(A/N: Hey all!I took extra long on this chappie! Enjoy!)
"July?" Haruhi gaped, "How can it be July?"
"It's only February Third!" Tamaki cried, "Early spring!"
"How th' HELL could it jump from bein' early spring to th' middle of summer?" the twins yelled.
Akane squeezed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears, a vein pulsing in her temple from the raging hangover brought on by last night's drinking contest.
She wanted to grab the statuary of the end table and beat them unconscious and end the trumpeting stampede of elephants rampaging through her skull…
…but that impulse soon passed when she realized that if they continued in this vein, they'd rouse her brothers.
"Fun, Funner, Funnest." She thought happily through the throbbing pain, withholding a sadistic smirk.
Without giving them any sort of answer, she switched herself of the sofa and strode out of the living room and into the kitchen, managing to keep the contents of her stomach exactly where they belonged.
"Excuse me." Kyoya said coolly, "Where are you going?"
"WHAT'S GOING ON?" Hunny cried, clinging to Mori, "I'M SCARED!"
"…" Mori said nothing but hefted his cousin onto his back.
"SHUT UP!"
-fyunn-
-THWOK-
"WAAAAAAAUGH! WHY ALWAYS ME?" Tamaki howled, clutching the area of his skull the unopened can of Kirin had smashed into (…O.O…he's still alive?)
The rest of the Host Club whirled around to see a very irked Kazuo, a truly ticked Takaomi, a surly Suo with sobbing son in arm, and a infuriated Mannen.
"YOU WOKE AKI!" Suo roared, "I'LL NEVER GET HIM BACK TA SLEEP!"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS YOU TARDS?" Takaomi bellowed.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!" Aki wailed.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, ASSHOLES?" Mannen snarled.
"SIX THIRTY IN TH' FUCKIN' MORNIN'!" Kazuo yelled, throwing his hands in the air.
In the kitchen, Akane smirked against the mouth of the ekiyabe bottle.
"Heh hehe!" Akane snickered through the disgusting tasting fluid.
After having their ears chewed off for thirty minutes and pacifying the bawling Aki by passing him to Akane (…O.O…surprise surprise) the Host club and the Fucked Up Five sat down to a VERY early breakfast...well...early for them.
"So you're saying that because of the different dimensions we're in different time zones?" Kyoya asked calmly, spreading marmalade on a piece of toast.
"Even though we're still in Japan?" Haruhi pressed.
"Mm-hm." Kazuo mumbled numbly, sloppily pouring coffee and scalding half of his hand.
"Basically…yee-yeah." Mannen grunted into his arms, waiting for the bacon to come his way.
"So ya better get used to th' change quick." Akane snapped, taking a large swig of mimosa as she fed Aki cut up bits of sausage, "Cuz yer stuck here fer a lonnnnnng time."
"Long time?" Hikaru choked, struggling to swallow a mouthful of pancake.
"How long is a 'long time' exactly?" Tamaki asked warily, setting down his tea.
"Suo gave me th' lowdown late last night so I could have my blow outnow rather th'n later." Akane growled, contorting her face in disgust, "I guess you DIDN'T here me trashin' over five mill worth of Suo's crap last night. To be blunt, yer stuck her fer two fuckin' months."
All at once, every member of the Ouran Host Club dropped their cutlery.
"God, somebody just shoot me now." Akane muttered, "Hey Aki? Can you shoot auntie now? Right between th' eyes so I don't hafta suffer?"
She looked directly at her nephew who apparently found this quite funny and began laughing through a mouthful of applesauce.
"Months?" Kaoru sputtered, ignoring the bits of egg dribbling down his shirt.
"Please, tell me she's joking?" Tamaki whispered.
"Why would I joke about somethin' I loathe, shit-fer-brains?" Akane drawled, playing with Aki's feet.
"Monkey's telling the truth." Suo sighed, setting down his fork ("Don't call me Monkey."), "I have to make several adjustments to ensure the landings aren't so sporadic and it will take awhile. To be truthful, two months was ony a rough guess. You could be trapped here as long as three or four."
"Tuh-riffic." Akane growled, shooting a poisonous glare across the table at Suo, "Fan-fuckin'-tastic. My life's gonna be hell for ex number of months cuz you and those Animanga luvin dips are obsessed."
Suo smirked.
"Forgive me sister dear."
"Fuck no." Akane snarled, sending him a glare that could kill lesser men, "I break th' damn thing, I destroy that hellish thing you dare t' call a remote and yet ya still won't quit. Wise ass bastard."
"If you forgive him, I'll take ya to that Gackt concert." Takaomi taunted.
Akne shot her brother a very torn look, which was replaced by a look of seraphic calm.
"Throw in skydiving lessons and ya've gotta deal." She said calmly.
"Deal." Mannen grinned.
Akane glanced coolly in Suo's direction.
"I forgive you…I guess." She muttered as she got to her feet, shooting daggers at the Host Club, who quickly looked away, as she stalked up the stairs.
"Two months?" Kaoru muttered, "With THAT?"
"This is a nightmare." Tamaki mumbled, "I wanna wake up now."
"Mori, I'm SCARED!" Hunny howled, diving for his taller cousin.
Haruhi accepted it, wondered if her dad would freak, and continued to eat her waffles before they drowned in syrup.
Mori said nothing, but offered his shorter cousin Bun-Bun.
Akane glared at the ceiling of her room.
She only had today to ready herself.
She had no earthly way of knowing what the theme of the shoot would be.
"Well this sucks." Akane sighed, staring at the ceiling, "…I need ta shoot somethin'. I should go to th' range."
-Later That Day…-
-DNNDONNN-
"Kazu! Get th' door wouldja?" Akane yelled, "I'm elbow deep in baby shit!" (true cuz she in the middle of changing Aki's diaper)
"Sure thing, Monkey." Kazuo grinned, strolling to the door.
"Unless you wanna eat baby turds, you'll knock that off right now!" Akane growled threateningly from the other room.
"Yes ma'am." Kazuo smirked, opening the door.
It was Hinode and Sora (what a surprise -rolls eyes-)
"Hi!" Sora smiled, glancing around, "Are they okay?"
"Physically, yes." Kazuo grinned, "Psychologically, I'm not so sure."
"Whaddya mean?" Hinode asked, looking a little worried.
"See for yerself." Takaomi chuckled, coming down the stairs, "They took th' news preeeetty hard."
"What news?" Sora asked, her voice raising in pitch.
Mannen came in from the kitchen, a can of juice in hand, and gestured to the den, a smirk on his face.
Now VERY concerned, the hurried into the den.
"HEEK!" Hinode and Sora shrieked.
The Host Club (well…most of them), were in a state of absolute depression.
"Two months…" Tamaki mumbled, staring listlessly at a wall, "Twooooo…monnnnnthssss…"
Hikaru and Kaoru weren't really talking, just babbling unintelligibly.
Hunny whimpered into Bun-Bun and rocked back and forth.
Mori and patted his cousin on the back, worried about his family member, but was really unmoved by the whole situation.
Kyoya and Haruhi sat on the sofa, reading books, totally unaffected.
"We need to get them girls and STAT!" Sora cried.
"Quick! Rally the troops!" Hinode yelled.
-Next Day…- (jeez, whadda skip!)
The Host Club's fallen member quickly recovered after the Otaku twins had dialed up an army of their brethren.
The afternoon had been relatively calm and while Akane had glare viciously at them and made sure they were in visual range when she cleaned her firearms, she never engaged them so long as Hinode and Sora were present.
Which was pretty much constantly.
Taking note of this, they made sure to never be out of their company as Akane's hair-trigger temper seemed set to go off at any second.
They couldn't imagine why (note the sarcasm)
There were a few instances when Sora and Hinode had to go to the bathroom and Akane managed to isolate members and beat the tar out them for a few minutes until they returned, eyes wide and filled with sympathetic tears for their bishounen idols.
But after the two had to leave for the evening, the gloves had come off and Akane had used them as moving targets until she had fallen asleep with her .425 Casull Taurus Raging Bull Revolver in hand.
Now it was ten a.m.; still way earlier than Akane usually roused herself, but she really had no choice.
Today was the day she made good on her bet with that Whore, Utako, the of the photoshoot and she had to be on site by one.
If there's one thing Akane's not, it's tardy to anything.
"Hey Monkey! Where're ya goin'?" Takaomi asked, bouncing Aki on his knees.
"Somewhere." Akane drawled, opening the door, "And if ya value yer life? Don't call me Monkey."
"Well, take our guests with you!" Mannen snickered, "Be a gracious hostes-!"
"I. Will NOT. Take those FREAKS. ANYWHERE!" Akane snarled, making indents in the door where she was gripping it too tightly.
"You'll do as your told or I'll melt your guns down for scrap." Suo said indifferently.
Akane heart skipped a beat.
"Rrrrr…FINE! Tell'em t' move it! I can't be late!" she snapped, stomping out the door.
"Oooo, bro, I'm gonna get you fer this one." Akane thought viciously as the Host Club dashed after her, "I'm gonna pull out all th' stops!"
Smirking to her self she sang softly:
"Just say you'll be they-air!" (see ch.14, Series 2)
"Huh…" Haruhi thought to herself, "Wonder what that was all about?"
"Where're we goin" Hikaru asked loudly.
"You'll see." Akane growled, "Ask me again and I'll take great pleasure in sewing yer lips shut."
Hikaru clapped both hands over his mouth.
Kaoru began to chuckle.
"So Chuckles thinks he an exception to th' rule?" Akane smirked venomously.
Kaoru shook his head violently: no.
"That's what I thought." Akane snickered, continuing on her way, "Just keep up and shut up."
"She so scary." Hunny whispered to Haruhi.
"Hold me!" Tamaki begged, holding out his arms.
"No." Haruhi said shrewdly.
"This looks as though it's shaping up to be another interesting day." Kyoya smirked.
Mori nodded in agreement.
"Definitely." The Hitachiin Twins grinned, "Sheesh, whadda livewire."
-Later…-
"Well, I'm surprised!" Utako sneered as Akane appeared on site at least an hour early, "Ready to be royally served?"
"Shut up, you miserable toad." Akane growled dismissively, "I'm tryna hear th' director."
Utako scowled in a disbelieving way, as though she couldn't believe Akane didn't see her as a threat, before turning to listen to the director.
"Alright girls!" he smiled, "As you can see, we have a beautiful tropical ambiance today. I know what your thinking: sultry beach beauties. But unfortunately, you'd be completely off base."
Looks of disbelief crossed four out of five models faces; Akane smirked.
Why the other four had chosen to ignore the gargantuan container covered in a white sheet behind him was anyone's guess.
"Today, you'll be posing as-!" He said, whipping the sheet off the massive container behind him.
"Oh wow!" one model breathed.
"No way!" another gasped.
"Amazing." The third whispered.
"You've got to be kidding me." Utako said in disbelief.
"I KNEW IT!" Akane laughed.
"-wildcats of the Amazon!" he declared as the big cats in the cages behind him paced around impatiently, "Each of you was given a number at random when you arrived on site. Take them out now please."
Reaching into their purses, and in Akane's case pockets, they dug out the slips.
"Number one? You'll be posing with and made up as the panther." The director (whom I'll now be referring to as Soubi) declared.
"Nice." The model (whom we'll call Yuiko) grinned.
"Number two? You're the graceful leopard." Soubi declared.
"Sweet." The next model (whom we'll call Ai) smirked.
"Number three? You're the endangered and oh so lovely, white Bengal tiger." Soubi smiled knowingly.
"How fitting." Akane snickered, "Tre' cool."
"Number four? You shall be the vivacious cheetah." Soubi called.
"Good." Utako said nervously, eyeing the rippling muscles beneath the fur, "Perfect match for me."
"You wish." Akane muttered.
"And number five? You are the elegant lioness." Soubi smiled.
"Thank you very much." The model (we'll call her Riku) grinned.
"Now everybody to makeup!" Soubi cried, clapping his hands, "We're shooting in three hours!"
"What's goin' on?" Hunny asked, eyes wide and innocent.
"They're being made up to look like jungle cats." Haruhi explained.
Haninozuka Mitsukuni's eyes glittered with excitement.
"They're dressin' up like KITTIES?" he squealed, throwing his arms into the air (almost losing Bun-Bun in the process), "I WANT TO TOO! I LOVE KITTIES! It'll be just like my Halloween costume!"
"Hunny…they're being 'Made' up." Kyoya corrected the short blonde, "Not "Dressing" up. Meaning their will undoubtedly be lots of airbrushing, make up and…hours of sitting still to deal with."
Hunny blanched.
Sit still? He could sit still for a second.
He was a veritable 4' 9" boiling pot of pure adrenaline and sugar.
And the make up? That was right out.
He could deal with a itty bitty bit on Halloween, but he knew Kyoya was talking pounds here.
He looked at the ground, defeated.
"Don't worry Hunny." Tamaki said reassuringly, "We'll get you a cat costume when we get back."
"Yay!" Hunny cried, instantly brightening.
"QUIET ON THE SET!" A voice boomed.
"Sorrrrry." The Twins replied unabashedly, sticking their tongues out in the direction the voice had emanated.
(A/N: And it's on! Who will win? The Panther? The Leopard?The Tiger? The Cheetah? Or the Lioness? R&R!)