reculer pour mieux sauter (A Carmilla AU fanfic)

by knenok95

Hollstein AU where everyone's human and a certain relationship goes on a three year hiatus after a member of said relationship "disappears". Also, Carmilla's an artist with anger issues and a motorcycle and Laura's dealing with a lot of shit. There's a lot of feelings. (For the sake of this story, Silas is a small town in the middle of nowhere in the Northeastern United States.)

9. guérison

The funerals and wake were the following weekend. Laura was out of it for pretty much the entire rest of that week and weekend and mostly stayed silent, other than the occasional one worded responses to Carmilla's questions or the monotonous, rehearsed ' Thank you for coming ' and the robotic ' I'm fine ' when any of her relatives asked how she was at the service. Since that last day in the hospital, Laura had refused to go back to the house she lived in for the first six years of her life, and the past couple days, where Noah and her father had moved back to during Laura's freshman year. Carmilla (after a lot of persuasion from Perry), along with Lafontaine and Mattie's help (Perry had stayed behind with Laura, baking and keeping her busy), moved all of Laura's things she brought from Silas (which wasn't a whole lot) to the house Carmilla's father had left for her, leaving Noah to take care of the Hollis home. In other words, Carmilla and Laura (And Finn and Doc, of course) now lived under the same roof. Mattie and Laf and Perry stayed in the spare bedrooms.

The house seemed like it had been, simply, plopped down in the middle of a clearing of trees that seemed to stretch on for miles. 32 acres to be exact. The clearing was about three acres, with a river running along the back of the lot. The house sat about a mile inland from the road, the driveway lined with dense trees on either side, and just wide enough to barely fit one car. When Carmilla first came to the house, she wasn't sure it was even the right one. The driveway opened up into a wide circle in front and there was a dog run that ran down the side of the clearing that was attached to the house.

The house was essentially three stories, with the first being the walk out basement, which had a bar and a fireplace, as well as a bathroom and a furnace room and a small area under the stairs stocked with centuries old wine that Carmilla's grandfather had collected during his time overseas. The basement had an old pool table set up and a small lounging space fixed with a couch that had seen better days and old brown leather chairs that Carmilla actually fancied, next to the fireplace. The second story was an open floor plan with a fireplace in the living room, the kitchen and dining room off to the right and a mudroom to the left with three bedrooms and a bathroom down a hallway off the kitchen. Another stairway led to the third floor that contained the master bedroom, which had it's own bathroom, a smaller nursery-like room, and a reading loft that extended over the mud room that had bookshelves that reached the ceiling, filled with novels. Everything was covered in white sheets and dust when they got there and the heat wasn't working throughout the house so Carmilla allowed Lafontaine to start a fire, if they promised not to burn the house down, and the five of them slept on the floor in the living room the first night, moving the furniture out of the way so they could lay blankets down on the carpeted floor.

Laura didn't sleep that night, meaning Carmilla didn't either. Laura sat in front of the fireplace, a blanket that Carmilla draped over her shoulders sometime between 10 pm and midnight, wrapped tightly around her and an untouched bag of fast food on the floor next to her. Carmilla lay on her spot on the floor, wrapped up in several blankets, her head resting on her arm behind her head as she watched Laura, being there for comfort if Laura needed her, but also just far enough away that Laura could have her space. Laura crawled over to Carmilla around four in the morning and buried her head in Carmilla's chest and Carmilla wrapped her arms around her shoulders and they silently watched the flames flicker behind the grate of the fireplace, not moving until the sun was coming through the skylights above their heads. Perry and Lafontaine shared an old ratted sleeping bag that Carmilla had found in one of the bathroom closets and Mattie, reluctantly, slept on her jacket on the floor, claiming there was no way in hell she was using one of the blankets they had found in the house, on the other side of Carmilla and Laura, and used a blanket they brought from the Hollis' to cover herself with. The dogs switched spots between sleeping at Lafontaine and Perry's feet and Laura and Carmilla's. They wouldn't go near Mattie. After that night Mattie chewed out the moving truck company and her airline and had most of Carmilla's things delivered the next day, well the important things, like mattresses and blankets. The next couple of days, they had laid the mattresses in the living room, again in front of the fireplace, with clean sheets and blankets without moth holes that didn't smell like the back corner of a closet that hadn't been touched in 20 some years..

It was the following Saturday after Mr. Hollis' funeral when Carmilla finally found someone to come out and fix the heat for the house. The entirety of Carmilla's belongings had arrived that afternoon, along with Laura's, which Mattie took the liberty of sending after she and Lafontaine and Perry were back in Silas. Carmilla was sorting through boxes on the kitchen floor, with Finn in her lap, nonchalantly watching Laura out of the corner of her eye as she quietly worked on an end of the term paper, sitting at the kitchen table, when her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number that was flashing across her screen, so she let it go to voicemail, only to be left with several text messages and a voicemail notification. It wasn't 30 seconds later when her phone started ringing again. She groaned when the buzzing picked back up, but this time she answered it with a curt 'What'.

"Carmilla Karnstein?"

It was a woman. Carmilla could hear the relief flooding her voice even through the phone, which was a bit confusing. Carmilla raised her eyebrow, glancing over at Laura who was now watching her with a curious expression, before responding.

"Speaking."

The woman on the other line let out a sigh.

"Oh, thank God I got ahold of you."

Carmilla's eyebrows knitted together. Why was this woman so glad to be talking to her .

"May I ask who's calling?"

Carmilla asked, slightly annoyed.

"Oh, shit, right, my apologies-" The woman on the other end squeaked. "My names Sarah-Jane Radshaw, my client, Mr. Vordenberg was extremely interested in some of your work, well all of-"

"My work?"

Carmilla looked back up at Laura to find her mouthing, ' Who is it? ', to which Carmilla just shrugged as the woman began talking again.

"Yeah, your work, at the gallery on fifth and maple? Wait, did Miss Spieldorf tell you she gave me your contact information?"

"Uh, she did not."

"Well, this is probably awkward then, I'll email you my information and Mr. Vordenberg's offer for the entire series. Let me know if we need to adjust the price, he's willing to make a compromise, within reason of course. Have a good night, Miss Karnstein."

"Wait, what? He wants the enti-"

And with that the line went dead, leaving Carmilla dumbstruck. She muttered a ' what the fuck ' before lifting herself off the kitchen floor, moving Finn into Laura's lap and making her way down the hall to what was soon to be the office, ignoring the email notification that popped up on her screen and immediately called her boss. She answered on the second ring.

"Carmilla, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Betty answered sweetly.

"You're selling my work, now?"

Carmilla didn't know if she should be mad or flattered that someone was actually interested, but right now she was more confused than anything.

"Ah, Sarah-Jane finally got in touch with you, eh?"

Carmilla rolled her eyes and began pacing in front of the open office door.

"I told you, specifically , I wasn't in it to make money. I mean those are personal. Isn't it weird that some man wants to buy an entire showroom of my work? He doesn't even know the meaning behind those pieces."

"Did she tell you the price he's offering, Carmilla?"

"No, she just sent me an email with all the information in it, I haven't opened it, yet, though. I don't-"

"Open it."

"Betty, I don't want his money."

"Carmilla, open it."

Carmilla groans, but puts the call on speakerphone and opens the email. She skims past the bullshit greetings and when she reaches the middle of the thread, she pauses mid stride and almost drops her phone at how many zeros there are at the end of the number in bold.

"What the fuck , my work is not worth that much. How the fuck- Ugh, he doesn't even-"

"Think about it."

Carmilla runs her free hand through her hair, turning to look out the large window, her back to the door. She watches a squirrel run up a tree and a bird fly near the window before it dives down and lands somewhere in the trees.

"I've thought about it, it's not happening. I told you, I don't-"

"Yeah, yeah, you told me a lot. Just go meet with him, it's not going to hurt." Carmilla listens to Betty sigh on the other end. "Anyway, I've been meaning to tell you, that exhibition I had you working on before you left is this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. We decided to call it 'Repressed Colors'. Theo came up with it, it's not bad. At least he's good for something. I need you to set up your work for the exhibit and take down some old stuff around the showroom. You can take all of your stuff with you after if you'd like or I can have Theo send it, but I wouldn't advice that. The kid has no clue what the hell he's doing half the time. Plus, the storage room and loft look atrocious and your shit is everywhere. Oh, and that lovely piece you left by the easel is definitely going in the show. Who was the other-"

"Stop-"

Carmilla can feel her face heat up at the memory of what her and Laura had done on that particular piece. Her mind wanders to the moments leading up to that point. The take out, Laura and the chopsticks, the kiss… She can feel a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"Fine, I don't need to know details, but I would need you here on Monday and you'd be staying the week."

Carmilla shakes her head free of anything Laura and turns her attention back to Betty.

"Betty, I-"

"I will pay you. Carmilla, Theo can't- Don't make me beg."

Carmilla smirks at the neediness in Betty's tone.

"Kinda want to hear you beg, though."

"Carmilla."

Carmilla chuckles.

"Fine."

"So, you'll do it?"

Carmilla rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, whatever, I'll be there Monday."

"I'd say I owe you, but-"

"Bye."

With that, Carmilla hangs up the phone, shaking her head. She goes to turn around to walk back out to the kitchen to continue unpacking, but freezes mid step when she sees Laura in the office doorway, leaning against the frame with Doc in her arms and Finn now at Carmilla's feet.

"Where are you going Monday?"

Carmilla runs a hand through her hair, placing her phone in her back pocket.

"Uh, Betty needs my help at the gallery. That show I told you about is this weekend and I sort of owe her big time for letting me use the loft and the new kid she has working there is shit and I sort of left in a hurry and all my shit is still there-"

Laura holds up her free hand.

"Carm, it's fine. Go."

"I'd be there Monday through Saturday, that's-"

"Really, it's fine."

Carmilla doesn't know whether she should believe her or not. She knows how Laura is and with her father just having passed away, Carmilla doesn't think she should leave her here alone. Flashbacks of the time her mom died course through Carmilla's head and her mind is definitely made up. There's no way Laura is staying at the house by herself.

"Go with me."

"Carm, I can stay by myself, I'm not-"

"I know you can, but I want you to come with me."

Carmilla takes a step closer to where Laura hasn't moved from her spot in the doorway.

"What about the dogs? Unpacking?"

Suddenly, Carmilla realizes something that she failed to before, with all the chaos of Mr. Hollis' passing.

Unpacking. Boxes. At Carmilla's house. Carmilla's house that her father gave her. With Laura. Some of these boxes are filled with Laura's things. Laura's things are in her home. Their home.

"We can leave the monsters with Laf and Perry, they love them. Well, maybe not Perry, but Laf certainly does. As for unpacking, the boxes will still be here when we get back, or we don't have to unpack, we don't have to do anything. I could sell the house. We could move back. We could-"

Laura watches the panic flash across Carmilla's features.

"Woah, what? Where did that come from? You don't need to sell the house, Carm. This was where your father grew up, you're happy here, I can see it in your-"

"Are you , though?"

"Am I what?"

"Happy...here?"

Carmilla watches Laura carefully, looking for any sign of doubt or regret in her eyes as she answers.

"Yes, Carm, I am more than happy here. It was a little sudden and out of the blue, sure, but it's new and- I like it here. It's quiet, I can't hear my neighbors having sex through paper thin walls-" Laura let's out a breathy laugh. "We've got the dogs, the view in the morning is amazing...You're here."

"But, you're okay with this? The whole, living together thing? It doesn't freak you out?"

"Carm. No. I like...being here with you, it's-"

Carmilla feels a smirk form on her lips.

"Domestic."

Laura rolls her eyes.

"Relax. You practically lived at my house when we were kids. Two people don't have to be in a relationship to live together. We're just-"

"Practically married."

It's Laura's turn to smirk.

"With two kids."

Carmilla bends down to pick Finn up off the floor before he turned something innocent like the corner of a box, into his chew toy, and brings him up to her chest, where he licks her face, without mercy. She cranes her neck to try and get away from his puppy breath.

"It's good practice."

Carmilla mumbles, trying to keep her mouth somewhat closed as to not allow access for the happy pup in her arms. Laura walks further into the room to where Carmilla and Finn are, patting him on the head.

"Sure, except I want three."

Laura is still smirking.

"Three what?"

"Kids."

Carmilla raises an eyebrow in Laura's direction.

"Yeah? You have this all planned out?"

"Since we were nine."

A small smile plays at Laura's features. She keeps her eyes trained to Finn in Carmilla's grasp.

"Let's hear it, then."

Laura's eyes shoot up to Carmilla's, who is watching her intently.

"What?"

"My life. I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into, Cupcake."

Carmilla sits on top of one of the boxes in the middle of the room and places Finn in her lap, letting him chew gently on the knuckle of her forefinger. Laura shrugs, her face heating up slightly, before taking a seat on the box across from Carmilla.

"Well, I'd like to be married by 26. Outdoor wedding in the fall, so it's not too hot and not too cold and the leaves are still colorful and on the trees, but there's some on the ground too. Um, first kid at 27, a girl. I think I like the name Charlotte or Charlie for short, or just Charlie. Probably just Charlie. Her middle name could be Madeline. Second kid at 28, a boy. Liam. It means warrior, I like that. Him and Char would be close and look after each other. The third kid would come a little later, maybe 30, another boy. I like Hayden. Bayley, maybe." Laura grimaces. "Actually, not Bayley. That girl that picked on me in third grade was named Bailee. She was a jerk."

Carmilla was trying not to smile like an idiot because what Laura had just explained sounded perfect to her. She focused on Finn in her lap, biting the inside of her cheek.

"Yeah, not Bayley. She told her older sister that you were being mean to her when you were just trying to stick up for yourself and she made you cry."

"And then you kicked her in the shin and she never talked to either of us again."

Carmilla looked up at Laura then to find she was smiling at her. Carmilla didn't bother trying to hide how ridiculous her smile probably was.

"Damn right, she didn't." Carmilla looks right into Laura's eyes before whispering, "I think I can manage the rest, though."

---

Carmilla was in the master bedroom "packing" from boxes on the floor in the middle of the room. "Packing" because Carmilla's version of packing is throwing a bunch of black shirts, a pair of black pants and her toiletries in a suitcase and calling it a day. She was just starting to get Finn and Doc's things ready for the trip.

"Hey, Laura, can you hand me the dog leashes? I think they're by the front door."

Carmilla called down from the bedroom. No answer.

"Laura?"

No answer. Carmilla grabbed the suitcase off the floor and started wheeling it out the bedroom door and dragged it down the stairs before making her way down the hall and into the living room to where she thought Laura was.

"Hey, if we're planning on leaving in the morning-" Carmilla paused in front of the basement stairs. Laura wasn't in the living room. "Laura?"

"Noah stopped by…"

Carmilla about had a heart attack when Laura finally spoke up from where she was standing in the mudroom on the rug in front of the front door.

"What'd he want?"

Carmilla questioned, cautiously. Laura lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. Carmilla took a step closer to her, leaving the suitcase by the basement door. Laura's eyes never left the envelope in her hand.

"He dropped off a few boxes and this."

Laura holds up the paper envelope in her hands. Carmilla closes the distance between them, taking the box Laura was carrying and setting it down on the floor next to the other three that were against the wall by the front door.

"What is it?"

Carmilla asks. Laura shrugs again, but makes no move to open it. Noah's words before he walked back to his jeep in the driveway were rambling through Laura's brain. ' These were Dad's, I thought you might want them. ' ' These were Dad's... ' ' ...Dad's. ' Carmilla can see the faint lining of something in the corner of the envelope and another object, almost as long as the envelope itself, causing the envelope to bulge.

"Do you want me to-"

Laura shakes her head, stepping around Carmilla towards the island in the kitchen. She places the envelope on the island counter before resting her hands on either side on the cold granite. Carmilla watches her carefully, leaving at least ten feet between them. She can see Laura's hands shaking from where she's standing and her eyebrows knit together in concern.

"Laur."

Laura shakes her head and let's out a hollow laugh.

"It's just an envelope. Why can't I- It's just an envelope."

She whispers. Carmilla walks slowly behind Laura and reaches her hand around to where Laura's was still resting stiffly on the counter before resting her chin on Laura's shoulder and flipping their hands, bringing Laura's palm to her lips and placing a soft kiss there before threading their fingers together. Laura relaxes into Carmilla's embrace and let's her head fall back to Carmilla's shoulder, closing her eyes. Carmilla wraps her other arm around Laura's waist, holding her against her as Laura shakily takes the envelope in her free hand. Carmilla places a small kiss to the back of Laura's shoulder and lets go of their intertwined hands to wrap both arms around Laura's waist. Laura opens her eyes and takes a deep breath before carefully opening the envelope with her now free hand. Laura holds it open in front of her, letting out a small gasp.

Wedged in the corner of the envelope are two silver bands, one larger than the other, but nearly identical. In the other corner is a ring that looks to be older than the house they're standing in. There's a single silver chain tangled at the bottom of the envelope and the thing that was bulging out is a pocket knife with a wooden handle. Laura reaches in and carefully removes each item, placing them on the counter in front of her. In the side of the knife's handle, the name 'Harrison' is engraved. Harrison Hollis. Whenever anyone would call him by his full first name, he'd politely tell them, ' Oh, no, Harrison was my father. Please, call me Harry. ' Laura runs her fingers across her father's name, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips, a silent tear trailing down her cheek. She recognizes the knife as the one her father always had on him. He would bring it with him to work, leaving it in his shirt's chest pocket. Next, she picks up the silver bands. She recognizes them as the rings her father used to wear around his neck. She used to play with them when she was smaller and she had had a bad dream, after her mother died she had a lot of those. She would join her father in his room and fall asleep in his arms, the rings clasped in her tiny fist. Laura grabbed the silver chain from the counter and spent a couple minutes carefully untangling the links before she placed the chain through the silver bands and clasped the two ends together. She slid the chain over her head and the two bands hung low in the middle of her chest, between her breasts. Carmilla pulled her hair out from under the chain and let it go over Laura's right shoulder, placing a gentle kiss at the back of her neck while Laura picked up the last ring from the counter. She recognized it as her mother's ring. Laura remembered stories from her mother about the ring in her closed fist. It was passed down to the first born girl through generations on her mother's side. It had been Laura's grandmother's before it was her mother's and now it was hers and she would pass it down to her daughter later on her 18th birthday.

"It was my mom's."

Laura whispered, softly, her eyes glued to the ring in her hand.

"It's gorgeous, Laura."

Laura nods before turning around in Carmilla's arms, her eyes still trained on the ring between her thumb and forefinger. Carmilla's hands trail down Laura's body to rest on her hips, drawing slow, comforting circles in the exposed skin just above the waistline of Laura's jeans, under her sweatshirt.

"It's been passed down from generations going back to the late 1800's. I was supposed to get it when I turned 18, I just thought it was lost or that my dad didn't want me to have it. I figured he kept it for himself after my mom died. I didn't think I'd see it again."

"What did you have planned for it?"

Laura looks up at Carmilla then, meeting her eyes. Laura's cheeks are wet, but there are no more tears running down her cheeks.

"Give it to my daughter, but for now-" Laura shakes her head. She glances back down at the ring then back up at Carmilla. "I think you should have it."

Carmilla's hands freeze on Laura's hips. Her eyes snapping from Laura's to the antique family heirloom in Laura's hand.

"Laura, I can't-"

"Please? It's not like an engagement ring or anything, just- I don't know, I don't plan on getting rid of you. If anything, think of it as a promise ring? Or don't, just-"

Carmilla laughs.

"Well, today has certainly been way more sentimental than I'd like. You're basically forcing me to marry you and have a family. I mean, I can't exactly say no when you've had our lives planned out since we were nine."

Carmilla winks and Laura pushes her shoulder and sniffles, a smile plastered on her face.

"Shut up and take the ring."

"Wow, Hollis, you just earned yourself the award for the worst. Proposal. Ever."

Laura rolls her eyes before shoving the ring into Carmilla's hand. Carmilla holds onto it like it's the most precious thing in the world.

Carmilla woke up the following morning way too early for her liking. Her and Laura were planning on leaving around six so they would make it to Perry and Laf's for dinner, but there was no way it was six yet. She didn't even bother risking a glance at her phone that was plugged into the wall beside the mattress she deemed her bed for the night, she knew if she looked it would just make being awake more of a burden. She went to turn over to seek warmth from the girl who insisted they share the mattress instead of one of them sleeping in the living room, but was met with an empty bed. Laura's pillow and blanket weren't even in her spot and the mattress wasn't warm where Carmilla was sure Laura fell asleep the night before. Carmilla figured she had changed her mind about them sleeping in the same bed and went and laid on one of the mattresses downstairs. Well, that's what she thought until she noticed the unmistakable yellow pillow, hanging off the foot of the mattress, half on the floor. So, Laura did sleep in here all night?

Carmilla attempts to rub the sleep from her eyes, slowly maneuvering her body to grab the yellow pillow and placing it back next to hers before making her way downstairs. All the lights are off throughout the house, except for the dim light of the tv sitting on the floor of the living room, playing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Carmilla rolls her eyes, a small smile forming on her lips. The Prisoner of Azkaban was Laura's favorite out of the series. Carmilla continues through the main floor of the house, checking each bedroom, all empty, then the bathrooms, also empty. The bathroom upstairs was empty and she hadn't noticed anyone in the reading loft when she walked by earlier, either. The house was a decent size, but not big enough to lose somebody in. Carmilla noticed the several pairs of keys on the counter in the kitchen. Okay, well if she went somewhere she didn't take a car or the motorcycle, her shoes are still by the front door, and she has her blanket and possibly the dogs?

Carmilla continues her search and decides to check the basement next. Halfway down the stairs, the temperature noticeably drops and Carmilla has to wrap her arms around herself to shield her upper body from the cold, but it does nothing to help her bare legs and arms or the cold from the tile under her feet. She walks towards the pool table in the middle of the basement and notices the door leading to the backyard is open a sliver, letting in the cool night air. Carmilla grabs a blanket that was haphazardly thrown onto the back of the couch to her left and wraps it around her shoulders before she quietly opens the sliding glass door and steps outside. It's not as cold as she thought, but the wind is enough to cause a shiver to run through her body.

She doesn't see Laura right away, but if the sound of two playing pups, growling somewhere in the yard, is any indication Carmilla would say she found her. She walks along the dog run, her feet silent in the soft grass, until she sees a figure sitting cross legged on top of the picnic table near the river, the moon shining on her dirty blonde hair, her blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders. Finn and Doc are wrestling in the grass under the picnic table. Carmilla watches as Laura picks at the wood on the table, her shoulders sagged. She contemplates turning back around and leaving her alone, but one of the pups spots her and her cover's been blown. She walks a couple steps before bending down to pick Finn up at her feet.

"Finn, get over here, what are you-"

Laura about jumps out of her skin when she turns her head around and sees Carmilla standing behind her, a few feet from the picnic table, her hand flying to her chest.

"Jesus Christ, Carmilla, you scared the shit out of me!"

Carmilla just laughs.

"Jesus Christ had nothing to do with it, Cutie."

Even in the dark, Carmilla can see Laura roll her eyes before turning back around to face the river. Carmilla closes the distance between them and takes a seat on the picnic table, next to Laura, when she notices a pack of cigarettes in front of Laura and a couple butts in a red solo cup next to the pack. Carmilla raises her eyebrow, setting Finn in her lap before bending down to scoop Doc up from where he was trying to get up onto the picnic table, and turning to Laura.

"Take up smoking in your spare time?"

Laura doesn't acknowledge that she's heard Carmilla and a couple seconds go by when Carmilla decides maybe being a smartass isn't helping anything and she starts thinking of something else to say, but Laura wipes at her cheeks and only then does Carmilla notice the remnants of dried tears before Laura speaks, barely a whisper.

"Old friend."

Carmilla grabs the pack from in front of Laura and opens it, she counts six cigarettes before she pulls one out, along with the lighter and sticks the filter end in her mouth. Laura watches her with mild curiosity and a raised eyebrow as Carmilla lights the cigarette between her lips. She takes a long ,well practiced, drag, letting the smoke flow out through her nose before she turns to Laura and hands her back the pack and the lighter, shrugging.

"Older friend."

Laura just nods once. They sit in comfortable silence as Carmilla finishes the cigarette and gently puts it out before she discards the butt in the red solo cup. Carmilla wraps the blanket tighter around her as another gust of wind sweeps past them and unconsciously moves closer to Laura. It doesn't take long before they're practically on top of each other and Carmilla notices Laura's knee brushing against her own, their arms touching, but decides to ignore the fact that, now, when the wind blows, ruffling their loose hair, she isn't cold. Carmilla chances a glance at Laura. Her eyes are glistening, from unshed tears, in the moonlight, her face relaxed as she watches the slow current in the river in front of them. Carmilla traces the profile of Laura's face with her eyes, pausing at her lips, making sure to memorize their shape, before her eyes travel back up to Laura's honey brown colored eyes and the golden specks in her irises. It's only when Carmilla notices a small smirk playing at the corner of Laura's lips that she realizes she's staring. For how long, she has no idea, but she's been caught. She mumbles a ' Shut up ' before returning her gaze to the water. She can see Laura silently laugh out of the corner of her eye and she sniffles before shaking her head and lying back on the picnic table. Carmilla hears her sigh and she places Finn and Doc between them before she lies down next to Laura, her eyes shifting from the water to the stars.

"Remember when we were little and you would tell me random things about the stars when I was upset to get my mind off things and distract me?" Laura turned her head to catch a small smile on Carmilla's lips and a small nod from the girl beside her. "You never admitted that's what you were doing, but I always knew. You always knew when something was bothering me. I never questioned how, or even why, but I've always been curious. Honestly, I thought I covered it up pretty well, but that's not the point." Laura turned her attention back to the stars, silently acknowledging the constellations Carmilla used to talk about for hours. "I just...I wanted to say thank you. No one else can do that. They've tried, trust me. I missed it...when you were gone. There was no one to talk to me about the constellations when my mind ran rapid and I had to find other ways to quiet my thoughts." Laura felt a single tear escape the corner of her eye. "Sometimes I would try and replay your stories on repeat in my head when I was upset, but I think that just made everything worse. You always told them with so much passion and love and I hung onto every word, but it wasn't the same."Laura's voice dropped to a whisper. "I tried drinking away my thoughts, but that didn't end well. I tried sleeping them away...fucking them away. The only thing that seemed to remotely work was the drugs. It was an accident, how I got into using. I didn't even know I was doing drugs, if that tells you anything-"

Carmilla had been silent the entire time during Laura's monologue. Sometime in the middle, Carmilla's hand found Laura's and she began to, absentmindedly, draw small circles in the center of Laura's palm with her thumb. Carmilla didn't know where this was coming from, but if Laura was finally opening up to her, she wasn't going to risk fucking it up, but she also didn't want Laura to feel pressured to tell her anything she didn't want to and up until now, everything coming out of Laura's mouth had been unchartered territory that was considered off limits.

"Cupcake, you don't have to-"

"Carm…"

Laura turned to face Carmilla, propping herself up on her elbow. The unsurity in her own voice scared her. It didn't sound like her speaking, her voice was so small, but she knew she had to get this out. Carmilla wasn't sure she wanted to hear what was about to come out of her mouth, but Laura's eyes were pleading and sad and now she was eyeing the ring Carmilla put on a loose chain around her neck after Laura had given it to her the evening before and when she picked it up in between her fingers and her eyes met with Carmilla's, they were shielded and there was a hint of guilt in her features. It was enough for Carmilla to whisper a 'hm' in response. Laura shifted uncomfortably and her eyes fell to the ring in her hand, attached to the silver necklace hanging from Carmilla's neck, before finding their way back up to look into Carmilla's eyes. Laura started rolling the ring between her forefinger and thumb as she rested her head on Carmilla's chest.

"I want...I want to tell you what happened that night I got in the car accident."

Carmilla swallowed hard, her mind going back to the hospital when Noah had first mentioned the accident and then to the morning Laura found Carmilla outside her building and she had mentioned she almost died and Carmilla ignores the way her stomach drops at the thought, but she wraps her arms around Laura's shoulders, anyway, and rubs her back softly, waiting for Laura to continue. When she does, Carmilla doesn't think she wants to know anymore.

"The night it happened- I was- It...it was the anniversary of my mom's...and it was the first year you-"

Laura struggled to get out the admission. She knew it would hurt Carmilla to hear this, but she had to live through it. Carmilla grimaces, her hand pausing on Laura's back. She remembers that day, the first year after she left. She tried to get her mother to let her call Laura to explain, to tell her she was sorry, to say she wanted to be there, to tell her she was getting on the next plane, anything. She tried so hard. It was the first time, since Laura's mother's passing, that Carmilla wasn't with Laura on that day. For ten years, Carmilla made sure she was always with Laura on the anniversary of her mother's death. Ten years. They made a tradition out of going to the cemetery to visit her mother, at first with Laura's father, but as they got older, they went just the two of them and it was special. They brought Laura's mother lilies even though the weather was never right for them. After, they always went and ate at her mother's favorite diner, ordering milkshakes and fries and dessert to take home to eat in the early hours of the morning when Laura couldn't sleep. Ten years and one time Carmilla isn't there. She imagines Laura doing their ritual by herself and her heart clenches in her chest.

"Laura, I am so-"

Laura shakes her head.

"No, it's not your fault, please don't think of it as your fault. Just- I need to say what really happened and it needs to be you I tell. Just...listen. No talking. Okay?"

Carmilla nods her head, her eyebrows knitted together. She continues rubbing circles into Laura's back.

"Okay...Well, I was upset because you...you never missed it, even if we weren't on the best of terms, you never left me alone on that day. So, when you didn't show up, I got really mad, at myself and you and my dad and Noah, and at that point I was practically a ticking time bomb anyway, everyone was just standing by, waiting for me to go off. I guess that did the trick." Laura sniffles and takes a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, I was upset. My dad wasn't helping and Noah had already left for boot camp by then so I kind of just took matters into my own hands and I ended up driving for nearly two hours before I had to stop for gas and one thing led to another and I ended up at this party in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and...I don't know. I didn't know anyone there, they were all older college kids with money and expensive booze and drugs and I didn't give two shits about anything, so I drank what they gave me and took whatever pills they took and I don't- I don't remember a lot of what happened, there's parts of the night that are just blank. It's just a black spot in my head, I've tried so hard to remember, but I can't." Laura shakes her head and tucks herself closer into Carmilla's side. "What I do remember is meeting this girl, I couldn't tell you what she looked like, but she was there and she was fun and we were interested in each other, or maybe that was the alcohol and drugs. I remember her having a bag, small enough to fit in her pocket. It kept distracting me, I didn't know what it was, or what was in it. At one point she put her finger in the bag and pulled out this powdered stuff. I remember her putting her finger to my lips and I didn't push her away when she put her finger in my mouth and put it on my gums...but that's not the part- Um...I don't know how much later it was after that, but...she took me upstairs-"

"Laura, you don't have to-"

Laura moves to look up at Carmilla through her eyelashes.

"I do. Please, Carm."

Carmilla sighs, but mumbles a ' sorry ' in the shorter girl's hair.

"It's okay, I'm almost done, I just...need to get this out."

Carmilla nods her head, placing a gentle kiss to the top of Laura's head as they settled back into their previous position and Laura continued with her story.

"So, she took me upstairs and into one of the bedrooms." Carmilla felt Laura tense against her and listened to her trying to keep her breathing normal. "It was just us for awhile, or maybe he was there the entire time, I don't know, but it started off as us just kissing on the bed, but then there was this guy there and...he didn't want to just kiss." Laura paused, taking a few deep breaths. Carmilla ignored the feeling of Laura's quick heartbeat on her chest and tried to keep hers regulated for Laura's sake. She tried to keep the anger she felt in the pit of her stomach at bay, but it was growing more and more difficult with each word from Laura's mouth. "The girl gave me more of the stuff from her bag I remember her whispering something to either me or the guy, but I don't remember what she said, it was hard to concentrate and my heart was beating really fast, and then she left, or it seemed like she left, at that point it felt like the guy was the only one in the room, it didn't really even feel like I was there. I felt like I was watching myself, like a movie." Laura's voice cracked and she cleared her throat, sniffling, but letting the tears flow freely onto Carmilla's shirt. She took a deep breath to steady herself and continued. "The guy...he- I was wearing a dress, so it wasn't that hard to- he kept his hand over my mouth...He was strong, but he must've been drunk off his ass...I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to get out from underneath him and into the hallway and I made it to my car and then I was driving and crying and I was scared and I don't remember anything after that. I woke up in the hospital and everything hurt and Noah was there and he was furious." Carmilla couldn't keep her heartbeat tamed for much longer. The thought of Laura scared out of her mind, hurt, manipulated, used, taken advantage of, in a hospital, in pain...it all made the anger seem to boil over and on the inside she was fuming. Images of a faceless man with his hand over Laura's mouth and another up her dress filled her mind and fueled the fire. Her jaw clenched and she felt her breathing pick up and body tense under Laura, but she was trying to focus on not clenching her fists and remaining as calm as she could for Laura. "No one else knows what I just told you. I didn't even tell the police what happened at the party. I can't- You can't tell anyone what happened."

"I wouldn't, you know that."

Carmilla's jaw was still clenched shut so her words came out in more of a mumble, but she tried to keep her tone more gentle than angry because she wasn't, at all, mad at Laura, she was mad at herself and the girl that lured Laura to the bedroom and the guy that took advantage of her. Her mind couldn't get rid of the image of the man on top of Laura's body and when she closes her eyes, he's still there, but when Laura nods her head against Carmilla's chest and grabs one of her hands, intertwining their fingers, Carmilla feels the anger die down subtly and her jaw isn't as clenched as it had been and her body was mostly relaxed. How she had made it three years without Laura by her side was a mystery.

They laid wrapped up in each other, in comfortable silence, for what seemed like hours. Carmilla had started to drift off to sleep not too long after she relaxed. Laura knew Carmilla was probably exhausted so she didn't bother waking her up, instead listening to her steady heartbeat and her breathing even out. The hand that had been slowing rubbing circles into Laura's back slowly came to a stop and eventually went limp. Neither of them moved until the sunrise started poking up over the horizon.

"Carm…" Laura whispered into Carmilla's neck from where her head was now resting on Carmilla's shoulder. Carmilla didn't move. "Carm, come on. You're going to miss it." Laura placed a kiss in the crook of Carmilla's neck. She stirred, slightly, and groaned, but made no move to wake up. Laura kissed her shoulder again before moving along along Carmilla's collarbone and up her neck, leaving soft kisses as she went. Carmilla stirred again, but kept her eyes closed. She couldn't keep the smile off her face for long as Laura's lips eventually made their way to hers and before she knew it she was kissing Laura back. Laura pulled back after a few seconds. "Open your eyes, the sun's coming up." Laura whispered, hovering over Carmilla's lips. Carmilla groans, reluctantly opening her eyes. Laura's head is turned toward the rising sun, the flecks of gold in her eyes catching the light. Carmilla doesn't realize she's staring until Laura's eyes meet hers and Carmilla catches a light pink blush into her cheeks before she turns her head back. "You're missing it, Carm."

"That's okay." Carmilla says, barely above a whisper, mostly to herself.

It wasn't until around 7:30 that Laura and Carmilla grabbed the dogs and made their way back inside, not caring that they were supposed to leave the house at six.

---

Carmilla made a light breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast while Laura showered and had a fresh pot of coffee ready by the time she came back out, her hair still wet, hanging past her shoulders.

"First order of business, when we get back: new shower heads. The water pressure in those things is horrible."

Carmilla placed the still warm eggs and buttered toast and a bottle of hot sauce in front of Laura, where she took a seat at the island in the kitchen before turning around to poor her a cup of coffee.

"Noted. I'll put it on the to do list before 'new carpet' and 'getting rid of the atrocious wallpaper'."

Carmilla pulls out a paper plate from the cabinet and picks up a pen from the counter before she puts the cup of fresh coffee in front of Laura who crinkles her nose at it.

"Coffee?"

Carmila raises an eyebrow at her.

"Yes. Coffee. I need you to be the copilot and tell me directions and that requires being awake. Therefore, you need caffeine. We don't have any hot chocolate, I checked the boxes. Don't worry, I put enough creamer and sugar in it, you won't even be able to tell."

Laura smiles before taking a sip and sighing contently.

"I knew I kept you around for something." Laura winks from behind the lip of her coffee cup. "Put hot chocolate on the list...before the shower heads."

Carmilla writes 'To Do' at the top of the paper plate, scribbling numbers down the middle and writing 'get Laura hot chocolate (with marshmallows)' next to the number one, while she sticks a piece of her own toast in her mouth before finishing the list.

"I forgot how attractive I thought you being left handed was…"

Carmilla smirks, taking the toast out of her mouth and placing it on the counter next to her cup of coffee.

"Eat your breakfast, Cupcake, we've got a long day ahead of us."

---

The car ride was supposed to be nine hours and 27 minutes, exactly, meaning if they left at six in the morning, they would arrive at Laf and Perry's around 4:30, in time for dinner, adding on an hour for pit stops and gas.

Lies.

They didn't leave at six. They ended up leaving at nine. Three hours later than originally planned.

By the time Laura and Carmilla arrived at Perry and Lafontaine's apartment it was passed midnight.

It took them 12 hours and nine minutes, total, from the minute Carmilla started her car, in their driveway, to the minute she shut it off.

12 hours. Nine minutes.

Bullshit.

Every two hours Carmilla had to pull over so the dogs could go to the bathroom.

Every. Two. Hours.

Also, bullshit.

At 11:45, Laura's stomach started growling. Loud. Loud enough to be heard over the radio, if that says anything.

Carmilla pulled into a Taco Bell drive through at noon and they ate while she drove.

At one, Carmilla pulled over and let Laura walk the dogs to try and get them to go to the bathroom.

It took nearly 20 minutes, but they finally went and were back on the road by 1:17.

At 2:03, Laura had too pee.

Carmilla pulled into a gas station at 2:21. They took turns using the restroom and staying in the car with the dogs. Laura bought cookies and candy and when Carmilla groaned and rolled her eyes at her, Laura threw a bar of Carmilla's favorite dark chocolate into her lap and that shut her up.

At three, Carmilla pulled over and it was her turn to walk the dogs around. Neither of them went.

At 3:16, Finn peed in the backseat and Carmilla about had a conniption about the safety of her leather seats.

Laura used the Taco Bell napkins to clean it up and Carmilla definitely didn't get distracted by Laura's ass in the rearview mirror when she was reaching into the backseat and she definitely didn't almost rearend the car in front of her.

After that, the dogs sat up front with Laura, in her lap.

At 4:51, Laura started asking how much longer they had. Carmilla could've strangled her after what felt like the hundredth time she asked in less than 20 minutes. She fell asleep shortly after, her head on Carmilla's pillow against the window.

At 6:33, Laura woke up and had to pee again.

Carmilla pulled into a McDonald's parking lot and while Laura did her thing inside, she walked the dogs around in the grass. They both went number one and number two.

Laura came out with double cheeseburgers and fries and four waters.

Around seven, Laura put in a movie on her laptop.

It was Up and she started crying not even five minutes in and Carmilla couldn't stop laughing.

After the movie, Carmilla pulled over and let Laura walk the dogs around on the side of the road while Carmilla plugged her phone into the aux cord and started playing her favorite playlist.

At nine, Laura plugged her phone into the aux cord and right away, Taylor Swift started coming through the speakers.

Carmilla made sure to smack her forehead on the steering wheel a couple times.

At 10:58, Laura was performing I Want it That Way by The Backstreet Boys and not paying attention to the signs on the side of the road and they missed their exit.

It took longer than expected to find their way back to the freeway and illegally turn back around before they found the exit again and got off.

At 12:26, Laura and Carmilla pulled into Perry and Lafontaine's apartment complex.

It took 12 minutes of driving around in circles to find the right building.

At 12:42, they finally pressed the buzzer and 30 seconds later they were walking through the door.

At 1:03, Carmilla was passed out on the couch, face first in a throw pillow, still wearing her clothes from the previous day.

Laura was setting up the dog kennel in the laundry room.

---

After 12 missed calls, six ignored text messages, two cups of coffee, and a lecture from Laura, Carmilla finally decided to move from the couch...to the bedroom, where she immediately plopped down on the bed that Perry had made up for either her or Laura, but neither slept on. Laura had fallen asleep on the living room floor next to the couch, after putting on a movie shortly after getting the dogs in their kennel and changing into her pajamas.

"Carmilla Karnstein, get your ass up. Your phone has been going off since like nine this morning. I'm about ready to throw it out the window."

Carmilla made no move to get off the bed, instead groaning loudly into the duvet. She felt a small thud on the mattress next to her head.

"Nooooooo, it's not even noon, yet. Let me sleeeeep."

Laura rolls her eyes and laughs from where she's leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

"Carm, it's after 1:30."

Carmilla groans again, but reluctantly rolls over, onto her back and places the palms of her hands to her eyes, rubbing dark spots into her vision.

"Fuck."

"Yeah, get up. Perry made bacon this morning, so that's leftover, and I can make you an omelet if you want."

Carmilla sits up at the mention of food and raises an eyebrow, her hands propping her up from behind her, her legs crossed at her ankles in front of her. Laura smirks and shakes her head before she walks back to the kitchen, yelling 'and take a shower! ' over her shoulder. Carmilla rolls her eyes and plopped herself back down on the bed, pulling her phone out from underneath her where Laura threw it at her. Two more text messages lit up her screen. She sighed and opened up the thread, not bothering to read the previous texts knowing it was Betty and that they all probably said various versions of the same ' Where the fuck are you '. Instead, she simply typed out a quick ' I'm getting in the shower now. I'm bringing Laura. ' Before leaving her phone on the bed and walking to the bathroom across the hall, where two towels were already left out for her on the edge of the sink.

---

Laura was .5 seconds away from barging into the bathroom and pulling Carmilla out by her ear when the bathroom door suddenly opened and out walked a practically naked Carmilla in just a towel, wrapped around her waist and a bra. Laura's eyes widened and a small squeak escaped her mouth as she turned quickly toward the living room where Laf and Perry were sitting on the couch, a sleeping dog in each of their laps. She could hear Carmilla chuckling behind her as she walked into the bedroom and Laura could feel her cheeks heating up.

"Hey, Hollis, could you do me a favor and tell your girlfriend that we have neighbors?"

If possible, Laura's cheeks get even more red, her eyes getting even more wide.

"She's not my- We're not- I don't-"

She can hear Carmilla downright cackling in the bedroom behind her. She groans and glares at Lafontaine as she passes by the couch to the kitchen where Carmilla's cold omelet is sitting on the counter. She throws it in the microwave before joining Laf and Perry on the couch to watch whatever they had on the tv. Laf was snickering next to her.

"Not. Funny."

Laura mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's kinda funny."

Carmilla comments, walking out of the bedroom in her bra and underwear, holding a plain white t shirt and a pair of dark jeans with holes in the knees and paint smudges on one of the back pockets, eliciting a mouse-like squeak of 'Carm!', a gasp from Perry, and a barking laugh from Lafontaine. Laura and Perry both have their hands over their eyes, while Lafontaine just holds out their fist, to which Carmilla bumps her own against, laughing. She slips the shirt over her head and walks into the kitchen, grabbing her omelet from the beeping microwave before folding it in half and shoving a large part of it in her mouth before pulling on her pants.

"Is it safe?"

Laura asked cautiously from behind her hands. Lafontaine laughed at that and Carmilla shoved the rest of the omelet in her mouth before going to stand behind Laura and covering her hands with her own.

"Come on, creampuff, do I have to mention, again , that you've already seen all this?"

Laura swats Carmilla's hands away just as Laf laughs out ' again? ' And Perry elbows them in the ribs, causing an oof to escape their mouth.

"Laura, hon, it's safe."

Perry says through cracked fingers before sighing and dropping her hands to her lap, her shoulders visibly relaxing. Carmilla smirks at the fact that she can see how red Laura's ears are and decides she's having way too much fun with this. She ruffles Laura's hair before bending down so her lips are right next to Laura's ear. She notices Laura's back turn rigid and she definitely notices the goosebumps forming on Laura's bare skin and finds herself smirking even more, if possible.

"Let's go, cutie, I told Betty you'd be joining me."

Laura's body involuntarily shudders at Carmilla's words and that just makes the heat in her cheeks rise even more because what Carmilla said wasn't even remotely suggestive, but Carmilla's voice was low and raspy and Perry and Lafontaine were watching them from their spots on the couch and-

Laura jumps up from the couch and practically sprints into the bedroom. Carmilla laughs and slips on her jacket from where it was hanging up on the hooks by the front door. Laura emerges from the bedroom less than two minutes later in a pair of old overalls and a t shirt, with one of the straps undone and the cuffs at her ankles rolled and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. Carmilla has to cover up her laugh and her choking on her own spit at the sight, with a cough as she slides her socks on and her combat boots and grabs her keys, placing her phone in her back pocket. She clears her throat before Laura bounds over to her and slips into an old pair of black chucks.

"You know we're just taking down some paintings and putting the others up right?"

Laura just shrugs and opens the door to the apartment.

"I like to be prepared."

Carmilla smirks and calls out a ' don't kill the little shits ' to Lafontaine and Perry before following Laura down the hall to the stairs and where she parked the car earlier that morning.

---

Not even two steps into the gallery and Betty already starts lecturing Carmilla on tardiness and responsibility. Carmilla just rolls her eyes and makes her way through the chaos of the main floor of the gallery to the back room where her artwork was still all hanging on the walls. Laura followed close behind Carmilla, Betty kind of scared her. Theo was trying to keep up with Carmillas quick pace as he explained that there were packaging boxes in the storage room and crates for her old work to go in and Laura jumped at the opportunity to get them and bring them out for Carmilla. Anything to get her away from Betty who didn't let up on the lecturing. Theo handed Laura the key with a warning to be careful of falling objects, to which she glanced at Carmilla who just shrugged and smirked, completely ignoring Betty's rant about her.

"He's not kidding, Cupcake, try not to get buried."

Betty rolled her eyes and huffed, mumbling a ' why do I even try ' before grabbing Theo by the elbow and dragging him out to the main floor to continue rearranging the pedestals, lights, and display panels for the few other artists. Carmilla had just connected her phone to the gallery's speaker system and started playing her songs on shuffle before taking down her third painting and was busy placing it against the wall with the previous two when a muffled scream came from the direction of the storage closet. She ran around the corner faster than she cared to run in years. The sight she was met with caused to her burst into a fit of laugher.

Laura was standing in the doorway of the storage room, the front of her shirt and overalls covered in thick yellow paint from a can that had been placed haphazardly on the storage shelf and hadn't been closed completely.

"At...least it's your...favorite color." Carmilla managed to get out between gasps for breath. She was doubled over in the hallway, keeping her balance with a hand on the wall. "Feels like...deja..vu." She couldn't stop laughing. The look on Laura's face was priceless. There were splatters of yellow paint across her chest and some had managed to make it to her hair and face. "You'd make...a cute lemon."

"Laugh it up, Karnstein." Laura threatened, but she was trying not to smile and her tone was teasing. "Laugh it up."

When her laughing subsided a bit, Carmilla pulled out her phone from her back pocket and quickly took a picture. Laura was standing with her arms out at her sides, a small pout on her lips as she looked down at her disheveled state. Carmilla immediately sent the picture to Lafontaine, who replied seconds later with a ' Oh my fucking god, I'm putting this in your wedding. I don't know how yet, but I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll have a cardboard cutout made '. Carmilla got a text from Perry a few seconds later saying ' Don't worry, I won't let them make a cardboard cutout '.

---

Four hours after the paint mishap, Laura and Carmilla managed to completely bare the room of all of Carmilla's work and get them packed away in bubble wrap and large sheets of brown paper and into the crates. There were five crates total, almost overflowing with paintings and drawings, meaning they'd have to take some with them the next day, as well as the day after.

The next step was to paint the walls. It was Theo's idea to have practically everything in the gallery splattered with paint. He had spent the entire day covering each pedestal and panel in white paper and splattering different colors of paint on them. He set a few aside for Carmilla's part of the exhibit, as well as some plastic sheets for the floor of her work's room and doorway, even though Carmilla had no intention to repaint the back room.

The room where Carmilla's artwork was shown, was the only room that wasn't painted in a bright white. Betty had allowed her to paint it shortly after Carmilla agreed to help her out without pay. Her only rule, was that the room couldn't be black, so, naturally, Carmilla picked a color, from the hardware store down the street, called Onyx. Betty about had her head when Carmilla finished painting because it was, indeed, black. Carmilla's argument had been 'the word black isn't even on the can '. As an afterthought, Carmilla decided to splatter some white paint on the walls and ceiling with a paintbrush to make it look like the night sky, she even went as far as painting a few of her favorite constellations on the ceiling. The night she finished, she ended up falling asleep on the floor, after nursing a bottle of whiskey she got from Betty as a sort of ' you're hired, but not really because I'm not technically paying you ' type thing. The morning after, Betty found Carmilla in the middle of the room, curled in a ball, covered in paint and sound asleep next to the empty bottle of jack. When Betty opened the gallery that day, she blocked off the room with a panel from the storage room and let Carmilla sleep off the night before. She didn't come out until Betty was getting ready to close for the day. That was barely five months ago.

Seeing the room bare for the first time since that night, brought the memories of Laura back that had driven her to drink that entire bottle and Carmilla forced down the urge to pick one up again because Laura was here. She was right next to Carmilla. If she wanted to, Carmilla could reach out and easily take her hand, but she didn't. Her being here was enough...or it should have been.

Carmilla and Laura spent the next couple of hours painting the pedestals that Theo set aside for her in the leftover onyx paint and splattering constellations onto the dark masses.

---

The next two days went by in somewhat the same manner. On day two, Laura woke Carmilla up at noon, knowing any earlier would be dangerous for anyone that came across Carmilla's path, meaning Laura, Lafontaine and Perry, mostly. That day Laura and Carmilla, with some help from Theo, loaded Carmilla's car with the remaining crates of her old work and they managed to fit some of her supplies from the loft into the trunk. Laura was sent upstairs to organize the scattered brushes and paint and get them into boxes so Carmilla could take them with her before they left, after the showing that weekend. Meanwhile, Carmilla and Theo set up the displays in the back room with the right light fixtures, which were just a few floor lamps pointed in the right direction. Carmilla even went as far as hooking up a couple strands of bright white rope lighting over the constellations she painted, on the ceiling, in order to make them stand out more.

The last day before the exhibition, Carmilla and Laura drove separate, Laura driving Lafontaine's truck and Carmilla driving her car. They filled the bed of the truck with Carmilla's easel's and the boxes Laura had packed the day before and loaded Carmilla's car with the small stuff, like drawing pads that didn't fit in the boxes or extra things from the storage room that had piled up from the previous five months she took over the space. Carmilla and Laura helped Theo and Betty get the main space ready and by the time they were finished it was nearing two in the morning and they still needed to get the back room setup. Theo and Betty left shortly after the clock struck two and Laura fell asleep on the floor in the back room with Carmilla's leather jacket next to a box of pizza and a bottle of wine, shortly after that. Carmilla let her sleep, though, because god knows she hasn't been getting a lot of that, lately.

She carefully brought down the punched bust of Laura that Betty adored so much and set it up on one of the pedestals in the center of the room, adjusting the lamp accordingly, her mind going back to the first night Laura saw it. She found herself laughing quietly to herself because how the fuck did she get so lucky to have found someone like her. She didn't even flinch when she pulled the white sheet off of it.

Carmilla pulled several of the works Betty saved for this particular show from storage and accordingly hung them on the walls. The canvases varied in size, from one almost taking up an entire wall to one that barely fit in the palm of Carmilla's hand. Some were bunched together on a wall, as a part of a series she did. The last thing Carmilla pulled from the loft was the painting her and Laura did from the night they spent in the loft. This piece had a special spot on the wall in the space above the walkway to the alcove where the rest of Carmilla's work was. Betty had framed the piece already, all Carmilla had to do was sign it with her signature messy rendition of, CK, and place it above the door where the hooks and lights were already set up. Except, it didn't look right. Something important was missing. Carmilla dragged the piece out into the center of the gallery and stared at it. She caught a glimpse of Laura turn in her sleep and she suddenly knew what was missing.

---

The night of the Repressed Colors exhibition Carmilla was freaking out, more than usual.

One, the little shit for brains of a dog, Lafontaine wouldn't say which one (they were scared Carmilla might banish the pup from the premises), decided her contacts case would be a better chew toy than their rubber tire that was bigger than either dog's head. Carmilla was forced to wear her glasses, which she tried to avoid completely, since her mother made her buy both, glasses and contacts ' just in case' . Laura thought Carmilla looked sexy as hell in glasses and apparently had no idea she was practically blind as a bat this whole time.

Two, Betty insisted she and Laura "dress up". Of course Laura had no problem with it and had pulled out a blazer and a shirt with fucking giraffes on it, which she tucked into a pair of brown pants that may or may not have accentuated her ass in all the right ways and had Carmilla ready to throw herself to the wolves because, really, how pathetic could she be, she's had her body memorized since they were barely teenagers, but still got caught up in the fact that Laura had a nice ass because apparently in their three year hiatus (that's what she's calling it, for reasons) she got really into yoga and she took up self defense classes again and started eating "healthy" and drinking copious amounts of green tea, although she still ate her weight in chocolate and sweets and Carmilla was overly confused about the whole thing. Whatever. Carmilla wasn't complaining.

Carmilla ended up pulling her hair into a messy bun and wearing her leather pants that she somehow remembered to throw into her suitcase, a flannel she "borrowed" from Laura, which she buttoned up to her neck, her "nicer" leather jacket, and instead of her usual combat boots, she went with Laura's suggestion of wearing a pair of black heels Laura tossed in her suitcase at the last second, that she forgot she had that someone, probably Mattie, got her for her birthday one year, but never touched. Apparently they were expensive and, according to Laura, Carmilla should have been worshipping these shoes, instead of throwing them to the back of her closet to collect dust, which she immediately did when she was unpacking boxes. When Betty saw her choice of an outfit, she simply rolled her eyes and said nothing about it. Carmilla was grateful to say the least, but she'd never admit it.

And, three, Betty failed to mention, until the last possible second, that she had invited the infamous Vordenberg and his annoying secretary, or whatever the fuck she was, to whom Carmilla had yet to speak to about her paintings and had planned on avoiding for all of eternity. Betty also failed to mention that Carmilla was the "spotlight artist" as she called it and apparently her face and name were on the fliers and invitations that Betty handed out months prior. Carmilla didn't want to think about how Betty acquired the picture on the front of the card, considering she had no recollection of it ever being taken. This small town gallery showing was a much bigger deal than Betty had let on when Carmilla agreed to do some pieces for it.

Laura didn't leave Carmilla's side the entire night, she could practically smell the anxiety coming off her in waves and if the shaking of her hands was any indication, Laura saying Carmilla was nervous, was an understatement. They mostly stood by the entrance of Carmilla's contribution to the showing and Laura just held her hand and smiled while Carmilla talked about her pieces to whoever asked. There was a lot of numbers talk that Laura barely paid attention to, but when Carmilla white-knuckled her hand, she just squeezed back tighter to keep her grounded. The ginger twins even made an appearance and Laura about had a heartattack when Lafontaine questioned their joint effort in the painting that hung above their heads. Of course she noticed the little CK and LH in the corner. Laura thanked every god imaginable when Perry suggested her and Laf get the four of them another drink from the refreshments table.

The night before, when Carmilla eventually woke Laura up from where she was curled up under Carmilla's jacket on the floor, to add her contribution to the piece, Laura wasn't 100% on board with the whole ' this is actually going in the show ' idea. Of course it wasn't really Carmilla's decision either, but Betty was somewhat her boss and Betty loved the piece and it was the one they used on every fucking flier so Carmilla really didn't have a choice. Carmilla used Betty's words when she explained to Laura why it fit perfectly into the theme of Repressed Colors. Laura was still unsure about the fact that her naked body was practically going up for everyone to gawk at, but Carmilla pointed out that her ass was plastered right next to it and that seemed to calm the blonde's protests.

The night was going pretty smoothly until right before Betty was getting ready to close the doors. Carmilla noticed the mop of black hair that so closely resembled her own, it was uncanny, and she wanted to slap herself in the face because it had taken her mother to actually show her the fucking birth certificate to notice. He was literally the male version of herself. Laura noticed him too and it took her squeezing Carmilla's hand, almost painfully, for Carmilla to snap herself out of her thoughts enough to realize he was trying to talk to her.

"What are you doing here, Will."

Carmilla barely managed to get out his name, let alone a coherent sentence, so Laura, naturally, took over and asked what was on Carmilla's mind.

"I came to see my sister. I didn't know she was this popular." Will made his way passed them and into the room behind them, his eyes sweeping across every piece of work quickly, but taking it all in with as much care as a paleontologist on a dig site. It was almost as if he actually cared. "Or that she was this good. Damn, Kitty, and here I thought your only talent was knocking people unconscious." He was smiling, now, but he was sincere in what he said, which only made Carmilla furious because how the fuck dare he.

"Get out."

It was the first thing she said to him after her and Laura left her mother's house that night she found out about them. Carmilla squeezed Laura's hand tighter and ignored the familiar itch in her palm to punch his lights out.

"Come on, Carmilla, I just want to talk."

He was practically begging, but the feeling from when he had blurted out that they were twins, was boiling deep in Carmilla's gut and she felt like throwing up or punching him square in the face, or both.

"Fuck you."

Carmilla was fuming. She had absolutely no desire to talk to him, yet here he was, standing in front of her, still fucking talking.

"Carmilla, please, it's not even my fault. Let me-"

Not his fault? Oh, hell fucking no.

"No! How can you say that?! How is it not your fault? You fucking knew, Will, you knew and you didn't tell me! You were her fucking lackey and what, I was just her poor fuck up of a kid? Did you keep tabs on me and fucking report back to her for my entire life? I trusted you! I thought we were friends. Do you understand why I might be a little upset about this?!"

"I didn't know until recently, Carmilla! She told me less than a week before she told you!"

Smells like some fucking bullshit, but whatever.

"You still fucking knew and you didn't tell me!"

"I'm sorry! Is that what you want me to say? That I'm sorry? I didn't know how to tell you without you blowing up about it exactly like you're doing right now! I didn't think 20 years of us being friends would just be thrown out the window because you found out we were related! This is fucking ridiculous!"

"Carm, he kind of has a point…"

Fuck no. Fuck. No.

"Are you kidding me, Laura?! You're taking his side?"

"I'm not taking sides, I'm just-"

Really? It sounds a lot like taking sides.

"Agreeing with him!"

"All I said was he has a point!"

There's that bullshit again. Wow, everyone's just full of it today.

"This is bullshit. Don't fucking follow me, either of you."

"Carm, wait, I-"

She did not just...

"No! Leave me alone, Laura. Tell Laf and Perry not to leave the door unlocked."

With that, Carmilla turned and left Will and Laura in the gallery and she made her way out the door. The only sound, the chime from the front door when she opened it and walked out into the snow covered street.

Inside the gallery, Laura turned to Will who was standing rigid, his features pained. She shook her head and went to go after Carmilla, but stopped when she felt a soft, but strong grip on her wrist.

"Don't follow her, she needs a minute to cool off. I have an idea of where she might go, just- Let her cool off."

Laura simply nodded her head and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands before going to help Betty with picking up the gallery to busy herself.

---

It was over an hour later when Will finally agreed to drive Laura to where he thought Carmilla was. His theory ended up proving to be right when they pulled up in front of his and Carmilla's old apartment and they found her car parked half on the curb. Will gave Laura his key and promised he would stay there in case things didn't go as well as she'd hoped and she needed a ride back to Laf and Perry's apartment on the other side of town.

Laura made her way through the building's lobby and to the elevators quickly, sighing a sigh of relief when she heard the familiar sound of loud and, what could only be described as angry, music the second she stepped out of the elevator and onto the third floor. She walked slowly to the source of the music, stopping at the end of the hall in front of the familiar door to Carmilla's old apartment. She took a deep breath before slipping the key into the lock and pushing the door open, hesitantly. Inside the room, Carmilla was stood, her back to Laura, in front of a battered punching bag hanging from the steel beams in the ceiling. She had traded her leather pants, heels, and flannel for a black sports bra and a pair of black gym shorts, her hands were wrapped tightly in black wraps and medical tape and there were beads of sweat covering her entire body. She took several swings at the silver X in duct tape on the bag before screaming something incoherent and landing another sloppy punch to the X, except this time she hit the bag wrong and she felt the impact all the way up her arm. Carmilla instinctively cradled her left hand to her chest and started to turn around when she caught sight of Laura and nearly lost her shit. She slammed her right fist down on the speaker on the table next to her, effectively cutting off the music, in it's place, an eery silence, so loud both their ears rang.

"Jesus fuck, Laura, what the hell are you doing here?"

There was no venom behind her words, just sadness and regret and she was sorry for the way she acted earlier. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest and it suddenly felt like the first night they saw eachother again when Laura had barged into the bathroom after Carmilla lost her fight with what's-her-face. Laura ignored her question and instead went to the freezer where there was still a tray full of ice. She grabbed one of Carmilla's discarded t shirts from the floor and put a couple handfuls of ice in it before slowly walking over to where Carmilla still stood, facing her, from her spot in front of the punching bag. Carmilla was watching her, her brow furrowed. Laura gently placed the ice filled shirt on the counter and gestured for Carmilla to join her in the kitchen. She did without hesitation, placing her hands in Laura's. Laura patted the counter next to the shirt and Carmilla easily scooted herself onto it. Laura stood between her legs and gently began unwrapping Carmilla's hands. Laura swallowed the gasp in her throat at the sight of Carmilla's swollen and scraped knuckles, already bruising. She shook her head and placed the shirt filled with ice over the knuckles of Carmilla's left hand.

"Hold this."

Carmilla did as she was told. She left her focus on the necklace hanging from Laura's neck, too scared of what she might see if she looked up at her eyes. Laura placed her hands on Carmilla's bare knees, watching her intently.

"I'm sorry."

It was barely a whisper, but it held everything Carmilla needed to say in two words. Laura sighed, squeezing Carmilla's knees gently.

"I don't need an apology, Carm, I just want to make sure you're okay."

Carmilla simply nods her head. She feels Laura's hand move from her knee to her cheek and she closes her eyes at the contact. Laura tilts Carmilla's head up.

"Look at me."

Carmilla slowly opens her eyes and is met with Laura's small, watery smile.

"I'm an asshole."

She whispers. Laura laughs.

"That's the understatement of the year."

---

Laura left shortly after Carmilla promised to stop with the self pity and mutilation she was causing by angrily punching a sand filled bag, leaving Carmilla to change and get herself together before she even thought about making her way back to Laf and Perry's.

True to his word, Laura found Will parked outside in front of the apartment building waiting for her. On the drive back to Laf and Perry's apartment, Laura broke down. She didn't know why she had started crying, but it felt like it had been building up inside of her for days and it didn't feel weird to let it out like it normally did. She didn't even know she had tears left in her after the previous couple of weeks. Will tried to ask what happened, but she just shook her head repeatedly and said over and over again that she didn't know why she was crying and that it wasn't Carmilla's fault. When Will pulled up in front of the apartment, she thanked him and didn't say a word to Lafontaine, where they were curled up on the couch with Perry, when she barged through the front door and made a beeline for the bathroom, silent tears staining her cheeks.

---

When Carmilla finally made it back to the apartment, after showering the sweat from her skin and bandaging her bruised knuckles, Lafontaine was pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the living room.

"What did you do?"

Carmilla was beyond confused and she let it show.

"What are you talking about?"

Her eyebrow was nearly touching her hairline at this point. Lafontaine had since stopped pacing and now had Carmilla pinned against the back of the door she had just walked in from. The smaller ginger was oddly threatening when they wanted to be.

"Laura. What did you do?"

Laura? What was wrong with Laura? She was fine when she left the apartment...

"Nothing? Why?"

Lafontaine gave her a sceptical look and sighed, pointing to the closed door of the bathroom where Laura had yet to come out of.

"You might want to go check on her, she's been in there awhile."

Carmilla gave her a questioning look before dropping her duffle bag on the floor of the foyer and walked over to the bathroom door.

"Laura?" No answer. "Laur-"

"Go away."

She sounded defeated and small and that was not a good sign and there was no way in hell Carmilla was going to just ' go away ' or stand outside in the hall and wait for her to come out when she sounded like someone just kicked her puppy...Unless...No, Lafontaine or Perry, not even Carmilla, would do that.

"I'm coming in."

When Carmilla opened the door to the bathroom, she found Laura sitting in the bathtub, the water filled passed her waist, her head turned toward the tiled wall, resting on her knees that she had drawn to her chest.

"You don't listen for shit."

It came out as barely a whisper.

"Never have, why start now?"

Carmilla's tone was soft. Laura shrugs, her hand drawing circles in the warm bath water. She slowly turns her head to face Carmilla, who watches her with a look of pure concern and adoration. Laura's eyes are red rimmed and puffy and the dark circles under her eyes could have made a zombie jealous.

"What do you want, Carmilla?"

Shit. She didn't really have an answer to that other than ' Lafontaine thought I did something to make you upset and I didn't think I did anything, but who knows, I'm an idiot '.

"You're not okay."

Way to state the obvious, Karnstein. Points for effort, though.

Laura laughs, humorlessly, at Carmilla's obvious observation, before shaking her head, her face crumbling.

"No."

Carmilla's heart breaks at the sight. Laura sniffles and wipes at her cheeks with the back of her hand, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

That's it.

"Scoot forward."

Laura gives Carmilla a confused look when she starts to unbutton her pants.

"What?"

"Move up, I'm getting in."

Carmilla finishes sliding her leather pants down her legs and steps out of them, leaving them piled up on the floor next to Laura's clothes.

"Why?"

Carmilla carefully removes the necklace from around her neck that she had tucked under her shirt, leaving it set out on the counter, next to the sink before unhooking her bra and sliding the straps down her arms without removing her loose, black t shirt.

"I'm offering affection, it doesn't happen often. Just go with it."

She was trying to lighten the mood. Trying being the operative word, here.

Her words were useless, though, as Laura had already moved herself forward so there was enough room for Carmilla to slip into the tub behind her. The water was still warm enough that the cool air from the bathroom left goosebumps on Carmilla's arms when she stepped into the warm water and slid down until her legs were on either side of Laura's body.

"Come here."

Carmilla whispered, softly. Laura leaned back into Carmilla without hesitation, Carmilla wrapping her arms around the smaller girls middle before resting her cheek against Laura's bare shoulder.

"I miss him."

Oh... oh . Well, fuck.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Stupid question, Karnstein. Why the fuck would she want to talk about it.

Laura shook her head and leaned back further into Carmilla's warm body, resting her hands over Carmilla's and laying her head back against her shoulder, her eyes closed. She focused on the feel of Carmilla's heartbeat against her back and the rise and fall of her chest.

"Then can we talk about when you got this tattoo on your shoulder? Because I don't remember it being there the last time we were-"

Distract her. There we go.

"It was there."

Carmilla nuzzled her nose into Laura's neck, leaving a small kiss against her damp skin.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You were a little busy."

Carmilla laughed quietly and twisted her hands under Laura's so that their palms met and she intertwined their fingers.

"What's the date for?"

She whispered into Laura's hair.

"You don't know roman numerals?"

Of course, she did.

"I'd rather you tell me."

"You know the date, Carm, think about it."

Carmilla leaned back enough to kiss each dark letter pressed permanently into Laura's skin.

...

She didn't need to go any further.

January Fourteenth.

She did know the date. She knew the date well, in fact.

"Your mom's-"

"Yeah."

Carmilla placed another kiss to the tattoo before pulling Laura back, flush against her.

"She would be so incredibly proud of you, Laura."

Laura nods her head, ignoring the tears streaking down her cheeks and her trembling lip. Carmilla kisses the top of Laura's head and squeezes her hands.

"Your father too."

It was whispered, but that didn't mean Laura didn't hear it. That didn't mean to come out. We were supposed to not talk about it, damn it.

"Stop."

Way to go, Karnstein.

Laura barely got the word out before she couldn't hold in her cries anymore. Carmilla didn't know what to do. Laura had turned her body around so she could cry into Carmilla's shoulder and was bunching the fabric of Carmilla's shirt in her fists. Carmilla wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's shaking frame and placed her chin on her head and they didn't move.

"Shh."

"He...left."

"I'm so, so sorry."

Carmilla let Laura cry on her until she couldn't cry anymore. It was well passed one when Laura finally fell asleep in Carmilla's arms, but Carmilla didn't dare move her. Instead, she drained the tub of the now cold water and grabbed the towel that was folded on the floor in front of the sink and covered Laura's body, ignoring the pain in her back and rear and let the girl finally sleep.

---

Laura didn't wake up again until almost three when Carmilla couldn't stand the pain in her back anymore. It was cramping and beyond uncomfortable. Carmilla successfully managed to lift Laura out of the tub without killing either of them and even made it to the bedroom and had placed Laura under the covers of the bed before she woke up. In fact, she made it two steps from the door before she heard a soft 'Carm? '. She had no choice but to turn around. She could see the outline of Laura's body under the duvet, but that was it. She couldn't see her face or any other feature that defined her.

"Yeah?"

"Stay."

It wasn't a question and Carmilla barely heard it, she said it so soft. Anyone else might have took it as a simple exhalation of her tired breath, but Carmilla knew. She walked over to the bed in silence, stripping her wet clothes as she went and crawled under the blankets. Laura turned so her back was completely against Carmilla's front and she grabbed Carmilla's arm and securely wrapped it around her body. A quiet ' thank you ' was all that she said. Carmilla simply nodded and pulled Laura closer, as if that was even possible, and she easily fell asleep to the even beat of Laura's heart against where her palm was resting on Laura's chest.