(A.N) So I have been super busy lately but I will definitely try and update another soon. Sorry for the wait. Also I would like to add that in this story line castiel is still very new and confused by human tendency. Sorry its so short this time.

The feeling of the water hitting my worn out, filthy body was a miracle all in itself. Sam and Dean had yet to wake up so I had the shower all to myself and I could stay in here for as long as I wanted.

I lathered soap on my head. The real one, in big bottles and not that motel crap I usually existed off of. It felt amazing to be stripped of the stress and the horror of fighting sammy. It had killed some deep part of me when I looked into his eyes and realized they weren't his, not anymore. But I had saved him. I hope.

This of course was when my mind turned to that god forsaken angel on our shoulders. He never seemed to come when sam and Dean called, but he came the minute I called? Why? It was strange but if I tried to dwell on it I would lose my mind. I was better off finishing my shower and taking a much needed nap.

I turned the handle so the shower heated up for a second before I turned it again and it shut off. I stepped out onto the cold tiled floor and wrapped myself in my towel and spared a glance at myself in the small mirror above the sink. I looked, for lack of better words, like shit. My usually raven black hair hung below my shoulders in unbrushed tangles. My eyes lacked any type of happiness and looked on the verge of dead. My normally pale skin looked almost colorless and my lips were bitten and swollen. The hunt for sam had done quite a number on me.

I rolled me eyes at myself and started rubbing my hair dry.

"Violete?" I jumped a mile and threw my towel around myself as I heard Cas behind me.

"CAS, I'm naked !" I shrieked at him and saw his eyes widen as he turned around with an almost confused expression.

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't want you popping up while i'm naked? " I was still shrieking but not as loud. Cas just shook his head and stayed facing the wall. I pulled my clothes on and opened the door.

"Out castiel. Now" I was pissed that he had yet again showed up while i was naked, He didn't just do it to me thankfully. I had heard sam and Dean shout suddenly plenty of times. Cas just didn't have the same problems with nudity as us humans.

"I am sorry, I just needed to know you were all right" I could feel his eyes on me a I stepped out of the bathroom and walked my way to the kitchen.

"I'm fine Cas. where have you been?" I wanted to know why he had been ignoring us but I knew i would probably not get an answer.

"I have been attending my duties of course" I sighed at his ominous answer and just shook my head. I opened the fridge and pulled out the meats and stuff for a sandwich.

"Cool" I said sarcastically and put the bread directly on the counter not caring about plates and formalities. I focused on putting my food together and out right ignored him.

"Have I upset you?" honestly sometimes his innocent nature made me want to hit him but there was something that twisted up my violence against him and instead made me feel the need to protect him. I was now looking at him with a half hearted mean look and he just wasn't getting the glare.

"Yes, Cas, you did" I stomped my way to my room after throwing the ingredients back into the fridge. I knew I was dramatic but oh well, I would do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

I knew I was confusing him but honestly I just couldn't care less. He didn't understand why I was so upset and he would just have to figure it out. I was tired of explaining to him. I was tired of having to lie and tell him it was only because he was leaving us to die and not because i was completely in love with him.

At the end of the day I was just tired of knowing my feelings would never be returned by the damned angel. I knew my feelings wouldn't matter at the end of the day.