Author's Notes
What did you think of the epilogue It was mainly there to give you some explanation/background to this entire story. This fic will get much less fluffy from now on just a warning. I will try to post a new chapter each week depending on how long it is. Please tell me if you want them to be longer, shorter whatever you like just bare in mind that the longer it is the more time it will take to upload. The lines mean its a change in perspective or scene. There will be a flashback to the point before the breakup and I will put it in Italics so it's obvious. Enjoy.
Disclaimer
I don't own the mortal instruments I may have thrown in some of my own characters and the plotline is mine but otherwise it's Cassandra Clare.
Chapter 1: Remembrance
Weeks on from the breakup and I'm still depressed, Izzy and Jace are always trying to get me to go outside the institute but I always refuse. I hate seeing their hurt look after I yell at them but I feel like I might break down if I step out the room for anything. Everything reminds me of him from the way I used to sit and read in the library and he'd call me a bookworm to how in the morning he'd make breakfast every now and again to surprise me. From the day he walked out of that old abandoned subway i've regretted every decision leading up to that mistake, every bad decision is like a little paper cut to my heart, sharpening the edges and causing pain. The training room has been my best friend as of late since archey has always been my way of relief. Sometimes I can just forget and let every feeling, happy or sad, leak out until I stop and it all comes back like waves furiously hitting harder each time.
Lately I have been feeling abnormally tired even though I'm practically always asleep and feeling really bloated even after a small bit of toast in the morning. This place doesn't even feel like home anymore, the grey stone walls are so cold now, they turn away from you at every sharp corner. Slowly but surely I'm withering away in this lonely place.
Today I've had the regular rounds of Jace, Izzy and even Max surprisingly however I couldn't turn him away; I let him sit with me and we read my favourite book to kill a mockingbird. We came back from our mission and Izzy announced I had a visitor surprisingly. Being covered in demon ichor and blood kind of makes it hard for conversation so I hurried in the shower when something came to mind. Magnus. We haven't spoken or seen each other since we broke up...not that, that changes anything, it doesn't change what you did, one mistake... I wish he would just speak to me I've left countless messages and fire messages for that matter but he still hasn't replied to any. It probably seems pathetic to be this clingy but the longing I feel to just hear his silvery, brass voice doesn't compare to any of disappointment.
However it was not Magnus but one of his dear friends, Catarina. She was stood waiting in the hall for me, her pale azure blue skin shone out from where she stood directly under the light in the hallway. Her alabaster, silky white hair stood out in a tightly dun up bun. It always amazed me how women can stand having their hair like that for long periods of time, all in the name of beauty I suppose, that's what Magnus used to say at least. Shaking my head viciously to get that thought out of my head I finally noticed that she was in her work clothes, she must of come straight from the hospital this could be urgent so I stepped aside and let her in. Does she know about the breakup? Maybe Magnus told her and she's come to lecture me. I sighed.
I walked into the room and it had depression practically written all over the grey walls and with the slouchy way Alec was presenting himself I could smell breakup radiating from him. Magnus hasn't been answering any of my texts or fire messages so when I went over to his apartment expecting to see him sitting on the sofa probably watching America's top model with a martini wrapped in his slender fingers it came as a shock to find it completely empty. After that I went home and used a simple tracking spell to make sure he hadn't gotten into any trouble, my magic isn't nearly as powerful as the High warlock of Brooklyns' so I couldn't get a precise location however finding him in Spain was still good enough to indicate that something's wrong. I chose to speak to Alec after my shift thinking it was a problem that could be fixed with a bit of magic however standing here now I realise that's far from the truth.
His dark, damp hair hung low over his face and his normally baby blue eyes looked dull almost to the point of looking grey. What stood out the most was his stark pale skin hidden behind his cosy jumpers, the jumper he wore looked tattered and starting to ware from monotonous use. This jumper was a special one as I remember Magnus telling me how he'd dragged Alec on a celebratory shopping round and that when he saw it his eyes lit up like lightning blah blah blah. Magnus had a thing for bringing up necessary details about his lover's eyes and how he warmed at the sight of them. Black hair and blue eyes. Gazing at those eyes was like gazing into his soul, a lost and lonely soul, I could tell right away he'd done something but whatever he did he felt a great deal of guilt. He shifted on his feet nervously so I glanced away not wanting him to feel uncomfortable. From the way his shoulders drooped he looked like a withering flower caught in a harsh storm and I felt the utmost of sympathy for him.
It was strange, I thought I felt two presences besides me and Alec but my magic was depleted so I thought nothing of it at the time.
"Alec, what's happened between you and Magnus", I asked in as calm a tone I could muster. He looked shocked by that statement at first but quickly turned back to his emotionless expression.
"You mean h-he didn't tell you", trying to keep a monotone voice Alec replied. I shook my head and he sighed motioning for me to sit down so I gently slid down into the barrel chair that sat in the dimly lit corner of the room. He sat opposite on his bed in a hunched position leaning on one hand looking up at the ceiling as if praying to the angels. I felt the decades of anger that had built up behind that one name resurface again as he spoke. Camille Belcourt.
I had refused recalling this dreadful story to anyone since it happened even Jace and Izzy because I knew that as soon as I did it would become all too real again. I have fought countless demons, nearly died in fact but nothing could have prepared me for the heartbreak that night. It's funny I feel sorry for all of the countless heartbreaks my siblings have caused. Sitting there I couldn't hold it back any longer and cried still staring at the heavens praying to the Angel that none of it was real but of course it wouldn't just disappear in a simple nightmare. I cried and sobbed and cried and cried some more until Catarina came over and hugged me. It felt odd at first being hugged by someone other than my siblings or Magnus but I soon warmed to her and I rested my head gently on her shoulder.
"Why, Catarina?", I cried out but it was muffled by her shoulder.
"It's ok Alec, why what?", she asked me in a soothing tone.
"Why couldn't I be the perfect boyfriend, why did everything with the immortality have to happen", I asked her and she shifted herself so she so was looking at me.
That phrase 'perfect boyfriend' I could remember Magnus telling me before about Alec's warped perspective of himself and how he feels he needs to be better so sitting here now I can imagine the unhealthy things going through his head.
"Alec don't think about that you don't need to be perfect to have a happy, loving relationship. Even if it may not seem like it now Magnus does love you he's always had a problem with opening up about his past with people", I kept at eye level with him so he could see the honesty of my words on my face. "I think turning to Camille for help was a terrible decision but I also know that Magnus is a stubborn man and that he won't realise what he's losing until it's lost, you both had a part to play in this breakup so try not to let it weigh you down", he seemed to be deep in thought for a moment until he looked at me and gave me a small but sad smile.
"Thanks Catarina I-your kind of the first one I've spoken to about it" he shifted around and I let go, standing up. I was a little surprised he hadn't told his siblings but I could sort of understand.
"If you ever feel like talking your welcome to come over also I'll give you my number" and as I did I grabbed a plain piece of paper, writ my number down and placed it all back on the desk.
"Thanks Catarina" I heard him say as I walked out I smiled at him closed the door gently till that soft click echoed through the halls.
The next morning I woke up feeling relieved like I'd let something out that'd been dragging me down and I suspect that, that's down to the conversation with Catarina. With this in mind I grabbed my phone,which was on the end table next to my bed, and debated sending Catarina a text to thank her. 4:50am. Deciding I wasn't going to be able to sleep any time soon I got up and got up ready to train. Magnus always hated the fact that I didn't wear much else besides black things so I used to wear different coloured scarves and hoodies just to see one of his radiant smiles. After I'd gotten changed I decided I didn't want to train at the institute and slung my bow over my back and headed out for Central Park. There was an area runed by the new york institute so shadowhunters could train outside without any problems from the mundanes. Of course it was always annoying how they locked it up at night, it's not like it actually keeps people out, but nothing a simple unlocking rune can't handle.
There was a clearing I always went to hidden behind shrubbery and buried inside a giant grove. The peacefulness of it was holy not even my sharp seraph blade could cut it however disruptions from cars every now and again were unavoidable, seems as though you can't get away from the busy streets of New York. The hazy hues of pink,oranges and reds where noticeable on the surface of the lake that lay still, sparkling for attention. You could see a thin, uneven layer of ice flush against the water as it prepared for the harsh environments of winter. I couldn't wait to see a blanket of snow fall upon the place however it's beuty could not compare to that of springs enchanting, picturescue evenings. I found it when I was little and was preparing to be a shadowhunter. We were so excited to become shadowhunters that we forgot how dangerous it is, oh how naive we were. I was learning to use the bow, even though everyone told me I should be like Jace and use close combat weapons, I would come here whenever I would feel upset or disheartened. I chuckled to myself realizing that even as a child I still resisted the generic views of the clave and my parents. Sat contently on a worn out oak bench, reminiscing on old times has brought a particular date up that I took Magnus on…
I looked at the tall mahogany door trying to contain my nervous as I knocked to make Magnus aware that I'm here although he probably sensed it already. I gave him a decent two hours to get ready as I know how much pride he takes in his appearance and the terribly long time to have a shower I mean who takes an entire hour to have a shower! There was also the fact that I wanted to put effort into my appearance for tonight, I asked Izzy to help me decide on something 'nice' to wear and actually she went for a fairly subtle approach instead of throwing me in the tightest jeans she could get her hands on. Yeesh. She gave me a cosy, navy knitted jumper and some slim trousers that had a deep black leather belt wrapped around my slender waste.
He magically opened the door as he stayed in the bedroom…
"Just a second darling" he sounded frustrated so I just shouted back 'Okay'. I went over and sat on one of the stools to the kitchen islands as I waited patiently for him. Well patiently for the first ten minutes.
"Magnus you may be as old as the pyramids in Egypt but I am certainly not getting any younger here so would you hurry your sparkly butt up, I told you not to put too much on" I hollered at him because I was getting antsy now pacing around the apartment picking a book up and putting it away every now and again.
He came strutting out with a pout on his face after a mischievous chuckle," Oh I was waiting to see how long it would take you to finish the bookcase and this isn't too much". I dropped the book after blushing furiously as I took in his majestic appearance. He had on a bright yellow dress-shirt that had a black and white swirling pattern on the hem of his colour,buttons and cuffs. The washed black jeans he had on looked quite constricting for movement as well as a shiny black belt that was fastened to his perfectly angular waste. Hm it might be a bit of a struggle to get those of later. His nails were done to utter perfection matching the pattern on the inside of his shirt whilst he left his hair down and as sparkly as the stars just the way I like it so I can run my hands through it.
"Besides two hours is not nearly enough time to perfect myself", he joked whilst putting hands on his hips.
"You've always had a flare for the dramatics", I teased whilst he stood there pouting "Oh don't give me that last week we were walking in Central park when it started raining and you ran over and hid under a tree. You then proceeded to waste five minutes creating a barrier to stop it from falling on you and another ten minutes fixing your hair bearing in mind I had to wait in the rain the whole time", I recalled. He flashed me a grin as he slinked over to me and put hi face near mine.
"You love it and you know it" he whispered near my ear. I brought his eyes to mine and gazed for a minute as his glamour flickered.
"Hold it", I put a hand up to his chin and ran my thumb along his chin teasingly but retreated back to the door. He looked disappointed that I'd moved away but this happens everytime and we end up with clothes on the floor; any idea of a date becomes a distant thought.
"As thrilling as our sex life is I actually have something planned that I want to do with you today." I consoled. He seemed to perk up at this.
We both made it out into the busy New York streets. Midday is always busiest, people of all sorts of backgrounds would be walking around. Since being with Magnus I've payed more attention to the world around me, the things and people that I'm sworn to protect. It can be quite amusing sometimes to see kids misbehaving or teenagers complaining, makes me think about how childhood for shadowhunters doesn't exist very much. I might go as far as to say that I'm a little jealous however I'm sure with all the 'supposed' trouble we cause the clave sees us as rebellious teenagers still. We start walking through the crowds my hand linked into Magnus' indicating for him to follow.
"You've peaked my interest darling" he exclaimed " how far is it because you know I can just portal us there"
I still remember every corner of how to get there even if I was at the start of teenage-dome that I last came here. One more corner and we were facing a silvery gate towering over us.
"No need we're already here" I chirped. Then started striding again, "well
more or less". He gave me a questioning glance as I weaved my way in and out of the thicket. As we neared the place I could feel the excitement bubble up within me. Time had taken its toll on the place since vines had crept around every tree and bush as far as the eye could see. It was a little hard to see the clearing even if I had snuck over during the break of dawn, before anybody'd woken up, to put a blanket and some food ready. Just as I had left it everything was still set up and patiently waiting.
"Wow, this place is like a wonderland", he resounded spinning around to glance at everything then to me.
The place was beautiful it had a tree line surrounding it and little flowers littered the grass, gracefully dancing in the breeze. I bounced over to the blanket that lay restful on the ground and sat on it. I patted the side next to me coaxing Magnus to sit down and he complied.
"Yeah I used to come here as a kid whenever the pressure or sheer annoyance got too much, it was my own secret world I could escape to" I recollected and he nodded telling me he understood.
"What about you?" I asked in a cautious tone because I knew his past was like uncharted territory he didn't want me exploring.
"What about me?" He replied throwing me a questioning glance. I sat back and stared up at his beautiful face.
"Did you have anywhere you'd scamper of to as a kid?" I elaborated shifting around a bit nervously under his gaze.
He seemed to be in contemplation for a moment until finally concluded, "not really" he stared sadly at the ground and I realised I must of made him remember something dreadful. I've heard only bits and pieces of Magnus' childhood mostly from other warlocks but from what I've heard it was grievous.
"Hey it's okay we can't all of been boring children like you" I teased and he looked at me acting as if he was in mock horror.
"Oh how can you say that when you probably sat and read books all day long" he challenged, his expression changing to a mischievous smile.
"Yeah well with books come knowledge and with knowledge comes power so I can conclude I was probably the most powerful in the institute." I exclaimed and sat up as Magnus started laughing.
"Yeah and I'm sure if we were to ask Jace tomorrow he'd flat out deny it and share some story of him bribing you with a sweet treat." he chuckled and I pouted but I couldn't pout for long as his laugh was too contagious.
When we finally simmered down and were laying staring up at the sky with my head on Magnus' chest I asked "Magnus can I ask you a question?"
"Curious are we now yeah go ahead darling", he assured, picking at the flowers around them.
"Can warlocks have siblings?" I questioned. I don't know why it popped into my head I'd just never heard of a warlock with a sibling.
He seemed to pause in contemplation for a moment."Well it's not impossible just very unlikely seen as warlocks are generally, well let's just say unexpected" he replied in a calm demeanor "I'd say say it's probably as likely to get twins as it is to get a pair of sibling warlocks...why do you ask darling?"
I tilted my head to face an amber pair of cat eyes staring back, "I was just wondering I've never seen or heard of any so I just wanted to ask" I explained. We sat there together for awhile comfortably and he went back to picking the flowers, then I added "Magnus, have you ever had children in the past"
He then stopped what he was doing and stared at me intently with an unreadable expression on his face. "No, no I haven't" he admitted.
"Have you ever wanted to have children?" I questioned and sat up to look at him better.
"I've never really been in a relationship that has really opened children up as a possibility" he hesitated then began, "I have thought about it in the past and it's sad to think about but it's like I said it's not exactly a possibility, a part of being a warlock I suppose, I've learned to accept that it's not going to happen" he lamented and I could see in his eyes that he was saddened by this. I pulled him up to a sitting position and hugged him. "What about you?"
"Well I've always liked children and when I was younger enjoyed taking care of Max but sort of got used to the idea that being gay wouldn't allow for that." I admitted looking of into the distance with my arms crossed around my legs.
"Maybe sometime in the future you'd want to…to adopt" I inquired and when I turned my head I realised he had tears in his eyes. I thought I'd made him upset and my eyes widened, I started stuttering nervously "o-of course we don't have to i-it was ju-" he cut me of with a finger to my lips.
"You stupid nephilim I'd love to, nobody has ever asked me about it" he assured and I relaxed. His glamour faltered and then fell down completely; I don't think he realised but I wasn't in any hurry to tell him. I loved his warlock mark even though he despises it. I brought my face to his and he rested his forehead on mine staring into eachothers eyes with love. We brought our lips closer together and kissed slowly and passionately. As he tried to pull away I bit down on his bottom lip which elicited a small gasp and the kiss deepened however it didn't last long because we were soon gasping for air like fish out of water. He pulled away and with a quick *click* two martinis appeared in his hands. One had a translucent blue colour and rock candy on the rim of it. The second he held out to me offering and I took it smiling at him. It had a cloudy red colour and strawberries on a small cocktail stick were poking out.
We had talked on for a while and it had gotten darker. The sky was now filled with red hues and we'd finished a couple of martinis by now, which had left a sweet after taste in my mouth. The air had grown colder so Magnus had snapped in a few blankets a little bit go. Darkness was looming in the forest so Magnus stood up ready to create a portal when I put my hand on his arm.
"Wait a second" I coaxed and small specs of green light blinked in the forest, they then started to move in to the glade. We stayed there frozen, mesmerized by them and not wanting to spook them. Magnus chuckled looking at me and I gave him a look asking what was so funny. He pointed at my hair and I realised what he was laughing at. A firefly had nestled its way into my hair and I'm guessing it looked like my hair was glowing. They made a constant buzzing noise, which was surprisingly calming. I scooped the firefly out of my hair and held it in my hand, it was so delicate I felt like the tiniest of movement and I could kill it. I could feel Magnus' eyes staring intently at us. It was so magical. Then it flew of and I looked at Magnus taking his hands into mine. The sparkles he'd put all over himself were shimmering beautifully, he was beautiful.
"I love you Magnus" I sang trying to express all of my emotions into that one word.
"And I love you Alexander" he replied in a tone filled with adoration and it warmed my heart.
We portaled home after that and ate dinner. That day was like a fantasy come true and I'll never forget it.