I'm sorry I didn't post anything for so long! I had an eight week summer break and I was a lot gone. This week school has started again :(
Anyway, school is very important for me right now so I won't be updating very often, but I'll try. Enjoy!
"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love."
I avoided Maxon the next day, I wasn't ready to talk to him. My mind was constantly with the other note I had received. What do they want from me? How did they know about my injury? Was there a spy in the palace, someone I was very dear to? I was hoping that wasn't the case. Even if it was, who could it be?
It couldn't be Mary or Paige, that was just not an option. They were there for me when I needed them the most, didn't ask any questions unless I was hurt like last time. It couldn't be be Amberly nor King Clarkson, although Clarkson could be an option but that wouldn't make any sense. He hated me and I knew that, he said it to me often. If he didn't like what I was doing he would just say it to me in my face, not through a note.
The rest of the palace staff was very nice to me all the time and so was I to them. It could be the rebels and that would make the most sense to me. But why did I only find the note when the attack was long over? And why was it on a place where no one would notice except for me? That wouldn't make any sense to me at all. If there would be another attack, that would be the first thing I would look for the next time.
I worked all day in my study and in my room and only went out of my room to eat with the rest. I was avoiding Maxon as much as possible. I hadn't be fair to him and he hadn't be fair to me. I was eager to see Marlee, I hadn't talked to her in a long time and I needed her.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I crashed into someone and fell to the ground. Luckily not on my shoulder.
"Princess, are you alright?" I heard a voice saying. I looked up and saw a maid standing above me.
"Yeah, I wasn't paying attention on where I was walking," I said as I stood up.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't see you rounding the corner," she said.
"You don't need to blame yourself because I am the Princess, Lily. I wasn't paying attention on where I was walking," I said reassuring to her. After all, it was my fault and not hers. "Lily? Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Do you now when the kitchen staff is done with their shift for the evening?" I asked her. I saw she was a bit surprised I asked her such a question. But she answered it anyway.
"Depends. I think it's around nine or ten p.m."
"Okay. Thank you. Have a nice evening."
"You too, your Highness," she said and curtsied. I walked to the Dining Room and took my seat. Dinner was a bit awkward and I excused myself early and went back to my room. I dismissed Mary and Paige when I got back and lie on bed. When it was nine p.m. I went through the secret passageway in my closet down to the wing for the staff. I went to Marlee's room and knocked on the door. The door swung open and Marlee appeared on the other side.
"America!" she said happy. "On what do I own the honor?" she asked teasingly.
"Can I come in?" I asked her.
"Of course," and she stepped aside so I could go through. She closed the door and went to sit on bed, she gestured beside her for me to sit. Once I sat I explained to her what happened and she listened.
"Ames, why didn't you tell him you were hurt?"
"Exactly for the reason why we're fighting right now," and I lied back on her bed, staring at the ceiling.
"You can't possible blame him for that, can you?" I didn't answer that. She had a point. "He is your husband. He almost lost you at you wedding day for crying out loud. And then you got hurt in the first rebel attack after your wedding day. He would be a bad husband if he wasn't concerned."
"But he said I was lying, something I didn't do."
"You were lying."
"No I was not! I just didn't tell him."
"That is the same, you know." I just rolled my eyes. "It is normal that he is over concerned about you."
"I suppose you're right," I said with a sigh.
"Of course I am. So now you are going back to your husband, apologize and everything is going to be fine. I assure you." I sat back up again.
"Yes, and if it isn't I will blame you."
"Yeah right," she said laughing. I laughed with her too.
"How are you?" I asked her. We had talked about me all the time and I was curious to know how she was doing.
"I'm doing fine, and so does Carter. We are happy, and that's what counts for us," she answered. I studied her. She was indeed happy, that was very clear to see. But there was more, I could see it.
"Marlee?" I asked her with raised eyebrows.
"What?" she asked back, happily.
"You are glowing!"
"I am?" she asked confused.
"Yes! Why are you glowing? Are you pregnant?" I had seen my mother and Kenna look radiant when they were pregnant and Marlee looked radiant to me, too. She didn't answer my question and that was enough for me to know that she was indeed pregnant.
"Oh my gosh, Marlee! Congratulations!" I squealed and pulled her in a hug. She hugged me back to.
"You can't tell anyone, I'm just nine weeks along and we need to be past the twelve weeks to tell anyone," she said to me. It made sense. The biggest chance that something could go wrong where in those first twelve weeks.
"Can I tell Maxon though?"
"Yes." The door opened and Carter stepped through, looking surprised to see me. Marlee stood up and went to stand beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "She figured it out," she said.
"You do?" he asked me, surprised. I nodded.
"I should congratulate you, too," I said and I went to hug him too.
"Thank you," he said.
"Well, I think I should go. Once again, congratulations. You are going to be amazing parents." They just smiled at me and looked at each other. "I will talk to you soon, okay?" I asked Marlee.
"Of course you will talk to me again soon," she said and I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left, going back to my room. I was so happy for Marlee and Carter, they deserved every right to be happy. But raising a child in a place you're banished from is difficult.
When I was back in my room through the secret passageway I put on my nightgown (one that covered my shoulder) and unlocked the door that adjoined Maxon's and my room. He wasn't in his room so I grabbed some work from my room and went to sit on one of Maxon his couches, working from there. I would simply wait until he was back.
After a while I found it hard to keep my eyes open and the next thing I know is that I was being lifted in someone's arms. I opened my eyes and saw that Maxon was carrying me. "I'm sorry," I whispered. He stopped walking and looked at me, than put me to my feet so we could talk.
"I'm sorry," I said again. "I know I should have told you instead of keeping it a secret from you. I just didn't want you to worry about me again and I know how much it freaks you out when there is a rebel attack and I come late in the safe room."
"You are right; you shouldn't have kept it a secret, it was wrong," he said but he wasn't mad. I broke the eye contact and looked at the ground. His finger was brushing my chin and he lifted it up so I could meet his eyes. "I'm sorry I got mad at you, I shouldn't have done that, but please know that you can tell me everything, even if you're scared. Nothing would make me love you less. I am your husband and I love you, no matter."
His words felt comforting but made me feel guilty at the same time. "Can you forgive me?" I asked. His hand was on my cheek and he smiled at me, a smile that held so much love into it.
"Already forgiven, darling," and he closed the distance between us as he kissed my lips passionately. I put my arms around his back, careful not to hurt my left shoulder. After a while we broke apart, just looking at each other.
"I love you, too," I told him. He closed the distance once again. "What time is it?" I asked after we broke apart again.
"A little after one," he said after looking at his watch. "I was working and got lost of time," he explained after looking at my face.
"Don't do that."
"What?" he asked, confused.
"Working till so late."
"I'm sorry, my dear," he said mischievously.
"What did you just called me?"
"My dear," he said with a grin on his face.
"I'm not your dear," I told him.
"Ah, but you are. You see, when you where in that safe room during the attack you made a deal that if I lived I could call you my dear." Where did he know that from? I didn't reject though. "You have me my well deserved dear taken away."
"I suppose," I said shrugging my right shoulder. "How did you know that, though?"
"Your best friend told me a while ago," he explained. The devil!
"Speaking about her, I went to see her today-"
"You did?" he asked, but not surprised though because it wasn't the first time I visited her.
"Yes, and I figured something out," I waited for him to say something but he only raised his brow, waiting for me to continue. "Marlee and Carter are expecting a baby."
His face broke into a huge smile. "They are?" he asked surprised. I nodded. "I'm so happy for them! They are going to be amazing parents!" I laughed at his expression.
"So am I. But Maxon? We need to do something, I mean, they are already at risk for being here and then adding a child into the ring can be seriously dangerous for them."
He sighed heavily. "I know, and they know that too, I guess. What do you want to do then?"
"I don't know," I said while Maxon's lips brushed my neck. I knew where this was going to. "We need to convince your father and pardon them from their past."
"We can try, but we need to be very careful so nothing bad can happen to Marlee and Carter, and their child." Maxon's lips were now on mine. "If you do not mind we'll talk about this in the morning. As for now," he said as his hands where brushing the hem of my nightgown. "I demand to make love to my wife."
And making love we did.
The next morning I got ready early so Maxon and I could spent some time together before we had breakfast. Once I was dressed I went to his room and sat on the couch next to him.
"How far along is she?" he asked me. He was mentioning Marlee.
"Nine weeks. We have only three weeks left before she is really starting to show," I told him.
"That's only going to make it harder for us then." he said with a sigh. "What did you had in mind?"
"We have to let them see reason," I began. And them were the advisors, King Clarkson and Amberly. "They need to see that Marlee and Carter are punished enough and we want them here at the palace. That they don't need to be 'living in the streets' anymore, even though we both know that's not the case and that I want to be able to visit my best friend whenever I can."
"We can slowly introduce the topic in a meeting."
"You mean the kind of meeting when we're talking about the castes?" I asked. Once or twice in a week we had a meeting where we talked about the castes. We looked on how manny people where living in that caste and how manny people were sick, death or being transported to a higher or lower caste. I hated these meetings. I hated to transfer people to a lower caste when they didn't deserve it. It was still my wish to see the caste system gone and Maxon wanted that too. But we couldn't do that, not while Clarkson was still king.
"Yes. We need to prepare on what and how we introduce this and we will work from there. But before we do any of that we need to discuss what we're going to say to them. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes," I said and I snuggled closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. "I don't think she went to see the doctor yet because she might be afraid of someone recognizing her."
"I think that, too," he admitted. "But the nurse who helped treat her wounds at the time still works here, so maybe you can ask her if she is willing to help us. And if she is you can ask Marlee and Carter if they want our help with their baby. Just don't mention the other thing to them."
"Okay."
"Ames?" his voice was so gentle that I lifted my head so I could look in those chocolate brown eyes of him.
"Yes?" he smiled at me, a smile that made me fall in love with him all over again.
"I love you," he said so tender. I smiled and wanted to say something back when he silenced me with his thumb on my lips. His hand was on my cheek.
"You fight for the ones you love, try to make everything better. You do so much for the people. You are there for your friends and family and don't want to be the centerpiece of attention. You put your own needs aside and yes, that put us on fights," we both grinned at this. "but I love that all about you. Because of you, I try the bring out the best of myself. I try to be a better person, a better prince for the country and a better husband. All because of you. I love you."
A single tear streamed down my face and he wiped it away with his fingers while both of his hands where resting on my cheek. His words affected me so much. How did I ever deserve such a person? He kissed the tip of my nose and I rested my cheek in his hands. I turned my head to give one of his hands a kiss.
"I love you, too. So, so much," I said. Not automatically, but with all of my emotions behind it. He needed to know how much I loved him. "You always say that you're the lucky person to have me, but that's not true. I am the lucky person to have you. You love me no matter what I do, and sometimes I can't understand that because I don't even want to love myself for some tings that I did. And I really, really don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much, Maxon Schreave."
He smiled at this. "We should get going downstairs for breakfast," he said. I sighed and got up. We entwined our fingers together and walked down the stairs. Then an idea popped into my head.
"Maxon? Aren't I allowed to have a third maid?"
He looked at me, confused. "Yes, why?"
"Well, maybe Marlee could take that spot," I said. "I mean, my maids are people I really care about and Marlee is my best friend, everyone knows that, even your parents. So it wouldn't be so odd if I wanted to make her my maid, would it?"
"No, it wouldn't. I'll talk to mother first, if you don't mind. Than she can talk about it to father," he said.
"Yes," I agree. "That would be wise. You are better at telling things like this, or all kind of things, for that matter." He chuckled at that, and it made me smile. We entered the Dining Room and ate breakfast. After that he gave me a peck on the lips and we parted ways.
I worked in the Women's Room all day, Amberly too but she left once. A little before breakfast we decided to call it a day. Now we just sat and talked a bit.
"I noticed you and Maxon got into a fight," she suddenly said.
"We aren't fighting anymore," I replied to her.
She grinned. "Oh, I know."
"How?" I asked.
"You two were avoiding each other all day and both of you moods were different."
"Oh," was all I said. What else had I to respond?
"I actually thought it would happen sooner, that you two got into a fight I mean."
I frowned. What was that supposed to mean? "What do you mean?"
"When you two where in the Selection you two practically had a fight every weak. But since you got engaged to each other, it didn't happen that often anymore. This was your first fight as husband and wife, I think," she said. It made me grin. It was, after all, true.
"Yes, that's right, but I'm glad we don't fight that much anymore."
"Whatever you two both do, you will always love each other at the end of the day, I hope."
"Of course I do! I will always love him, not matter what."
"I'm glad you do," she said smiling.
"Amberly?"
"Yes, dear?" she asked while she looked deep into my eyes.
"You do know that I love you, too, right? Because you're a second mom to me."
She sat there, just looking at me, and I thought I had said something wrong. But then her face broke into the hugest smile I had ever seen on her. She came over to sit next to me and gave me a big hug. "I love you too, my child. And to me, you're the daughter I never had."
All I ever wanted was to marry for love, I was willing to go a caste down for it too. Now I was married to the heir of the throne, a man I loved more than anything in life and I was loved by his family too, well, except for Clarkson. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and we went to eat dinner.