I...I have no excuse.

I remember how, during my imprisonment, I had a prison-mate, sharing the same cell with me. From what I can tell, they were one of the few who had survived the trials of the arena, and had the scars to show it. A buff, purple four-armed alien sporting shining, gem-like scales on the backs of their hands, they appeared terrifying, but were really quite nice. And while they could snap a beings neck in a millisecond and take down a giant space demon-wolf, they were remarkably wise and gentle.

I think that's why that they, of all people, ingrained themselves in my memory the most after they disappeared like so many others, without warning or explanation.

The biggest memory of them was the feeling I experienced after they left. Like a sucker punch, I felt their absence like a phantom limb. I think that after I was separated from the Holt's, I couldn't imagine ever feeling any bond with any being again. And yet, suddenly a piece of my life, however small, was ripped away and a painful, gaping wound was left behind, my personal black hole that burned with the intensity of being buried in ice and consumed like a forever-empty stomach.

Now I stood there, frozen in the Galran control room, all the air sucked from my lungs as I struggled to gain breath. My brain was short-circuiting, darkness creeping at the edges of my vision as I struggled to read the blue lettering from Pidge's translation, bold against the dim purple light of the Galran holo-screen.

Somewhere, someone was whimpering, a soft familiar whine edged with pain and shaken by tears. I blink, and the room snaps into focus again. Along with it, I notice the stiff metal banging at the door behind us, growing steadily louder and faster. The low drone of a Galran droid can be heard issuing orders behind the thick metal.

Just like with that prison mate from so long ago, there's no time to mourn or think. I grab Pidge and drag her from the console.

"S-Shiro! Stop, let me go-" she yelps, voice cracked with tears. She struggles from my grip, pushing away from me as I struggle to carry her.

"Pidge, we have to go, they're coming-"

"I have to recheck the search, I have to re calibrate-"

"Pidge, they're literally at the door, we don't have time, we have to go-"

"I DON'T CARE" She screams, and I hear the banging on the door subside for a brief, shocked moment. My ears ring and my grip slackens as she wriggles a little more away from me. " I DON'T CARE, MATT'S NOT DEAD AND THE COMPUTER IS LYING TO ME, LET ME GO I HAVE TO FIND THE TRUTH-"

"Pidge, please-"

"I HAVE TO KNOW, HE'S NOT DEAD-"

"PIDGE" Now I'm yelling, voice unrecognizable with barely-restrained anger, sadness, hysteria. I set her down on the ground and kneel in front of her, hands on her shoulders. "Listen to me Pidge, after this you can hate me as much as you want, and I'll accept it. But dead or alive, Matt doesn't want you to die for him. Especially not for a slim hope that maybe, just maybe, your computer skills have failed you and that you misread it. Or the system glitched. Or that the record is wrong. Please," Tears begin to fall, unwarranted and uncontrollable, from my eyes, spattering the floor between us. "Please Pidge, I don't want to believe it either. But we have. To. Go."

At first, she doesn't reply, simply stares at me with eye wide and bright with tears, and I watch as they slowly begin to fall, one by one, as the horrible truth hits her, dawns on her, and now her shoulders shake and breath trembles and low whimpers escape her small frame.

After only a moment, though, she stands up and turns away from me, staring at the door. She directs her bayard at a small air vent above the door, and the grate drops with a harsh clang to the floor.

"I'm going to go take out the droids" She says, and her voice is hopeless, monotone. A shell of what it was. "I'll open the door when it's clear."

"Pidge, you don't-" But she's gone before I can finish.

The next few minutes pass in awkward silence as I listen to the sounds of fighting by the door. I tried to open it, only to witness what could only be described as a scrap metal massacre before a thrown piece of droid shut it again. But when it does open, I'm greeted with a Pidge that won't look at me, won't acknowledge me, and speaks with a voice devoid of emotion and hope.

And...it hurts, when I hear her tell me to come out. It hurts more then the blade that gave me my scar. It hurts more then every broken bone and bruise gained on the arena. It hurts almost as much as when I watched Dr. Holt be taken from us, or when I watched Matt leave for the last time.

But in light of the moment, there's nothing I can do.

We run through the winding, identical metal halls, her always keeping several feet in front of me. Several times, we nearly run head first into a stampeding patrol of droids, and I have to reach forward and pull her behind a wall when it happens.

Every time, after the danger has passed, she pulls away and keeps on running, never looking me in the face or acknowledging me, even as I see the tears that stain the inside of her visor.

It takes several rotations of running in front of the same desecrated control room and pile of sentry droids before I'm forced to conclude that we are hopelessly, terribly lost.

"Shiro," Keith radios in through gritted teeth, sounds of blasterfire heavy in the background. "Where are you!?"

"We're still by the control center, we're making our way out." I wince as I hear another particularly heavy explosion, along with a stream of muted swears on Keith's end.

"Well hurry up! We can't hold out much longer!" click.

I look around, frustrated beyond belief. This entire situation was more infuriating then dealing with a hyper-worried, eight-armed sack of panic, even without the emotional baggage that accompanied this particular scenario.

And then I notice, a soft tap-tap-tapping down the hall to the right. I look over and notice what appears to be an emaciated purple hand, stretched through the bars of the door, tapping away. The lights catch on a cracked shiny scale on the back of it.

"Go." rasps a voice behind the door, the hand pointing to the left. That's when I notice the dozens of other hands, appendages, doing similar things. Guiding us. Directing us to the exit, each one accompanied by a quiet voice behind the doors. "Go, Paladins. Go!"

I reach out and grab Pidge, carrying her despite mumbled protests as I sprint down the hall. At the end of it, I turn back and call out. "Thank you."

There's no time to watch the response before I'm running again, and I don't stop or slow until we are by the Lions again.

It wasn't until we actually got to our Lions that I let myself look at Pidge again.

Except she wasn't Pidge. She was someone else, someone far away and separated from me by an invisible wall she made. Pidge, so skilled in being invisible-who could escape the watchful eye of Sendak while also infiltrating his formulated plan, who could rig an cloaking device into her Lion, who on multiple occasions succeeded in scaring all of us (even high-strung, careful Keith), had built a barrier so impenetrable that is seemed that I was pushed miles away, even though she was so close.

There weren't any tears left on her face, or any evidence that there had been tears aside from thin tracks of white staining her cheeks. Her entire face was a mask, impassive and unmoving, betraying no emotion except for the muscle that jumped occasionally in her jaw.

"Pidge," I began.

"Let's go." The reply was as autonomous and robotic as the computers she worked with. She walked to her Lion, betraying nothing if not for the clenched fists at her side. There was nothing to do but to follow her.

It was all my fault, for not being smarter about the whole situation. For being too concerned and worried with myself over paying attention to our surroundings when hell broke loose

We had parked our Lions on an obscure location on the Galran base, where cannons couldn't reach and where fighter ships couldn't fire on without damaging the cruiser itself. It meant that we had to make our way into the ship by moving among the mile-wide pipes that carried fuel, and it's where we had to make our way back to to get to our Lions.

I was so close But a fighter ship, one wing broken and sparking, trailing smoke, crashed through the metal wall like it was paper and directly into one of the pipes.

Suddenly, there was nothing but fire for all I could see.

The Black Lion pushed its head through just in time, but Pidge, who had been farther from her Lion, didn't get the same response. I screamed for her, even trying to reach my arms into the flames to grab at something, anything, but the heat was so strong it seemed to sear my skin through the heat-resistance armour plating. There was nothing by the loud, rhythmic thumping of explosions happening all around me, the roaring walls heat and fire that pulsed everywhere, and the heavy shuddering waves of shock and force that echoed throughout the entire room. Even though I'm wearing my helmet, something chokes me that isn't smoke, stabbing pains through my throat and into my chest. Stones line the pit of my stomach. Static and panicked voices flood the comm in my ear, distorted and beyond understanding among the explosions.

The same uselessness I felt when Dr. Holt was taken hits me harder then any blow I've ever taken. The same uselessness I felt when I watched Matt walk away for the last time, when I was Sendak's captive in the Castle, listening to Pidge maneuver and hack her way through to save us. It crawls up my throat as a wail of desperation as I pound the side of the Black Lion's jaw.

Until finally, finally, it all gives away into an endless, gaping darkness.

I've never felt so bitterly relieved.

Ahahaha...whoops.

I'm really sorry for how long it's taken for me to get this chapter out, but in all honestly I've been losing traction and interest in this particular fic. Don't worry, I don't think I'll ever leave it hanging. But don't expect any updates for this for a while

S-s-s-s-season five came out! I'm crying about it but only a little bit, gonna maybe have Lotor guest star but idk yet

Thank you for reading and please leave a review on what you thought!