She knew this day would come, actually she had been impatiently waiting for it. So when Cordelia woke up to rifles aimed at her she didn't shriek, she didn't hide, she yawned, reaching down to hold Max in place, he was willing to protect her with his life but she didn't need it. "Hey guys. How can I help you?" She wiped the sleep from her eyes waving lazily as she sat up.
It had taken nearly two weeks to completely sew Frank back together, another few days for him to regain full consciousness but as long as all that took everything else was moving at break neck speed. Hours after being awake he had been charged with a slew of crimes. It had taken only two days more for his representation to change, three days and some change after that for Karen Page to unearth and confront Frank with his past. In a little over two weeks he was all but ready to plead guilty. He was guilty, and proud of it. They could call him every name in the book, condemn him for all his deeds, his only regret was not accomplishing more. It all came to a screeching halt the next day, when Mahoney came in with more questions. "We're recommending our client use his right to remain silent." Foggy Nelson had quickly swooped in.
"Cause he's been so forthcoming before now." Mahoney stared at Frank whose glossed over eyes were staring daggers into the blank wall in front of him. "Mr. Castle what is your relation to a one Cordelia O' Dwyer?" Though he knew what Frank's response would be he asked anyway.
"Cordelia O'Dwyer?" Karen had been through every syllable of Frank's case and she had never seen that name.
"There's no O'Dwyer on the victim list." Foggy was also caught of guard. Matt obviously could not see Frank's reaction but he could hear his heart rate spike just a bit and just as quickly level out.
"Not a victim, we're looking at her as an accomplice. There's accessory charges being pressed against her."
'Cord. I knew I heard her, knew I wasn't going crazy. What the fuck is she doing? I told her not to do any stupid shit.' Frank did not move a muscle, continuing to stare blankly. There was nothing he could do for her strapped to a gurney like this, but he also was not about to throw her to the wolves.
"An accomplice?" This went against everything Karen thought she knew about Frank Castle.
"Will the cases be heard concurrently?" Foggy was looking for anyway to shift some of the guilt off of Frank.
"Who is representing her?" Matt took all the wind out of Foggy's legal sails. "Matt we've got enough on our plate as it is." Foggy half groaned half sighed, all together protested.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch Nelson. O'Dwyer is being represented by Marci Stahl from Landman and Zack."
"Your friend must have deep pockets to afford Marci." One surprise after another bowled over Foggy who had been slowly shaking his head from the very beginning of the meeting.
"She doesn't, neither do her parents but after not seeing your daughter for fifteen years I guess there's no price you wouldn't pay to keep her out of jail, cashed in some favors or so I hear. The girl almost turned it down."
"Fifteen years?" Karen looked at Frank for any sign of acknowledgement, he just continued to stare, barely bothering to blink. "You want to tell them or should I?" Mahoney gave him yet another chance to speak. Frank's eyes lazily moved from the wall up at Mahoney, when they landed on their target they were cold and resentful but his response was lax, he simply shrugged.
"No fuckin clue what your going on about." It was true, both he and Cordelia had deliberately kept each other in the dark about their pasts. Only dropping hints and calculated homages to what they had been through. As he waited for Mahoney to elaborate Frank felt guilty. He hadn't earned this knowledge through trust, forced it from her though difficult conversations, trading off secrets, it was being given to him, ever so casually thrown in the air. He felt he was betraying her. 'They don't fucking know her.' Frank's blood was boiling, muscles tensing. if he didn't deserve this well guarded information then these people who had never even met Cordelia sure as shit didn't. 'I'll make it up.' He added this to the long list of things he felt obligated to make up to Cordelia somehow.
"Right. Suppose none of you heard about the birthday ghost out of the Midtown police station?" A room full of waiting eyes were all the response Mahoney got. "Late eighties a sub sect of the Dogs had a child prostitution ring going. Mostly kids from Meth head mothers that couldn't give two shits about em. Operation was sloppy at first, kids getting popped left and right. Same kids time after time. Kids had a habit of going missing before getting to child services though. This is before Fisk had a strangle hold on Hell's kitchen and unfortunately kids make for good money so-" "All the gangs had their share of dirty cops." Matt filled in the blanks. "One kid, real easy to pick out, only red head in the bunch took a strong liking to a beat cop: Eamon O'Dwyer. Would ask for him by name, wouldn't say more than two words to anyone else. Out of nowhere it went quiet, for months, gang got smart, had a better reign on the kids after one turned up dead. Then one day in walks the red head, asking for Eamon, saying it was her ninth birthday and she didn't know who else to spend it with. He went and got the kid pizza, wife came in, had bought a cake from the super market, instant birthday party. It goes the misses instantly fell head over heels for the kid. Party's over and because no crime was committed kid walks right out, break's the wife's heart. A year passes, everyone thinks the kid is either deep in the shadows or dead. Not the misses, not O'Dwyer either. Pizza, cake, even wrapped gifts for the kid, they waited for her. Hours pass, night's almost over and in walks the kid. Same as the last time, party at the precinct and then off into the night."
"Why did she keep leaving?" Karen had not expected such a sad story.
"Your guess is as good as mine. Stockholm syndrome?" Mahoney shrugged, this was a story heard from a guy who had heard it from another guy, there were pieces missing. "This time O'Dwyer gives her a key to his home before she leaves, kid visits every once in a while. The misses starts making dinner for three. A year passes again, it's time for her birthday, this time O'Dwyer is ready for her, party just like last time but this time O'Dwyer breaks all the rules. Takes the kid home with him, for good this time, girl didn't go easy, kicking and screaming but the shape she was in Eamon wasn't sure she'd make it to her next birthday and he wasn't taking no for an answer. Makes some calls to friends in higher places, threatens to expose the cracks in the system, career suicide if they called his bluff-"
'Doin what needs to get done. Getting his hands dirty' Frank had a blossoming respect for this O'Dwyer character. He staid stone faced but Cordelia's story was dark and cruel, he wondered how Cordelia even learned how to laugh so effortlessly in the first place. 'Been takin shit forever Cord.' It hadn't been his fault but he would make this up to her too.
"No one knows exactly how it happened but in a few month's time the O'Dwyers had adopted an eleven year old red head."
"But the fifteen years?" Foggy questioned impatiently. They were all hanging on Mahoney's every words as he continued the ghost story.
"Kid had a hard time adjusting, one day, kid's not a kid anymore, she's a teenager. Gets in a blow out fight with the parents, storms off. They haven't seen her since. Never stopped looking, wife still made dinner for three, even after he was offered retirement and everyone counted her for dead O'Dwyer went searching the streets for her. Every year, same day, the precinct has pizza and cake but the girl never shows, fifteen years pass, not a peep. So imagine our surprise Mr. Castle when we find your hide out-"
"Ain't the fuckin bat cave. I got nothing to hide." Frank scoffed at how easily details got embellished. 'How's the kid fit into this? That worm Paul?' Felling guilty or not he wanted to make sense of all this new information, it was overloading his circuits.
"Frank." Karen didn't want him to fly off the handle, to be the monster they saw him as. His face was emotionless but she could see his arms strain against his restraints wanting to break something or someone.
"There's Cordelia O'Dwyer, asleep on your couch, with some snarling fuckin pit bull at her side."
'She wanted to sleep. Felt safe there. Where's the kid?' Frank couldn't figure out Cordelia's game plan here. 'Stupid Shit.'
"You don't think Frank has anything to do with her disappearance? That was decades ago, he was . . . you know . . . normal then." Foggy couldn't handle another layer of conspiracy being thrown into the mix.
"We don't know what to think. That's why we were hoping Mr. Castle could explain the nature of their relationship. D.A is leaning in on her hard if-"
"We'd like a moment with our client." Matt interjected, he now had a fair assessment on who this Cordelia was, he had met her before. "Please." He waited patiently to hear Mahoney's footsteps and a door open and close.
"Frank I know you don't care what happens to you-" Matt started but was quickly cut short.
"It was only me. She doesn't have anything to do with it ok?" There was nothing more to say in Frank's eyes.
"Then you gotta tell us Frank. Who is she?" Foggy pleaded for a simple answer.
"Neighbor." Frank responded flatly. "Just a neighbor? What was she doing sleeping at your place. You have to be upfront with us. We can't let the D.A blindside us with something they know that we don't." Foggy would not be brushed off so easily.
"Someone's gotta watch the dog when I'm out." Frank's lack of trust spread far and wide.
"We're not judging you Frank we-" Karen always had the best luck getting Frank to open up but this was an uphill battle to say the least.
"You think I give a shit what people think about me? What they say? Judge away, just leave Cord out of it." Karen Page was paradoxically similar to Cordelia. They were both morbidly interested in Frank Castle, but they went about it in polar opposite ways. Karen Page had all the facts, she probably knew what Frank Castle had for dinner three years ago that's how thorough her investigation was. Without context though, facts were only half the story. What she had to do now was present Frank with the facts one by one and use them to pull any emotions out of a corpse. She was finding out what made Frank tick one fact at a time. Cordelia was in the dark, blindingly pawing her way around as she traversed Frank's mind. She had just found out his last name the day they had parted ways. What she had was Frank's warped head and shredded soul in clenched fists, she could map out every inch from memory, she knew who he was now, not in the past, a person Frank was still figuring out as he went along. She would get those few and far between facts from prying and pulling, dissecting Frank's reactions and muted emotions. Karen's method worked best for the situation at hand. Much like bullets, much like tasers, the court system didn't care about Frank's thoughts and feelings.
"None of it's on her. That lawyer any good?" He didn't want Cordelia to go to jail for his crimes, he would not stand for that. Cordelia's way was long lasting, far reaching, it had drilled it's way into his broken bones, swirling around in his marrow. It was more difficult, more dangerous. He could in a moment's notice pull her down, punish her because who he was now, the reality of it all, Frank Castle was a ticking time bomb just counting down to an explosion. if there's anything Frank could appreciate though, it was fighting the impossible fight. 'Women and dirt bags. Still don't get it.' Frank snorted, now he had martyrs on each side of the spectrum trying to see the man behind the monster, trying to drag him from of his grave.
"One of the best." Matt nodded, he knew that Cordelia was more than a neighbor, she was the woman who had stuck her neck out for Frank once before and she had done it again. "She can get Cord off? I'll say whatever those fuckers up the hill want. She can't go to jail. She ain't . . . She . . . doesn't belong there."
"Sure sounds like just a neighbor." Foggy muttered under his breath, something he immediately regretted. Frank slammed his fists into the metal railings to his hospital bed.
"This a fucking joke to you? Huh? Gettin a good laugh out of this?" Frank finally seemed less than ambivalent about something.
"No." Foggy knew he had hit a nerve, he hadn't wanted to rile Frank up, he was hard enough to speak to as it was.
"You wanted me to play ball. I'm standing at the fucking plate. Just make sure Cord doesn't get pulled down in the shit with me. It's my head they want yeah?" It wasn't much but it was all Frank could do to make it up to Cordelia. "Miss Page. . . I uh . . . I need a favor."
They were being amazingly understanding. They had bailed her out of jail, found her a lawyer but Cordelia couldn't go home with them. It wasn't as simple as just moving back into her old room like nothing had ever happened, a whole ton had happened in those lost years. They should have been livid with their ungrateful daughter, but they weren't. Hugs and kisses and dozens and dozens of I love yous were enough for now. She couldn't even call them Mom and Dad yet, she didn't want to taint them with the muck she had been living in. They had waited this long and her being forced out of hiding made it more understandable that it would take a while longer for this separated family to be whole again. It was a family trait, Cordelia could hold onto small slivers of hope, it seemed the O'Dwyers were simply made of it. "I'm sorry." Was all she remembered saying, again and again.
"Cordelia we missed you so much, so much. I'm just so glad you're here again, you're safe. We never gave up looking for you Cordelia. . . we knew it." Mrs. O'Dwyer had broken down into tears. Never for a second had she believed all the pessimists that thought her daughter dead and in this moment she was validated.
"It'll be alright Cordelia, all this will work out, we'll help you get through it. And whenever you're ready you . . . you come home alright? Just like before girly? You always have a place with us. We're family you know that right? We're not going anywhere." Eamon knew that look in Cordelia's eyes, they haunted him when she first came to live with them. She was nervous and guarded, worried there would come a point in the not so distant future that they would tire of her and send her away. He couldn't blame her for having abandonment issues, he would support her through it just like he had before.
"We're family . . . got a paper that says so." Cordelia nodded, she still was trepidatious but she had to give them something, they deserved everything but this was all she could muster. Her world was spinning, pausing for even a second was a feat of mammoth proportion. That adoption paper had made it real last time, made Cordelia feel safe and at home with the O'Dwyers. She didn't need that paper anymore, they were her parents, as an adult that was clear as day. She said those words hoping it relayed what she wanted, that she knew they loved her, she couldn't embrace it with open arms but she knew it. As much as she loved Dahlia, unconditionally so, the O'Dwyers had with her, they had never given up and it looked as if they never would.
"They didn't even ask." Cordelia had been back in her apartment for about two days, the space now seemed endless and lacking life, it was as cold as Frank's place. She kept going over it again and again in her head. She was stuck. Her parents hadn't asked her where she'd been, why she left, if she was guilty of what she was being accused of, if she had encouraged, enabled the Punisher's murder spree, who Frank Castle was to her. 'Maybe they're afraid to ask. . . I'd be . . . I don't even know what I's say. Am I anything like their daughter? Who I used to be? I haven't been her in so long.' Laying on her couch she dropped an arm, petting Max blindly. 'Don't throw yourself a pity party Super girl.' She could hear Frank chastise her, it didn't help though, his voice rang bleak and hollow. She laid there pondering how to tie her past to her present, rebuild who she was before from what she was now. The contrast was jarring, she simply wasn't who she used to be. She had taken steps forward backwards, sideways, weaving in and out of the fringe of society. Most recently out of her impenetrable amour and into Frank Castle's dark blood soaked hands.
There was a soft tap on her door. 'Not Paul. Not the cops . . . Mom?' Cordelia stood, growing nervous. She wasn't ready, she hadn't sorted it out. She knew what they wanted, their daughter back, she could build that back up out of cobwebs and memories but not over the span of a long weekend.
"Cordelia O'Dwyer?" A determined female voice called out to her, knocking more aggressively. Cordelia rarely had visitors let alone ones she wasn't expecting and didn't know.
'Been meeting a whole new cast of characters recently.' Cordelia realized how much her small world had expanded in these few months.
"Please I need to talk to you." This stranger would not be deterred. Slowly walking to the door, unenthused Cordelia opened it.
"I was told not to talk to anyone" simple and as quickly as that Cordelia began to close it.
"My name is Karen Page I work for Nelson and Murdock I'm-" She was holding the door open, continuing to pester Cordelia.
"That's like three names in succession from the list . . . of people I definitely am not allowed to talk to." She was facing years in jail, what her lawyer said was what she would follow, it wasn't the time for Cordelia to play by her own rules, especially when so many things were on the line.
"Please just a minute."
"That usually works I bet. Batting your eyelashes as you swoop in under the radar." Cordelia was unimpressed, not phased by Karen's endearing natural charm, almost unnecessarily bitter over it. "I'm not buying whatever it is your selling so just back up and-" She had a introvert's demeanor before meeting Frank but his patience for people seemed to have rubbed off on her.
"He sent me." Karen was not a shrinking violet, she had plenty of fight in her and Cordelia had what she needed.
"Huh?" Cordelia didn't much care who she worked for, where she came from, what had sent her here. Cordelia just wanted to be left alone, she was told to keep quiet and that's what she intended to do. 'What does she want from me? How can I get her out of my hair? Works for lawyers so it's gotta be Frank, his defense attorneys then? So many lawyers so much . . . shit. Haven't been this popular in years. Now people care what I have to say? No . . . they just think I know Frank, idiots, no one knows Frank. I can't give them all what they want, not all at once for christ's sake I'm just one person. Double dipping is never good.' As always Cordelia was rapidly assessing the pros and cons, the wants and desires, who she had to be to survive to the next day.
"Frank sent me. He needs your help." Karen hoped that the only person Frank seemed to give two shits about felt the same. It had been all over the news, that Frank Castle was going to trial, that had made Cordelia O'Dwyer a hot commodity.
"He tell you that?" Cordelia begrudgingly relented, allowing Karen Page into her apartment. Cut her loses and hear this woman out, that was the path of least resistance. "He ask for my help?" Cordelia smirked, it was almost comical, the prospect of Frank admitting he needed help from anything but a semi automatic weapon.
"You know he didn't" Karen bit back, Cordelia's off put attitude was a slap in the face of the woman who had been running her self ragged.
"Then don't lie, don't waste my time or yours. I appreciate what you're trying to do . . . for Frank most people wouldn't touch him with a ten foot-"
"Frank needs your help. I won't waste anymore of your time because you're obviously very busy." She rose a skeptical eyebrow at the half dozen pop tart foils strewn across the floor. "I'll get right to the chase. I know the prosecution has offered you a deal in place of going to jail. We want you to reconsider. Testify for the defense as a character witness, you're the only person Frank has had any meaningful contact with since his family was murdered. We need you to explain where his mind is at."
"He . . . talk to you? About his family?" Cordelia's aloof voice wavered. She was taken off guard, she hadn't expected this. Who was this woman? Did Frank trust her more? Is that why she was being so harsh? Because she knew she was being replaced by a newer, prettier, less baggage bogged model?
"I had do do some digging, Frank isn't the most talkative man but I confronted him . . . about the massacre. He told me, all the details of what happened that day." Karen nodded.
"Seems like you already have what you need." Cordelia thought she couldn't feel more alone, but apparently she was wrong, this took her down a peg. "You know more than I do. You should be his character witness." She bit at the corner of her lip, trying to hold back the hurt.
"I'm not trying to one up you." Karen could tell she had over shot her plea. She was pushing Cordelia even further away. "Think about it you weren't exactly . . . upfront with him either." Karen tried to smooth out the conversation with those facts she loved so much. "What?" Cordelia's eyes snapped from resentment and self preservation to sheer terror.
"What did you say?" Cordelia gulped hard. 'He knows? He knows all about it? I didn't . . . get to explain.'
"He doesn't think any less of you. It wasn't your fault he knows that, we all do. It didn't shake him, if anything he's trying to protect with everything he's got, I don't know how you did it but Frank really cares about you. He's willing to take all the guilt. Now I don't know what the D.A is promising you but-"
"What does Frank think? About the deal?" Cordelia was great at reading people but when it came to tactical decisions she trusted Frank's opinion over hers. She got too clouded by emotion, and mutual gains, Frank didn't seem to have that problem, his moves were always streamlined and methodical.
"I . . . He doesn't know." Karen tried to find the best way to say they were purposefully withholding that information from Frank. He had asked about developments in Cordelia's case and they had all been playing dumb.
'They know he'd want me to take it. Mind your business Super Girl.' Cordelia's stomach was beginning to churn. 'Give or take Cordelia. Give or take.' Again everything in the universe was telling her to take the logical course of action, everything except for her hope for Frank. "I think you should leave." Cordelia needed time to think this over.
"Whatever they're offering you . . . We're offering you the chance to help save Frank's life." Karen could tell she was losing Cordelia, she tried to shock the woman back to their side. They couldn't have Cordelia testify for the prosecution, who knew what revelations she had in her back pocket.
'Be the half an inch that keeps me from a body bag.' Battling quotes from the out of reach Frank Castle collided between Cordelia's ears.
"If you don't leave I'll-"
"What's in the closet?" Karen scrambled, last ditch effort. Cordelia was stubborn alright.
"What? Like my actual closet? Clothes . . . wrapping paper, assorted weird smelling candles." She didn't know why this was important but it was the first bit of information that she could not get burned by relaying.
"Frank sent me here to tell you to look in the closet." What had taken Karen a few days time to visit Cordelia was the back and forth debate between her Foggy and Matt.
"What if it's something incriminating? Maybe he has evidence at her place that needs destroying." Foggy ever the pessimist was already bothered by how deep Karen had found herself in this case, in Frank's personal life. They had been through this before, he had gotten her to back off one day at a time, till the need to fight the good fight rekindled. Foggy was exhausted, it would help if anyone was on his side.
"You think Frank's hiding something? What Foggy? He's not exactly subtle and-" Matt might have been blind but he had seen straight into Frank's soul the night in the cemetery. Frank may have been made of smoke, shadow and gunpowder but Frank was upfront, bluntly, violently so.
"Maybe I could talk to her? If she knew how Frank was during the time of the killings, that could help right?" Karen was determined, she would force them to see what she saw in Frank.
"Or . . . and hear me out here. She could know what I seem to be the only the only one here willing to admit. That Frank Castle is a psychopath, a blood thirsty-"
"You saw him Foggy. He actually cared about what happens to her. He doesn't even do that for himself. If there's anyone out there with anything nice to say about Frank Castle post the day in the park, it's her." Karen might as well have already been out the door.
"I . . . O.K, lets check." Cordelia just stared at her closet door, wondering what could be on the other side. 'Please don't be a dead body. Please don't be a dead body.' The suspense was overwhelming as she slowly opened the door. "Shit." Cordelia's head hung low for a second.
"What is it?" Karen didn't see anything that looked all too out of place in the less than organized space.
"He's not coming back." Cordelia squatted down, picking up her metronome off the closet floor. "Frank has done some terrible things, he's killed a lot of people and he's going away for . . . well probably his whole life but if we fight back we can keep him out of general population, maybe even get him into a mental institution, get him the help he needs." Karen was speaking to no one, Cordelia was only barely catching every third word, her head was bursting.
"Even . . . even if he hadn't been caught he wasn't coming back, he knew it." She clutched the metronome tighter. 'I really did create a monster. Laid it on so god damn thick I was swimming in it. Said what I wanted to hear all that garbage about coming back. How long did he wait till after I left? An hour? Fifteen fucking minutes?' She was so hurt, so conflicted, so angrily alone it took a double take for her even to notice the clunky mass of pink and purple plastic with rounded edges. 'An easel . . . For Dahlia.' Clipped on the board was a folded piece of construction paper. 'A note?' Cordelia quickly dismissed that idea, Frank wasn't a fan of the spoken word let alone putting thoughts to paper. As she unfolded it she felt a dagger thrust straight through her chest.
"Who drew that?" Both Karen and Cordelia stared down at the crude drawing of man and beast.
"Get out." Cordelia blurted out, eyes still transfixed.
"Do you have a-"
"Get the fuck out!" Cordelia was done playing nice. "Cordelia listen if-" "Now!" She was inches away from shoving Karen Page out of her apartment, but she gave her one more chance to leave on her own accord, which the tenacious truth seeker smartly headed.
Cordelia slammed the door shut, falling in a broken mess to the floor. 'Now whose playing mind games Frank? What does this mean?' Almost to prove to herself she wasn't numb she began to cry, sob, her whole body heaving with each wave of sadness. With no energy to stand she in a defeated motion crawled over to her phone. Dialing the number committed to memory, the call only lasted half a ring before being answered. "Hey . . . I. . . yeah I'm having a . . . it's a rough time right now. Can I . . . would it be alright if I stopped over? I need your advice on something." The conversation was short lived, of course her parents would allow her to fall to pieces in their home, of course they'd painstakingly glue her back together, they had been waiting fifteen long years to do just that.
"What's with the pow wow?" The interrogation room seemed smaller than usual. Cramped with Frank's broad shoulders, Karen's bleeding heart, Matt's city saving morals, Foggy's unwavering skepticism and the armed guard's less than subtle desire for a reason to single handedly take out Frank Castle.
"Miss Stahl has requested a meeting with us Frank." Matt finally began to lead Frank out of the dark.
"That's Cord's lawyer yeah?" Frank's heart rate spiked again. "How does . . . What I did . . . how's that effect her?" He knew she would understand. 'Hell she probably knew I was gonna do it before I did.' He couldn't stand for his family's slaughter to be kept under the rug one second longer he had declined the DA's offer, stomping it into the ground with a defiant boot. He hadn't accounted for Cordelia having charges pressed against her, in his defense he hadn't accounted on someone like Cordelia in the first place so when Karen told him to fight, he fell back on what he knew.
"Well from the MULTIPLE angry, bordering on unprofessional phone calls I received, not well." Foggy had gotten quite the verbal lashing from Marci.
"That your legal analysis of this shit storm?" The previously mentioned woman entered the room, arms folded across her chest annoyed that she even had to be there. "Plead guilty, how complicated was that? Maybe you really are crazy." She bitterly addressed Frank, Marci always worked smarter not harder and Frank Castle was making her job exponentially difficult. "Marci that's not a good idea." Foggy wasn't sure if it was anatomically possible to kill someone with a look, but if anyone could do it he knew that person would be Frank Castle.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you-" If he hadn't had an eagle eyed peripheral vision he would have sworn that armed guard had tazed him. He felt that same sensation, volts and volts of electricity boring and simultaneously erupting from his pores. 'Cord.' She was right there in front of him her eyes were still holding it, that little scrap of hope just for him but there was something else she was holding, anger, such a small dose she might not have even noticed it was there but Frank did. She had been angry with him before, hell all they did was argue. This was different though, she wasn't angry with his words, with his actions, it had transcended that, part of her was angry with Frank as a whole. Her actions solidified his hunch, even she didn't know that anger was there.
"Frank!" Cordelia nearly stumbled towards him, knocked off balance from shock. She knew he had been in the hospital, injured that night over a month ago but how broken chained and numb he appeared, she hadn't expected that. Two arms gripped her shoulders tight, pushing her back a few paces, it was the guard, this room really was too small to hold all of them.
"Hey get your hands off of her." Frank's muscles moved before his head, he tried to stand even though he knew he was shackled in place.
"Sit down before I take you back to holding." The guard gave his first and only warning. Frank relaxed with an aggravated grunt of a response. He had always been good at following the rules even ones he didn't necessarily agree with, but rules didn't seem to make sense like they used to, didn't appeal to him.
"What is she doing here? What did I tell you?" His eyes whipped over to his attorneys. 'Asked for two things. My day in court, don't even need to win that shit. And to keep Cord out of jail.' Sure she wasn't in handcuffs but she was wallowing in prison all the same. Even when Foggy had asked him, for technicality's sake alone if he had wanted rights to visitation Frank paused. He wasn't sure if he wanted Cordelia to come and visit him, have to go through searches and surveillance just to see him. Without Cordelia at his side he didn't know what he wanted. All this thinking was causing his finger to twitch.
"Foggy who else is here?" Matt knew Marci and Cordelia had joined them but he could hear two other heartbeats.
"Um I assume you two are-"
"Eaoden O'Dwyer." The gentleman standing behind Cordelia had not broken his glare straight at Frank.
"And this lovely lady is Patty O'Dwyer." Cordelia pointed over her shoulder at the woman with the out of place smile.
"She the one who taught you piano?" Frank deserved all this pointed anger but he still had an obligation to unstick Cordelia, he had to try. Mrs. O'Dwyer sucked in a winded gasp.
"I. . . Mom you ok?" It wasn't forced, Cordelia organically called out to her mother.
"He . . . he knows about us." Mrs. O'Dwyer hadn't blinked in half a minute, so overwhelmed she was nearly shaking.
"He . . . don't worry Mom you weren't in any danger. Frank tell my mom you weren't going to kill her!" Cordelia hugged her mother close, scolding Frank for scaring her.
"Ma'am I know the reputation I got but-" "You told him about us. You didn't forget about us."
"No Mom I . . . I never forgot . . . I never stopped thinking about you guys." Cordelia squeezed her mother tight.
"It's come to my attention that your assistant Karen Page steam rolled her way into my client's apartment." Marci was here to negotiate, not to host a family reunion.
"I didn't steamroll. I just . . . needed to explain-" Karen thought Marci was exaggerating just a bit.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night. Now despite advice from her council Cordelia has taken a page out of Castle's book and turned down the deal proposed by the D.A. She is willing-" Marci had reiterated time and time again, tried to get through to Cordelia that the deal on the table was the best she'd get. It was everything she needed to avoid jail time and on top of that what she had wanted for years but Cordelia hadn't listened.
"Deal? What Deal? Cord don't be a moron take it, I'm as good as lynched sticking your head in a noose won't do shit." Frank would take a swing at convincing Cordelia.
"You'll testify for the defense?" Foggy asked in disbelief.
"This is great news." Karen had all but chalked up her conversation with Cordelia a huge failure, she didn't know what had changed but she was grateful.
"Great might be over selling it." Cordelia came off as selfish indifference to the untrained eye was anything but. Frank knew it, the O'Dwyers knew it and Cordelia lived it. She was actually straining, breaking, bending over backwards to help anyone but herself. The reason she scoffed, rolled her eyes and dragged her feet as if it was a burdensome chore was to not make the one's she was suffering for feel guilty. Frank did though, if guilt was an Olympic sport Frank would easily take the gold. Next to rage guilt was his most familiar feeling.
'I'll make it up Cord.'
"Can we ask you some questions?" Foggy wanted to capitalize before Cordelia came to her senses and walked out.
"On two conditions." Marci's whole purpose of being here was to make sure her client didn't leave empty handed.
"Conditions?" Frank looked over at Cordelia confused, there was nothing he had to give her, if he did he would but he quite literally had nothing to his name.
"Conditions. Are you going to fight me about this? She's doing you a favor. In case you haven't noticed she's the only one-"
"Back off will ya? I'll do it, whatever it is." He assumed Marci wanted him to claim culpability for something being held against Cordelia, he didn't need convincing, didn't need more guilt, he'd help Cordelia any way he could. 'I'm already looking at a life sentences for every bullet. What's a few extra years?'
"First off none of you, and I mean none of you are to speak to my client without approaching me first. That goes double for you Mr. Castle, don't speak to her, don't look at her, if there was a way I could make it so you don't breath the same air through your proceedings I would." She had no polarizing opinion of Frank Castle it just so happened the more they could distance themselves from the Punisher the better her client's chances were, simple as that.
"I'll do my best to hold my breath." Frank agreed with a sneer. The cuffs chaffed, the bars confined but what made him feel more caged than all else was being told how where when and why to do things. 'Fuckin Hoops.'
"What about after . . . after our cases?" Cordelia questioned, she was miffed with Frank to say the least but she didn't want to let him go without a fight.
"It would be best for you to leave this all behind you-"
"He's a person you know? Not all this, he's a person." Cordelia was reminding the whole room, all of which looked at Frank like some oddity on display.
"We'll talk about your options as things play out." Marci much like Frank was finding out how hard headed Cordelia could be. "Secondly no part of your defense whatever that may be will include the mentioning of Dahlia Bell - O'Dwyer."
'The kid.' Frank's leveled pulse skipped a beat. "Where is she? Cord is the kid alright?" Dahlia was normally attached to Cordelia's hip. He hadn't heard of hide nor hair of the dog enthusiast since before the beginning of this three ring circus. He saw Cordelia's muscles tense then lax in an emotion he knew all too well, loss.
"Another O'Dwyer? When it rains it pours." Foggy was having trouble keeping tabs on all the moving parts to Franks murky social life.
"Cord?" Her silence was killing Frank all over again.
"Miss O'Dwyer has no knowledge of the child's current whereabouts." The wording Marci used reeked of legal loopholes.
"And why is that so important?" Even Matt was out of the loop here. "If you're willfully hiding a minor-"
"I also have no idea where she is." Marci stated emphatically.
Cordelia's inside's were churning, her face sickly and pale. She had done this for Dahlia's own good but that didn't make it hurt any less. "You'd know Cordelia." Her mom spoke with unwavering confidence. "Take it from a mother, you'd know if something was wrong."
"They didn't come after you again did they?" Frank watched as the still silent Cordelia shook her head no.
"That's why you didn't want to testify." Super sleuth Karen connected the dots before anyone else. "She threatened to take your child from you?"
"Fuckin Bullshit. She can't do that can she?" Frank could take any blow the DA threw at him, he had nothing to lose but Cordelia had her life and her custody of Dahlia hanging in the balance.
"She very much can. Cordelia has no legal rights to the child, seeing as she obtained her through what boils down to black market-"
"Don't say obtained! You obtain objects, she's not a thing! I didn't order her off Amazon." Cordelia snapped, head still hanging low. A hand rested on Cordelia's shoulders, both to hold her back as well as comfort her, and a pair of eyes tried to melt Frank down to his bones.
Under any other circumstance his unwavering anger and confidence mixed with testosterone and bravado would have caused Frank to glare right back, but he didn't. The man of few words had not even a look to emote what was going on in his head. He didn't blame Mr. O'Dwyer for hating him, he couldn't, in his shoes he'd do the same, Frank would be upset if he didn't. Frank deserved this unbridled hostility. He had put this man's daughter in legal, emotional and physical danger. He was keeping the family man from seeing his grand daughter. Frank was public enemy number one and all of Cordelia's hope and forgiveness would not change that. "It'll be a bumpy road but we'll get her back Cord I swear." Still glaring, still hating, Mr. O'Dwyer multitasked, at the same time reassuring his daughter.
"I ain't about to get between Cord and the kid, I already got a target on my back." Frank wanted his agreement to Marci's terms to be crystal clear.
'Who is she?' Karen was stupefied not by Cordelia's seemingly endless vault of secrets so much as the fact that Frank seemed willing to set himself on fire for her, it was pulling teeth to get him to help in his own case but for Cordelia it was quick and painless. Up until this point his only care, his only ally was vengeance. Cordelia's head rose slightly, that hope, that want crept out from under the anger.
'He isn't completely gone. This isn't for nothing. He may not be coming back, but he's still in there.'
"I mean we can agree to not mention her but the DA hasn't pulled any punches yet I doubt-" The ever present voice of reason Foggy Nelson began to chime in.
"And we're prepared for that but the last thing we need is for your defense to defame the character of a six year old or Cordelia's ability to provide her a safe and loving home by dragging the child into your shit." Marci had already looked at this from every angle, unlike Nelson and Murdock she played not for justice but to win, by any means necessary.
"Alright Alright." Foggy put his hands up in defense. "We can save most of our questions for later but one real quick um . . ." He hesitated, there was no way to sugar coat this. "Do you by any chance have syphilis?"
"Foggy." Matt as well as the remainder if the room was shocked by this left field less than tactful question.
"That's messed up man." Cordelia actually laughed for the first time in weeks she genuinely laughed.
"It's a legitimate question if you have contracted the disease during your tenure-"
"Tenure I like that." Cordelia continued to laugh
"In front of her parents? Fuck Even I think that's ruthless." Frank felt disrespected on Cordelia's behalf. The O'Dwyers were a bit taken aback but they stood behind Cordelia as they always did, without question or judgement. Cordelia didn't bat an eye, she had been stigmatized for her sexual history her whole life, being a walking scarlet letter was nothing new.
"That's not's what's messed up. Ask me about who I am what I did. Ask me in front of my parents, asked me in any church synagogue or masque for all I care. I'm no virgin Mary, they know that, they don't hold it against me. He wants me to have it, that's what's messed up, he wants me to have it and more than that he wants me to have given it to you, fucked you crazy. Sorry Mom." Cordelia paused, she was still getting readjusted to having parents and how to speak in front of them. " He's hoping I made your brain Swiss cheese Frank. Sorry to disappoint Mr. Foggy was it? Everything I've caught has long since cleared up, my parents really cleaned me up good." She had come to them a dirty mess but they had scrubbed her clean of the filth she had been born into, saved her life. "wouldn't have done you any good anyway. You couldn't exactly say the clap made him do it." Cordelia had an airy chuckle to her tone.
"You don't stop once you get started do you? You're really quite . . . tenacious" Foggy's compliment seemed lack luster after implying she was one penicillin shot short of sane.
"Don't know the half of it." Unlike Cordelia Frank had an iron will, would take everything on with sheer brute force to get to his objective, over come every obstacle, but what Cordelia lacked in physical resilience and prowess she made up for with wit, foresight and rubber encased ego, everything thrown at her bounced right off in the direction from whence it came, she made it look easy. "Don't mess with her, Super girl's got a lot of fight left." Frank's casual statement sent a jolt through Cordelia, her eyes were wide and confused. He had called her super girl more times than she could count but that's what was so jarring. In this topsy turvy nightmare something was like it used to be.
"Are we done?" Mr. O'Dwyer could feel Cordelia's hope begin to rise, he didn't want her to sail too high only to crash all over again, he had to protect her like he promised. Frank knew exactly what the retired cop was trying to do, just like the rest of the universe he was trying to keep Frank and Cordelia apart.
"I assume all of your other well thought out questions can wait till an official meeting between me and your partner Mr. Nelson?"
"They can." Foggy tried to gather up scraps of his professionalism.
"Thank you Cordelia . . . We don't take this lightly I promise you we respect and care-" Karen tried to smooth over the mistrust shooting from every corner of the room.
"Can I . . . talk to Frank before we leave?" Cordelia looked at Marci for permission.
"Cord that ain't-" Frank didn't know if he could handle a one on one with her, he still couldn't give her what she wanted.
"What did I just say Cordelia? You can't be associated with Frank Castle any more than you already are you're playing with fire as it is. I know you think your quirky girl from the wrong side of the tracks shtick will charm your way out of trouble but not now, not this time. You have to listen to me, I know what I'm doing." Marci felt Cordelia wasn't taking this seriously, Marci was drastically wrong. Cordelia bit her tongue so hard she could almost taste blood. She knew she was on the losing end of a shitty situation, life as she knew it was hanging on the edge of a prayer. She knew even the best lawyer in town was fighting an uphill battle against the D.A on a warpath. What she wasn't showing, what Marci underestimated about Cordelia was that she wasn't as 'quirky' and carefree as she appeared. She was calculative, not giving up any shred of the minute control she had, she was plotting her moves always conscious of risk versus reward. Did she care for Frank? Absolutely but all the care in the world would not blind her of the responsibilities on her shoulders. She was a daughter, a mother, her world didn't revolve around Frank and she could not rely on him to save her this time, they were both drowning but she had to keep herself afloat before trying to pull Frank ashore.
"I can't pretend I don't know him, that he doesn't exist. But if you give me a chance I can get by, get that distance you want from me. You don't want me distracted by missing Frank do you?" She would play into Marci's perception of her being a ignorant lovestruck fool. 'No use trying to explain it, let her think I'm dense, always keep the expectations low.'
"Ten minutes." Marci relented.
"We'll be right outside, maybe we can go out somewhere for dinner . . . if you're not busy, do you still like Chinese? Mr. Zhang would be so happy to see you" Mrs. O'Dwyer rambled on, she knew Cordelia hadn't wanted to go back to their home just yet but she still desperately wanted to spend time with her daughter after all those years wishing and waiting.
"Patty we're in a holding cell with a mass murderer not at the nail saloon with the gals rail it in a bit." Mr. O'Dwyers folded his arms in annoyance. Frank listened with scrutiny not because he cared where Cordelia was eating dinner or because he wanted to see if Mr. O'Dwyer would ever stop staring at him but because this was another little moment to tuck away, in better circumstances to even smile. It was an endearing moment, showcasing that despite Cordelia's dark formative years these were the people that molded her into who she was today. Much like Cordelia Mrs. O'Dwyer could hold onto hope, smile despite foreboding environments she was a deep well of optimism. And much like Cordelia there was an iron lid on that well in Mr. O'Dwyer, counteracting that optimism with control skepticism and vigilance.
Slowly but surely everyone filed out, though the armed guard positioned himself right outside the door. 'Cord?' He could see that twinge of anger boil and spill from her eyes through her whole body like a volcano. she was no lovesick fool, she was here to rip Frank apart. She stood there silently stewing chewing away at their few minutes together. "You're the mind reader Cord not me." He snorted looking off to the side, the whole city was angry at him for one reason or another still he refused to acknowledge or beg for forgiveness from the one person's anger that mattered. "What do you want from me? Huh? I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of." He was normally calm, rage fueled and carnage prone but calm, in control. The unease Cordelia's silence was giving him was chipping away at that calm.
"What do I want? Oh I'm so terribly sorry that I've been so needy and selfish recently." She broke her silence with not a whisper but a bang. "Here's a thought, how about an explanation Frank? Explain to me why I'm doing all this when you can't bother to give a fuck?"
"Don't be stupid Cord" Frank could see even out of the corner of his eye Cordelia's muscles tense, she was prepping to hit him, a slap a punch he'd take it all without question, anything he could give her he would but if that guard came in, if he pushed her again that's where the trouble would start. "I got caught Cord." He paused to chuckle, he knew it wasn't going to be that easy, Cordelia never was but he'd need her to go on, spell it out to get to the root of the issue. "You were right there's no such thing as being sorta shot, even I only got so much blood." He shrugged, still kicking himself for 'losing.' Finally turning back to her he could see her face go pale at the thought of him bleeding all over the place like a stuck pig. "Sorry Cord, forgot how squeamish you are." He oddly found her fear of blood to be an alluring trait. Just another piece of her that seemed almost custom made to keep him in check. He was blind to the blood it was as common as air but she was there to remind him that in fact it wasn't. She would push past her fear just for him, but he could keep the blood at bay just for her, protect her from it.
"What kind of game are you playing Frank? I can't handle this anymore, I'm cracking here." After coming out swinging with anger she felt drained.
"Game?" Frank was throughly confused just like he knew he would be. They were always trying to beat each other to the chase, figure each other out but they had never toys with each other, they had moved forward and back but never maliciously. They were both living in a world with no compassion to spare why would he ever be purposefully cruel to her?
"Those things you had that secretary give to me . . . they were important Frank, it's not like returning some CDs to an ex."
"I didn't figure you the jealous type." Frank chuckled at the venomous tone Cordelia had refereed to Karen with. How could she think that he would flip on a dime when another female was in the picture? He'd immediately find out.
"Was that before . . ." All the anger had been replaced with familiar weepy eyes. "Before you found out?" Her mouth was dry as she finally revealed what she was getting at.
"What I tell you about being stupid Cord?" Any amusement was pushed with force out of Frank's face. He wouldn't let this go on, let her feel bad for herself, let her think he thought any less of her, was repulsed by her because of her past. "That shit ain't on you Cord. That ain't who you are, don't let them tell you nothin. I know what you are more than . . . shit short of that muppet friend of yours . . . I know you Cord. You're not fuckin trash Cord, hell you and that kid are the cleanest things left in this city. You're better than that Super Girl you know that right?" Cursing and winding himself out he desperately tried to let her know his image of her hadn't ever wavered. She still was and always would be the only one able to make him almost happy, it would always be her, there was nothing she had done, nothing she could do that would change that fact.
"Ain't gonna be pope." Frank had jumped through another hoop and Cordelia rewarded him with a soft laugh, that hope rode in on the coat tails of that laugh, back to the forefront.
"Speaking of clean, you look like shit Frank."
"Yeah?" They had unstuck one another, they could talk again, as close to normal as they'd ever be. "Yeah. If Dahlia and I are gonna be visiting you in the loony bin try to keep the bruises to a minimum ok? Hair looks alright though really grows like weeds doesn't it? Now that's jealousy right there Frank."
'Visit?' He wasn't sure if he could let her see him like that, stripped of everything that made him who he was. He couldn't lose her and if that meant he had to keep her away he'd do it, he had to protect her, had to be what she wanted. "Time's almost up Cord." They would save that argument for another day. "Cord I . . ." His tone went from aloof to his usual cryptic seriousness.
"What is it Frank. You can't ask me about Dahlia you really can't, I need to get her back-"
"It's you and the kid over everything Cord, I meant what I said."
"Then what is it Frank? We had a good streak going, went a whole two minutes without butting heads." They both smirked but time was ticking by he had to tell her.
"I'm sorry Cord." Alien words came from Frank, you could have knocked Cordelia over with a feather. "It shouldn't have been like that." He wasn't apologizing for getting caught, for her getting roped into it, he had warned her from day one that he was not to be tangled with. He was apologizing for the way they had found out about each other, it had been cheap and tasteless, it had been ripped from the headlines. It should have been organic, it should have been just for them. All those games of twister finally paid off. Cordelia knew she only had seconds left and she intended to make them count, her boldness grew as she approached closer. Snaking a leg over Frank's lap and dipping her head through his shackled arms she straddled him, kissing him with that same tenderless force as she had before. She gripped onto that hair she doted on so much holding onto Frank for dear life. He couldn't do much, he wanted to hold her but he couldn't, the best he could do was lean forward. All he could do was apologize "I'm sorry." He managed to mumble past crushing lips, meeting her as both of their hips raised, not in a sensual grinding manner but just to simply as close to each other as possible. Transferring to each other what they needed. Cordelia's healing touches from all sides was mending each bruise, soothing each fracture, infusing each scar with a tolerable amount of hope to linger on him. Frank with every strain and contort to get to her was giving Cordelia an invigorated level of fight, the way he met and complimented each of her movements the man on a mission affirmed that despite all the changes, they were the same. Despite the fact that he couldn't hold her, the way his looming frame found a way to shield them from the rest of the world made her feel safe.
"Hey!" The guard came bolting in. Frank stood best he could, accommodating Cordelia's contortion from out of his lap.
"You a big man huh? You gonna push her around again?" Frank flared, he wanted the attention solely on him, in this situation he could still protect her from an immediate threat, for the first time since the Irish he felt useful.
"Sit down. You get out, now!" It was easy for the guard to throw imaginary weight around, to pretend just seeing Frank stand with that dead cold stare didn't intimidate him.
"I'm going I'm going!" Cordelia put her hands up in defense pausing mid stride to take a last look at Frank. She had almost forgotten how quick and effortlessly Frank could embrace his violent nature. He was still standing, snarling, daring the guard to get close to him, his finger twitching.
"Listen Super Girl stay safe you hear me? Don't be stupid yeah?" He hadn't broken his stare to address her, he wanted a fight bad.
"Well I have to don't I? Sit down Frank, you're not coming back to me but I'm coming for you. You hear that? I'm coming for you Frank Castle and if there's nothing left of you to come for I'll never forgive you!" She half promised and half threatened. Frank still didn't brake his stare but he did sit because it dawned on him She didn't care either. Who he was, who he had been, who he'd become whatever Frank Castle that would greet her next she would want him all the same, but Cordelia couldn't stomach the sight of blood.
Frank was returned to his cell, alone again, embracing the dark, relishing in the silence. Laying down he stared at the ceiling blankly for minutes or hours it didn't much matter. He remained motionless till he heard a knock against the bars of his cell. 'Who the fuck now?' He half sat up staring into the hallway. "Cord?" How could she have possibly gotten past the guards, more importantly why? Wasn't she in enough trouble? If she had expected him to be happy to see her it was to be a big let down. His body language oozed anger as he approached his bars. "Shit Cord get out of here." His voice was dismissive and jaded. Anger paused a light bulb went off in his head. If she got in he could get out, maybe he wasn't as trapped as he thought, maybe the security was more lax than portrayed. He tried to examine his surroundings for means of escape but something broke his concentration, the jingling of keys.
"You're no fun." The lock slid open and Cordelia walked past the dazed and confused Frank.
'How?' Frank should have noticed should have seen through this but maybe he didn't want to. He didn't make a mad dash towards freedom his whole essence was locked on her, on Cordelia's eyes, he spun around to hold that gaze. Her eyes were normally moist, gushing babbling like a brook but they were bone dry, a crackling brush fire, not with anger like earlier but something else entirely, something that gave Frank goosebumps, something like lust. Him being thoroughly thrown off by that look was the only explanation for what happened next. She pushed him, and instead of keeping his heavy footing he was sent back a few paces he could not fight this. As quickly as she had pushed him away she grabbed at his orange prison garb pulling him hard against her.
"Don't worry I won't hurt you." Her smile was strong, full of bold confidence, she was in control. Cordelia leaned in kissing him in her blunt unapologetic way. Frank broke free, breath hitched in his throat.
"Stop." He made a what half passed as a protest. "Cord you don't gotta-" He thought she was trying to compensate, trying to prove her worth to him, she didn't need to prove anything, not a god damn thing.
"I've been waiting Frank." She closed the small gap once again, resting her face against his chest, her cheek being jolted by every boom of Frank's heart. "You won't get another chance." Each word was slow, transferring from her lips deep into Frank's core. "To give me what I want." She looked up at him with her needy lustful eyes. "I want you." She leaned up and kissed him again. She had said the magic words to open Frank up, there was no more protests to be made, he kissed her back.
'What she want matters. What she wants matters.' That phrase repeated itself over and over again in his head dictating his every move. He wrapped his rigid arms around her, holding her close. They were on fire they were burning alive and Frank couldn't comprehend how lucky he was for that sensation. He barely heard the buttons to his shirt snap open but oh could he feel how her hands dipped through his undershirt widened palms exploring his abdomen, his chest, dangerously above his waist band. "Cord." He gasped out, eyes clenched shut to calm himself down. He had to move, he had to do something, he had to give her what she wanted. It was his turn to feel her all over, his mouth finally free of her brutal lips went to her neck to her exposed shoulder, his brutish hands did their best to be gentle as he lifted her flowy blouse over her head, as her traced fingers over her skin. He tried to commit the feeling to memory but he couldn't, it felt like . . . nothing but it was the most bliss inducing nothing he had ever touched. The more he tried to put a description to the feeling the more elusive it seemed so he gave up, at peace with just enjoying it. She was guiding him, moving him, he wasn't sure where till the back of his knees collided with the metal edges of his bed. Her hand reached lower churning in such away that created an intense and blood pumping level of friction he wanted more, with each swirl of her wrist he tried to move deeper into her palm, she took hold of him sliding her hand up and down his length with slow but tight intensity, he had asked for more but this was too much all at once, out of nowhere. He sat, or more accurately fell to a seated position, just watching her in awe. This is what almost happy felt like, he was there, basking in it bursting at the seams with it, there was room for nothing else inside of him. Cordelia began to unbutton the top to her jeans but Frank stopped her taking her wrists in his hands. 'No.' He grimaced for a second as he caught his breath, made sense of jumbled thoughts. 'Not enough.' He reveled in the want she was emitting, she wanted him and he could give it to her and everything be damned he would. She was doing too much, or he wasn't doing enough he couldn't quite tell but she deserved better she deserved more and he could give that to her. 'Gotta make it up to her.' He let go of her wrists, a dopey stare in his eyes pleading for a chance to try. She waited, she smiled, she nodded. 'Shit.' How just standing there and still was giving him all he asked for. "Cord how-" He shook his head, he was going about this all wrong. 'This ain't a thinking man's game.' He tugged at the waist of her jeans pulling them down to her ankles, his hands rose slowly dragging along that same nothing skin that encased her legs, stoping at points to grip her, a hearty hold but as gentle as he could muster. People had hurt her, scared her, not him, he would try to appease that want the proper way, he didn't exactly remember how to be affectionate it but he was determined to give that to her. His hands stopped mid thigh and his face crouched down to meet them, kissing and barely nipping at that nothing cloud like flesh. Her skin was crisp and luminescent, a full moon cast over muscle and bone. She hadn't spoken, not in quite sometime, for a moment he wavered, gulping anxiously. Was his desire and lust overpowering hers? Try as he might was his animal urges simply snuffing out her want for him? Was she bored? Was she scared? Was she doing this all for him? 'Do something you fucking idiot.' But he couldn't move, he was paralyzed, it wasn't quite stage fright, it wasn't quite guilt it was some hybrid of too many unsorted thoughts that without Cordelia picking his brain he couldn't decipher.
"Relax ok?" Cordelia finally had pity on him, finally spoke, she was pulling her pants off from the floor.
'You blew it, fuckin choked.' Frank looked up at her, he was anything but relaxed, his blood racing, he was angry, frustrated in more ways than one, he felt as if he came up short yet again, like everything else since he'd risen from the dead. "Cord I . . . I can't . . . I want . . ." Words just weren't coming, he was still drawing too many blanks. His mind was a tornado and he couldn't keep anything but the feigning want in Cordelia's eyes in his sights.
"You're not ready to be happy." She gave him a kiss, this time light and delicate, a hand gliding through his hair, not pulling not grabbing, this time caressing, almost a sign of reassurance. "As long as you know Frank, a little part of you wants to be happy." Now that was a red flag he couldn't ignore, that woke him up.
He just blinked, staring at his cell ceiling as that bone crushing ache weighed down on him. Eventually the tactician in him fought past the frustration pulsing from his head to his toes and a few organs in between. 'Think, Think you idiot.' By this point he had realized that his waking mind only saw red only saw carnage only saw war. It was only while he slept and those few prying moment from Cordelia that he could even barely sift through the flowing sands of any other thoughts he had. So what short of the obvious sexual overtones was that dream supposed to mean? He came to three conclusions: He could get out, it would take time and patient planing but those were two things he had in spades, no jail or nut house would keep him locked up forever. Which brought him the his second point, he wasn't done, they'd all still pay ever last bastard if and when it killed him he'd take them all down with him. Which brought him to his third point, he knew jack shit about Cordelia. Not entirely true, he knew they both were going at the same speed, had the fortitude to put up with each other's shit, he had gotten most of her personality and eccentricity down and was fond of them to boot but he didn't know her. Not just how her skin felt but the average things you get to know about someone like their favorite foods, their hobbies, what makes up a day in their life. They had formed their constant bickering coexistence on pure instinct and blind trust, it was enough for the moment but they needed more and Cordelia was right, he wasn't ready. He simply did not have the time nor the space for knowing Cordelia. Too much of him was occupied by war, his fallen family, the part he had completely lost to the black hole that was the Punisher, there was only that little quarter of an inch spared for Cordelia. She was also right that he wanted to, wanted to know more than nothing about her, wanted to be almost happy. Something had to give, to make room for her because that little part of him was starved for her, desperate to give her anything he had left, anything she wanted, all that was left of him. He knew what he had to do, he had to break free, he had to claim his brand of justice for his family and he had to claw himself out of that black hole and get to Cordelia before she ran out of time for him. The clock was ticking and Frank had a clear mission ahead of him, there was nothing and no one who would get between Frank Castle and completing a mission.