A/N: I was so delighted that even after all of this time, some of you lovelies still decided to take a look at this crack-y, ridiculous, old thing. I love you! Enjoy~ K.M.

The Final Part. Extra long to keep you satisfied (=^w^=)~

Who's On Top?

Back in Sunagakure, Gaara was just being hit with all of the memories that his clone had experienced. He felt his breathing start to quicken in pace, and placed his hand over his forehead to feel for his own temperature. He closed his eyes as shivers wracked through his body, and sat down heavily in his chair. What a bizarre...

Unfortunately, that was how his two siblings burst in on him. Gaara scrambled to school his features into a more regular appearance, but he almost slipped out of his chair, damned silky Kazekage robes, and couldn't quite even out his breathing in time.

"Is that a nose bleed?" asked Kankuro, lifting his finger accusingly.

"Where are the Leaf ninja?" Temari wondered, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "They aren't here either."

"Mmfrhmph," Gaara replied emphatically.

The two elder sand siblings looked at one another, and then looked at Gaara. The redhead cleared his throat with some true difficulty and re-seated himself.

"Excuse me... To answer your questions respectively; yes, but I'm fine, and Lady Tsunade promised that they are on their way, so we should be fine on that front as well," their esteemed Kazekage mumbled out in a whisper voice.

He shook his head a few times and abruptly stood up.

"If at all possible, do you think you two could cover for me for some time? I think... I should rest for a short while. On a... bed... Alone." Gaara awkwardly made his way out of his office, not meeting the eyes of his stunned siblings.

There was a spare room located for his private use for such a time as when the Kazekage was desperately needed in the main building (but when the Kazekage, also, desperately required some temporary rest). It had rarely been used thus far, and only when Temari or Kankuro cajoled and pleaded for Gaara to at least collect himself during long days of negotiations.

The Kazekage had never voluntarily visited the room before, however.

Temari and Kankuro stuck their heads out into the hallway through which Gaara was making his way. Their youngest sibling bumped his knee on a potted plant and smacked his elbow into a wall when he reached into a pocket to pull out a key for the room. He sighed all too wearily for a leader during the supposed 'Most Peaceful Era of Sunagakure,' as he turned the key and entered the small room.

Kankuro placed his left fist under his chin in an inquisitive look. "Do you think he's going to masturbate?"

Temari smacked him upside the head, but it was more perfunctory than anything else. Most of her mind was occupied wondering just what the hell had happened in Konoha.

In Konoha, the sun was almost setting; its rays burned dark orange late in the evening sky when Naruto's apartment got a call from the Hokage's office. Naruto groaned from where he was doing push ups in the living room, as Sasuke sat on his back reading aloud from a genjutsu scroll.

"Phone for you," Sasuke stated, uncrossing his legs and lowering them to the floor, about to get off of Naruto, "I'll bring it here."

"Uh... Can you take it?" Naruto asked in a shaky, embarrassed voice, "I still need to do more push-ups."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the back of the blond's head and re-crossed his legs. "So you're still hard then?" he accused

Naruto collapsed with a groan and a nod, and Sasuke awkwardly rolled off of him and onto his back on the floor beside him. He scoffed.

"I'm sorry, okay? I know that this is weird; I get it, I swear to God," Naruto whined some more, face-planted into the carpet., "But you're just going to have to deal with the fact that I am going to be very hard, for very long times, during the near foreseeable future, especially when I'm with you."

Sasuke scoffed again but was very secretly pleased. He coughed to hide what was sure to be the grin in his voice.

"I should take you to your doctor," he threatened.

Naruto protested by beating his legs against the floor and Sasuke sighed. He rolled over to continue reading his scroll on his stomach, shaking his head side to side at the blond's antics and letting the phone call go to voicemail. If it was something important, they'd get a courier bird after all.

As Naruto finally got back up into push-up position with a resigned sigh, Sasuke unraveled the next section of the scroll and shook his head.

What was he going to do with this moron who was somehow still erect?

A few hours ago, when Naruto had come out of the bathroom just after Sasuke had prepared lunch, the man had been flaccid; you know, like a normal person in the middle of the day.

However, in the span that it had taken Sasuke to set the table and get out their chopsticks, Naruto was somehow hard.

Of course, Sasuke had helped him get off like a good boyfriend, despite being completely bewildered. Had it been all the bending he had been doing gathering the things he needed? The sweating over the stove? Well, their last round had been at daybreak, so Sasuke had figured that it was (just barely) acceptable timing for another go.

However, right after their lunch, when he was clearing their plates, Naruto was unbelievably hard again! They hadn't even had ramen! (Which Sasuke secretly suspected turned him on just a little).

Sasuke had told him to work it off using some physical self-restraint because there was no way he could let the future Hokage leave the apartment popping boners left and right with a four minute refractory period.

So for the past two hours Naruto had done push-ups, while Sasuke glared at him from his perch on his back.

The phone finally went to voicemail and Naruto abruptly sat up. He reached down and grabbed his boyfriend's face in his hands.

"How would that even work!" he yelled, but Sasuke had no idea what he was talking about so couldn't answer.

As expected, Naruto continued "My doctor's Sakura, you know that right!? What exactly am I supposed to even say to her? 'Oh, so it seems like my boner for Sasuke - you know, Sasuke! The guy you liked too! - well, my boner for him just isn't going away! I've came three times in the past day, but all I need to do is think about that asshole's stupid fucking smile, or the smell of his skin, or feel his heat near me and I am hard. all. over. again."

Sasuke pushed himself up on his palms and pressed his hands over Naruto's on his face. He reached forward and kissed Naruto's forehead. "I'm sorry," he said without a single iota of apology in his tone, wrapping his arms around his lover.

"Why are you trying not to smile then?" Naruto pouted, but returned the hug for several long minutes anyways. Sasuke felt his heart flutter; Naruto was so good to him even when he provoked him and he felt sick with how much he wanted the giant dork in his arms.

"You know," Naruto suddenly started again, but this time in amore confident voice, shifting slightly out of the hug, "You should really be celebrating me. Just imagine how long I could go for when I start fucking you?"

Sasuke withdrew slightly as well, meeting Naruto's lustful eyes with a cocked eyebrow. "True, but when I actually get my hands on you, you seem to come pretty fast... Do you plan on fucking me for two minutes, cumming, taking a minute break to get hard, and then fucking me again? Would that even feel good?" he teased.

Naruto blushed but tried to scowl too, in that way too cute way of his, saying "I'll get better at that too, you know! Rude! Once you cum once you're ready to sleep, anyways! You... you've no stamina either! What if you fell asleep in the middle of doing me?"

Sasuke pinched one of Naruto's scarred cheeks between his fingers and squeezed until it was pink.

"Hey! I-Mh!" Naruto's protests were cut off as Sasuke pressed his lips against his, edging his tongue into Naruto's open mouth. Sasuke smiled into the kiss and Naruto suddenly forgot what he was going to say. His tongue met Sasuke's and pressed, he moaned as Sasuke twisted his fingers in the hair growing long on the back of his neck (which definitely wasn't a kink, shut up) and traced lines up his back.

Sasuke broke the kiss and rested his forehead against the other's.

"Yeah, I know, we'll both probably suck at this a little," he stated blankly, but he snorted a few seconds after, "Maybe we should go read some of Kakashi's books."

Naruto laughed his sunshine laugh in response, and smiled a little wildly. It looked a little distorted this close up - eyes too big, nose squished into Sasuke's own nose, smile too wide - but seeing it made him so overcome with affection that he suddenly couldn't help but bite Naruto's nose before he could think it through.

Naruto didn't seem to mind; he reached out to rest his hand behind Sasuke's neck, pulling him closer.

"Hey, do you remember when our genin teams were assigned a million years ago, and I got on that desk to yell at you... and we kissed?" he said.

For not the first time, Sasuke wondered how Naruto's brain worked, coming up with all these disconnected thoughts. He coolly raised one condescending eyebrow, and spoke as though he had not just bit Naruto a few seconds ago in an act of cute-aggression, "Yeah, I remember. What a dead last thing to do."

Naruto stuck his tongue out, "Oh wow, like you were so suave in your white shorts and arm warmers; and you knew I was obviously pushed!"

But Sasuke suddenly looked genuinely surprised and his eyes widened. "What. You were?" he asked, pulling back from Naruto.

Naruto pulled back too and gave him a long searching look, trying to to see if he was being sarcastic.

He wasn't.

Well, it wasn't like he or anybody else had ever told him what had happened, like explicitly, but Naruto had just figured that he had known. Because if he had thought that Naruto had randomly decided to kiss him, shouldn't he have been more upset at the time? Weirded out? Shouldn't he have joined the fangirls in beating him up?

Naruto clonked their heads back together again, ignoring Sasuke's whispered, "Gently, Naruto..."

"I mean, I wasn't just trying to plant one on you in the middle of the afternoon...In front of all your fangirls... Even if that had been my desire, which it totally wasn't, you huge dick," he said, trailing off towards the end.

Sasuke snorted, "Scared of pre-teen girls. Nice."

Naruto, head-butted him lightly, "Okay, anyways, when we were up close, I kinda noticed that your nose was a little crooked."

"Thanks," Sasuke dead-panned.

"Shut up! I just-, I-I dunno, I thought it was cute. I mean, your whole face was really handsome, even all the guys knew that-, but I don't know, I've been thinking about your imperceptibly crooked nose for a long time is what I'm trying to say... Never thought I'd get to see it again, you know... It's still a little crooked, but your still so handsome so, I don't-, it just feels like that tiny imperfection; it's charming and since I know you've never kissed anyone else, even accidentally, I like to think it's my little secret," he rambled, pressing forward more so that their shoulders touched too.

Sasuke hummed low in his throat, before responding, "I guess that was pretty romantic, if you wanted to be a shoujo manga protagonist or a rom-com star..." But he began pressing little kisses across Naruto's face until he started laughing so Naruto knew that he was secretly elated. Sasuke thought he was so subtle and mysterious but he could read him like a ramen menu.

"Hey!" Naruto scrunched his nose after Sasuke pulled back from his final kiss to his chin, but his lips were trembling holding back a smile, "But that was genuine? Don't lump me in with those generic dudes like that! I'm a manly men! A chibi!seme right?"

Sasuke burst out into laughter, and Naruto joined him.

After they settled back face-to-face, shoulder-to-shoulder again, this time it was Sasuke's turn to start. "Ah, but I've loved you since long before that though," he said quietly.

Naruto startled at his words; not conscious of how his throat constricted and his eyes burned, "No! What? I didn't s-... And how? You couldn't have known what... What that even was then, when you were just a kid," he managed to force out.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, sending little vibrations through Naruto's body from where they were pressed together; Naruto felt them run down to his toes and wiggled them a little until Sasuke sighed.

"Well, fine, I was obsessively watching you since long before that; loving you in what ever dumb way screwed-up kids like me could love," Sasuke admitted.

Naruto nodded. "Oh...Okay, if it's like that, then maybe me too..." he trailed off.

They sat in silence, pressed into each other for who knew how long. Naruto almost felt like he was meditating in Sage form; but it felt different at the same time - warmer, freer.

He felt Sasuke's tears before he saw them, dripping hot and wet against his face. "Hey, it's okay," he said automatically, bringing a hand up to brush against his dark eyes. He really hadn't been joking when he had told Sasuke that when Sasuke hurt, he hurt too.

"Don't say that when you're crying too, Naruto," Sasuke scolded, interlacing the fingers of the hand against with one of his own and pressing them to his lips.

Naruto brought his free hand up to his own face, and found it to be wet with tears too.

"I didn't know," he said, softly.

"But you noticed that I was?"

"...Of course."

"When documenting same-sex relationships, whose family name do we file it under, again?" an old chuunin wondered aloud, shifting through stacks of papers, "This can't be that unprecedented a phenomena! It's 2028! Is it the older one? The highest ranking? The tallest?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Not this again," he groaned.

The chuunin had long white hair tied into a neat bun and glasses on his face; he had been working in the records office for several decades - through Kakashi's ascension and Naruto's too - but he was just a little nerve-wracked at being approached by both the Hokage and the ANBU chief, in the flesh.

He 'eep'ed at Sasuke's disgruntled tone and scuttled further back in his chair, trembling like a leaf.

With a deep sigh, Sasuke wondered if people in the village would ever stop giving him these sorts of reactions. He hadn't been on active duty for several months (what with planning the wedding, and being disgustingly romantic with Naruto, etc.,) and Sakura had swore that love had made him 'soft and squishy.'

"I am so sorry, sirs!" the chuunin cried, looking a little like he was going to wet himself.

Perhaps Sakura had lied, and love had been unable to change Sasuke from being 'hard and rock-like' as usual.

"Actually... Uh," Naruto scratched the back of his head, blushing far too cutely for a damn head of state.

"You don't need to look for anything like that," Sasuke continued, "I am the last Uchiha, and I'd like to keep it that way. .. And this guy isn't even really an Uzumaki, don't let the jinchuuriki business fool you; he's blond, and that's instant Uzumaki-disqualification."

"Hey!"

"Listen, I don't make the rules; ask Karin... Anyways, we're starting a new lineage, so you'll need to start a fresh bookkeeping file."

The chuunin looked a little relieved to be given a task that he knew how to do. He retrieved a blank book, and his finest black brush, but then looked puzzled again. "Uchimaki? Uzuha? Uchimakiha? Uzuhamaki? Uzumakiha? Uchihamaki?" he started listing off combinations, getting ever more confused.

"Stop, please!" Naruto cried. He looked a little dizzy just hearing all of those nonsense words out loud. "That''s ridiculous! Why would we do that? That's like if we named our kid Nasuke or something! Why much we rearrange syllables like this to create meaningless names?"

Sasuke gave a nod, "Uchiha-Uzumaki shall suffice, for now."

Naruto nodded too. But then he gave a little grin and looked at Sasuke, "Or is it Uzumaki-Uchiha?"

A/N: So, it's really done! Even though this is a Naruto fic, I didn't actually get to write as much Naruto as I would have liked, and he's my favorite! Lol. I'm sorry that this turned a little dramatic in the middle, but you can't have this pairing without a little bit of angst and redemption, I say.

Please check out my other works if you'd like, they will all be updated in the very very near future; plus a whole lot of new stuff!

As well, if it's not too much trouble, leave me a review with your thoughts about the fic! I will see you soon!

Love, K.M.