Hi everyone!
I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!
*~*~*NOW*~*~*
The past few days had been longer than I imagined they would be. Of course, why I thought mediation would solve anything between Lauren and me, I wasn't sure. The judge had suggested it, but he'd obviously never met someone like Lauren before either. No amount of negotiating helped, and with word finally getting out about our separation and impending divorce, I had to admit I hated the unwanted attention. I was always one to keep my personal life separate from my work; although Lauren attended functions and dinners from time to time, my home and work lives never merged. Even before Lauren came up with the stupid idea that now landed us in court, I was still a private person. The last thing I wanted was for people to find out what had been going on for the past two years, and I feared as the divorce kept going nowhere; it would somehow come into the spotlight.
Shannon, Dr. Garrett's receptionist, greeted me with a smile before telling me to go on back, as I was already expected. Dr. Garrett and I had agreed that twice a week for a month would be sufficient to start our therapy sessions, but trying to fit in two more appointments every week within an already busy schedule was a little difficult. We agreed to meet during my lunch hour on Tuesday, as well as once more after I got off work on Thursdays.
Today was a Thursday, so I rushed out of the office and into downtown to make it in time. I was thankful for the lack of traffic, and despite my rush, I felt calmer as I walked through Dr. Garrett's office door. Even though mediating with Lauren was getting me absolutely nowhere, I still felt myself get a little bit stronger every day after leaving our house. My new apartment was nothing like I had been living in for the past few years, but somehow, it felt safer.
"Edward, come in," she greeted once the door swung open. "Please, take a seat."
I walked toward her desk as she swung around and sat back into her chair to finish typing whatever I had interrupted upon my arrival. Maybe a minute or so passed before she pushed her keyboard back under her desk and focused her attention on me.
"Normally I let the patient decide where they want their session to begin. We can sit here as we did last time, or we can move to the seating arrangement over there," she explained while her hand gestured over to the living room-esqe set-up her office had. Since I had been in and out of my own office chair all day long, I immediately chose the couch, and we made our way over.
"This is comfortable," I mused after taking a seat and loosening my tie. If I had more time, I would have changed into jeans and a polo shirt versus my suit, but I wasn't sure how temperamental traffic was going to be, especially with this being my first Thursday visit.
"Well, that's good to hear," Dr. Garrett noted. "Have you ever seen a therapist before?"
I shook my head.
"Basically, I'll ask questions, you'll give me the answer, I'll ask more questions, and we'll go back and forth until our time is up. You'll probably be giving a homework assignment to think about for the days we don't see each other, but it's not something you'll have to turn in for a grade. The goal is to keep you on track toward your goal, even if you're not seeing me for a few days. Sound okay?" I nodded my head again.
The nerves that weren't present before walking in slowly began creeping up as I finally realized there was no turning back anymore. It was time to finally tell my story. I'd come here to get the skeletons out of the closet, to make sense of it all; I still stood by that, but I felt anxious. Part of me wondered if there were answers I wasn't sure I wanted, but the stronger part of me knew I had to do this - if not for myself, then for my future self.
"You have nothing to be nervous about," Dr. Garrett soothed with a smile on her face. "Look, no matter what you plan on throwing at me, I've probably heard it before. If I haven't, I can probably imagine it happening. I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to help you recognize why you're here today at the place you're in."
"I understand," I announced with a deep breath, signaling I was ready.
"Okay. Now tell me, how you and your wife met?" she asked.
*~*~*THEN*~*~*
"Mom," I hollered. "We're going to be late."
"I'm coming, I'm coming," she rushed down the stairs towards me. We had just relocated to a small suburban area outside of Seattle for my father's job. Well, it wasn't like it was an exactly new job, more like the changing of buildings and zip codes, but it meant moving from the east coast to the west.
In Washington, I wouldn't be allowed to get my license until I hit sixteen, so for the first five months I had to rely on my mother to take me to school if I wanted to avoid the public school bus.
"I'm sorry," she rushed and we both flew out the door.
School wasn't something I liked or dreaded; it just was. I knew I had to go, so I did my best and maintained decent grades. Unlike my older brother Emmett, who was now already in college and thrived in sports, I excelled in math and science. At my last school, we had a program called Chemistry for Kids, where several others and I would travel to local elementary schools and show off cool chemistry experiments in an effort to spark their interest in the subject. It was an amazing program, and one I wished my new school in Seattle had.
The drive was relatively short compared to what I was used to, and even though my mom tried walking in with me, I shooed her away. We had taken the tour the day prior and picked up my schedule, so I didn't need her.
My first two classes were easy to find, and most of the other students didn't seem to really notice me until my third class, Chemistry. The teacher seemed a little flaky when I asked her where I should sit; she pointed to the back desk, next to the blonde wearing a cheerleading uniform.
I wouldn't say I had low self-esteem or thought of myself as a geek, but I also didn't really date much, either. The few girls I was interested in typically had boyfriends, and then once we found out we were moving, which came with a pretty lengthy warning, I shut down the thought all together because the lack thing I wanted was a long-distance anything.
"Someone is sitting here," the girl said flippantly as I took the seat.
"I don't see anyone," I pointed out as the girl's face gazed toward me, as had a few of the students sitting in desks around us.
"Well, James isn't here today, but come tomorrow, it's his seat," she clarified as I shrugged.
"I guess I'll deal with him tomorrow, then. What is he, your boyfriend or something?" I shot back, a little annoyed at the girl who just sat there flicking her pencil like it was a ticking time bomb.
"Or something," she replied with an eye roll before Mrs. Wilson began teaching her lesson that I had learned months prior. I feigned attentiveness when all I wanted to do was get away from the stuck-up girl that kept chewing her gum and tapping her pencil.
It had only been about twenty minutes before a piece of paper slid toward my side of the two-person desk.
'You're new here?'
Looking over at her, then back at the paper, I pulled out a pen and replied, 'Yes.'
She took the paper back and quickly wrote out, 'I'm Lauren."
Though I couldn't understand her motivates at that point, I decided I'd be nice. 'I'm Edward.'
When I looked back over at her, she smiled, and it was like the room just lit up around her. I wasn't sure what exactly had transpired that day, but I knew I wanted to get to know her better after that point.
*~*~*NOW*~*~*
"So, it's fair to assume you and Lauren didn't start off on the right foot, but you left feeling hopeful?" Dr. Garrett questioned, and it wasn't until I came out of my daze that I realized I had shifted from sitting on the couch to lying down. Both of my hands came up to rest behind my head as I spoke about that first day in chemistry.
"Yeah. It's still hard to think about after so much has changed, but she just had this spark about her. When I first saw her, she was a lot more defensive, but once she started talking, I realized she was actually kind of sweet." I laughed bitterly to myself as I remember earlier in the day as 'Sweet Lauren' pleaded with me for an alimony sum that would make Usher's child support payments look cheap.
"It's safe to assume you'd no longer use the word 'sweet' to reference to your wife, then?" she pushed, and I cocked my head in her direction.
"Not even close. At fifteen, I would have said sweet, shy, and ambitious. Now, I'd say manipulative, conniving, and disloyal would be better suited," I informed her before readjusting my head so my eyes could focus on the ceiling above. I momentarily wondered if Dr. Garrett ever considered painting it the same green color as the waiting room, but then decided it was a stupid question to ask.
"So, what happened when James came back to class?" Dr. Garrett asked next.
"Oh, that was a blast," I replied sarcastically. "Basically, he was like the school hot shot, but a has-been at the same time. He got injured playing football and the team kept him on, but he couldn't play. He spiraled pretty fast, but he kept his hooks in Lauren. He wasn't abusive, but he wasn't good for her either. He came back to class and I was sitting in his seat and wouldn't budge. He got mouthy, I shrugged him off."
"You're avoiding," Dr. Garrett pointed out.
'Yeah, I tend to be good at that,' I thought before refocusing back on the past.
*~*~*THEN*~*~*
I had a rush in my step the next day as I walked toward chemistry. I hadn't seen Lauren again, and the rest of my day was as uneventful as it started. I wanted to sit next to Lauren, which is why I moved so quickly. I was happy to walk in mere seconds behind her and take the seat immediately to her right.
"James is here today," she informed me with a small smile. "You may want to move."
"I'm good," I stated as I began pulling out my notebook and pen. Only a few seconds passed before I saw a shadow standing over me.
"This is my seat," a rather large guy wearing a Letterman's jacket said.
"It's mine now," I replied coolly. As big as the guy was, my brother was bigger, so it was a little difficult to be intimidated by him, especially with the knee brace her wore.
"Perhaps you didn't hear well, new boy." Two books dropped onto the desk, making a loud clashing noise before he spoke again. "This is my seat."
This time, I chose to stand up, placing my fists on the table as I leaned forward. "And perhaps you're lost. I sit here now. I'm sure you can find another table."
Mrs. Wilson walked in seconds later to break up the stare down that ensued and found another seat for James. She hushed his concerns, stating he should be nice to the 'new boy.' I rolled my eyes, but grinned while he looked back at me with a murderous glare.
Lauren sent another piece of paper toward me about five minutes later. 'You're brave.'
I knew at that point that I wanted her.
*~*~*NOW*~*~*
"So, you were a rather rebellious teenager?" Dr. Garrett asked as I began to sit up.
"No, not really. I mean, I never went looking for a fight, but I've never appreciated being told what to do. That was what annoyed me about James. It was like when he spoke, it was to be taken as gospel, but I had a brother twice his size, came from a totally different environment, and I never played with the hierarchy bullshit in high school," I explained as she jotted down more notes.
"How did Lauren fit into all this, then?" Dr. Garrett looked up as I blinked a few times thinking about the stories I had just re-told. It wasn't something I had really thought about in terms of one affecting the other; they weren't technically dating when I asked her out, but they did have something at one point.
"I guess…" I started, but paused after a second as one small puzzle piece clicked in my brain. "I guess James made it a game, where Lauren was the prize." I sat there for a few seconds and just stared off into space, not understanding how I never saw that before. It was understandable that my teenage brain would have missed that, but had it been so long since I'd thought about it as an adult. "Wow," I breathed. "I didn't realize that."
"Well, I'd say our time is done for today," Dr. Garrett announced as I shook my head.
"Wait, do you agree with me? I mean, do you think I saw Lauren as a prize because of James? If James wasn't there, would I have pursued her as much?" I spoke in rapid fire.
"Do you think that, Edward?" she immediately turned my question back on me.
"Yeah, I do," I replied before moving to stand up, my head feeling a little dizzy with that realization.
"Then that is what matters. It's up to you to realize what you never saw clearly before," she explained as she stood up as well. "But yes, I believe you're on the right train of thought. It would make sense, given the changes in your life as well as factoring in your age and your basic personality." Dr. Garrett's affirmation of my latest epiphany solidified that I'd made the right choice by choosing to go to therapy.
I left with a thank you and a promise to see her on Tuesday before waving goodbye to Shannon and walking to my car. It wasn't until I sat down that I had a chance to think about what had just happened, but any sort of self-awareness was going to have to wait when I realized I had missed a call from my mother.
I sighed before listening to her voicemail.
'Edward, honey, it's your mother. Listen, you know I never mean to pry, but are you getting a divorce? Your father was talking to an old colleague from back East, and he had heard a rumor about you so he asked your father. Honey, you just haven't called, so please call me back. I miss you, sweetie. Love you.'
The message ended as the options to save or delete were recited through the earpiece, but it was the tone in my mother's voice that hit me straight in the heart.
"Damn it," I swore as my head hit the steering wheel in frustration. The last thing I wanted to do was face my parents right now. Maybe it was avoiding, but I planned to tell them once everything was already finalized. At that point, I figured I'd be finally read to hear the words I knew they'd never say to my face.
'Edward, sweetie, we told you so.'
Fucking Lauren and her big fucking mouth!
I know that I definitely didn't get to as many reviews as I wanted to this week, but I did read and appreciate every single one of them. I genuinely love hearing how everyone thinks things are going, what's to come...etc., so if you're so inclined, keep them coming!
Chapter 4 is already with my beta, so depending upon how quickly 5 comes out, I will probably aim to post early again next week. Tuesday seems to be like a good day, especially with keeping up with the PicTease and Fictionator Blogs which put out teaser's on Mondays, but I will always promise by Thursday.
Only other thing I'd like to mention is that I do have an outtake for Meeting Myself in the Fandom for No Kids Left Hungry Compilation. And, I did sign up for Round II of the Fandom for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Compilation. The LLS is an organization incredibly close to my heart, as this summer I get to celebrate my 21st year of remission. At the age of 3, I was diagnosed with 4th Stage Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Mind you, the year was 1989 and people still thought it was a contagious disease. My survivability prognosis was a mere 5%, yet 2 years later I beat ever odd out there and went into remission at age 5. I never once relapsed thanks to my wonderful Hematologist Oncologist in Orlando, Florida. The LLS was not only a help to my parents, but also to my siblings. They planned holiday parties, sponsored summer camps, helped in fitting me for a wig, and even reimbursed up to $500 in gas every year while I was ill. In 2000, the LLS stepped up again, this time to help my mother as my step-father battled his own battle with CML. Unlike me, he lost his life in March of 2003 from complications related to his leukemia. Anything you want written, I'll do without question just please let me know what you'd like to see! Doesn't matter the story, I just need to know what people would enjoy reading!