do you wanna get fucking stoned or what?" Felix eventually calmed down, almost tearing up from how much he laughed. He snatched the joint away from Jack who was aiming for a third drag. "Ey! It's my turn."
Jack nestled his glass of Jack Daniel's and sat back in his armchair, basking in the happiness of having made this beautiful man laugh his heart out. He watched Felix light up the joint that slightly began losing its spark. Once it burned back into life again, Felix took a lungful drag, except this time, his eyes were fixed on Jack as he did.
Jack froze in his seat, feeling both agitated and anxious under Felix's disarming stare. The Swede put his phone away, then motioned with his hand for Jack to get closer. Jack's eyebrows curved into a confused frown and he hesitantly leaned over the table that separated them. His confusion turned into astonishment when Felix's face approached his and a gentle steady hand took hold of his jaw. Felix angled his head slightly to the side, and Jack's heart raced at the realization of how close their lips were to one another, and then with a blow, Felix was puffing out the thick cloud of smoke between Jack's parted lips. Jack realized what he was doing, and breathed it all in, feelings the rush cloud his mind again, except this time Jack was sure it was Felix's doing, not the joint's.
And while the moment ended and Felix was regaining his seat back on the bench with a dirty smile covering his face, motioning for Jack to return the favor, Jack felt like he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.
They were just sharing a smoke, he reminded himself while he was sliding out of his blanket and back into the cold air again. He couldn't bring himself to break the eye contact now that Felix's attention was entirely and solely on him. So Jack moved to the bench and half climbed on it with one leg curled over the seat and the other balancing his weight on the ground, his hand moved to seize what was left of the consumed joint and bring it to his mouth. He inhaled so deep the fire eventually grazed his fingertips and he was forced release it, letting the chunk drop into the ground. His eyes fell down on Felix, the man was watching him with those intense sinful eyes, and the second he felt the one hand grip his hip and pull on it, Jack's reason was gone.
He released the blow into Felix's perfect mouth, the temptation too strong he found himself leaning over further, losing balance and connecting their lips together. The smell of grass so strong it lingered in each other's taste. There was a hint of Whisky at the tip of Felix's tongue and the way his lips grazed against his own, so eager and passionate, had Jack lose his sanity.
Fuck, he was getting hard.
Felix was quick to notice, and Jack could swear he was smirking into the kiss. He placed the palm of his hand against the small of Jack's back and made him fall on his lap, Jack was sure he moaned into his mouth at some point, but it was all hazy, and all his senses were barely working at this point.
This was different from when they shared that drunk kiss. Even the slightest bit high, Jack was still strongly aware, and so was Felix, and the two were acting out of pure will, they both wanted this.
"Fuck" Felix breathed out once their lips parted, his mouth was swollen and his cheeks flushed. He was so fucking beautiful, Jack wouldn't wonder why he always felt like jumping him. "Can I even fucking ask for more? Am I even, like, allowed t'do that?"
"The fuck would I know" Jack laughed, breathless. He was basically sitting on Felix's lap at this point, so he decided to move back to his side of the bench before he could make any more bad decisions. They still didn't have their talk, and perhaps now was the perfect time to do so before this -whatever it is that was starting between them- could go any further. "Should we, maybe, talk-"
Felix's eyes were fixed on Jack's crotch and Jack caught him biting onto his bottom lip so hard it swell. He was already on edge, but noticing how Felix was dying to touch him had him lose his fucking sense of reason.
"Fuck"
And that was the last thing he remembered whispering under his breath before Felix was all over him and he was all over Felix.