Summary: Rey saw the darkness in him, but she also saw the light. She just hoped that when they met again, she would see Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren standing in front of her. Set after The Last Jedi.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any characters affiliated with it.
Cover art by elithien, permission for use was given by the artist.

Trigger Warning A/N
For those who are easily triggered by thoughts of suicide and/or self-harm, please stop reading beyond this point. However, if you choose to continue, the topic is not at all graphic in this chapter. My rating for this story will still remain T, as well.

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"From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov'd—I lov'd alone— "

Alone, Edgar Allan Poe

Keep Marching On
07: Penny for Your Thoughts?

He would have thought that by seeing that vision, it would have made him a changed man.

Instead, Kylo found himself thinking that maybe...maybe if Rey didn't have to deal with him, she wouldn't have to die. He wouldn't have to kill her, like in the vision he saw. No one would miss him – no one truly cared, not anymore.

Sighing, he walked into his room with the intent of just retrieving something – however, a few minutes later, he somehow found himself sitting at his desk in more comfortable gear, staring at the worst injury he had gotten from training. He just...sat there and stared at the deep cut on his hand. Judging by the amount of blood it was spilling and how deep it was, it would require stitches. It throbbed with pain as well but...he didn't care.

Was there a point? He'd get it healed today, just for him to cut himself on something again?

"...You should get that looked at," a voice said from behind him.

Kylo wasn't surprised nor was he annoyed – he just didn't care. "I should."

He felt Rey's presence next to him. "Then why don't you?"

Still, he refused to look at her. He didn't have the right to – not after knowing that her death was going to be by his hands. "I don't know."

Rey placed her hands on his shoulders and forced Kylo to turn to her – and he had no strength in him to refuse, so he simply complied as she moved him. He watched as she took his hand in hers and placed her left over his palm.

"What are –" He quickly looked up and saw her eyes closed in focus. He nearly pulled away – only, he stopped when his hand began to feel warm, particularly near his cut. The throbbing pain in his hand left him, replaced with a sudden itchiness, and he immediately knew why. "...Force healing?" Since when was she able to do this?

After a few minutes of tense silence, Rey finally opened her eyes and took her hand off of his. Left behind was a red scar and when he flexed his hand, there was no pain or discomfort. "I read about it in...in the books from the Jedi Temple," she answered. At this, he felt himself retreat further into himself. "I didn't think I'd be able to do it."

Force Healing was common for the Light, as healing for the Dark came at a horrible cost. Unlike the Jedi, who utilized the healing without great consequence, those of the Dark Side would need to use their anger, their pain, their anguish to heal something as simple as a papercut, and most times in order to achieve the level of pain or anger meant killing innocents. Kylo spent months trying to heal under Snoke, simply because the man wanted him to be able to do it, but the end result of that was a failure – and his former mentor didn't tolerate failure.

"Ben?"

Bringing him out of his thoughts, his head flew up to meet hers before he muttered, "Thank you." Quickly, he closed his palm and placed it on his lap, only to feel a sudden spike of hurt from Rey.

"You've been awfully closed off as of late, did something happen?" Kylo refused to answer but something within him was beginning to break, especially at the softness of her voice. "Something's wrong with you, I can sense that." She grabbed his arm and pulled his sleeves up, revealing a series of burns and uneven cuts lining his arms. "You aren't getting any of your injuries looked at...what happened?" He remained silent and didn't answer – her frustration at his refusal to talk began rolling off of her in waves. "If you haven't forgotten, we're stuck together and I feel all the physical pains you do. Sure, I don't have anything on my arms or legs, but I feel the way the cuts dig into my skin. It hurts, so why are you doing this to yourself? Why aren't you getting them healed?"

All the fight suddenly left him at this. What was the point?

"...What do you mean, what's the point?"

Shit, he said that out loud.

Kylo remained in his seat but turned his head up, only for his breath to leave him. He felt the emotions between them in the bond, but seeing it on her face and in her eyes…

He was hurting Rey again. Just another to add to the long list of things that made him a monster. She wouldn't be feeling this if it weren't for him –

A gasp interrupted his thoughts and when he looked at her, Rey's attention wasn't on his injuries anymore – it was on scars on the inner side of his wrist. She forcefully took his hand and at this, his stomach dropped.

"Nothing, okay? All these injuries are from training." Scowling, he ripped his arm away and pulled his sleeves down, not truly answering her question. All those bruises and unhealed cuts were his faults – he had been training with his lightsaber and knives but...he had been distracted, and the next thing he knew, he had hurt himself.

She placed her hands on her hips. "That...those are not nothing."

"If you're talking about the scars, it's fine...it was something that I needed to do –"

"Needed to – to what? To prove yourself to Snoke? Why were you –"

Kylo knew Rey wouldn't stop asking and the worry she released through the bond was beginning to give him a headache – the sheer pressure of her emotions always seemed shocked him. Hiding from her, his head fell forward as he began to remember his teen years. "Snoke...had me focus on my pain and anger after...well, after leaving my uncle. I guess he still saw some light in me, somehow, and so he had me…" He motioned to his wrists. "Do that to "hone" my skills. Focusing on the pain allowed me to feel closer to the Dark side. After a while, I was able to focus without it and stopped."

He heard a sniff and suddenly, Rey was on her knees in front of him, cradling his hands. "That creature...he hurt you, did all of these things to you...you were a child, you shouldn't – how dare he – " Tears spilled down her cheeks and there were so much pain and anger in her eyes – pain and anger that didn't fit her. He didn't know what came over him but he tried wiping away the tears – and to his surprise, she leaned into his hand as she continued looking at him.

"I…It's fine, Rey, I barely think about it anymore."

"That's not the point." Rey gently raised her hand towards him, and as if she was asking for permission to touch him, she waited until he nodded his head. At this, she placed her right hand against his face, her left hand still holding his. "I know...I know we're what people call complicated – we're enemies but we're not, we're friends but we're not. We're...well, complicated. I just…" She sniffed as the words she said suddenly came to her mind. "You're not alone. You're never alone. I'm here and...and believe it or not, your mother is too. She loves you, Ben."

Rey stood up and placed both hands on his face. "You don't have to say anything about this. Just...remember that," she said. Then, without any warning, she leaned down and...kissed Kylo – not on his lips, but on his forehead, and somehow it managed to feel like so much more. Afterwards, he saw that her face was red with embarrassment, as the bond was flooded with so much of her thoughts that it was a mess.

Kylo was shocked into silence and after a few awkward seconds passed, she made a move to step away – only, she stopped when he hesitantly placed his hands on her hips. She didn't push him away, so he went a step further – he wrapped his arms around her waist. He placed the side of his face against her stomach and...sat there, in warmth and comfort. She had her hands brushing through his hair a second later as he tightened his arms around her.

"I'm lost, Rey," he muttered, an unfamiliar burning behind his eyes. But immediately after saying these words, he felt a weight leave his shoulder. She paused, but he continued, "I just don't know anymore."

Kylo told her of his vision, of the warning Luke had given him. He told her his initial reaction and how it confused him to the point where he was beginning to spiral into a depressive state. All those thoughts of dying, and not truly caring about taking care of himself, it was a result of a vision that was so realistic, that sometimes he had to make sure she was real and alive.

That he hadn't ruined the one good thing in his life.

"Then leave." His eyes flew to meet with hers while they remained in the same position – his arms wrapped around her while her hands in his hair.

"And what?" he questioned. "Go to the Resistance? Please, Rey, don't be so naive –"

Slight pain suddenly laced his scalp as she suddenly tugged on his hair, interrupting him. "No, you idiot, just...leave. I'm not saying that you should join the Resistance – hell, it's probably the worst thing you could do to yourself." At these words, he raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look – just because I want you to open up to me doesn't mean I don't know that people here will quite literally kill you on sight." Kylo couldn't help but snort as Rey began messing with his hair again. "Will you at least think about it?"

He nodded his head. She was right, in a way. Leaving the First Order was a plausible plan. He didn't care much for it like Hux – and it was clear that Kylo wasn't wanted by the looks and whispers he was getting aboard this ship. There was only so much tension it could tolerate before it exploded.

As Kylo continued to enjoy the warmth of another human being, the conversation between them ended. The air around them was calm and there was no awkward silence between them; it was something he didn't realize he missed, and he wanted to take advantage of the time now.

After a while, Rey slightly pulled away. His hands remained on her hips and for the first time, she smiled at him. It was one full of happiness and...and tenderness – just like he had imagined. Looking at her, Kylo's breath left him as his heart began to beat faster.

To most, a romance began with a kiss as their relationship flourished from there. However, for Kylo and Rey, it was different. Neither were very physical in displaying their affections, to begin with, as the two were quite awkward people, not knowing truly how to act around others and not having experience.

So when Rey brought her head down and placed her forehead against his, that was the moment that truly marked the change in their relationship. They were at peace with each other as they allowed the Force that connected them to say what they could not. The two never felt this calm, this open, and this...whole.

With a smile on their faces, both began to feel hope.

Hope for the future.

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait – I was having trouble with this chapter and I finally finished. So...this was a pretty heavy chapter but different from the last one. I hope it wasn't bad and that I portrayed Kylo okay. This story is angst so I'm praying that this chapter was angsty, although I made sure it ended with a fluffy reylo moment.

This chapter is also very...bleh, in my opinion. I didn't think it was that good but idk, this was the best I could do this time :\ I hope the next one will be better!

On to other things...YOU GUYS! ARE! AWEWSOME! I can't believe the response to this story – you guys are freaking amazing! I love every single one of you guys 3

Also, thank you guys so much for the response to my question *blushes* I'll be continuing the beginning of my chapters like I do right now :)

Please review and follow/fav if you haven't already!

Until next time!~

Because you guys take the time to review, I love to respond to you guys in return! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I (hopefully) responded to most of the reviews I got but if I didn't don't hesitate to tell me :)

reylogarbage: First thing first – I LOVE the name you chose! And thank you so much for your response, it makes me blush xD I'm glad that I was able to write the characters realistically because like I've mentioned in other chapters, that's the one thing that worries me the most!

Tabitha: I'm glad that I was able to write out the angsty scene well because honestly, it was hard. Canon characters, in my opinion, are so hard to write so thank god I'm doing something right! And thank you so much for your suggestion – I see what you mean and I am trying really hard not to do that anymore! But if you do see any more things I'm doing wrong, please don't hesitate to tell me! 3

Meech Macko: Thank you for your review :) I'm sorry that you feel like that about the characters and how I've written them but I am interpreting how Kylo will return in my own way, I guess. I am trying to make them as realistic as possible so I hope you don't give up on the story!

radagast-brown: Thank you so much :) And honestly, he really needs to see that the path he's on is super dark and he needs to say sorry to reylo in the next SW movie.

Kara-Anne Laurel: I'm so glad you liked the story! And yeah, in TFA they were cute but this new movie just shoots them up to adorable and sexy – that fight really killed me! And thank you for answering the question – I'll be keeping them! And don't worry, I won't stop writing!

Teekalin: Thank you so much for your review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

safayi: Honestly, the entirety of TLJ has me shook xD

Annanarra: Omg, you make me blush xD I hope you enjoyed this chapter!