A/N: I have no excuses for updating this late - like, I'm not even that great of a student, to be honest, what was I doing with all my time? Anyways, I offer you SasuXNaruXSasu fluff in return for your continued readership.
Love, K.M.
Who's On Top?
"Ah, God bless us lesbians," whispered the librarian, as she checked out a ninja girl with bright red hair and a barely zipped-up lilac shirt near the medical reference section, "And God bless them gay boys. Amen."
Konohamaru, upon hearing these whisperings, decided that today was not the day to check out the complete DVD set of Boys Over Flowers. He backed his way out of the building quickly, but not before he heard his ex-boss's voice drift down from many floors above.
"B-But Sasuke, I don't think I can bend like that!" yelped Naruto, pointing at the centerfold of the giant book of archived gay magazines that the Sharingan user was leafing through. It depicted a slender man bent straight over the arm of a fancy purple velvet armchair with his arms pinned to his lower back by another man not in the frame. He wore nothing but smudged black eyeliner and was giving the camera a hungry look.
"I would never ask you to bend in that way, anyway, stupid," Sasuke replied automatically, instinctively trying to put down the blond."Also what would be the point?" he said, tilting the book sideways, "In this sort of position, the guy pinning this model down wouldn't be able to see his face. What's the point of doing this kind of thing if I can't even see your face? Unless you were to… I guess, uncomfortably look over your shoulder or something…"
"Yeah, that looks like it would be a bit uncomfortable," commented the blond, as usual, missing the subtle slight at the beginning.
It took them both a good ten seconds (during which Sasuke replaced the book on its designated shelf) to contextually realize what they had just said.
"Or any other way!" Sasuke blurted out, balling his hands into fists by his sides in defense, "I wouldn't want you in any way! Who wants to even see your dumb face?"
"Well even if you asked, I wouldn't!" Naruto blurted right back, waving his hands in a vaguely negative gesture, but he kept nervously glancing back at the book.
Sasuke glared at his shifty-eyed friend suspiciously, eyes squinting narrower and narrower, while the Naruto's own eyes frantically widened to the size of dinner plates.
"WHY DON'T WE JUST READ THIS, UHHHH, DICTIONARY?" he cried, breaking the tension by turning 180 degrees, selecting a random book, and shoving it in Sasuke's hands.
"This isn't a dictionary! It says 'Yaoi' on it! It's also a manga!" yelled Sasuke.
Sasuke was not really sure why he was yelling, but yelling at the blond was a far better option, in his opinion, than examining the weird constriction that had appeared in his chest when Naruto's fingers touched his own when he had handed him the book.
Was this just some hormonal thing? He got through hearing Karin's extremely vocal, weekly masturbation sessions in the apartment next door and felt nothing! Now Naruto grazes his fingers, light as a moth, and he starts 'feeling' things? The dobe's got some nerve eliciting such responses, how dare he!?
"Yaoi could mean 'Dictionary' in gay for all you know! And my old genjutsu manual was a graphic novel, I'll have you know," Naruto retorted, inwardly acknowledging that he sounded like a real idiot, (although he made sure his voice sounded as confident as possible). He wasn't really focusing on his words anyway; he really wanted to touch Sasuke again.
No, punch Sasuke.
Lightly, with his fingers, brushing his face?
Argh! He wanted to punch Sasuke for making him not want to punch Sasuke! What did he do, shoot an electric impulse down his fingers when they brushed together that made him feel... feelings? Could he even do that? Was that even a possible thing? Should he touch him again and see?
"Naruto, 'gay' isn't a whole other language, it's just a sub-culture. And your manga-manual is probably the reason why you can't tell your ass from your nose once you're stuck in an illusion!" tried Sasuke, glaring at Naruto's headband instead of his stupidly handsome blue eyes, once again futilely trying to continue their fight.
"...Nuh-uh!" said Naruto, not even attempting to meet Sasuke's eyes anymore, as he examined his own treacherous hand that was creeping closer and closer to Sasuke's.
How bad could a chidori through the chest be anyway?
"Oh, what the fuck?!" said Sasuke, growing tired of this dumb (even by their standards) argument. He tucked the stupid manga under his left arm, and grabbed Naruto's outstretched hand with his right hand, trying not to think about how warm and right it felt to touch him.
He led them both to a sofa and sat down, Naruto following blindly, staring at Sasuke's blue-black hair. He was doing the electric thing again, his whole arm felt hot, but he didn't even look like he knew that he was doing it! What the hell kind of next level jutsu was this?
"Let's just read this damn... whatever it is..." muttered Sasuke.
Propping the novel up in between their two laps, the boys began reading Naruto's selection, each holding onto the edge of their novel's respective side. They tried really hard not to think about whether or not their interior hands were currently linked together.
The book wasn't a dictionary, (obviously) but Sasuke wasn't sure if it was actually more informational than any dictionary could have been.
They left the library without checking out a single item. They didn't speak to each other on the way back, or at least, they didn't speak to each other about their weird morning, or the manga. They spoke about training, and the new garden Sasuke was growing, the latest mission they'd been on, and these cats that kept harassing Naruto with a whole bunch of 'strange questions' (that sounded suspiciously like Nekobaa's latest attempts at meddling in Sasuke's life).
And then before they knew it, Sasuke was asleep on Naruto's couch for the third night in a row.
Naruto didn't have any dreams and slept like a log, while Sasuke had a dream that he was back at the academy and the librarian girl had handed him a quiz of gay terminology. He had copied all the answers of off Naruto who ended up received a C+.
He woke up right before he received his own mark.
Had someone told Mikoto Uchiha that she would one day see the Fourth Hokage, aim a rasengan at her eldest son with a killing intent, she would have laughed. No, no, Itachi loved the Hokages and the Hokages loved him. Why would any Hokage attack the boy who loved the Konoha village more than anything in the whole wide world?
Well, anything in the world except Sasuke.
Oh.
"Face it, Hokage-sama," spirit-Itachi sing-songed, as he artfully dodged a barrage of spirit-Minato's shuriken, "The facts are laid out in front of you~"
The normally calm man scowled. "There is no way, and I mean absolutely no way in the whole entire world, that your girly little brother could top my handsome, powerful, confident young man. And I mean no way!"
"Hokage-sama, does it really matter all that much anyway? I mean, I understand that certain people commented on the feminine visage of your younger self, but there is no need to project such insecurities on your own son. Whoops!~"
Itachi almost didn't swerve fast enough to dodge that last one.
But then again.
It's not like it mattered at this point, anyhow.
"Curse you, Itachi!" cried the Fourth, clutching his blonde hair in frustration. Maybe if he were more manly, then Naruto wouldn't have to be topped by the emotionally-stunted Uchiha? "No," he cried, shaking his head side to side, but it was too late; the idea had taken root.
Itachi laughed softly. Although the Fourth had some great points in favor of NARUsasu, they were no match for the late twenty year old's manipulation tactics in favour of SASUnaru. Secretly though, he too thought that Naruto would top in their relationship; he was only defending Sasuke because he was his brother.
As if his Otouto would ever be physical enough to start anything. The boy hadn't even realized that he was sexually attractive until his late teens; when was he going to start seeing himself in a sexual way, his thirties? Naruto, on the other hand, wouldn't need time to sort himself out like that; he would seize and act. Wouldn't even stop till Otouto passed out (or smacked him).
Itachi was just being a little shit.
What? He was only twenty for God's sakes; and he hadn't even really 'lived out' his teenage years as a normal individual. He was supposed to be insolent sometimes, and it's not like he really upset anyone with his antics, right?
"I'm so sorry, Naruto-kun! Please forgive your old man! I was just joking when I apologized for being late to the Final Battle, but I am really seriously sorry now!" Minato screamed.
Or not.
Shrugging, the young man floated away and went to go find Shisui.
"God bless your child, Mikoto, God bless him," giggled Kushina Uzumaki as she sat atop a white cloud with her friend. "Say, Fugaku," she called suddenly to the spirit resting face-down on a cloud some meters above them. "What do you think of all of this?"
"Hm?" The ex-clan head flipped onto his back and pondered briefly. "I think," he started gravely, "That I would rather literally eat a bag of rocks, as opposed to think about my son's sex life."
Kushina merely pouted, Mikoto looked shocked, and Fugaku winced. This Uzumaki woman was really something. "Humour me," the redhead insisted.
"I guess if no bag of rocks were available, however, I would venture a guess that my son would take a more dominant role in their relationship. Just based on the rhythm their interactions follow. Naruto is a gifted leader of the people; however Sasuke gives him logic and sense that Naruto follows in his personal life. That is all.'
With that, he floated away from the annoying wives. He too went to go find his ex-clans-members.
It was only after the man had floated a good hundred metres away that Kushina began giggling again. Mikoto laughed awkwardly. "Kushina, please," she tried, "You don't have to tell me about how you think Naruto will t-"
Kushina's giggling erupted into full blown laughter. "Oh no, Mikoto, oh no. You see, I fully believe that Sasuke will 'take the wheel' in the bedroom. It would definitely be more logical and natural for them. I think Sasuke would make my little boy feel desirable, I mean Sasuke is the most desirable man ever!... Of this time period, I mean (Is Minato even listening?) Anyways, Naruto's always wanted Sasuke's everything, to be Sasuke's everything; finally being the center of his attention like that would be perfect! They could make eye contact all the way through their climaxes, and Sasuke could spoon him around afterwards. Naruto would love that! Somebody needs to spoon Naruto!"
Mikoto heard a distant wailing in the background. At this point, it was a familiar wailing.
"Oh great, not only is Naruto going to be topped, he's also going to be the little spoon? Why? WHY?"
Mikoto Uchiha smiled, at a complete and utter loss for words.
A/N: If you actually read through and enjoyed this late pile of crap, then let me know with a quick review :) I'll be better with updates, I promise!
Love, K.M.
UPDATE: This chapter has been edited!