"My breathing gets faster and so does my heartbeat

I wish this was over, I wish that this was a dream, but - !

I created a monster, a hell within my head

Nowhere to go, I'm out on my own; oh, I'm so scared..."

- Nightmare, Set It Off

~0~

As she slowly floated back up into consciousness, the first thing Cinder became aware of was pain. There was a dull burning in her chest, in her face, in her arm, that spread and grew sharper with every second.

What...What happened to me?

Everything was dark, and her body felt so heavy and stiff. She tried to move, but found that she couldn't. From very far away, she heard a series of tiny, muffled whimpers.

"Ah. She's waking up."

What? Had those noises been her? No, there was no way. She would never sound so pitiful.

Her eyes felt as if they had been glued shut - well, one of them did, the other just felt strange beneath the burn, in a way she couldn't place. With what seemed like much more effort than it should have taken, she forced one eye open, and the piercing white of the walls and ceiling above her stung and made it water.

Where am I? Am I...I shouldn't...Wasn't I somewhere else?

"Cinder."

Her right eye immediately flicked over towards the gentle voice at that side, though it made her nauseatingly dizzy even to do that. Despite her confusion, despite whatever was wrong with her vision, seeing Salem's familiar face calmed her somewhat.

Home. I'm home...? But why?

She startled, sending a jolt of pain through her chest, when Salem laid a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Cinder, can you hear me?"

That was something simple, at least. She started to open her mouth to say an automatic, Yes, ma'am, but her mouth and throat felt so raw and swollen, and it hurt to even breathe. She wondered fleetingly if she'd had some sort of tube down her throat while unconscious. After failing to produce anything more than a weak exhale, a jerk of her head was all she could manage.

"Very good. Listen carefully, now. Your mouth and throat were badly damaged, so either nod or shake your head when I ask you something. Do you understand?"

Damaged?! How?! She tried again to ask, but panicked choking noises were all that came out. What is going on? What happened to me?!

"Calm down," Salem said, gently but firmly. "And listen. You completed your mission. You did everything just right, there's no need to worry. However, on Beacon Tower, you were - "

But the rest of her words were lost as the memories came flash-flooding back into Cinder's mind, hitting her like a punch, throwing her back into -

Cold night sky above Beacon, the dragon's screech and the girl's wailing in her ears, blinding burning light pouring over her in waves, caught in a star going supernova, tearing her screams away as pain beyond pain overwhelms her, searing flesh from bone, burning burning burning her alive -

And in one horrible split second, everything clicked into place.

Oh...No, oh, gods, please, no - !

Her arm, it had hit her left arm first. She tried to lift it, to make a fist, to do anything at all with it. But though she could still feel it hanging off of her, it wouldn't move, just lay there limp and useless at her side.

No, this isn't happening!

Her left leg moved, but searing pain lanced through it at the slight twitch. Bandages were wound around her face, she realized, thick and far too tight. But despite that, she couldn't feel her ear against them, only flat skin against the rough cloth...Was it gone?!

And the eye, her eye...

Cinder remembered feeling something burst, remembered visceral, boiling liquid gushing down her cheek, but that couldn't be right, it couldn't. She tried to blink under the bandage, to glance back and forth, but though her right eye closed and moved as it should, she felt nothing at all in her left. She tried again, faster, and again and again, and still nothing, still nothing!

She realized then that she was trying to scream, but only a guttural, terrified rasp was coming up from her burnt throat.

No! No, no, no, no, please, no! Not this!

Reflexively, she tried to lurch out of the infirmary bed, heedless of the pain it caused her, only to be firmly held down. "Cinder, calm yourself," Salem repeated, her hand tightening on her subordinate's shoulder.

I can't! I'm sorry! I can't!

Her vision blurred and swam, and the world spun wildly around her. Salem was still talking - trying to soothe her? Reprimanding her? She didn't know. Though she tried, she couldn't hear any of it over the shrill ringing in her ears and the spinning mess of panicked thoughts in her head.

Can't move can't hear can't see can't move can't hear can't see can't move can't hear can't see

Her heart raced harder than it ever had in her life, so hard it hurt, so hard she was sure it would stop cold any moment. She was breathing too fast and not enough, her chest was seizing up, like something had a death grip on her throat and lungs and just wouldn't let go. Everything was closing in on her - the walls, her mistress, her own destroyed body - and all she wanted to do was get away, but her numb and shaking body wouldn't move.

Can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe - !

"Cinder - " Salem trailed off into a sigh, realizing that mindless terror was all she was going to get out of the girl at the moment, and looked up past the bed at something Cinder couldn't see. "Put her back under."

"Yes, ma'am," said a voice she recognized as Watts', and she picked up on the sound of softly approaching footsteps behind her.

What?! No, wait, don't - !

But before she could do anything, something cold was running through a vein of her intact arm, up into her head, and all of a sudden she could no longer form coherent thoughts, her mind a directionless haze. For a second, she felt as if she were sinking into the sweat-soaked sheets of the infirmary bed, then floating, and then she knew no more.

~0~

She didn't know how long it was before she was awake again.

Her eyes - eye, she remembered with a jolt, that woke her up even faster - fluttered open more easily than last time, but the heaviness and spinning in her head still remained; whatever she'd been shot up with had been strong, she thought with a shade of irritation. It didn't help: the world still swam in front of her and the memories, the fear, came rushing back through her far too quickly.

Again, she tried to jerk her body up, into at least a sitting position, but the searing pain that shot through her chest at the motion sent her down onto her back again. Almost immediately, someone was taking her undamaged hand, enveloping it in two of their own. She jumped, thinking of Salem, but then realized at once that that was wrong. These hands were slender, warmer, softer...

"I-It's okay. Just...Just lie still, all right?"

Cinder froze. She knew that voice.

Her vision was still cloudy but slowly clearing, and she looked up again, hoping she'd been wrong. But no, she'd been exactly right. The smile Emerald put on when their eyes met was trying to be comforting, encouraging, but it was too shaky and small to be anything but nervous. And the way those red eyes stared down at her broken body, with a poorly hidden mix of horror and pity, made her stomach go cold.

No, no, a tiny, mortified voice at the back of her mind protested. You can't be here, you can't see me like this...

But despite her gut reaction, she wasn't entirely sure whether her good arm shot out towards the younger girl to push her away or pull her closer. It didn't matter either way; the instant she moved, Emerald was laying her arm back down onto the sheets and tentatively holding it there.

"Don't, don't do that," she murmured. "You still have that IV tube stuck in you, it'll hurt if you tear it out."

On some level, Cinder knew full well that she looked ridiculous. But any embarrassment she felt was drowned out by how loudly her heart was still pounding in her ears, how pathetically desperate she was for something to calm her. So without thinking about it, she grabbed Emerald's wrist and held on tight, tugging her closer, trying to speak.

"Ehh...Ehh..." She choked and whimpered, and hated herself for it, sharply and deeply. If she just kept trying, she thought hysterically, her voice would come back. It had to, it had to! "Eh-ehhh!"

Emerald's eyes widened. "I..." She swallowed hard, and though her voice was steady enough, it was clearly taking a lot to keep it that way. "It's okay. Y-You don't have to talk, not right now. Not if it's hurting you. It's all right, I...I'll help you. Just breathe, okay? Slow and easy, with me. You're all right. Y-You're going to be all right. Breathe..."

The words only half registered with her, but the soothing tone was enough to slow her mind down enough to listen, to make her realize that she was close to hyperventilating again and that her throat still felt like it was on fire, only made worse by how hard she was straining it.

Breathe. Okay. Okay. Slow. Easy...

She had to focus. She tore her eyes away from Emerald's face, instead watching her shoulders and chest rise and fall, steady and calm.

In, out...In, out...In, out...

It took a good few minutes for her own breathing to get anywhere near normal. Though she knew that the death grip she still had on Emerald's arm had to hurt, she couldn't make herself relax it, let alone let go. Emerald didn't react, however; she was still murmuring comfort to her, still gently stroking her forearm.

But even so, her fingers rested hesitantly on Cinder's skin, as if afraid to be touching her without permission. And yes, that same little voice was telling Cinder that she would never allow Emerald to handle her this way, to tell her what she should do instead of the other way around, but in this moment she could not for the life of her remember why. Nor could she remember how to make her heart stop pounding, her body stop trembling, how to make the fear she knew was written plainly on her face go away -

"Is this better?"

To her immense relief, Cinder only jumped a little at the voice on her other side and the cold fingers in her hair. Stop doing that! she wanted to shout, but she knew that even if she could speak, she wouldn't have dared.

If Salem noticed her irritation, she didn't show it, only smiled serenely. "You seem to be adjusting. Very good. I thought bringing your teammate in would help keep you calm."

Cinder glanced back at Emerald. Well, it had worked, she supposed. There was no way she was going to let herself break down like that again in front of her subordinates, whether that had been Salem's true intention or not. She had humiliated herself enough.

"Now," Salem went on, bringing Cinder's attention back to her. "Are the painkillers working?"

Cinder thought for a moment, then nodded. She still felt as if she'd been skinned alive and dumped in a vat of boiling water, but the pain wasn't nearly as unbearable as before.

"Are you ready to listen to me?"

Nod.

"Can you answer when I ask you a question?"

Nod.

"Will you control yourself until we're finished?"

Nod, with a reflexive squeeze of Emerald's arm to go with it.

"Good girl. As I told you before: you were badly wounded on Beacon Tower as you neared the end of your mission. You've noticed by now what you've lost, I doubt I need to remind you. I know that you're frightened and upset, and I forgive you for overreacting earlier," Salem assured her, with a gentle stroke of her hair - which, she realized, felt as if most of it had been singed off.

At the last few words, Emerald looked alarmed, and glanced between them for an answer that neither of them cared to give. Cinder wondered how much Salem had told her before allowing her back to her leader's side, but just nodded at her mistress again, hoping she would recognize it as gratitude.

"Do you remember being injured?"

Nod, nod, nod.

"You...Hm. I wish you could tell me, what is the last thing you remember?"

Before Cinder's brain could catch up with her body, she was already trying to lift her head and answer. "Ahhh - "

"Hush." Salem's hand moved down to cup her jaw. "Understand, my girl, that your wounds are treatable, but not if you insist on making them worse."

A tiny, chastised noise escaped Cinder's throat, and she lay still. Emerald looked stricken. "I-I think you could - "

She broke off, looking for all the world like a puppy caught misbehaving. Salem smiled indulgently at her. "Don't be afraid, child. What did you have in mind?"

"Well..." Emerald looked down at Cinder. "Do you want to try, maybe, tracing the letters into my hand? Like..." She took Cinder's hand and ran her finger over her palm: A, B, C. "That?"

Cinder supposed that that was better than nothing. She flipped Emerald's hand over and traced the lines into her palm with one unsteady finger: L-I-G-H-T.

"...Light?" Emerald read, brows furrowing. "White light, right? That's what Mercury and I saw."

Nod, nod, and she was still writing. H-U-R-T-S-O-M-U-C-H

"Hurt...Hurts..." Emerald swallowed again, but it wasn't enough to hold back the pain in her voice. "It hurt so much."

W-H-A-T-W-A-S-I-T

"What...was...Wait, you didn't know?!"

"You were caught off-guard. We all were," Salem cut in smoothly, before Cinder could answer. She paused, considering how to explain. Both girls were silent, watching her, waiting. "There exist in this world certain people, who were born with great power dormant in their souls. And until that power is awakened and unleashed in some way, the only way to identify them is by their silver eyes. Your teammates have orders to kill on sight any silver-eyed person they come across. I was under the impression that they had extinguished the last of their kind's presence in Vale long ago, years before you came to us, and so it would be safe to send you there now."

Cinder couldn't help it; she stared, jaw hanging open. Even if she weren't wounded, she wouldn't have been able to speak. A thousand questions choked her, all pushing to be asked at once: What? What are you talking about? Who are those people? What did that girl do?! How could she be stronger than me?! How could you not tell me?!

"Clearly, I was misinformed. One must have been overlooked. And she managed to find you, after..." Salem paused again, looking at Cinder curiously. "This was after you claimed the Maiden's power. I wonder...How, exactly, did she find you when this happened? Did she attack immediately? Or did you do anything to frighten or upset her?"

Oh, had she ever. She remembered the sound of her arrow hitting home, piercing Nikos' heart and spine, and a flicker of the fierce satisfaction she had felt at the act returned. But it faded just as soon as it had come, at the memory of what had come immediately after...

No. She had to answer, focus on now. She nodded, and wrote: I-K-I-L-L-E-D-N-I-K-O-S.

"Killed...Oh. Her." Emerald turned to Salem. "She was fighting the girl that Ozpin wanted to turn into a Maiden instead. Ruby's friend; supposed to be really strong. We got rid of her, but..."

"The silver-eyed girl arrived, and found Cinder at the wrong place, at exactly the wrong time," Salem finished. "I see. I should have been expecting Ozpin to be keeping an ace up his sleeve..."

None of that meant anything to Cinder right now. She continued to stare up at her mistress, unable to form anything but a pleading expression. What's going to happen to me now? What am I going to do?

For a moment, the room was unsettlingly silent, save for the noise of her heart monitor and the steady drip-drip of her IV bag, as Salem seemed to be mulling something over. Then, as if abruptly remembering where she was, she looked back down at Cinder, and the reassuring smile returned to her face. "It's all right, Cinder. This was in no way your fault. You completed your mission admirably, on all counts, did you not?"

Nod, nod, but at the moment, not one little bit did that help.

"Now, I know you told me that you would make this part your highest priority, after obtaining the powers of Fall, and I know you would never lie to me. But I would so love to hear it confirmed." Salem's voice was already starting to drip with self-satisfaction as she spoke. "Did you kill Ozpin?"

A ghost of a smile passed over Cinder's face. The sparks flying and fire flashing in front of her eyes in the dark vault, the sweet smell of flesh burnt black and hot ashes sifting through her fingers...Remembering that did make her feel somewhat better. She scratched shakily into Emerald's palm: B-U-R-N-E-D-H-I-M-A-L-I-V-E.

"...She burned him alive," Emerald reported. "He...Yeah, he's definitely dead."

"Excellent," Salem said. She stroked Cinder's hair again - almost lovingly, Cinder allowed herself to think. "You would never let me down."

No, certainly not. It might have become part of her mission anyway, but the way Cinder saw it, using her newfound powers to kill her mistress' lifelong enemy was the least she could do to repay her for helping her to get them in the first place. Even so, the thought that this had been a job perfectly done still rang hollow in her head. And then there was another problem...

W-H-A-T-N-O-W

"What...now?" Emerald said, looking as unsure about the answer as Cinder felt.

"What now?" Salem, on the other hand, seemed slightly puzzled as to why they would ask. "Now your treatment begins. You do wish to be healed, don't you?"

Again, all she could do was stare. Heal...Yes, of course she wanted that; right now, having every part of her just go back to the way it should be was the only thing she wanted. But everything's ruined...There's no way...

"Don't look so downcast. This..." Salem took Cinder's left arm in her hands. "Can be fixed."

Again, Cinder tried to move the arm - just one little twitch. But she couldn't do it, couldn't even feel the limb, and a small, defeated sigh escaped her.

"Yes, it can," Salem said patiently, running her fingers over the bandages covering the charred flesh. "After all you've done for me, I'm not going to just abandon you. There are several ways we can deal with your injuries, and I'm sure you're willing to cooperate. We'll have you back to fighting form soon enough, I promise."

On the one hand, Cinder still didn't see how that could be. But on the other hand, that didn't necessarily matter; she trusted her mistress, had agreed long ago to put her life in Salem's hands. So she gripped Emerald's arm tight, and nodded once more, trying to look at least a little bit confident.

"Very good. Don't worry, you're a highly adaptable girl. I'm sure that if you give it time, you'll adjust perfectly well to your new situation."

~0~