For the next week and a half, Carmilla tries to keep as much distance between her and Laura as physically possible. Carmilla tries to go to all of her classes regularly, but as it turns out, she has two classes with Laura. She could have figured that out sooner, but the classes weren't her favorite and she only started showing up to avoid running into Laura around campus, except now, Carmilla sees her everywhere. The only place she had any luck avoiding Laura, was her own apartment, off campus, that she shares with Will and her many study dates. In fact, she's been noticing Laura at every place she tries to get away from her, even the Art building. Apparently, she was doing a report on the school's talented artists that week and what better way to get information than to ask the students. Carmilla hid behind the door of the studio she was in for almost two hours before she saw Laura walk out of the building and back toward her dorm.
That Friday night there's a party at the Zeta house, in honor of the university's baseball team winning their game that night, which is a big deal, considering they don't normally have much luck. Carmilla normally doesn't attend such events, due to the abundance of mediocre frat boys and dumb jocks and annoying, preppy sorority girls, but as much as she knew, neither did Laura. Laura was most likely studying in her room, her nose in a textbook, a party the last thing on her mind. Well, that's what Carmilla thought anyway.
Carmilla walks up to the Zeta house and immediately regrets her decision to go to the party. There's drunk frat boys hanging off the railing on deck above the front porch screaming God knows what and the doorway is so crowded, she can barely get through the door. She cringes at the sight of a couple making out in the corner, in front of the stairs and considers turning around and just spending the night working on her drawing project in the Art building, but she doesn't get a chance before someone is shoving a drink in her hand and she's being pulled through the crowd, deeper into the house. When she's dragged into the kitchen, which is a lot less crowded than the foyer, and gets a chance to breath, she finally realizes it's Will who was dragging her through the house and relaxes a bit.
"Thanks."
Camilla yells over the music coming from the other room.
"Yeah, no problem, you looked like you were about to throw up, figured I'd save you. What are you doing here anyway? Since when does the infamous I'm-too-cool-Carmilla Karnstein go to frat parties?"
Will smirks. Carmilla shoves him in the shoulder, sending him stumbling back a couple steps. He's already drunk. Carmilla laughs.
"Since she figured it'd be her best bet at avoiding 'She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named'."
Will chuckles and takes a sip of his drink.
"Well, you're doing a pretty shitty job."
Carmilla's eyebrows come together in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
Will lifts up his arm and stretches out his finger in the direction of what was the livingroom, made dance floor. Carmilla's mouth falls open, a look of terror on her face. She can only see the side of Laura's face, from the neck up, but she knows it's her. She spins around so her back is to Laura and she's facing Will.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
Will shrugs, taking another sip of his drink.
"I can't fucking go anywhere without running into her. Fuck."
Carmilla puts her drink to her mouth and downs the contents of the cup, feeling the pit of her stomach heat up. Will was already in the process of pouring her another, when she shakes her head and takes the bottle from him.
"I'm going to need a lot more than that."
Will laughs and grabs another bottle from the counter behind him and holds it up in the air in front of Carmilla. They clink bottles and both take a sip before Will heads off to talk to some girl and Carmilla turns back around toward Laura, but she's gone. Carmilla frantically searches the room for Laura so she can be sure not to run into her. She cranes her neck and stands on her tiptoes to try and see over the crowd of people in the hallway, but freezes when she feels a tap on her shoulder.
"Looking for someone?"
Carmilla's eyes go wide and she starts silently praying that the music had somewhat distorted the voice of whoever was behind her or that she miraculously got hit upside the head and she's imagining things, but she knew her hopes were useless, the second her finger touched Carmilla's shoulder, she knew it was Laura.
Carmilla slowly turns around and is slightly taken aback at the girl in front of her. She has to physically force her eyes to stay on Laura's face. Laura's eyes are glossed over and her hair is a little on the messy side, but she has on a black and red, Silas University Devil's baseball uniform that is buttoned only a few buttons at the bottom, revealing part of her stomach and a lace bandeau. Carmilla can only think of dragging Laura to the closest bathroom and taking that useless jersey off and kissing her until both of them are gasping for breath, but she is quickly drawn away from her thoughts when she remembers their last conversation, causing her stomach to tighten and suddenly she feels as if she might be sick. Carmilla's face falls. Laura starts laughing, putting a scowl on Carmilla's face.
"How drunk are you, Hollis?"
Carmilla spits. Laura can't stop laughing, she grabs her stomach, Carmilla's eyes following her hands.
"You...should've...seen…your face…"
Laura manages to get out between bouts of laughter. Carmilla's eyes are glued to Laura's small stomach. Laura starts snapping her fingers in front of Carmilla's face. Carmilla clears her throat and swats Laura's hand away, bringing her eyes back up to Laura's, she scowls again.
"Eyes up here, perv."
Laura laughs. Carmilla shakes her head.
"You're drunk."
She goes to turn around, bringing the bottle in her hand to her lips, but before she can even start to move her feet, Laura catches her by the wrist, turning her back around, almost spilling her drink.
"Watch it! What do you want? You made it very clear, the last time we talked, that you wanted nothing to do with me."
Laura's face falls.
"Yeah, about that…"
Laura looks around nervously, her grip on Carmilla's wrist noticeably tightening.
"Spit it out, cupcake."
Carmilla deadpans. On the inside, her heart is racing at Laura's touch, her wrist feels like it's on fire and the warmth is shooting up her arm and across her chest. Laura quickly grabs a random bottle from the counter and, suddenly, she is moving through the few people to the other side of the kitchen, Carmilla's wrist still locked in her grip. She pushes open a door, leading her and Carmilla out onto a wraparound porch. Laura leads Carmilla around the side of the house and onto the back deck. There are only a few people out here, but Laura doesn't stop. She continues down the back porch steps and onto the wet grass, it's dark, but she seems to know where she's going. Carmilla almost runs into her when she finally stops. They're in the middle of the back lawn, surrounded by trees, an empty fire pit to their right. The only light is the glow from the house. Laura spins around, facing Carmilla and twists the top off the bottle in her hand, before taking a long gulp. Carmilla reaches up to the bottle and takes it from her lips, when she realizes Laura had no plans of stopping.
"Woah there, I'm not carrying your ass back to the house after you dragged me all the way out here."
Laura cringes at the bitter taste in her mouth, before she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and pouts. Carmilla smirks.
"Pouting? Really? What are you, five? Why are we out here, anyway?"
"I have to talk to you."
Carmilla groans. Laura pushes her shoulder, but Carmilla doesn't move, instead Laura is forced back and stumbles, tripping over a log on the ground. Carmilla reaches out and grabs her arm before she falls and pulls her back.
"Okay, Drunk, seriously, how much did you drink?"
"Stop. It doesn't matter. Listen for two seconds. Quit being an ass."
Carmilla cocks an eyebrow at her, but she can tell she's nervous, she's playing with her hands and she won't look Carmilla in the eye. It may be dark, but Carmilla can read her like a book and the anxiety radiating off her is suffocating. Carmilla hands Laura back the bottle and sits on a thick stump lying on it's side around the fire pit.
"I have a feeling it's going to be a long night."
Laura takes a seat next to Carmilla on the tree stump and takes a sip from her bottle, Carmilla does the same.
"Okay…"
Laura turns so she's straddling the tree stump, facing Carmilla.
"So, I was thinking about what I said…"
Laura looks down at her hands, playing with the bark on the stump.
"Please don't apologize, Laura. Everything you said, I deserved to hear. You don't need to apologize for saying how you felt."
"But...I was a little harsh, don't you think?"
Carmilla laughs, without any humor.
"I left you for three years, without a goodbye and you think you need to apologize."
Carmilla laughs again, taking another mouthful out of the bottle and shaking her head.
"Don't laugh. I mean, I just wanted to say that I shouldn't have blown up like that, it could've been handled a lot differently. I didn't even give you a chance to talk and I know there's a good reason, because you wouldn't have just left like that if there wasn't. I didn't give you a chance to explain. I wanted to apologize. You don't have to tell me now, or ever, I guess, what the reason was, but can you at least tell me there was one? I don't believe you're heartless, cruel, yes, but not heartless. I just want to understand and I don't want to hate you, I want to feel like we can be civil with each other. I don't want us to be awkward around each other. I'm not ready for something drastic, but it'd be nice if we were friends. I want to be able to forgive you."
Laura looks up at Carmilla and she has tears in her eyes. Carmilla sighs, nodding her head. She takes the bottle from Laura's grip, putting it in her lap.
"Of course there was a reason, Laura. I wanted to tell you, trust me. I was selfish. I figured it'd be easier to just walk away than to deal with the consequences. I was wrong, God, I was so wrong."
Carmilla sighs and puts the bottle up to her lips.
"I'm going to need this more than you if I'm going to pour my heart out to you right here, right now, cupcake. Plus, I think you might have already had a bit too much."
Carmilla winks and takes a sip, Laura tries to look angry, butshe kind of just ends up looking like a sad puppy. Carmilla laughs and Laura tries, again, to put a scowl on her face, failing miserably.
"I think I'm good."
Laura crosses her legs on the tree stump and leans forward, placing her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. Her eyes slowly closing for a second, before shaking her head and giving Carmilla her full attention.
"Okay, If you say so, but, Laura, I'm going to need you to button up your shirt, if I'm going to do this, I can't concentrate knowing what you look like with that bandeau thing off and me being close enough to take it off."
Laura's shoulders tense and her face heats up, her eyes look like they're about to pop out of her head as she covers her chest. Even in the dark, Carmilla can tell she's the color of crimson. Carmilla laughs and shrugs.
"You haven't changed much…"
Laura mumbles, sitting up to button the rest of her jersey, a look of complete concentration on her face.
"How's that?"
Laura smiles, looking pleased with herself and holds her arms out at her sides. Carmilla laughs again.
"Cutie, you missed a few."
Laura looks down at her shirt and frowns, crossing her arms over her chest.
"How did you even…?"
Carmilla starts.
"Shut up."
Laura interrupts.
"...manage to…?"
Carmilla continues.
"Shhhh."
Laura covers Carmilla's mouth with her hand. Carmilla smirks and sticks her tongue out, licking Laura's palm. Laura pulls her hand away at lightning speed and wipes it on her dark jeans, a look of disgust on her face.
"You're disgusting."
Carmilla shrugs and laughs at the look on Laura's face. Her head is buzzing, whether it's from the alcohol or the fact that Laura is less than a foot in front of her, she can't be sure.
"Anyway, where were we?"
Carmilla takes a sip out of the bottle in her hand.
"You were about to pour your heart and soul out to me."
Laura fake swoons and places her hand over her heart, swaying slightly on the trunk, but then frowns and her hand falls into her lap. Carmilla's face falls, her eyebrows coming together in concern.
"What's wrong?"
Laura looks up at Carmilla, her face all scrunched up.
"I kinda have to pee."
Carmilla rolls her eyes and shoves both bottles into one hand.
"Oh Lord, okay, come on."
Carmilla stands, one leg on either side of the trunk, and holds her hand out in front of her, Laura stares at it, confused.
"It's not going to bite you, come on, I thought you wanted us to be civil."
Laura takes her hand and Carmilla pulls, a little too forcefully. Laura stumbles forward, crashing into Carmilla's chest. Carmilla freezes, losing her balance and is forced backwards. She trips over Laura's foot and falls back onto the grass, Laura falling on top of her, with a thud. They stare at each other in shock for a couple seconds before Carmilla smirks and opens her mouth to put in her two cents, but Laura's hand is over it again within seconds.
"Do not."
Laura scowls. Carmilla starts laughing, her body shaking under Laura's.
"Carmilla, I don't want to hear whatever nasty comment was about to come out of your mouth. I'm serious. Now, I'm going to take my hand off..."
Carmilla mumbles something under Laura's hand.
"Do I want to know what you just said?"
Carmilla winks and Laura narrows her eyes, but reluctantly takes her hand away from Carmilla's mouth, before she sits up and is straddling Carmilla's waist. Carmilla raises an eyebrow and grins.
"I missed this view."
Laura rolls her eyes and hits Carmilla in the chest before rolling onto the grass next to them and using the stump to help herself up off the ground, slowly, her head starts swimming, but she ignores it. Carmilla sits up on her elbow and raises the two bottles in the air.
"The booze made it."
Laura takes the bottles from Carmilla's hand with a grin spread across her face, and Carmilla gets to her feet, brushing her hands on the backs of her leather pants, before grabbing her bottle from Laura and turning toward the house. She stretches out her free hand in the direction of the back door.
"After you."
Laura starts walking forward past Carmilla, but ends up tripping on her own feet and stumbles forward slightly before Carmilla quickly grips her elbow, giving her a stern look. Laura smiles sheepishly.
"You're a hot mess, woman."
"I'm going to take that as a compliment."
Carmilla rolls her eyes.
"Let's just try to make it to the bathroom without you killing yourself on all these obstacles."
Carmilla gestures to the empty yard in front of them. Laura narrows her eyes and pulls her arm out of Carmilla's grip. She squares her shoulders and turns her nose up and starts off toward the house. Carmilla shakes her head, laughing, and follows close behind, just in case Laura trips over a blade of grass, or a bug.
Carmilla follows Laura into the bathroom on the first floor. Laura turns around to close the door, but is shocked to find that Carmilla is right behind her. She raises an eyebrow at her.
"What?"
Carmilla looks confused.
"You're peeing with me now? I don't think we're there yet."
Carmilla rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, well, I don't need you falling off the toilet or some shit."
"I'm not gonna fall off the toilet...just turn around."
Carmilla cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow.
"Really?"
Laura raises her eyebrows and twirls her finger in the air, gesturing for Carmilla to turn around. Carmilla rolls her eyes, in protest, but turns around and faces the door anyway, taking a mouthful from the bottle, still in her hand.
"You know, I've seen it all before, I don't know why you're being…"
"Because it still feels weird. Now, shut up, I'm trying to concentrate."
Carmilla rolls her eyes, at this point she's surprised they haven't rolled out of her head yet.
"Don't hurt yourself, cupcake."
Laura lifts up her middle finger and gestures it at Carmilla, but realizes she can't see her and frowns.
"You can't see it, but I'm flipping you off."
Carmilla smirks and lifts her middle finger in the air, just above her shoulder. Laura huffs, causing Carmilla's smirk to transform into a grin. A couple minutes pass and Carmilla shifts her weight on her feet, growing impatient.
"Laura, seriously how long does it take to piss? Just push it out and let's go…"
Carmilla turns around and has to cover her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing too loud. Laura is sitting on the toilet, her head resting in her hand and her eyes are closed, her face relaxed. Carmilla pulls out her phone and takes a quick picture, just in case she needs it for something important later.
"Laura, you did not pass out on the fucking toilet...Laura!"
Carmilla laughs. Laura groans, but doesn't move.
"Laura, I cannot...carry you...out of here, get up!"
Carmilla manages to get out between gasps of laughter. She places the bottle on the counter next to the sink and shoves Laura gently in the shoulder. Nothing. She shoves her again, harder this time. Laura's eyebrows furrow, her eyes still closed, and Carmilla shakes her shoulder, Laura responds by grunting and shooing away Carmilla's hand.
"Hollis, get the fuck up right now, or I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and show the world your bare ass."
Carmilla laughs to herself. She probably wouldn't be able to even lift Laura up off the toilet in the state that she's in, but her words work and Laura opens her eyes halfway, sleep and alcohol holding them down, and she brings a finger to Carmilla's lips. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at her, in question and amusement.
"Sh. You're yelling."
Laura whispers. Carmilla swats her hand away.
"You haven't seen yelling, yet, cupcake. Now, come on, I should get you to one of your friends so they can take you home or something."
Laura looks up at Carmilla from where she still hasn't moved from the toilet and her eyes are sad and her bottom lip is jutted out in a pout and Carmilla has to focus on anything but her face in order to keep herself from kissing that adorable look off her face, but then Laura starts sniffling and Carmilla doesn't know what to do.
"What?"
Carmilla asks, hoping her voice came out stronger than it felt. Laura looks down at her lap.
"I wanted you to take me home."
Carmilla thinks the alcohol must really be hitting her now because just two minutes ago, Laura wasn't even ready for her to be in the bathroom with her while she peed and now she wants Carmilla to take her home, but Carmilla can't say no to the crying girl on the toilet in front of her so she reaches over and grabs Laura's chin gently in her hand, making her look up.
"Fine, but you have to stop crying and you have to get up."
Laura's frown turns into a wide dopey grin and Carmilla's heart skips a beat at the look on her face. Carmilla shakes her head free of drunk thoughts about kissing Laura and bringing her back to her place before she does something stupid, but before she can move back so Laura can get up, Laura takes Carmilla's face in her hands and lands a sloppy drunk kiss on Carmilla's cheek. Carmilla's eyebrows shoot up at the sudden contact between them and she has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling when she feels the warmth of Laura's hands warming her cheeks.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're the best, Carm."
Laura's still smiling when she stands from the toilet and gets herself situated. Carmilla laughs.
"Come on, you drunk piece of shit."
Laura sways a bit when she tries to walk forward so Carmilla grabs her elbow and leads the both of them out of the bathroom and through the much less crowded hallway to the front door and out onto the front porch. She's forced to stop abruptly when Laura comes to a halt at the top of the stairs leading down to the footpath that will lead them to the dirt driveway lined with trees. She looks up at Laura from one step down and Laura's arms are wrapped around herself and she's pouting again.
"What is it now, woman?"
Carmilla pulls Laura's elbow, but she doesn't budge, surprisingly.
"Carm, it's cold."
She whines. Carmilla ignores the fact that she called her Carm, again, and rolls her eyes instead.
"You're pathetic."
Carmilla slips out of her jacket and places it over Laura's shoulders. Laura hugs to Carmilla's side and Carmilla freezes at her touch, but thinks 'she's just drunk' and 'she wouldn't be doing this if she was sober'. Carmilla relaxes against Laura and places her arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm gently. Carmilla shakes her head and rests it against Laura's hair.
"You're killing me, Hollis."
She mumbles. Laura hugs her arms tighter around Carmilla's waist pulling herself closer in response and they start off towards the road. Carmilla leaves her bike parked along the tree line knowing no one would dare touch it if they know what's good for them.
Somewhere between the end of the Zeta's driveway and Laura's dorm, Laura falls asleep leaned against Carmilla and about kills them both when Carmilla has to catch her to keep them from both going down. She ends up having to carry Laura the last block and she's thankful for the cold because it manages to sober her up quite a bit. Laura's arms are wrapped around Carmilla's neck and her face is buried in the crook of Carmilla's neck and Carmilla can feel goosebumps form every time Laura's quiet snores and warm breaths touch her skin. Carmilla can't seem to shake the thoughts away that have been floating around her brain ever since Laura decided it'd be a good idea to cling onto her for dear life and their close proximity is killing her.
Once safely on Laura's doorstep, Carmilla realizes she doesn't have the means to actually get inside Laura's building, let alone her actual room, and Laura doesn't seem to waking up anytime soon. After multiple attempts at getting the woman at the front desk to open the door and a few choice words, Carmilla finally gives up, with a sigh, and starts to head towards her apartment, shaking the feeling that she'll regret this tomorrow as soon as Laura wakes up and realizes she's not in her bed, but in Carmilla's. She also regrets the fact that she chose to wear her combat boots and she wasn't planning on carrying a 100lb. girl over five blocks, but that 100lb. girl is Laura and not one of her randoms and she can't help but smile at that because she would never in a million years be caught doing something like this for anyone else.
Carmilla walks through the door that morning, after her daily run and training session with Will, to find Laura sitting straight up in her bed, her hair a mess, her eyeliner smeared halfway down her cheeks and her face drained of color and frozen in a half scowl, half surprised look that makes Carmilla laugh, without warning. She pulls out her earbuds and wraps them around her phone with an amused grin, before throwing her phone on the coffee table, with her water bottle, and making her way to the fridge.
"Wake up on the wrong side of the bed there, cutie? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Carmilla grabs the carton of eggs and bread and places them on the counter, she can feel Laura's eyes burning into the back of her skull.
"There's hot chocolate and aspirin on the table next to you, although the hot chocolates probably cold chocolate now, but I was just going to make some breakfast, you want any-"
"Carmilla!"
Carmilla spins around at her sudden outburst, her heart nearly jumping out of her chest. She ignores the fact that Laura's voice sounds groggy and scratchy and she can't help how much she wants to throw herself on her bed and bury her face in Laura's side and fall back asleep. She shakes her head to rid her thoughts of anything resembling cuddling with Laura.
"What the hell? What?"
Carmilla grips the edge of the counter, behind her back, with both hands and braces herself for whatever she did now, but can't contain the laugh that escapes her mouth at the look of pure horror in Laura's eyes.
"Carmilla, I'm in your bed! In your apartment!"
Carmilla relaxes a bit into the counter and smirks.
"Good job, Lauronica Mars, want a cookie?"
Laura's eye go wide and her mouth falls open slightly.
"Carmilla! Why am I in your bed, in your apartment?!"
Carmilla rolls her eyes.
"Relax, Cupcake. I slept on the couch, don't get your panties in a bunch-"
Carmilla spits out a little too harshly. Before she can finish though, sh's met with a pillow to the face and an angry Laura.
"Carmilla! Why-"
Carmilla throws the pillow back at Laura with a little too much force and the impact sends her head back into the headboard. When the pillow falls and Carmilla can see Laura's face, it's not pretty. She's pissed.
"Shit, Laura, I didn't mean to-"
"Why. Am I. Here. What the hell am I doing in your bed and why am I wearing your clothes?"
Laura growls and looks down at the shirt she's wearing and back up at Carmilla, her eyes wide, realization written all over face.
"Did you change me?"
Laura asks, there's a hint of sadness in her tone. Carmilla only nods her head, she doesn't need Laura getting any more mad than she already is and if she opens her mouth she's afraid of what might come out of it.
"Where are my clothes?"
Carmilla doesn't really understand why she's freaking out so much, but she points over to the closet that contains the washer dryer, her eyes never leaving Laura's. Laura follows the path of her finger.
"The closet?"
Carmilla shakes her head, dropping her arm to her side.
"Dryer."
Laura's face twists in confusion.
"You washed them?"
Carmilla nods her head.
"Why-"
Carmilla can't hold back her words anymore.
"You were drunk, I tried to take you to your place but the fucking bitch at the desk in the lobby wouldn't let me in because it was past curfew and I wasn't going to leave you to freeze on your fucking doorstep so I brought you back here and you ended up throwing up and getting it on your jersey and pants so, yeah, I fucking washed them for you and put you in a clean change of clothes, you're welcome, by the way. Sorry, I didn't have anything that wasn't mine, considering we're in my fucking apartment, and again, I've seen it all before, it's nothing new. Jesus fuck, Laura, you need to calm down, nothing happened between us, get your head out of your ass. Do you think I would actually do something like that? You got drunk, you threw up, you fell asleep, end of story. We can pretend this never fucking happened if you need to. Just know that last night, you came to me, you wanted to talk to me. I was hell bent on avoiding you for the rest of eternity, but you dragged me to the middle of the fucking backyard to have "the talk". Which didn't happen, by the way, because you had to piss and then you fucking passed out on the toilet and I was going to find one of your friends to take you home, but you fucking insisted on me being the one to walk you home and I can't say no to you, Goddammit, Laura."
Carmilla was fuming and she couldn't hold back what she needed to say a long time ago.
"I don't remem-"
"I was scared, okay? That night, I told my mother I was seeing someone, I told her it was a girl from school. She hadn't had anything to drink so I thought it would be okay. I thought things would be normal, like before. I thought we could get along and I could ask her for advice. Clearly, I was very wrong. She put two and two together and when she found out it was you, she threatened to revoke your scholarship and I knew that that would ruin everything you worked so hard for that summer and in high school. She told me to stop seeing you and that I was just some foolish teenager and when I said I couldn't, things got ugly."
Carmilla couldn't see straight, her head was swimming with everything she endured and everything she put Laura through in the past three years and it made her sick to her stomach.
"That night when I left your house, she called 16 times and left four voicemails within, maybe four hours. I knew it wasn't going to be a happy reunion when I got home that morning, but I went back anyway. She was waiting up for me in the study with a glass of wine and there were suitcases by the stairs when I walked through the front door. I was beyond scared. She was too calm, she didn't yell at me, or even try to hit me. When she saw me she simply stood up, took a sip of her wine and told me that the bags were mine and she handed me my passport and an address and she told me my flight left at nine, for Paris. She said that if I didn't go she would make sure you would never step foot on the grounds of this school as long as she was Dean. What the hell was I supposed to do, Laura?"
The look on Laura's face and the tears that were falling down her cheeks made Carmilla's heart drop to the floor, but she had to keep going. She needed to say what she had been practicing in her head since she left and she needed to get it all out now or she was afraid she wouldn't be able to start again. She wraps her arms around herself and looks down at the floor.
"She shut my phone off shortly after that. I tried to call you and I tried to write, from Paris, but she monitored every fucking thing I did. She wasn't even in Paris with me and she still managed to control my life. She had me in classes for most of the day, Monday through Friday. I had music lessons in the mornings, French, Latin, German tutors in the afternoons, and in the evenings after the boxing and bullshit yoga classes my doctor suggested I take because of my anger issues, I was so exhausted I couldn't see straight. On Saturdays she made me take dance lessons and on Sundays I spent my mornings with a therapist that she highly recommended and my evenings were spent with Mattie because she was supposed to report back to mother on my progress. It was three years of Hell, Laura."
Carmilla's cheeks are wet with her own tears now and she takes a deep breath before she continues, risking a look at Laura.
"I drowned everything that was you in bottles of expensive wine and whiskey and girls whose names I don't remember. She only let me transfer here because I convinced her I was over you and I believed that I was for a long time, but Laura, I'm not. I'm not over you at all. If you still need some time, I understand that. Take as much time as you need, but I need you. I am so sorry, Laura. I am so, so sorry."
Laura's fists are wrapped so tightly around Carmilla's blanket that her knuckles are white. She's shaking and her mouth is hanging open as if she wants to say something, but no words come out. Her story makes sense, it does, but Laura doesn't understand why Carmilla's mother has such a problem with her or why Carmilla went back to her house after her mother did that to her.
"Laura, say something."
Carmilla whispers, taking a step towards her bed.
"Laura, breathe."
Laura let's out a sob and the shaking in her hands gets worse, her breathing becoming more ragged and uneven with every attempted breath.
" I...Hated...You...I-"
Laura cries.
"Laura, it's okay."
"It's not...I blamed you...for...everything."
Laura lets out another sob. Carmilla's words echo through her head on a loop. I am so, so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I need you. I am so, so sorry. She can't breathe.
"Laura."
Laura hears Carmilla's voice, but it sounds a million miles away. She can see her figure and she can see her mouth moving, but everything's fuzzy and Laura's heart is beating too hard and she can't get air to her lungs fast enough. Suddenly there's a dip in the bed beside her and a warm touch on her leg and on her cheek that sparks every nerve in her body to light. She can feel soft lips pressing to hers and she feels like she's floating except she can feel the blanket still in her, now relaxed, fists and she can feel the bed underneath her and her heart is still beating a mile a minute, but it's the good kind of heartbeat that she wishes she could feel all the time. There's no longer soft lips pressed against hers, but she can breathe normally again and her head is clear and there's no pain in her chest at being this close to Carmilla. Her eyes are closed and their foreheads are pressed together and nothing hurts anymore, not like it used to.