The first two weeks' drift by in a haze of work and sleep. Owen, along with the rest of the team seem to be set on testing me and so the workload is relentless as is the pressure they are putting me under. I haven't been this tired since the accident when I pretty much stopped sleeping and worked myself into the ground. Literally, I collapsed at work and was sent home for a week to recover because of it. Now I had all of that, plus the daily adrenalin dose of being around the raptors, Owen insisted on me being there at all feeding times and other interaction times, so as to bond with them properly is what he said although I knew it was because he wanted to see if I could stand the fear and stick around. He still hated me too I think, at least he didn't seem to talk to me unless it was absolutely necessary. Barry was lovely though and a couple of the other guys seemed to be gradually warming up to me which was nice. Owen though, well, as each day progresses I become more and more sure that he is trying to make me fail. I'm pretty sure he wants to tip me into the enclosure with the raptors at feeding time. I just can't figure out what he has against me, I mean it's one thing to not want someone coming in and taking over but surely by now I had proved that wasn't the case. I had been as perfect as I could be over the last couple of weeks. I had stayed silent, done everything that was asked of me, tried not to flinch every time the 'girls' appeared or Owen snapped at me but it was no good he would not warm up to me at all.
By the time my third week is over I am beyond exhausted and just about collapse on my bed after a quick shower and change of clothes. It had been a particularly gruelling day and I had stumbled a couple of times because of my tiredness even a few of the men seemed to notice but I had managed to wave them off and somehow continue with my day exhaustion ebbing over every sense until I almost felt as if I wouldn't be able to ride home without crashing my bike. I managed though and dragged my aching limbs through the door and through the motions before falling into my bed.
It is dark when I wake up screaming, covered in sweat, my breath coming in ragged gasps and tears already pouring down my face. The nightmare had been so real, the first I had had in months and it left me wrecked. A sudden banging on the door drags another startled scream from me before I can stop it and the banging increases now accompanied by a voice that has my face hot with humiliation as I drag my exhausted and shaking body from the bed and to the door.
"Taylor, what the fuck happened?" Owen says as soon as he sees me and I duck my head in shame.
"It's nothing, I'm… I'm sorry," I whisper wincing as I hear the shaking in my voice, he sighs before visibly deflating as I flinch away from him when he attempts to grab my arm.
"Come on let's grab a drink on the porch outside mine," he says and I glance up at him in shock moving to disagree but knowing that I would get no more sleep tonight I sigh and nod before moving with him, my legs still shaky.
"Thank you," I murmur twenty minutes later as we sit beside one another on chairs outside his home and stare into the darkness.
"So you ready to talk yet?" he asks and I glance towards him shaking my head automatically.
"It was just a nightmare, I didn't mean to scream out," I say quietly and for a while we are both silent again.
"I put too much pressure on you to be with the girls," he says regretfully and I spin to look at him again reading sincerity on his face and it amazes me.
"It wasn't about them, or here," I say with a weak smile and he gazes at me curiously nodding and gesturing for me to continue and for some reason I feel like I want to tell him, I want to speak about it at last and so with a gulp of the beer in my hand I rip my gaze from his and stare back into the darkness of the night, the warm breeze enveloping me like a blanket. "Four years ago my parents died, they were on their way home from a weekend away, they were coming home early because I told them I was being given this promotion and they wanted to celebrate. There was an accident and they died. I got the phone call and I went straight to my boyfriend's house only, when I got there, he was in bed, with someone else, I told him what had happened anyway, I just wanted support so badly that I was willing to give him a second chance but he just said he was glad that I'd found out and that it was my fault for working too much, he didn't even say anything about my parents," I break off here and take another huge gulp of beer. "It's funny really, in the space of an hour I went from having a loving family, parents who doted on me and a boyfriend I thought I would marry and start my own family with to being utterly alone,"
"I'm sorry," he whispers after a beat and I laugh a little, although there is no humour in it,
"It's okay, not your fault, you know you're the first person I've ever spoken to about it, about any of it," I whisper and he suddenly moves his chair so that he is sitting directly in front of me his hands gripping mine and my breath catches in my throat at the quickness of his movements and the sudden warmth of his hands. It nearly breaks me in my weakened state, I had forgotten what real, honest, caring contact was like and it made my insides churn.
"I've been an utter dick to you Taylor, I'm sorry," he says and I smile at him a little,
"It's okay, I understand, I wouldn't want someone coming in and treading on my toes either," I say despite the fact that I actually agreed with him, he had been a dick, a total dick just like he said but I didn't want to ruin this… whatever this was and I didn't have the energy to argue with him. He shakes his head, his face terrifyingly beautiful in the dim lights of his trailer.
"No, I never even gave you a chance because I was pissed at Masrani and Claire for employing you and it means that you've taken the hit for it,"
"Like I said it's okay," I say to him and he laughs a little at this and my breath catches again as I realise how breath taking he is when he smiles and laughs, his eyes twinkling in the light.
"You seem to end up saying that a lot," he says after a moment and I smile at him before shivering and yawning, "You should get back to bed," he adds and I shake my head sadly at him.
"It's fine, I won't sleep now but I'll go so you can get some sleep," I say quietly moving to stand only to stop when he grips my wrist and pulls me back down.
"You need to sleep Taylor, you're exhausted, Barry and I have both noticed," his concern for me is making my heart pound erratically, oh God I was in trouble here with this one.
"I can't" I whisper and he sighs leaning back slightly and taking a sip of beer from the bottle he picks up from beside him.
"Tell me about it," he says and I glance up at him,
"The nightmare?" I ask, my voice quivering, I had told him so much already, more than anyone else, was I really ready to talk about this too?
"Yes," he replies simply and I gulp, taking another sip of beer as I stall for time.
"It's nothing really… stupid," I start but he is frowning when I glance up and so sighing I stare down at my hands, "it's the same one every time, ever since the accident, I'm there watching them die and I don't do anything, I just stand there and scream," my voice is shaking again by the time I finish and silent tears are beginning to leak down my cheeks again.
"Have you ever tried sleeping again afterwards?" he asks after a while and I shake my head,
"Too scared," I admit after another short silence,
"Of having the nightmare again?" I shrug this time.
"Partly, but mostly because I'm scared I'll keep waking people up with my screaming,"
"No-one out here to hear you sweetheart," he says playfully and I frown at him a little before pointing at him.
"I woke you up," I say and he sighs,
"Taylor you're going to get ill if you don't sleep,"
"I know," I say immediately, flinching when he tenses moving too quickly for me to react as he pulls my face around to face him and holding it securely so that I cannot look away from him and sending electricity sparking across my skin.
"This has happened before?" he asks although by his tone it is more of a statement than a question.
"Once, not long after it happened, I… I collapsed at work," I say my voice sounding tiny to my own ears as I say it.
"Well that could be kinda dangerous when you're working with raptors," he quips and I offer him another weak smile. "Come on you can sleep in here, I'll take the couch and I promise to wake you if you start screaming," he says and I shake my head immediately, pulling away from him and standing up.
"No, I can't, I'll be fine," I say but before I can take a step he has grabbed my arm and dragged me back to face him.
"No arguments I need to make sure you're safe,"
"I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be the other way around," I retort and he laughs causing my breath to hitch yet again, damn him and his handsomeness.
"I've been a dick Taylor and the truth is I knew from the first day that if I'd give you a chance we'd get on pretty great but I didn't and now I'm attempting to make up for it a little so could you let me do that… please?" he asks and I watch him for a moment before smiling and nodding a tiny bit.
"Okay but on one condition," I say eventually,
"Which is?" he asks arms crossed over his broad chest making it very difficult not to stare at his rippling muscles but I pull my eyes back up to his face, I could not afford to get feelings for him. I was pretty sure we could be friends but a guy like Owen Grady would never be interested in a girl like me.
"We start over, as friends," I say and he smiles before pulling me to him in a quick hug which drags a gasp of shock from my throat.
"Oh I think I can agree to those terms," he smiles at me before dragging me inside and forcing me to get into bed and sleep, while he settles himself on the sofa.