SIDE NOTE: I realize this last chapter is longer, but thankfully, not too long. I should have probably ended it with Dobie realizing what his friends did, but I really felt that Chatsworth and Dobie needed a moment of clarity, too.
The next day at school, Zelda spotted Dobie walking Gretchen and another girl to class, and she instantly rolled her eyes before tapping them on the shoulder.
"I need to borrow this big lump of virility for a minute, if you don't mind, ladies," she grunted, grabbing Dobie by the arm and pulling him away.
"Zelda, cut that out—Zelda, now what's gotten into you?" Dobie cried, somewhat surprised at her strength.
"It's not what's gotten into me so much as to what's gotten into you. Now this is important, my love. Meet me at Wong's after school; no excuses. It's most urgent that I speak to you, but not here. Now you got it?"
Dobie blinked. "Meet you at Wong's Ice Cream Parlor after school. No excuses and it's important; I got it. But Zelda?"
"Yes, poopsie?"
"Can I go back to class now?"
"Of course; I would never keep the love of my life away from cramming knowledge into that oddly-shaped head of yours."
"Uh, thanks?" he questioned before briskly walking away from her.
As soon as he was gone, Zelda looked back at Maynard and Kate and winked, letting them know the intervention would be indeed taking place.
"So, like, is Chatsy still planning on being there?" Maynard asked Kate as they walked to class.
"He said he would meet us there. He's still not feeling well enough to come to school, but at least now that we know why he took ill in the first place, we can rest a little easier."
"Maybe, but I'll feel like a lot better when Dobie is Dobie and Chatsworth is Chatsworth again. Wait a minute; you're like still Kate, aren't ya?"
Kate giggled. "Yes, Maynard. I'm still Kate. I'm still rich, I'm still your friend, and I'm still—"
As Kate was interrupted by the bell, she sighed. "And still late to class, as usual."
"Good ole rich girl; glad to know you and me ain't changed," Maynard smiled.
Dobie walked into Wong's Ice Cream Parlor, hoping he could make a quick appearance for Zelda and head back to make a date with Gretchen or Wanda. But as soon as he saw Zelda, he knew this would be no short visit: she had company in the form of Maynard, Kate, and even Chatsworth. They all looked expectantly at him and he gulped. "Uh, hi, fellas. What's going on here?"
"It's like an intermission, Dobe," Maynard told him.
"What Maynard means is, it's like an intervention," Kate corrected, turning a slight shade of crimson as she realized she sounded too much like Maynard. "Now sit."
Dobie looked at them, eyes wide. "An intervention for what?"
"For these," Zelda responded, placing the bottle of medicine in front of him. "Dobie, what were you thinking? You know what? I'll tell you; you weren't thinking."
Dobie shot up from his seat defiantly. "Now just a minute, just a dog-gone minute; you're all just sore because I'm dating Gretchen. Well, Chatsworth, it won't work. She's with me and there's nothing you can do about it."
Chatsworth glared at him for a second before looking at Kate and sighing. "Dobie-Doo, I don't care about that anymore. If you wish to go steady with Gretchen, then go ahead. But that's not why I am here. Those pills that you so claim to be giving you that certain je ne sais quoi are dangerous. I should know; that bottle is mine."
Dobie sat back down and looked skeptically at Kate, but she nodded her head. "They made him terribly ill, Dobie. That's why he wasn't at school yesterday or today."
"Okay, so Chatsworth had a bad side effect from them, but what's that got to do with me? I've been taking them and I've felt fine."
"Except like you ain't been taking them, good buddy," Maynard told him.
"Maynard, of course I've been taking them; how do you explain my sudden confidence and sense of humor?"
"Dobie, you've had those qualities in you all along. But you didn't need the pills to prove it," Zelda told him. "Look Dobie, I love you, but pills or no pills, you'll never be a comedian. Thankfully, that's not why I love you."
Kate sighed. "Dobie, the truth is, you've been taking breath mints, instead. Zelda and I found the bottle and exchanged the real pills for mints."
Dobie's eyes grew wide again. "Breath mints! You switched the medicine with breath mints? How could you two do such a dirty, underhanded thing?"
"Gillis baby, if my beloved cousin and her cohort had done nothing to remedy the situation at hand, then you, too, would have been out of sorts as I was. Trust me when I say they did you an enormous favor," Chatsworth pointed out.
"And if you don't believe us, then read this article," Zelda pushed a magazine in front of him, a small article highlighted.
Dobie read it and felt more embarrassed with each word. Dozens of people had in fact taken ill from the medicine and were demanding their money back. Dr. Fritzbaum was even facing charges unless he refunded every bottle that he sold in full.
After Dobie finished the article, Kate put her hand on his shoulder. "The only things you gained from this were fresher breath and a confidence that turned into a terrible ego."
Dobie looked at them and smiled. "No, I gained something even better. The best friends a guy like me could ever ask for."
Chatsworth watched his friends eat their ice cream and sundaes hungrily. He longed to indulge, himself, but he knew his stomach was still much too queasy. As he looked next to him, however, he noticed that Dobie had pushed his dish away. "Dobie-doo, aren't you going to eat?"
"Suddenly, I'm not so hungry. Aw, Chatsworth, how could I have done something so foolish? And for what? Just to try and be someone I'm not. But why on Earth did you order those pills? You're full of confidence; ask anyone who knows you?"
"It wasn't confidence I sought after as much as a decent sense of humor. That's why Gretchen dumped me; she claimed I had no humor whatsoever. So, I figured if I began taking Dr. Fritzbaum's potion, I could win Gretchen back with my jovial wit. Unfortunately, the only thing I gained was a lack of appetite."
"Chatsworth, I've heard you make jokes before. You can be funny when you're not looking down your nose at everybody; no offense."
"No offense. But sadly, Mumsy confirmed that the Osbornes' are just not a humorous clan."
Dobie scoffed. "That's not true. I mean, look at Kate; what are you always saying about her?"
Chatsworth looked up, his eyes brightening. "That she always makes me laugh! Oh, Dobie-Doo, you're right! Kate is an Osborne, true and true and she can be quite the character. Perhaps Mumsy is wrong after all!"
"See? We didn't need medicine after all to be smart, charming, or funny. And if you want the truth, I don't think I want to go steady with Gretchen after all."
"Really? Why not?"
"I think she just liked me for my breath," Dobie answered, causing both he and Chatsworth to laugh.