CHAPTER 16: LOVE
The cool night air was a welcome change from the stuffiness inside her house. As the wind blew it tried to take away Misaki's thoughts, but it simply wasn't strong enough. For the past few days all Misaki could think about was Makoto. She hadn't seen the green eyed boy since that night with Rin. Misaki had been too terrified to confront him because she knew she wouldn't be able to act like everything was normal.
Now every time Makoto texted her Misaki felt sick to her stomach. Her heart hurt, especially when Makoto told her that he loved her. Misaki wondered how long she'd be able to read those words from Makoto because soon that love would surely turn to hate. He'd hate her for what she did. Heck, Misaki hated herself for what she did.
The overwhelming feeling of guilt was only made worse by the fact Misaki hadn't seen Rin in the past few days. Not that she hadn't tried, but Rin seemed to be very busy all of the sudden. A part of Misaki wondered if he was avoiding her. But if that was true he wouldn't have been texting her nonstop. While Misaki had been pushing everyone else away she had been desperate to stay close to Rin. He was the only one who could possibly understand how she felt. A feeling of mixed emotions over what she had done with Rin. Misaki was happy when she was around Rin and when she thought of him. She didn't regret having sex with him, though she did regret what her actions would do to Makoto. Misaki felt a constant queasiness and guilt. As the days went on the guilt began to shift from her cheating on Makoto to her knowing full well that she would have to break up with him. The thought of causing Makoto that kind of heart break made Misaki want to throw up.
Everything was a mess. Misaki's least concern was over how Azami got Rin's number. Though based on Rin's frantic phone call he was definitely worried about it. Azami had always been resourceful when it came to things she wanted, and apparently she wanted Rin. Another player in this messed up game, fantastic, Misaki thought sourly as she walked down the hallway towards Rin's room. The noirette was pretty sure she wasn't allowed to be here at this time of night but that hadn't stopped her from trekking over here and it certainly didn't stop her from knocking on Rin's door.
When the door opened the first thing Misaki noticed was Rin. He looks exhausted. Her eyes danced around Rin's face, noticing the dark circles under his eyes that seemed to be staring blankly down at her. At that moment Misaki knew that the guilt she felt was also tearing away at Rin. Of course it is, Makoto is one of his best friends.
An overwhelming feeling of needing to cry began to build as Misaki flung herself at the auburn haired boy. "I missed you," she whispered against his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly. At the feeling of Rin's arms enveloping her the need to cry began to dissipate.
Misaki placed her cheek onto Rin's chest, and that's when she noticed a pair of blue orbs staring at her. Once their eyes met the blue eyes were quick to disappear behind Rin. The noirette quickly detached herself as she tried to see past the maroon haired male. "Is that your roommate?"
Rin moved to the side, allowing Misaki a perfect view at the grey haired boy who was standing at his desk and trying to act like he was busy. The boy seemed either nervous or scared- Misaki wasn't sure. As she continued staring at the male Misaki felt a gentle hand guiding her fully into the room followed by the sound of the door closing.
"Yeah," Rin replied as he locked the door.
"Oh um my name is Aiichiro Nitori, it's nice to meet you Misaki," the boy turned quickly and lost his balance for a moment. He took a few hesitant steps away from his desk as he extended his arm, "Matsuoka-senpai told me you'd be coming."
"Matsuoka-senpai huh?" Misaki raised an eyebrow as she looked up at Rin, not fully believing that this sweet looking kid considered him to be his senpai.
"Just shake his hand," Rin growled as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Nice to meet you Aiichiro," Misaki smiled as she shook the boy's hand. He really is pretty cute, she thought as Nitori smiled brightly at her. "Are you on the swim team?"
"Yes!" Nitori's blue eyes sparkled, the hesitation that had been evident in his demeanor seeming to disappear, "My goal is to one day be as good as Matsuoka-senpai."
It was going to take some time for Misaki to get used to hearing Rin being called 'Matsuoka-senpai'. "I actually haven't watched you swim since you got back," Misaki turned her gaze up towards Rin.
"You should come to one of our practices!" Nitori's voice rose in volume as he clasped his hands in front of him, "We could ask Mikoshiba-senpai and I'm sure he'd let you come watch!"
"Mikoshiba-senpai?" Misaki flicked her gaze between Nitori and Rin.
"Just call him Mikoshiba, if he hears you calling him senpai his ego will go through the roof," Rin's voice was directed at Misaki though his glare was going towards Nitori.
"Mikoshiba-senpai is the captain of the swim team!" Nitori enthusiastically explained, "So what do you say, do you want to come watch use practice sometime! We have an indoor pool so we practice year round and-"
"Hey!" Rin shouted, causing Nitori's mouth to snap shut, "She's not coming to watch us practice."
Misaki looked up at Rin, "But what if I want to?"
Rin exhaled through his nose as his head dropped forward, "We'll discuss it later, but right now I want to know how your crazy friend got my number."
"She's not crazy," Misaki defended as she went and sat down on the edge of Rin's bed, "She does have some stalker tendencies but she's not certifiable."
"That doesn't answer my question!"
"I don't know how she got your number," Misaki slid off her forest green jacket to reveal a simple black t-shirt. "Honest."
Rin sighed as he plopped himself down next to Misaki, "I'm just gonna ignore her."
"You don't want to go out with her?" Misaki teased, poking Rin's cheek.
Rin scowled, "Of course not."
"You're going out with a girl!" Nitori was screaming as he fell onto his knees and grabbed Rin's hands, "You can't give up on your true love Matsuoka-senpai! The girl who gave you the necklace! You can't go out with anyone else because-"
Nitori fell silent as Rin kicked the boy's shin. Misaki took a moment to stare at the grey haired boy who was cradling his shin as tears seeped from his eyes. Hazel eyes then looked over to Rin whose cheeks were unusually red. Misaki knew that Nitori had been talking about her. After all who else would have given Rin a necklace? The surprising part for the girl was Nitori's choice of words. "True love?"
Rin's cheeks flushed even more as he stood up and offered his hand down to Nitori, "Get up I didn't even kick you that hard."
"Y-yes senpai," Nitori sniffled as he allowed Rin to help hoist him up.
"You okay Nitori?"
"Yes," Nitori answered the female as he wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands.
Misaki felt the urge to hug the blue eyed male. Something about seeing Nitori sad and hurt really played at Misaki's emotions. It's probably because he's so cute. By the time Nitori was a second year Misaki figured he'd transform from cute to complete stud. He certainly had the potential, plus with all of the swimming he did he was sure to develop a muscular body. Before Misaki could realize it she was shamelessly thinking about how hot Nitori would be in a year while also wondering how she could become his matchmaker. She was sure she could find him a cute girl if only he'd let her.
"Oi," Rin snapped his fingers in front of Misaki's face, "What were you staring at?"
"Nothing."
Rin sighed as he turned back to look at Nitori, "Can you give us a minute?"
Misaki wanted to object. This was Nitori's room just as much as it was Rin's, so it wasn't right for Nitori to have to wander the halls just so Misaki and Rin could talk. Or Nitori could just stay in the room. Misaki flinched at the thought of Nitori overhearing their conversation. The boy seemed to like her, though that opinion would definitely change if she knew that she was a cheater.
As Nitori agreed and exited the room the horrible queasiness began to well in Misaki's stomach. I'm a cheater. That thought hurt and burned every muscle and nerve in Misaki's body. It caused her breath to hitch and her eyes to water. Her skin crawled under the weight of her guilt and no matter what she did she simply couldn't stop it.
"Hey."
Misaki looked up to see Rin squatting in front of her, stabilizing himself by resting his hands on her knees. "Yeah?"
Rin's eyes looked to the side as his head dropped slightly, "You feel it too huh?"
Misaki wanted to ask for an explanation but she was sure her heart would break if she heard Rin verbalize it. Though Misaki was curious how Rin's guilt felt. She knew that Rin and Makoto had been friends for a very long time and their friendship was important to both of them. Rin had to deal with the guilt of hurting a friend. Misaki had to deal with the guilt of hurting a lover, and she wasn't sure if one was worse than the other.
"I've been thinking," Misaki started as she placed her hands over Rin's, "I'm going to break up with him sometime this week."
Rin didn't even have to ask who 'him' was. "This week?"
Misaki nodded as she tried to read Rin's facial expression. "I just don't know how I'm gonna do it."
Rin let out an exhale as he allowed himself to fall back onto his behind. He rested his elbows on his bent knees and leaned his forehead against his closed fists. "Are you sure about this?"
The last thing Misaki needed was to be questioned. She already felt horrible about having to break up with a guy like Makoto and Rin asking her if she was sure made her stomach twist. "I want to be with you," she whispered, "This is the only way for that to happen."
Rin's fist hit the floor with a thud that frightened Misaki. "Fuck!" Another punch to the floor before Rin rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, "Makoto doesn't deserve this."
"You think I don't know that?" Misaki balled up her fists, wishing she could punch something.
"He shouldn't have fucking asked you out in the first place."
"It's not his fault," Misaki defended, "It's my fault for saying yes."
"Or my fault for not writing you," Rin placed his forearm on his forehead, closing his eyes and focusing on his breathing.
His eyes snapped open when he felt Misaki's body near his. She had slid off the bed and onto the floor where she laid down next to the male. Her cheek rested on his chest and she laid one arm across his body. "It's no one's fault."
Her voice faltered and Rin realized that she was crying. He could feel her tears soaking into his t-shirt yet there was nothing he could do to stop it. Because Misaki wasn't just crying for herself. She was crying for the both of them. She was crying over what Makoto would have to go through because of their decision.
"I'm scared," Misaki whispered. The girl was terrified of having to confront Makoto. She was frightened of the future and where Rin would fit into it. Misaki would give anything if she didn't have to do this alone, but there was no other way.
"Don't be," Rin slid his arm under Misaki's waist and with a tug pulled her on top of him.
Misaki wanted to believe him but she couldn't. She had every right to be scared. Scared of the face Makoto would make when she broke his heart. "Hey Rin."
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
Misaki could feel Rin's breath hitch in his chest. She dared to look up though Rin's gaze was still set at the ceiling. With a shaky exhale she placed her cheek back onto Rin's chest. She focused her mind on how comfy it was to be lying on top of Rin. His broad chest supported her weight while her legs were strewn on top of Rin's. Then there was the feeling of Rin's hands on her back and how they moved up and down. The motion soon stopped though and instead Misaki felt Rin's arms wrap around her waist and hold her tightly.
"I love you too."
It felt weird to actually hear Rin say it. For years Misaki had read Rin's letters in which he wrote those three little words. He had written that he loved her numerous times and Misaki had done the same, but there was something special about hearing the words come from Rin's mouth. It caused a closed lipped smile to come to her face as she nuzzled into Rin's chest. They were in love with each other and now that they had each said those words their connection was set in stone.
Misaki was prepared to stay laying there for a while but the sound of the door opening meant that wasn't about to happen. "Oh no!" the blue eyed teen shouted, "Are you guys okay!? Did you fall on the floor!? Should I get Seijuro-senpai!?"
Misaki quickly wiped any stray tears from her eyes, not wanting Nitori to see that she had been crying. Her actions were cut short though as Rin sat up. His movement caused Misaki to roll off him and hit the ground. Her back popped on impact and neither of the boys noticed her pained expression.
"Stop yelling!" Rin shouted, not really one for following his own advice, "What are you doing back!?"
"I got lonely!"
"Lonely!?"
"I'm sorry senpai!"
"You know what?" Misaki huffed as she sat up and rubbed her back, "I'm going home."
"No! Misaki-chan! Stay!"
"Why are you the one begging her to stay!?" Rin glared at Nitori who quickly stopped his pleading, "And you," Rin turned to see Misaki standing up; "You don't have to go yet."
Misaki wanted to stay but she knew that she couldn't. "It's already dark."
"Want me to walk you home?"
"Someone's clingy," Misaki joked, noticing how flustered Rin got over that simple comment.
Rin crossed his arms over his chest as he tried not to give into Misaki's playful smile, "Tch whatever."
"I'll text you tomorrow okay?" Misaki leaned in and placed a kiss on Rin's cheek before grabbing her jacket off the bed and moving towards the door, "It was nice to meet you Nitori."
"Y-you too!" Nitori called as he watched Misaki wave goodbye and then exit the room.
Misaki chuckled to herself as she walked down the hallway. She was sure to hear about that little kiss from Rin later who no doubt was not a fan of her doing that in front of Nitori. The happiness soon wore off as she walked out of the dormitory and felt a lump form in her throat. Tomorrow, she thought. The single word made her stomach hurt and her palms begin to sweat. Dark thoughts plagued with guilt began to swirl above her head but before they could sweep down and capture her Misaki heard Rin's voice in her head. 'I love you too'.
Author's Note: I wanted to get this chapter out sooner but school has been super busy. I only have two weeks left though and then I'll be able to update quickly while I'm on winter break. Until I get to winter break though updates might be a tad slower.
Ember: I'm planning on doing more chapters from Rin's perspective since it does help convey how he feels about all of this. And I'm not sure how awkward Nitori was around Misaki...though he did start inviting her to swim practice and begged her to stay longer.
JJ: Well Rei being a spy came from the series and Nitori being a love guru...I'm not sure how that came to me. I guess I just thought it'd be cute if Nitori was giving Rin advice on love. And well Azami can be a little crazy with guys she likes so she may become a super stalker
The nice Guest: Ah I love that you actually changed your name to 'the nice guest' it's perfect. And oh goodness I feel like Rin would have zero patience for a horse, like when it didn't obey him he'd just curse and get off it. And you bring up good questions! Before the story ends they shall all be answered!
Mini: I feel like Nitori's love advice would be good in theory but I don't see him having enough experience to back it up. It's like he gets all his love advice from books and movies. Oh my gosh I can totally see Nitori reading Nicholas Sparks late at night and like crying over The Notebook in his spare time.
Lisa: Rin would be such a good Prince Charming. I mean he certainly has the looks and I'm sure if he tried he could put on a good amount of charm.