(( HAHAHAHA okay so yeah this chapter title is just a big ol fart, and I dun even care. XD! So like, I've heard people joke around before that Ford probably has a secret foot fetish or something like that, and I kinda incorporated a little of that too, but, this is my idea of what Ford's secret fetish might be... ^^; X3 As always, hope you enjoy, and please kudo or comment if you to! :D ))

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You had an exceptionally excellent harvest this season! It was a gloriously lovely autumn this year, and your carrot and spinach crops had yielded a very nice surplus, plus the bounty of corn you still had from Summer. The children are at school, and Ford had the day off today. He offered to stay home and clean the house for you while you took it to market. Normally you'd just let the townspeople distribute it, but you made some amazing carrot cakes, spinach puffs and corn muffins, and you wanted to sell those personally. Gives those goodies an extra touch of that "made with love" feeling.

After shaking hands and receiving thanks from the hungry and grateful townspeople for about an hour, you find you've sold all your wares extra early, and so you head back home again, excited to spend time with husband before the children get home from school in a few more hours...

You open the door... The house is immaculate. He cleaned the whole place, just as he had promised to. But your husband is nowhere to be found...?

You glance around for a second or two, then walk over to the bathroom. You hear the water in the bathtub running. Makes sense. Even if he doesn't get dirty, Ford likes to take a shower after cleaning, just in case he's gotten sweaty.

You're almost about to just leave him to it... Except then you suddenly hear a deep, low groan... Oh. Is dear husband being naughty, without waiting for you...? Well that's not fair, you decide, and promptly open the bathroom door and invite yourself in.

Big mistake. Like, just, immediate regret.

You and Ford both go completely stiff, staring at each other. What on earth are you even looking at right now...

Ford is... Sitting on the rim of the bathtub, but he's not inside of it. The water isn't even collecting for a bath, he's just letting it run down the drain, apparently to drown out any noise he's been making. He's naked and he's got his cock in his hand, looking almost painfully hard.

Which would be all well and good, except for what he's also doing while stroking that cock of his... He's... Cleaning his ear with a q-tip...?

Ford... Fucking hates q-tips, or so you thought. It was the subject of one of your earliest fights while living together. Ford had insisted that the medical consensus on q-tips was that they ought never be used, that they provided far too great a risk and cancelled out any potential benefits, and that he couldn't stand seeing you use them. You had in turn insisted that you were not an idiot and were perfectly capable of cleaning your ears with a q-tip without stabbing yourself in the eardrum with it. You'd been doing so for years. But in order to keep the peace, you agreed not to clean your ears around Ford, and only did so in the bathroom afterwards. And that had been the end of that... Except now it wasn't...

Ford goes deep red, stumbling and sputtering for something to say. His cock quickly starts losing interest and he throws the q-tip away from him, into the nearby wastebasket. "D-D-Dear, I, I-!"

You quickly and wordlessly close the door between you, giving Ford the privacy he needs at the moment. Despite the house being immaculate, you suddenly begin wiping down the counters...

You carry on for a few minutes before Ford finally emerges from the bathroom once more, redressed in his pants and button-up shirt, but without his coat, and he didn't bother buttoning up the shirt, leaving his chest exposed, which would normally be an immediately sexy gesture coming from him, but from the deep look of shame on his face, it's clear he just forgot to do it in his haste. "Dear, please, I can explain..."

Oh, you were sure he -could- explain. But he didn't really look like he cared to. So you absolve him right away, as any good wife would. It was weird, but it wasn't like he was cheating or anything actually important, after all. "Ford. You don't have to explain -anything- to me if you don't want to. Not a damn thing. If you care to volunteer an explanation though, well... I'm listening, dear. But I'm not judging you..." You really didn't -get it-, but, you weren't judging him, at least. It was definitely odd but not the worst thing to have a weird secret fetish for, and you'd known all along that Ford had to be hiding at least ONE...

Ford doesn't seem to agree with you, at least not just yet. "I... I know it's really weird! I know it's awfully deviant, but, I promise, it's an involuntary reaction! I don't know why but whenever I have to clean inside my ears it always makes me hard! I tried just cleaning my ears with a washcloth in the bath before but it wasn't enough, after a while I start to feel like my ears are building up with wax deep inside where the washcloth can't reach and it drives me INSANE! B-But... When I use the q-tip, deep enough inside my ear... That reaction just starts happening! That's why I always do it alone, and... It's why I asked you to do it in the bathroom too. I couldn't stand seeing you do that out in the open..."

"Oh..." You reply a little dumbly. It all makes perfect sense. It's still awkward as hell, but it makes perfect sense. Eventually you smile at him... But you're biting your bottom lip, to keep that smile from getting too wide. "It's okay, dear. I understand..." Kind of, for the most part... "If it's involuntary you can't help it, after all..."

A short but heavy silence settles between husband and wife. Then you suddenly blurt out, "Want... Uh, want me to... Help you clean the other ear...?" You let yourself grin then, and promptly explain before his jaw hits the floor. "I mean, if you want! If it's something you prefer to do by yourself, I understand! But I promise I know how to be careful, been cleaning my own ears for years and never had an accident. And, just saying, the kids won't be home from school for another few hours..."

Oh, he's tempted. He's awfully, awfully tempted. Normally he'd hesitate... But from how quickly his erection started to perk back up at the suggestion, it's clear he's not going to turn down your offer, even if he doesn't have the courage to outright accept it just yet.

Under the cover of his stupefied state, you suddenly walk over into his personal space. "Come on, Ford... I've heard certain businessmen pay good money for something like this..."

You had in fact heard of that before, although you never really got it until now. And Ford in fact had heard of that all too, and had almost once considered seeking out the service himself, except for his embarrassing issue... So he's more than tempted. He's aware this is a rare opportunity, and he's far too curious a man not to try it when his trusted wife is the one offering.

He nods just once. You order him, "Get in the bed... I'll be right back."

Oddly excited about this, you rush to the bathroom to get the q-tips. You don't expect to get much of anything out of it yourself, but it's a rush to be able to give Ford something he's always wanted, that he can't really ask anyone else for...

When you return from the bathroom, you find Ford obediently waiting on the bed, his hands awkwardly clasped over his stomach and staring up at the ceiling. When he sees you come back in, with the q-tips peeking out of the middle of your closed fist, his eyes go a little wider, and his cheeks much redder.

Putting the cotton sticks on the nightstand, you then stare down at him, hands on your hips. "Well? On your side. I'll be on top of you tonight, dear..."

That uncommon suggestion already has him about to break out into a sweat. Generally speaking, you usually prefer your man to be on top in bed, to take control and give you pleasure. But tonight it seems the roles will be reversed...

He takes your suggestion, and rolls onto his side with his back to you, exposing the ear he hasn't worked on yet. "Just... Please be careful, dear. I trust you, but..."

But... He's still nervous. Virginal. Oh god it's so weirdly cute to see him act like that...

Crawling into the bed behind him, you prop yourself up with an elbow and take one of the q-tips from the nightstand. "Don't worry, my love. You know I'll be gentle with you..." You smile very widely telling him, before placing one warm hand on his forehead and pressing down just enough to keep him still during the procedure. Can't have him involuntarily jerking or jumping around during something like this, after all.

A moan has already escaped his mouth, just feeling you hold him down like that. The pressure is enough to keep him still, but not enough to be uncomfortable or cause him any pain. "I'm about to put it in, dear..." You inform him, grinning to yourself at how familiar that phrase seems...

He doesn't respond verbally. He's waiting, tensely, for you to hurry up and begin...

Kissing the corner of his eye, you very slowly and carefully begin rubbing the cotton tip around the outer rim of his ear, around the opening, but not quite yet inserting the tip. You're easing him, but you have to be honest, you're also teasing him, just as he's done to you before...

He recognizes as much and immediately implores you, his voice already starting to shake. "D-Dear... K-Keep going, please..."

You bite your lip with a canine tooth. Oh this is too much fun. "Hee... Do you like having me be on top of you, dear... Well, get ready now... I'm going to put it in now..."

A strong shudder rolls up and down his spine. You hold him down just a little firmer, and very, very carefully begin to slowly swirl the cotton tip around the opening of the doctor's extra-sensitive ear...

"A-AH! Oh, mmm, dear...!" He groans, pressing his cheek harder to the pillow. The crotch of his pants, left unbuttoned, is starting to stretch out...

"Mmm, like that...?" You inquire calmly and quietly, rolling the stick between your thumb and index finger. "Does it get you hot, me being inside of you..."

"U-Unghh-!" Is his only reply, other than the slight grinding of teeth. Another thing this man would never do, but he's too wrapped up in the overwhelming pleasure to notice or care.

You roll the tip around the small orifice a few more times, until you've collected as much of the wax as possible. Then you quickly repeat the action with the other side of the stick, cleaning the remainder. Technically your job is done now...

But the fun has just begun...

Carelessly throwing the soiled stick over your shoulder (you'll toss it away properly later of course but to hell with it right now) you lean down, pressing your lips to your husband's earlobe. You also sling an arm over his arm and chest, and your leg over his hips and thighs, hooking your knee around him and searching around with your foot until your toes find the protruding bulge in his pants...

He gasps raggedly as you begin to stroke him through his pants and undergarments, pulling the zipper down with your toes to give his cock more room to stretch out. Normally he'd probably complain about potential foot germs, even though he knows you get pedicures regularly, but at the moment it's the furthest thing from his mind. Especially when you combine the added distraction your fingers provide when you start rubbing and lightly pinching his nipples with your fingers.

"O-Ooh, my love-!" He responds to your playful domination, shuddering in your embrace, but never struggling. Never questioning it. "Y-You're amazing, dear, please don't stop...!"

Of course not. You'd sooner let the cows trample your whole house down than stop what you're doing right now...

You pull his earlobe in past your lips, nibbling lightly and suckling on the springy-soft flesh. Then you curl your toes underneath Ford's erection, squeezing and cradling his testicles. Your other hand slides underneath his chest and hooks around, taking the other nipple between your fingers too.

"You look so sexy like this, Ford..." You inform him, blowing lightly on the earlobe you've made wet with a thin layer of your saliva. Another thing Ford might complain about normally, if he wasn't currently so busy being a shameless slut, rolling his hips up against your foot encouragingly.

"F-Fuck-!" Your husband very unexpectedly curses, and that's when you really know just how much he's getting into this. It sends a thrill up your spine, and coils knots in your belly. "You're the sexy one and you know it, you minx-!"

You giggle your agreement into his ear. "Well, you're not wrong... But you're also not cumming in your pants, so shut up and focus on that now, my love~"

He groans very loudly hearing those scandalously honest words, and again, even louder still, when you suddenly latch your mouth to his neck, almost vampire-like, and kiss and suck on his flesh until you've left several dark bruises. Good thing Brad gave him a small collection of scarves and handkerchiefs as a very practical anniversary gift a few years ago...

Then you slide your over leg and foot underneath him and hook it around him too, using both feet now to stroke and rub his cock, now so hard it's almost less like flesh and more like a crisp cucumber from your garden. Oh god. Yer gonna have a hard time working with those various other phallic fruits and veggies tomorrow...

But it's worth it, to be giving him a much harder time right now. He's struggling and jerking but in no way trying to get away. He doesn't seem to know what to say at first, because he's secretly resisting the urge to curse again. No no, that one slip up just now was already one time too many, he knows he ought to think of something more dignified to say. And of course he eventually thinks of the perfect thing. "Oh god... Dear, I love you...! I love you, I love you, I love you so much...!" His voice keeps getting more and more strained with each repetition...

"I love you too, more and more every day..." You immediately return to him, and of course you know he knows that you truly mean it, despite all his ever so odd and many quirks, like the one you just discovered...

Nothing more needs to be said now, he focuses only on what you're making him feel now. He's breathing hard and uneven, his ragged breath almost sounding like a sob a couple of times. He arches back against you and exhales with a choked-back cry, and all of the pressure you've built in him comes spurting forth from where his cock is peeking past the waistband of his underwear. Just at the last minute you pull your toes under his erection so it doesn't get on your feet, but instead mostly on his stomach and chest. Just a little bit gets on one of your fingertips, still grasping his nipples. You absentmindedly lick the little droplet away, and pull off his shirt before leading him to lay down on his back again, using his shirt to clean him up a bit. He watches you do it all wordlessly, both too cathartic and tired from that amazingly weird lovemaking to comment, and too amazed with you personally. What did he do to deserve you, he wonders for the ten thousandth time, probably...

"To... The bath... Darling...?" He finally manages to gasp as you toss his shirt close enough to a nearby hamper.

"Sounds wonderful, darling~" You chirp back as he practically purrs like a kitten...

After a few more lungfuls of breath, the two of you walk hand in hand back to the bathroom. You turn on the shower tap and step inside together, running your hands across each other's bodies to clean them, and kissing open mouthed, tongues dancing. Ford's movements are slow and sluggish, though. He's weak on his knees. Before he can start apologizing about it though, you smile against your kiss, and drag that smile over to his ear. You hiss, "Don't worry about me tonight dear, you just get clean and then take a nice nap before the kids get home... But on your next day off, we're gonna focus on me, okay? So, you know..." You pull back so he can see and not just feel your devilish smile. "Bring home some -gloves- from work again, hmm~?" And you give him a big ol' wink.

A strong shiver goes through Ford, but he secretly feels a little guilty. You know what he's thinking. Can he really consider that a reward for you, when he's going to enjoy it so much...?

As immensely as you enjoy every moment with him... That's reward enough in and of itself.

But you know your husband can be quite the giver, too~

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