(A/N: Hey all! Schools a bitch! I hate school! School sux! School sux! Schoooool sux! Want Summer vaca t' be here now! So I can spend more time with all of you! And now, on with the chappie!)
"Okay…time to remind myself WHY I'm followin' this freak again." Akane thought irascibly to herself as she continued to trudge behind a very chatty Colonel Hughes with a now sleeping Aki in tow.
When he had informed her that he was leaving for work, at first, Akane shrugged it off and didn't really think much of it.
After all, she'd been planning on vanishing without a traceanyway.
This just made it easier for her.
Plus, she would be able to set out and look for her family members and best friends that mush sooner.
It was a perfect situation…until a thought ran through her head at warp speed.
It was something she had forgotten to factor in until that very second.
Food.
She had no money on her person and even if she did, she highly doubted it would be accepted here.
Which led her to this conclusion:
"Animanga Freak equals free food fer Aki."Akane thought reasonably, starting to get a littlepeeved,"Food fer Aki equals non fussy toddler. And non fussy toddler equals less stress fer me…as if this wasn't already as taxin' as it could get."
This is what she had so tetchilythought as she rose, despite herself, to her feet and tapped his shoulder, while reminding herself to boil her fingertips later.
So now she trekked behind the Colonel, glowering sullenly, shooting daggers at anyone who ventured near her, as her nephew slept contentedly in her arms.
Colonel Hughes, on the other hand, was enthusiastic at showing the teen his work place and was even more surprised that someone her age would show any interest in his profession.
After all, she was a teenager.
And most teens wouldn't even begin to feign eve the slightest interest in what their elders did for a living.
So when she asked, he was more than happy to take her along, although he failed to notice the gnashing of teeth andpulsing vein in her jaw and neck as she did her best to control her hair trigger temper.
Knowing just at a glance that the girl was a foreigner, he began pointing out sites and giving out facts the he thought were interesting (not that Akane was paying any attention.)
They must have been walking for some twenty odd minutes, Hughes pointing out buildings nd chatting away, Akane not even pretending to be fascinated when they finally reached their destination.
"…and this is the Amestris State Military Building." Colonel Hughes said smilingly, looking a little proud, "My place of business!"
"Tuh-rific." Akane drawled as boredly as a kid who's been dragged to a box factory tour.
But apparently, Colonel Hughes mistook her boredom for enthusiasm as he threw open the doors…
…to unveil a scene of chaos the likes of which he'd never scene before.
A teenaged girl with purple hair was dangling from Alphonse Elric's neck as he ran around frantically trying to free himself of her grip.
Edward Elric was in a far worse situation, as not only was a teenaged girl with teal hair clinging to him, but Alex Louis Armstrong was clinging to her clinging to him and he was dragging the whole mess through the office, knocking things over as he frenetically tried to rid himself of the two.
A group of strange looking men, all foreigners by the look of it, were alternating being interrogated by Roy Mustang, trying to avoid being run over by the Elric brothers and, from what Colonel Hughes could tell, trying not too laugh.
"Dammit…those retards! Why can't they ever let it go?"
Colonel Hughes turned his head slightly as a very irked, very short, midnight blue haired teen stormed past him, teeth clenched, a vein pulsating in her temple.
"Miss Byakko?" he asked in surprise.
The girl he knew only by her streetname screeched to halt, turned and glared viciously at him, a torn look briefly flickering in her eyes as she forced her nephew into his arms.
"Drop him and die, freak." She snarled, turning on her heel.
In the space it takes to blink, she had ripped the teenaged leeches off the Elric brothers and had punched them booth across the back of the head.
"ITAI!" they squealed, eyes tearing as they clutched at their skulls.
"BAKARO!" 'Byakko' bellowed, making the two girls cringe, "DOUSHITA NO JIGOKU DESU?"
"Oh, hey Monkey." Suo said calmly, giving Akane a little wave from his place at Roy's desk.
-BWAK-
"DON'T CALL ME MONKEY YOU BUTT FUCKIN' SUNNAVABITCH!" Akane shrieked in English, driving her fist into Suo's jaw, sending him flying across the room, "THIS WHOLE FUCKIN' MESS IS YER FAULT IN TH' FIRST PLACE, ASS MASTER!"
Fatherly instincts taking over, Colonel Hughes covered Aki's ears with his hands; he didn't want such vulgar language to taint such a young mind.
"Um…okay." Roy said serenely, "Do mind telling me who she is…and why she just sucker punched your friend-"
"Half brother." Mannen interjected.
"Whatever." Roy said mildly, "-into the wall?"
"She's the youngest member of our fucked up family tree." Kazuo grinned.
"Our baby sister, Akane." Takaomi smirked.
"Akane?" Colonel Hughes gaped, "She told me her name was Byakko!"
"Her name is Byakko." Mannen snickered, "Byakko the Cruel. That's her streetname back in our dimension. She's a gang leader back home."
"And right now it looks as though she's tryna kill Suu-kun." Takaomi chuckled as Akane hefted a desk, drawers filled to capacity with papers, pencils, inkwells and quills, over her head and was preparing to bludgeon her elder brother to death with it.
"Well then, I suppose I should stop her, shouldn't I?" Roy said, smirking as he rose to his feet.
"I don't suggest that." Kazuo smiled, "She's really adverse to...people likeyou."
"That's fer sure." Mannen laughed, shaking his head, "Just leave it t' us."
Takaomi had already crossed the room by this point and just Akane was about to strike, he got her in a Strangle Hold from behind.
"DWAH-AH-AH-AH!" Akane squealed as she lost her grip on the desk and it toppled behind them with a crash, sending office supplies flying everywhere, "TAKA! Lemme GO DAMMIT! Lemme kill'm! It's all his fault! You know that!"
Akane squirmed around, pouting very childishly.
"Sorry kiddo." Takaomi smirked, "No killing family. Thems th' rules."
Ed and Al had watched this from behind the safety of Colonel Hughes.
"Geez…violent much?" Ed muttered, "What's her problem?"
"Brother…she's scary." Al whimpered quietly, "I wanna get out of here."
"Ch. Relax, Al." Ed said confidently, "She probably can't even perform simple alchemy. She isn't much of a thre-"
-ch-klk-
-P-KAM-
-P-KAM-
Two white hot shots flew past Ed's ear and where Al's ear used to be and stopped in the wood of the door frame.
Akane, no longer restrained by Takaomi, whom she was currently pinning to the floor with her left foot, had her brand new toy (the H&K 416 Enhanced Carbine) pointed directly at the Elric brothers, and had the predatory look of a tiger on her face.
"I may not be able t' do alchemy…" she drawled maliciously, "…but I can still clear yer bowels quicker than an extra large Beef Burrito with extra guacamole sauce."
She then tapped her shoulder with the firearm and slung it over her shoulder…
…just as Aki let loose a long mournful wail.
She switched from, "I will woop yo ass with yo own shoes" to "Aww, come here baby" fast than the eye could register.
Colonel Hughes didn't even have a chance to grasp the fact that the toddler had left his arms and was back in the arms of his auntie (that still weirds me out…Auntie Akane…brrr)
"Shhshhshh!" Akane cooed, "It's okay! See? Yer daddy's here!"
She nudged Suo's kneewith her toe and he promptly leapt to his feet and took the hiccupping toddler.
"Okay…what th' hell just happened?" Ed asked, eyes wide as Al's large metallic fingers dug into his shoulder.
"I'm scared!" Al whimpered again.
"Can someone please explain to me what's going on?" Colonel Hughes begged.
"After Aki's calmed down." Mannen said easily.
"Then we'll talk." Kazuo smiled.
Roy sighed and massaged his temples, surveying the damage done to the office.
"What a day." He murmured, "Well…at least it couldn't get any worse."
Aww, Roy…you should know by now you should never say those words out loud!
(A/N: To prove that they're telling the truth, Suo swipes the remote from Akane and after some tweaking,sends them back home...but with one technicalproblem. What is it? R&R to find out!)