Craig wakes up to the sounds of booming laughter and a light knocking on his bedroom door. His door cracks open a second later, Ruby poking her head in and slinking inside once she sees he's awake.
Craig can smell a hint of turkey in the air as he sits up and stretches, pulling his blankets out of the way so Ruby can sit next to him.
"What do you want?" Craig asks, his voice sounding gravelly with sleep.
"Dad and grandma are here," Ruby says. "Mom started the turkey already, but she said dinner won't be ready for at least another hour."
Craig nods and waits for her to spill the real reason she came in here.
"Mom invited some extra guests this year," she begins, and Craig is sure he knows where this is going already.
"Let me guess," Craig interrupts. "Our lovely next door neighbors, the Donovan's."
"And Karen," Ruby supplies.
"Joy," Craig deadpans. He just loves the idea of spending the day being forced into awkward conversations with Clyde. Having his family present will just be the icing on one shit cake.
Ruby nudges his shoulder and gives him a smile. "It'll be okay," she says, "and if it isn't, I'm sure you could kick his ass."
Craig snorts a laugh and nudges her back. "We should start a betting pool," he says then nudges her again. "Alright, get up. I gotta get in the shower if I'm gonna have to spend all day socializing."
Ruby hops off the bed and leaves the room, shutting the door and effectively blocking out the sounds of his family.
Craig sighs as he heaves himself out of bed, digging out some clean clothes. He should have known his mom would attempt to intervene with Clyde. He hasn't spoken to him since he dropped the news about his date with Tweek, and he hasn't seen him much either. He knows there are things he needs to say, but he doesn't want to bring them up with his entire family present. He starts formulating ideas for how to get Clyde alone as he gets ready for his shower.
Thanksgiving dinner is awkward to say the least, more awkward than Craig imagined it being during his shower. Craig keeps his eyes on his plate, not trusting himself to look at Clyde. He doesn't know how he would react if they made eye contact and doesn't want to test it while sitting in between his mom and grandma.
He makes general polite conversation with his grandma and answers the basic questions about school, college, and his unfortunate love life. He swears he feels someone nudge his foot under the table when he admits to being single but doesn't dare investigate.
He looks toward the end of the table and meets eyes with Ruby. Her and Karen are packing extra food into tupperware containers and bickering over how much gravy is too much gravy, but Ruby still pauses in her gravy battle to give him a meaningful look.
"Have you asked anyone to the dance?"
Craig breaks eye contact and looks across the table to Mr. Donovan. Clyde is pushing food around his plate and looking uncomfortable.
"I asked Bebe," he mutters.
"I still say you two should date again. I always liked her," Mr. Donovan says.
Craig notices the other conversations have tapered into nothing and grabs himself another helping of turkey to break the awkwardness.
Clyde hasn't said anything in reply, but there's a tightness around his mouth that wasn't there before. His gaze is fixed on his mostly full plate, and his knuckles are white where he's gripping his fork.
"I don't understand why you broke up in the first place. She was a nice girl," Mr. Donovan continues, unaware of his son's dour mood. "She reminded me of how your mother used to be when I first met her."
"Leave him alone, Roger. Can't you see he doesn't want to talk about it?" Craig's dad interrupts before Clyde can blow a fuse.
Clyde loosens his grip on his abused fork and shoots a thankful look toward the head of the table. His eyes meet Craig's briefly on the way back to his plate, but they don't linger.
Mr. Donovan looks ready to retort but seems to decide against it and falls silent instead, returning to his near forgotten food. Craig's sure he's never seen anyone eat so aggressively before.
"Who's ready for dessert?" Craig's grandma chimes in before the awkwardness settles too deep. She pats Craig's arm as she stands. "Why don't you help me?"
Craig stands and gathers whatever plates he can, following his grandma into the kitchen. She helps him stack dishes in the sink then turns to grab the pies out of the oven.
"I have dessert plates in that bag. Could you grab them for me?" his grandma asks and points.
Craig grabs the bag and starts gathering the dishes, holding back his laughter at the frilly unicorns printed on top. "Are these the plates me and Ruby got you for Christmas?"
His grandma smiles as she cuts the pies into slices and packs some into tupperware for the McCormick's. "Of course. I never use anything else," she says. She starts plating slices before speaking again. "Have you and Clyde not been getting along?"
Craig sets the plates aside as they're finished, staying quiet for a moment.
"He was staring at you for most of the meal," she continues. "You two used to be so close when you were little, but I haven't heard much of him recently."
Craig looks back at her, cursing how observant she is. If he had to guess where Ruby got her skills, he would blame his grandma one hundred percent.
"We haven't been friends for a while," Craig answers but knows by the noise his grandma makes that that answer won't cut it. "I think I caused his gay crisis," Craig adds.
"Ah, I see," his grandma replies. "You are a handsome boy, it's bound to happen," she says and rubs his back.
Craig snorts a laugh and starts gathering plates. "I think it's settled for now anyway. I was gonna try talking to him after dinner."
His grandma gathers the rest of the plates and follows him back to the group. "I hope it goes well, dear. I always liked him," she says.
Craig sets the plates down in front of the Donovan's, Ruby, and Karen. He lingers behind Clyde a moment, thinking over what his grandma said. She always liked him. She's always been a great judge of character. Would she feel the same if she knew everything that had gone down between them?
Craig takes his seat again, watching as Clyde goes from picking at his dinner to picking at his dessert. Mr. Donovan thankfully hasn't pestered him again, but Clyde looks no more comfortable now than he did at the start.
The group manages to make it through dessert without incident. Craig worrying the entire meal that his dad would start something with Clyde's. He hopes his dad is smart enough to stay out of it but can never be too sure. Clyde doesn't white knuckle his fork through the rest of the meal, but he doesn't eat much of it either. Craig's grandma will most likely offer him leftovers to take home once Ruby and Karen have finished packing plates for the McCormick's.
It's only once Karen and Ruby stand with their bags of food and announce their departure that the rest of the group scatters as well, the parents moving to the kitchen to talk. Craig feels his grandma's frail hand on his shoulder and smiles at her retreating back before noticing that he and Clyde are the only two left at the table.
Craig locks eyes with him and stands. "Wanna go upstairs?" he asks, only cringing slightly at how suggestive that question sounds in the face of everything.
Clyde shrugs and nods, following Craig up in spite of looking like he'd rather be doing anything else.
Craig shuts the door behind them and takes a seat on his bed, gesturing for Clyde to join him. Clyde does but remains silent, his fingers twisting in the hem of his jacket.
"So how have you been?" Clyde asks, his gaze roaming Craig's room rather than fixing on Craig for any amount of time. He's making a point to look at everything as if he's never seen Craig's room before in his life.
Craig raises an eyebrow, feeling as if he should've been the one asking. Everything feels off, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it.
"I've been alright. Doesn't seem like you've been okay though," he says, hoping that will be enough to spur Clyde into spilling whatever it is that's bothering him so much.
Clyde shrugs and offers nothing else in the way of an answer, but he does finally meet Craig's gaze, his eyes looking glassier than Craig remembers them looking during dinner.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" Craig prods in a last ditch effort to get Clyde to open up.
Clyde shakes his head and turns away, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "It's nothing, dude. Don't worry about it," he says.
Craig rolls his eyes and leans back against the headboard, his body twisting to face Clyde. Clyde is still hunched over, his gaze fixed on his own feet.
"In case you haven't noticed, our shit is pretty entangled right now," Craig says, "has been since the beginning of the year."
Clyde looks up from his shoes and gives Craig his full attention.
"Maybe we can figure this shit out together," Craig adds. "Mi problem es su problem."
Clyde laughs finally, a short one, but the sound breaks the tension and takes some weight off Craig's shoulders.
"Dude, you suck at Spanish," Clyde says, the smile on his face twisting Craig's stomach into confusing knots.
"Well, whose fault is that? We spent all our Spanish classes passing notes," Craig argues, shaking off the floating and borderline nauseating feeling building inside him.
"Yeah, in middle school!" Clyde fires back. "What you did or didn't learn in high school Spanish has nothing to do with me."
"Yeah, okay pendejo," Craig responds to more laughter from Clyde, his middle finger raising by habit.
Clyde takes a while to calm down again, a heavy silence settling over them again when he does.
"Alright," Clyde says. "I just want to apologize for acting the way I did when you told me about Tweek. I had no right to act like a jealous boyfriend. It wasn't fair."
Craig is shocked to say the least. Out of everything he expected Clyde to say, mentioning Tweek was not one of them. He wonders if Clyde knows the date was a colossal failure.
"Tweek's always been a good friend, and I think you guys will make a good couple," he continues, looking as if the words pain him to say.
"Clyde, we went on one date. That doesn't mean we're dating," Craig says.
"Aren't you?"
"No, we're not," Craig says. He was hoping to get more answers out of Clyde, but it looks like they're delving back into Craig's miserable love life instead. He'd be lying if he said he weren't frustrated with how this conversation is going. "The date didn't go very well."
"Why not?" Clyde asks, and Craig wonders how he can be so close to adulthood with so few social skills.
"We kissed, but it was like kissing my brother, basically," Craig explains, hoping the tone of his voice will put the conversation to rest.
"So what do you feel when you kiss me?" Clyde asks, oblivious to the annoyance radiating off Craig in waves.
"I'm not answering that," Craig snaps and slides down the headboard so he's lying flat on his back.
"Right, sorry," Clyde says with the decency to at least sound sheepish. The sounds of his shoes hitting the floor on the other side of the room reach Craig's ears.
Craig has his eyes closed but can feel the bed dip next to him, Clyde's weight settling almost too close.
"You wanna know what I feel when I kiss you?"
Craig opens his eyes again, turning his head to find Clyde lying side by side with him. He's reminded of their childhood again, spending nights lying just like this, telling ghost stories and talking until his dad would come in to tell them to shut up and go to sleep. He's also reminded of the night they spent together months ago, their bodies tangled together through the night and how he woke up in the morning to cold sheets and a letter with no real answers.
Craig squeezes his eyes shut, forcing the thoughts out of his mind, then nods, not sure he wants to know the answer but feeling curious all the same.
"It's like how I used to feel when I kissed Bebe, you know, when everything was new and not forced," Clyde says and Craig winces, not fond of being compared to Clyde's ex, "but it's also different. It's like, I'm attracted to you, and I was attracted to her, but the way I'm attracted to you is different, bigger almost."
Clyde trails off and runs his fingers through his hair, his brows scrunching.
"I probably should have thought this through more," Clyde says. "It sounds confusing when I say it out loud."
"Sexuality is confusing," Craig says.
"I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm worried things with you and me might end up just like me and Bebe. Like, how can you love someone for so long, then just not feel anything for them anymore?" Clyde asks.
"Is that what you're so scared of?" Craig asks in return.
"Not really," Clyde says, tugging on his hair in frustration. "That's just one thing. There's a lot of things I'm afraid of, and I just don't want to drag you into all of it."
Craig sighs, just wanting this conversation to end. "That's the thing about love and relationships, Clyde. You can't be scared to start one just because you're afraid of how it's going to end, and you can't force yourself into a relationship you're not ready for either," Craig says and sits up. "You should probably go get some leftovers from my grandma. You barely ate anything."
Clyde looks up at him for a while, but Craig refuses to make eye contact. He doesn't want to continue talking in circles. He just wants Clyde to leave so he can be alone to think.
Clyde seems to get the hint and sits up as well, leaving the bed to go grab his shoes. "I wish I could give you more answers," Clyde says then leaves the room in silence.
Craig doesn't move from his bed and just listens to the sounds of conversation from downstairs. He hasn't heard Ruby return yet, but he can hear Mr. Donovan's voice still and doesn't want to make an appearance until after the extra guests have left.
Craig isn't sure why he keeps hoping that every new conversation with Clyde will help everything fall into place. All he's ever left with is more questions and a feeling of deep disappointment. He's not even sure who he's more disappointed in, Clyde for not gathering the courage to fix his own life or himself for getting dragged into Clyde's mess again and again and hoping for a different outcome each time. He guesses people do crazy things when they're in love, and no he didn't just think that. That isn't a thing.
All he knows now is he can't help Clyde until he decides to help himself, and he isn't sure if even Clyde knows how to help himself. His only hope now is the Clyde will eventually wise up and figure everything out for himself.
A light tap on his door breaks him out of his thoughts, and he readjusts himself so he doesn't look so slumped and miserable as he calls for whoever it is to enter.
His grandma pushes the door open, a small smile on her face. "How did it go?" she asks without preamble and moves to gather up some clothes Craig left on the floor.
Craig climbs off his bed to help her, a shrug his only answer to her question. She hums but doesn't say anything else about it as she finishes moving his clothes from the floor to his oft unused hamper. Craig is always grateful for his talks with his grandma as she's always had the keen sense to know when someone isn't ready to talk about something.
"Dad didn't pick another fight with Mr. Donovan, did he?" Craig asks. He doesn't think Mr. Donovan knows anything about what his son has been up to and hopes his dad is smart enough not to mention anything incriminating.
"Only about the best sports team," she says and takes a seat on the edge of his bed. "Clyde seemed upset when he came downstairs."
Craig sits down beside her, taking her hand when she offers it. He's feeling more relaxed without even having said anything yet. He's always been convinced that his grandma is some sort of emotional superhero. She's his hero at any rate.
"I don't really know where to start or how to fix any of it," Craig says, looking at his grandma when she squeezes his hand.
"Craig, you are incredibly smart," she says and reaches up to brush his hair back from his forehead. "I know it all seems confusing now, but there will come a time where everything will fall into place, and you will know."
Craig furrows his brow, his gaze falling to the floor. "What will I know?"
"You'll know when you find it. You and Clyde," she says and gives his hand one final squeeze before releasing it. "Do you think you're up to giving me a hand with the cleaning?"
Craig smiles at her and nods. "I'll be down in a minute."
His grandma returns the smile and shuts his door behind her, leaving Craig to think over what she told him. He isn't sure what to make of it, if he's being honest. His grandma has never steered him wrong before, but he isn't sure he's as smart as his grandma thinks he is, especially not when it comes to emotions.
Craig sighs and lifts himself up, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind for now. His and Clyde's problems are too bound together, and as much as he doesn't want to admit it, he needs Clyde to figure it out before he can have any hope of fixing anything.
All he needs now is a surefire way to get Clyde to spill the thing that's holding him back, the Big One, then he'll be golden.