"Crash course in manipulation: You don't actually tell the person what you want them to do. You help them realize they want to do it, so it can't be traced back to you."
- Jeff Winger, Community
~0~
As she had nothing better to do while still bedridden and waiting to go under the blade, Cinder found herself later that day considering what her teammate had come to tell her. While she thought, she cautiously stretched out her bad leg, again and again, and repeatedly tensing the muscles without moving when that became too painful. If she was going to start taking these stupid exercises seriously, might as well start with the ones that did not require her to get out from under her blankets, and would not start irritating her wounded torso as well.
For all the hissing and glaring she had just done, she knew that she really had no cause to complain or argue. Ever since she had first arrived here, she mused, Hazel had always been her most reliable teammate. When Salem had not been around to do so, and where Watts and Tyrian were comparatively useless, it was largely Hazel who had taught her: how to master her Dust and swords, how to let harsh words roll off her back and turn complications into advantages, and how to keep a cool head under pressure.
Important lessons, all of them, that had allowed her to thrive here over these past seven years. Far better than she ever would have managed on her own, though it sickened her to admit that. She knew that that was exactly why Hazel had brought it up - there was nothing like the sharp burn of hatred to get one moving, and her old hatreds weren't exactly well-buried - so she supposed he'd been right to do it.
Because he had been mostly correct about all that he'd said, except for just one thing. Threatening to throw her away, back onto the streets of Mistral, was certainly a horrifying prospect; even as she was now, she had to remember that it was still a step up from where she'd been. But it wouldn't actually do any good, because that wasn't an option. She knew too much, had been too much, to be allowed to leave this team alive. But that was all right. She'd prefer to be killed, than to be forced back down into that place.
But even so, she would rather not consider the idea that she could sink that low at all. Had she not always been trying to move upwards instead, as fast and as far as possible? Yet she'd been so focused on her goal that she hadn't considered that she'd one day have to struggle again, that those days weren't as far behind her as she had thought. Even now she could still be broken, through no fault of her own. Even now...
("You're still very weak," that voice intones, so high above her but deep and low as a grave - not insulting, not criticizing, but simply stating a fact. The implication, of course, is that this is something that can and will be fixed.)
Her eyes flicked across the room to the burnished black sword and bow mounted on the otherwise blank violet wall. They were the only adornments she had gone out of her way to put up in all this time. Well, save for her late mirror, which she had ended up wrenching off and throwing to the floor, where it had smashed into a thousand pieces. The first time she'd seen up close the repulsive mess her face had become, she had...experienced a momentary loss of composure.
But no matter, such a thing wouldn't happen again. She would fix herself, as she always had before, as she should have been doing months ago. Work harder in between her sessions with Salem, force her body to move to her will again just as the treatment was forcing it all back together again, one burnt and shriveled muscle and sinew at a time. Try to experiment with her fractured vision, adjust to the lack of depth perception, so when she was finally able to get her weapons in her hands again, she would have less of a problem re-adjusting to them. And before that -
A knock at the door interrupted Cinder's thoughts and her practice, and she sat up to listen. From behind the door, she heard Emerald's voice: "Cinder? Are you up? May we come in?"
Ugh.
With a heavy sigh, Cinder shoved off the covers and stepped gingerly onto the floor, bracing one hand on the bed to steady herself. All things considered, her left leg wasn't as bad as her completely devastated arm. At the very least, it could still move. But apparently, the nerves and muscles around her knee had been very badly damaged, and even though it was working better than it had been initially, when she couldn't even put weight on it without collapsing like a stringless puppet, it still wasn't at all reliable.
Well, if she fell over again, at least Emerald would hear the crash and come running in.
Dragging her leg behind her instead of trying to walk on it, she did at least make it across the room without incident. She felt the usual twinge of vulnerability, being in only a nightdress and head-to-foot bandages and opening the door to see her subordinates fully dressed, but it went away quickly. It didn't matter anyway, considering what she expected that they had come for.
"Thank you," Emerald said as Cinder stepped back to let them in. The thief watched her carefully, and her movements were tense and guarded, like a mouse spotting a cat and wondering whether to run. This was the first interaction they'd had since Cinder had thrown her out yesterday, so she supposed it was reasonable. "Are you feeling all right today, ma'am? Does anything hurt?"
Everything hurts, you idiot. But Cinder bit back the exasperated huff, and made a so-so gesture with her good hand. She tapped her bandaged arm, turned to motion towards the bathroom, and raised her eyebrow, hoping the question would be understood. Really, the less miming was required in conversations these days, the better; she'd already felt enough of a fool practically playing charades with Hazel before.
Thankfully, it was. "You want help with your bandages?" Emerald asked, and when Cinder nodded, she darted off to the bathroom cabinet. "Right - you can sit, I'll be just a second!"
Sighing softly, Cinder turned and limped back towards the bed. Mercury didn't say anything, but she was aware of him close behind her, hovering and trying not to look as if he was. When she sat down on the bed, arranging her pillows behind her for support, he sat on the floor right next to her leg, leaning against the metal frame and stiff mattress. He noticed her watching him and gave her a small smile, which she tried to return, thinking to herself that he looked like a big gray guard dog sitting at her feet. She almost felt the urge to pet his head, but decided against it.
She could hear the soft sound of water running from the bathroom. Carefully, she started to strip the bandages from her useless arm, dropping the dirty fabric into the wastebasket at the side of the bed. They had a routine for dressing her wounds, now: first her arm, then her side, then her leg, and then finally her face. The feeling of a wet cloth and topical gel in her empty eye socket was the only part that still actively disgusted her, so she preferred to save it for last. For whatever reason, the predictability of the process made her feel a little better about it all. A moment later, Emerald came back out, arms filled with first aid supplies, which she laid out neatly on the bare nightstand.
"Still your arm first?" Emerald asked, and Cinder nodded, propping the dead arm up with her working arm: always how they began. She no longer had to worry about infection setting in or spreading, now that the limb would soon be gone, but the familiar comforting touch was admittedly very welcome.
Emerald knelt down, taking her wrist lightly in one hand and starting to run the warm, damp washcloth over the limb with the other. Both touches were impossibly gentle. She did not meet her leader's eyes, only watching her own work. Cinder, on the other hand, loathed the sight of her own ruined flesh, and kept her eyes on Emerald's face. Much as she did not want to, she knew she had to try and say something. Emerald and Mercury both were able to decipher her strangled whispers by now, she reminded herself. With them both so close to her, it should be okay...
"Y...Y-You t-t-two," she tried, already feeling her throat starting to burn with the effort. Both of them looked up at her, startled; this was usually a silent procedure. "I-I...Aat...B-Bea...con..."
"Ma'am, it's okay," Emerald said, seeing the beginnings of irritation on her face. "You don't have to talk about that."
Cinder shook her head and tapped her throat emphatically. Yes, I do, if it'll keep you two docile. "Y-You...cahh..." Carried was too long, she thought, best try again. "T-T-Took me...hhh-home?"
"Oh...Yeah." Emerald looked even more surprised by the question. "Yeah, we did."
Mercury smirked. "Yep. I got you all the way back here from Vale." He touched his thumb and forefinger together in an 'okay' gesture. "Don't worry, though; you're light as a feather."
"He dropped you," Emerald said, pointing at her partner with a falsely innocent smile.
"Wha - I did not!"
"He did."
"I did not!"
"Did."
The rapid, staggered breathing that came out of Cinder's mouth didn't quite count as a laugh, but it was enough to surprise all of them into momentary silence. "Ss...o...kay," she assured them. "Y-You...c-c-came...back. Sss-saved...me."
A small, startled squeak escaped Emerald, and if it wouldn't have hurt her to do it, Cinder really would have laughed. "Of...Of course we did!" Emerald exclaimed. "You would have died if we hadn't!"
"I assume you'd do the same for us," Mercury remarked, in a way that was too casual to be anything but a precaution.
But, it was a precaution that soared straight over Emerald's head. "Exactly!" she said brightly. "You saved us, too. We'd never leave you like that, not after what you've done for us."
You say that now, but oh, I wonder. But dissatisfaction and mistrust were not what she needed to express right now. No, this moment required the reestablishment of trust and the reminder that they were all in the same boat right now. "We...a-a-are...l-leav...ing," she forced out. "H...Here...I-I know...Yyyou d-d-don't...want..."
She had to stop for a moment to breathe, and to her further embarrassment, her face grew hot. You will do this, she ordered herself, feeling her subordinates' eyes on her, you will do this, you will not let them pity you, you will not be weak!
"T...T'be...Hhhere."
Mercury's expression didn't change, but Emerald had the decency to look away in shame for a moment, her ministrations on Cinder's arm slowing slightly. She wondered briefly just how accurate Hazel's advice had been, and how timely, before deciding it didn't matter; she was fixing it now.
"I-I...h-hate it...here," she hissed, ignoring the warning burn in her chest and throat, squeezing her eyes shut with the effort it took to speak clearly. More venom was seeping into her voice than she'd intended, but she couldn't stop herself and rein it in. "I...I-I hate th-this..."
"Cinder," Emerald began, consolingly, but carefully. "We understand; we're not going anywhere."
She shook her head insistently. "I...I d-d-don't...w-we..."
"Take it easy, boss," Mercury said. "We know we're stuck here until you're back on your feet, and it sucks for everyone. Honestly, I can't believe you've actually lived here for so long, with the Grimm and the assholes and the weird magic and everything. It's enough to drive anyone crazy." He paused, something new occurring to him. "Which, come to think of it, might explain Scorp."
Cinder sighed deeply, awkwardly shrugging her working shoulder. Truth be told, she didn't think that this place in and of itself was all that bad, certainly not like these two made it out to be. But, as she was finding, that seemed to have a lot to do with the fact that she was free to leave and get away from her teammates if she so chose. She had never felt trapped in her own home before.
"W-We'll...go...I-I puh-prom-ise...Wh-When..."
"It's all right," Emerald insisted, replacing the cloth and starting to rub burn medicine into the charred flesh. Both of them had become used to this enough that it didn't bother them any more. At least, Cinder's skin didn't crawl at the feeling, and Emerald's face was no longer reluctant and tense, her hands well-practiced by now. "We'll help you as long as you need."
"Right," Mercury said, standing up again. "Just don't rush it and hurt yourself any more, or none of us will ever get out of here." He looked down at her over his shoulder, and clinked one metal shin against the other. "I fought with my fucked-up legs too early, and you remember how that turned out?"
Cinder nodded, while Emerald looked mildly disgusted. She'd been worried that after she'd come all that way to recruit an assassin, she'd lose him immediately; the exertion of the battle had driven long metal shards deep into Mercury's thighs, and he was lucky he hadn't died of infection before she'd even given him his first assignment.
"Yeah. Like I said before, this isn't forever. And when we do get out of here..." The corner of his mouth turned up in a predator's smirk. "You'll let me knock that brat's head sideways before you burn her? We owe everyone who got away in one piece at least that, don't we?"
She had to give him credit; that got another cracked, amused breath out of her. She nodded in agreement, and something brightened in his eyes. "Nice. I guess you'll want me out of here now, though, since that arm's almost done?"
"Right," Emerald confirmed. She spread the last bits of gel over Cinder's hand and reached for the roll of bandages, starting to deftly wind them around her leader's arm. "Shoo," she added, with a quick, dismissive wave.
Mercury snickered, but obeyed. "Fine, fine...See you girls in a bit."
When he left, the room was silent for a long while. Cinder lay there as still and as pliantly as she could. She allowed Emerald to adjust her clothes as she needed, take off the many bandages around her leg and torso, and run the warm, soapy water and cold gel on the burns. She noticed, from the brief glimpses she dared to take of them, that they were slowly but steadily healing.
She kept her eye closed and her breathing deliberately calm, she did not make a sound, and she found that this served several purposes at once. It let her throat rest after all her hard work, it reassured Emerald that she would not lose her temper and harm her again, it let her zone out and ignore that she was being moved around and handled like a doll. But most importantly, it gave her time to quietly think about her next move.
She liked to think that in the past year or so of actually leading a team of her own, instead of constantly being shoved to the side by her much older teammates, she had learned the finer points of what it was to control another person. It did not take much, if one was smart, and could understand how people worked. Mercury, for example, was easy to handle. He was a simple boy with simple needs, having been raised with little else. All she had to do was keep him interested, make sure he knew that he was on the winning side, and above all, never remind him of Marcus Black.
Emerald was a bit more complicated, she reflected, opening her eye a little to watch the girl focus on her work. The prize jewel of her little collection had to be treated with delicate care. She knew full well that the only reason that Emerald had become so attached to her was because she had been in the right place at the right time to catch the thief, to appear out of the blue as her savior. Emerald loved her, deeply and desperately, but that love and devotion could have gone to anyone. It had nothing to do with Cinder herself, of that she was certain. So the possibility, however slim, still existed that it could be transferred to someone else even now.
As such, she always needed to strike a perfect balance between luring the girl close to her with praise, with kind touches and reminders of how special she and her Semblance were, and keeping her too afraid to run from her side with just as many reminders of where she'd be if Cinder hadn't been there to take her in, with cold reprimands and quick, well-placed discipline. The carrot and stick method, she had heard it called, many years ago by the particularly unscrupulous husbands and wives of her birth village. Or was it carrot on a stick? Well, that part wasn't important. All that was important was that it worked.
"Cinder?" She opened her eye fully, and saw that the bandaging around her torso was finished. "I'm going to start on your face now. Do you want to take a break before I do, or...?"
Cinder shook her head. Best to get it over with, for one thing. And for another, it would provide a prime opportunity to start dangling that carrot in front of Emerald's face again. Now that she thought about it seriously, it really had been far too long.
So she waited patiently as Emerald made another quick dash to the bathroom sink to dampen and lather up a new washcloth, and then came back to finish up. Normally, Emerald would stand up to work on her face, knowing it agitated Cinder and wanting to keep her distance, both for Cinder's comfort and her own safety. Now, however, Cinder made a point of clearing a space on her bed and patting the mattress when she walked back in, inviting her subordinate to sit next to her.
Emerald stopped in front of the bed, washcloth, cotton balls, and gel tube in hands, doing a particularly good impression of a startled doe. "Oh...You want me to...?"
Cinder nodded, keeping up her patient, expectant expression, and patted the space again. Cautiously, as if trying not to tread on glass, Emerald stepped closer and sat down on the bed next to her, laying her supplies on the sheets. "Okay. I'm going to take the bandages off of your face now. Are you ready?"
She nodded, and allowed Emerald to reach behind her head and untie the bandages that wrapped around the left half of her face. Normally, she shut her eye until it was over, continuing to block the process out as best she could. Now, she tried her best to maintain eye contact. And as much as she disliked it...With as sorry a state as she was in, it wasn't difficult to maintain a wounded and put-upon look while she decided what she would try to say next. But, as it happened, she didn't need to figure that out; this, too, Emerald was apparently taking care of for her.
"Cinder, I...I'm sorry, if I've been frustrating you lately," she said softly, her hand stopping halfway up to Cinder's face, the bandages curled by her knee.
Cinder's heart leaped in her chest at the words. This always happened sooner or later, after some careful pulling of emotional strings. But somehow, she had expected such a thing to take longer and be far more difficult if she were clearly struggling to speak and move, much less intimidate or sweet-talk somebody. But, even as proud of it as she was, it appeared she had underestimated the effect she had on her Emerald. This was going to be easy.
So, for the first time in a long time, a genuine smile came to her face as she shook her head. It was a long sentence she had in mind, but Emerald would wait for her to finish. And now that they were this close, she could talk even more softly, enough that it wouldn't hurt but could still be somewhat intelligible.
"Y-You dih-d-didn't mean it. I-I for-forgive...y-you..." The next words brought back images from over a year ago, of a no-longer-starving girl falling at her feet in abject relief, but hopefully Emerald would not make that particular connection. "Th-Th-Thank...you..."
And it did not appear that she did, as that same expression brightened her face now. "It's okay. I just want to help you. This..." She finally started to dab the cloth onto Cinder's burnt cheek. "I'm glad I can at least do this for you, if I can't...Well, the point is, this is helping, right?"
Cinder, who was trying not to shudder at the cold, wet touch, gave a small nod anyway. This was help, she told herself, this was her own relief. After that, the process went on in silence again. It was much easier now than it had been a month ago. There was no pain, for the most part, and no more dead skin coming off of the wounds as they were washed clean and then patted dry.
The small, more tender area in and around her missing eye being cleared of any buildup, with delicate little pats of the cotton ball, was more difficult to sit still for. She didn't like to think about how it looked; the flesh inside the socket had been burned as well, and inserting a conformer into it to keep the shape would have irritated the wounds too much, or so Watts had informed her. That didn't matter much, though, as she didn't want an artificial eye anyway if it couldn't allow her to see again.
Emerald always handled the wound on her face with the most time and care, but she was still able to finish in a few minutes. With one last wrapping of bandages around her head, she was done, and leaned back to get a better look at her work.
"Does that feel okay? They're not too tight, are they?" When Cinder shook her head no, she started to get up from the bed to leave, setting the remaining supplies on the nightstand. "All right, then. If you need anything else, you know you can always - "
But she broke off when Cinder unexpectedly grabbed her hand, stopping her before she could get out of reach. Still trying for as kind and grateful an expression as she could, she let go to gesture at the space beside her again, and then opened her arm invitingly.
Back when she had first acquired the thief, she had noticed right away that Emerald responded to seemingly small gestures, like brief embraces and gentle strokes of the hair, far more strongly than most people did. As if there were electricity in her fingertips, that could make Emerald freeze and squirm: startled at first by the attention, so much so that she couldn't speak, but soon excited and leaping at any chance to earn more. Clearly, the poor girl had been starved for love and human contact all her life...And, well, had Cinder not promised that she would never let her go hungry again?
Still too stunned to do anything else, Emerald let Cinder pull her onto the bed, wrap her good arm around her, and bring her in close. As with many things lately, it would be better if she had the use of both arms - Emerald loved to be held tight - but one would have to do. Cinder kept her smile as she leaned back, settling them both down on the soft blankets and pillows. They had done this sometimes before, when Cinder deemed it necessary: laying together in solitude and silence, pressed close together. Emerald didn't feel the same under her arm as those nights, she was surprised to find. She wouldn't fully relax, or meet Cinder's eye. Cinder could feel her heartbeat: mouselike as well, quick and fluttering and fearful. No matter. She knew by now what to do.
Gently, everything gently...I won't hurt you now.
She set Emerald's head on her intact shoulder, and rhythmically stroked her hair, making sure to lightly brush her forehead and neck each time. It did the trick: after a minute or two of shifting around, trying to get used to these touches again, Emerald lay still. Her breathing calmed, and her eyelids even started to droop a little; gods knew she had been getting as little sleep as Cinder had lately. However, merely this was not enough to implant what she needed. So when she started to feel the girl drifting off, she moved just enough to rouse her, and bent her head down close enough to speak comfortably.
"W...W-We've...wwworked...hard," she whispered into Emerald's ear, and she stirred enough to answer.
"Yeah...You've done a lot."
Cinder hummed against her forehead. She pressed down a shade harder, running her fingers through Emerald's hair. "May...be."
"Really! I'm sure if you just kept at it more - " Cinder paused for a moment mid-stroke and dropped the smile, and Emerald faltered, stopped, and picked a new train of thought. "I mean, it's hard for you and it hurts, but you're still doing so well."
Good choice. The petting resumed.
"And...If I've been making it worse for you, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to make it easier, I swear."
"I know." She leaned over the last inch or so to kiss Emerald's forehead, and could practically feel the thrill that ran through the girl's body at the touch of her lips. There was a reason she saved them for truly special occasions. "Y-You're...so good."
Emerald wriggled happily under her arm for a second before relaxing, snuggling up closer to Cinder, who decided she'd allow it. Looking closely at Emerald, she realized that she hadn't seen this star-bright shine in her eyes, or this smile on her face, since Beacon. The girl made a sound as if to say something, but broke off, and Cinder waited for a minute until she felt ready to speak. When she did, it was in a murmur so quiet that Cinder had to pay very close attention to hear it. Not very considerate of her newly bad ear, but she appreciated the sense of intimacy nonetheless.
"...Cinder?"
"Mm?"
"I know I should have told you this way sooner, but I..."
Emerald stopped, bit her lip and dropped her eyes. She paused for so long that Cinder started to wonder what could possibly be so hard to spit out, before she spoke again.
"I'm so glad you found me. Without you, I don't know what I'd do. Wh-When we found you hurt like that, on the tower...I've, I'd never been so scared in my life."
Cinder recognized the trembling in Emerald's voice as one she had only heard once before, from another night in her arms, confessing what had been done to her that she'd wound up on the streets. That had involved copious amounts of sobbing and sizable tear stains on her dress, and she fervently hoped she wouldn't have to endure a repeat now.
"I thought for sure you were dead...I thought I would never - !"
But she broke off with a squeak when Cinder laid another quick kiss on her cheek, just at the corner of her mouth, and tucked her head into her chest. It might be harder for Emerald to hear her from there, Cinder realized, resting her chin on the younger girl's head, but it would also be harder for her to talk. And she knew that Emerald would feel safer the closer she was to her, anyway.
"I-I...here. I'm here. Not...luh...l-leaving."
Emerald didn't answer. She brushed her arms hesitantly against Cinder's body, and when Cinder did not push or protest, wrapped them around her waist and held on tight, as if to reassure herself that the words were true. The embrace stung a little, but she had managed to avoid the badly burned areas, which Cinder supposed she appreciated.
"I'm...g-glad...too."
The arms around her tightened. "Cinder...?" came the muffled voice again. "Is...Is it okay if I stay here for a little bit longer? Like this, I mean, with you."
Cinder smiled again. That would work perfectly; the longer this went on, the stronger the impact that would be left when it was over. This was the crucial component that she had been recently failing to provide: a memory of softness and safety for Emerald to fall back on during the times when Cinder had to treat her harshly, to remind her of what she had to endure the pain to earn back.
You see, who else would take care of you like this? Why would you even think of leaving me?
Even better, in that case, that Emerald was already thinking of what had brought them together to begin with; she, too, had a place that she would rather die than be forced back to. In this, and this alone, they were one and the same, and Emerald knew that as well as she did.
Such a delicate game she played with this girl's heart. Such a careful balance, which it was downright dangerous to lose track of for this long...She certainly would not make the same mistake again.
"S-Stay...forever."
~0~
"All right, again!"
Whack.
"Again!"
Whack.
"One more won't kill ya, come on!"
Whack!
When Cinder's fist collided with his gloved palm again, Mercury closed his fingers over it with a smile. Cinder did not pull away but sat still on her unmade bed, shoulders tensed and breathing hard, privately grateful for the fleeting break.
"It's a pretty good idea, working on this stuff too," Mercury remarked. "If I can't get rusty, you sure as hell can't. But you know, boss, you don't have to go easy on me."
Cinder smirked, and tugged her hand away. She spread all five fingers out, and flexed them twice.
"Ten more?" Nod, nod. "Cool. Just make 'em count."
"Mm." She took one more deep breath, then pulled her fist back again: whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, in quick succession into the leather.
"You're going fast, but you're not going hard. You still got muscle, use it!"
Whack.
"Pretend my hand is a Grimm you're killing."
Whack.
"Harder! It's a Huntsman!"
Whack!
"It's Mustache's smug ass grin!"
WHACK!
"It's Ruby's stupid grinning face, break it!"
WHACK!
"Wow, that actually kind of hurt," Mercury said, shaking his wrist. "You've still got it. When she fixes up your leg all the way, we can start kicking too."
Cinder nodded. Much as her slow progress still frustrated her, it did feel somewhat good to actually be moving around, even though it hurt. Lying in bed all day and night, though relatively painless, would be hell on her muscles in the long run. She would remind herself of this often, she decided.
"That might be tough to start back up, too, though. Even if you can't use it, you can balance better with both arms than with just one. Getting one of them chopped messes with your center of gravity and shit, and that's especially bad with you losing your depth perception and all." When Cinder raised her remaining eyebrow, he explained, "Emerald's been swiping Mustache's medical books to see if she can find anything that will help us. He hasn't noticed yet, and I've been trying to read along with the amputee bits."
"And shockingly enough, you're not half bad at it," Emerald remarked, coming out of the bathroom with a half-full glass of water. "Slow, but not bad."
"Damn tiny letters. And weird words. At least the pictures are cool."
"Yeah." Emerald handed the glass to Cinder, who accepted it at once. "I'm sorry I can't give you anything else, but you're not supposed to eat or drink anything but water until after your surgery. I don't know if you'll be up to eating right afterward, but when you are we'll make you a nice meal, okay?"
"What do you mean, we, you still can't cook for sh - ow, don't pull my hair!"
"I'm still learning! It's not like you're any better. And, um, while we're on the subject," Emerald added, turning back to Cinder. "Just out of curiosity...Where does Salem get clean running water from out here? Or all the food, for that matter? Because, you know, we're not exactly near...anything."
Cinder, gulping down the water, just shrugged. So long as it was all here and freely available to her, she saw no reason to question it. When she'd finished the last drops, she leaned over to set the empty glass on the nightstand, and winced when her dead arm flopped onto her side with the movement.
Emerald looked at the arm nervously. "Is there anything you're worried about? About today?"
Cinder shook her head. The idea of undergoing another major surgery at Watts' hands repulsed her, especially since up until now, she'd been competent enough to avoid ending up on his table too often. But, she had reasoned, all that was really going to happen was that she'd be put to sleep, and then wake up with this useless hunk of dead flesh finally off of her body. And in any case, she trusted her teammate with exactly two things: her physical health and the success of a mission. So it wasn't as if anything would go wrong.
All she needed to do was prepare her body to continue her work and recovery. So coming to that...
She tapped at the binder also resting on her nightstand and looked pointedly at Emerald, who picked it up and started to flip through the pages of rehab exercises. "Sure! Which ones do you want to start with, stretches?"
Reflexively she shook her head - the majority of them were awkward to perform and looked downright embarrassing - but then thought better of it and reluctantly nodded. At least she wasn't in a hospital gown just yet, so she wouldn't look that stupid. Though the fact that the only clothes that were easy for her to put on and exert herself in were Mercury's T-shirt and sweatpants didn't sit well with her either. They covered her better and we're easier to put on than most of the contents of her closet, which she couldn't quite stop giving longing looks toward every so often, but even they didn't hide all her scars...Just another reason to take her new work more seriously. She pulled the binder down so she could see its contents, and tapped the hamstring strengthening exercise.
"Sounds good," Emerald agreed, as Cinder rolled over onto her stomach and Mercury got up from the bed.
"Want me to grab the weights?" he asked, and seeing Cinder nod, turned to head into his and Emerald's room. "Got it. Just think about how you'll be able to get back to regular training again even sooner once that arm's out of your way."
Cinder didn't respond, focusing on straightening and raising her injured leg. She pictured standing up again without shaking or pain, holding her sword tight and running to leap back into the fray, fire warming her heart and flaring around her...
She moved the joint of her knee infinitesimally wrong, and a sharp jolt of pain ran down from knee to ankle, breaking her out of her fantasy with a hiss. Emerald's hand was immediately on her shoulder in silent support, but she said nothing, nor did she grip too tight. Cinder grimaced, determined not to drop her leg too early; she'd have to make her body strong enough just to function again, before she could even think about throwing herself back into actual combat training.
No sense in rushing it, though, she reminded herself. Focus on one thing at a time, and she'd work her way back up to normal faster in the long run. She had to make steady progress, of course, enough to still be considered worth the time and effort. But so long as she did that, theoretically she had all the time in the world to recover, and prepare.
The past would never loose its burning grip on her heart, nor could she ignore how damn painful it was to exist in this body at present. But so long as she kept her eyes on the future where she didn't have to feel it anymore, she could keep from breaking down further in the meantime.
It took her a moment to realize that while she'd been thinking, Emerald was talking again. "...done, Cinder. Cinder? It's been thirty seconds, you can put it down now."
She dropped her leg back down to the mattress with a soft whump. That hadn't been too bad, she had to admit -
"I'm back!" Mercury announced as he burst in, raising something above his head like a prizefighter's trophy. "Found the cuff weights!"
Without further ado, he sauntered up and velcroed the soft but heavy red band tight around Cinder's ankle. She twisted around to look at him and at the new ten pounds of weight around her leg with a supremely distrustful expression.
Mercury smirked. "Come on, you asked for it. Without the extra weight, it barely counts as a rep."
Grumbling unintelligibly, Cinder laid back down and raised her leg again, and to her annoyance found that it was now twice as hard and twice as painful to keep it in the air. Well, just because she'd accepted that she'd be working her way back up from the bottom again, didn't mean that it was going to be any easier.
Focus. Just focus. One thing at a time.
So went the next couple hours. From all her refusal to try more than the bare minimum, she hadn't realized that she'd been provided with so much to do, for the muscles of her legs, her remaining arm, and stomach. There was even visual training for her ruined sight, which confused her and made her head hurt, but was supposed to help her not crash into things while trying to walk and not knock her dishes over while trying to eat and drink, so she would have to put up with it, too. The less she needed Emerald to help her with the most insignificant things, the better.
To her surprise, Cinder was able to lose herself in the movements, even in the pain, just as she would during any normal training session. She still needed to lean on Emerald when it came time to get off the bed and onto her feet, but if she was able to sit or lie down, she could get through exercises without either of them even touching her. She would, of course, personally incinerate anyone who tried to tell her, "You see, that wasn't so bad," but she had to admit...Maybe recovery wasn't the unreachably distant future she had been picturing it as.
And just like normal, she quickly lost track of time, so when Salem and Watts arrived to take her to surgery (the latter already dressed in scrubs and wheeling a gurney), it took her by surprise even though she'd been expecting them. Unlike Emerald and Mercury, though, she managed not to jump quite so badly when the door flew open seemingly of its own accord to reveal them on the other side.
"Are you ready, Cinder?" Salem asked. Purely rhetorically, of course, but the traces of pride in her smile made Cinder's heart jump.
She nodded, and waved Emerald and Mercury away when they approached to help her get out into the hall. Under her master's appraising eyes and her teammate's sneer (clear even with half his face under a surgical mask!), she had to show as little weakness as possible. More than that, show that even now she'd regained some strength.
And so to that end, Cinder stepped tentatively to the floor and started to limp across the room. Trying to put too much weight on her left leg was quite out of the question. As such, her gait was little more than an unbalanced hobble, as she shifted all her weight to her right leg and dragged her left behind her like a lame dog. She wasn't sure whether her face was starting to heat up out of exertion, shame, or more likely a mix of both. But, it was getting her to that gurney if only a little at a time, and right now that was what mattered.
It took her a solid minute to drag herself across the room and into the hall, and when she reached the gurney it took a small boost from Salem to get her fully onto it. She lay there on the hard cushion, on top of its currently-unnecessary straps, panting as if she'd just sprinted a mile. Every inch of her body was uncomfortably warm, pins and needles everywhere. Despite it all, the beginnings of a smile found its way onto her face, and the exhaustion she felt was satisfied, not frustrated.
Salem reached down to stroke Cinder's dead arm, from elbow to wrist. "I'm glad you're feeling so much better about this. Because when you've recovered, I have a special gift for you."
Gift? Cinder couldn't keep the mildly baffled look off her face. Not that it was uncharacteristic of Salem (her first new dress and her jewelry, her bedroom, her old bowsword, her powers: all gifts from her master), but she wondered if what she was doing really warranted such a reward. Or any at all. Well, no matter; it wasn't her place to question the decision, anyway.
"No need to look so nervous," Salem turned back to tell Emerald and Mercury, as Cinder was wheeled away. "This may still be overwhelming to you, but I assure you, I've been taking good care of Cinder for years now. Soon enough, I'll have her back to you better than new."
~0~