AN: I'm not quite sure if the next part of the story warrants the rating I gave it, but it does get pretty...heated. Just be warned. And for those who wanted a sequel to "I don't know you anymore"...it's in the making.
Disclaimer: Well, another Christmas coming up...but I don't think DJE will fit through the chimney...oh well...
On we go...
Harm's POV
My first thought at her question isn't so much a thought as it is an alarm bell going off in my head. I said the ultimate four-letter word. Just like that. Years I've been waiting to say it, only to be too chicken to actually pull it of every time an opportunity, an opening was presented to me.
Maybe I've been over thinking this, maybe this is how it was meant to be. No thinking at all, just…put it in an honest sentence and let it take its course. After all, she kissed me back, and she's still here… methinks she wants it to be true, wants me to love her. And I do. I've said it, I'll validate it. It's what I need to do, what I want to do.
Mac's POVHe seems to mull this over, then gives me a smile. Not his usual Flyboy smirk, but a heart-stopping, honest smile that reaches his eyes. Never before in my life has this man looked more perfect to me.
"I did. Didn't I?"
I can only nod, surprised he's not backing out, not denying. Before I can ask any questions about his intentions, he cups my face, forcing me to look at him. As if I could look anywhere else.
"And I mean it too, Sarah. I'm in love with you. It's time to just have it all out in the open."
I whimper as I feel myself fall apart. Truly; I don't know whether to laugh or scream or cry…to run or to bury myself in his embrace forever. I have no clue.
I have to act fast, though. I know my Flyboy. If I continue with this silence for too long, he'll take it the wrong way and we'll end up worse than we did so long ago with Mic and Renee still around. I don't want him to doubt the total reciprocation of his feelings, don't want him to doubt me. Speak, Marine! Open your mouth and tell him!
"Harm…I…"
Sorry, but I have to swallow to get my voice back in working order. And he's still staring…okay, deep breath, next try…here we go…
"I'm in love with you too Harm, for as long as I can remember."
I said it! Way to go, Ninja-girl! Harm seems to think so too, as he's pulling me against him, lips eagerly searching mine in a kiss that should be illegal for the permanent damage it does to my brain-cells. And at least R-rated for the promises it holds for the remainder of this evening.
Harm's POVWho's the man?! She loves me. I, Harmon Rabb Jr. am loved by this…this goddess. I am loved by my Sarah! The only ultimately anticlimactic shock is the fact that I could and should have known this for years had I only taken my chances sooner, but tonight, I'll gladly banish those thoughts forever, bury them with every other regret I ever had about stupid decisions and youthful indiscretions, and firmly close the lid on them. There's no time like the present and for the present, Sarah loves me. And I love her. Let's seal this deal with a kiss.
She responds with a gusto easily matching my own, before a low rumbling noise ends it.
Mac's POVAgain, it's a hunger from a different kind that interrupts our romantic interlude. If I still want something to eat other than the man holding me, I have to make it fast. Break time should be over in eight minutes and thirty-five seconds. Hey, my clock is back!
Harm leads me to the small lobby and finds us a secluded table in a corner.
"Hold my seat, I'll get us a drink and whatever I can get to feed you."
I wait impatiently, not just because I'm hungry, but suddenly even a minute without Harm seems intolerable. He must have had the same idea as he's back in less than four minutes, people parting for his tall frame like the Red Sea. Delicately he's balancing two cups of steaming coffee and two cupcakes on a wobbly tray.
"It's not much, but it's all they had. So I brought you two of them."
"What, coffee or cakes?"
"Cakes. I need the coffee for myself."
Not awaiting my inevitable whining, he takes a gulp of the hot liquid, chokes, splutters and ends up all but spilling the remains on his shirt. Quickly I take the cup from him and grab for the napkins he so thoughtfully brought with him.
"See? That's what you get for denying a Marine her rightful dosage of coffee."
He manages to swallow, though still coughing and with a scornful look he plucks the crumpled napkins from my hands to wipe some tiny droplets trickling down his chin. Damn! I wanted to do that, and not with napkins either. Somehow the combination of coffee and Flyboy seems too good to be true to me and I can't wait to find out.
However, we're in a public place, a pretty posh one at that, so I have to keep my unladylike thoughts on the backburner for now. For now, let's emphasize that.
Just as I finish the last cupcake, not even daring a glance in Harm's direction to prevent myself from dragging him into a nearby broom closet (what's gotten into me?), the bell rings again and a detached female voice kindly requests the guests to get back into the concert hall.
We find ourselves back on our balcony seats again. As the lights fade out, Harm seductively whispers:
"Ready to miss the second half too, Sarah?"
He kisses the same spot in my neck and I can feel myself come apart again. But as much as I want Harm, I do want the ballet too. Besides, a little restraint could never hurt my Flyboy. I like him on the edge.
So before my own restraint hurts me, I lean back against his chest ever so little, but keep my eyes focused on the stage, where the second part has just started.
"Hush now, Sailor, I do want to see the rest of the ballet."
He groans in what I hope is understanding, but I can't be sure. He relents though and while he insists on holding my hand, it's all the contact between us for the duration of the performance. Now, don't get me wrong, just holding hands with Harm is not as innocent as it sounds. He's driving me nuts. On the outside, we're two people with their hands entwined. But meanwhile, his thumb is casually, slowly, grazing over the sensitive inner flesh of my hand, making it very difficult to concentrate. A fact he's of course very well aware off, as he's obviously doing this on purpose, watching me as I purposefully try to focus on the dance in front of me.
He's not getting this little satisfaction, though. I'll die before telling him how just a graze of his thumb against my palm can floor me. He's cocky enough as it is. But I'm not stopping him either. Why on earth would I?
Harm's POVShe's torturing me, actually turning her back on my to watch the dancing figures on stage again. Not that her back isn't beautiful as the rest of her, with the sparkle of the shoulder straps on her tanned skin, but considering how we missed practically all of the first half, I was kind off hoping we could skip the second half too…But apparently she really is into this gig. Well, okay, I'll back off. For now.
Doesn't mean I can't tease her a little, as I won't be ignored. I hold on to her hand, a seemingly innocent gesture between a couple. Then I start the little game. With just my thumb I start drawing circles against the soft skin of her palm. I know for a fact (seducing women is lots of trial and error, then sticking to the parts that always prove their value) that this part of the female body is very underrated. You can do lots of damage to someone's self-control with just this particular gesture.
She sighs as she feels it first and shifts uneasily in her chair. I can tell she wants to pull her hand free, but I won't let her. Without showing any visible signs, I just continue my ministrations until she relaxes and just lets me. But the Marine-discipline is still keeping her focused on the stage. Doesn't matter, as long as she knows, and feels, I'm here. This is just very slow foreplay. And I'm sure she won't have any regrets when this dance is finally over.
Mac's POVFinally, the ballet ends and even though it was truly a brilliant performance, part of me is glad that, after the applause has died down, we can get out. The moment his hand lets go of mine, I almost whimper with the loss of contact.
Suddenly, I know what Cinderella must have felt like when midnight struck. Not that I think Harm's Corvette has turned into a pumpkin or that I'll lose my slipper walking down this stairs, but outside, the real world awaits. The world we left behind as just friends, and sometimes barely even that.
And if I ever wondered why fairytales usually abruptly stop and we'll just have to assume they truly live 'happily ever after', now I know. Because 'Cinderella the sequel: Cold feet' will never make it to the big screen.
I know what I feel for him. That one's easy. I know now what he feels for me. He just said it. And still, that was in a dark, romantic date-like setting. More correctly: that was after I caught him staring at me like I'm something short of a miracle. Maybe, to Harm, I am. Hell, I don't know.
Outside, Harm direct us to the parking spot, opening and closing the Corvette for me, still in his gentleman mode.
"Wanna go somewhere for a drink, or…eh…a talk, maybe?"
Wait a minute, is he as nervous as I am? Not that I like it when he's ill at ease, but maybe he's struggling with the same kind of doubts as I am. Oh do we ever need to talk. But not in some anonymous restaurant or café. I wanna have this talk in the safety of my own home, so I can go into hibernation immediately when this goes down the drain.
"Drive us to your place, Harm. I'll take my own car and you can follow me in yours. We can talk in my apartment."
He nods almost imperceptibly, not questioning my choice of destination, before starting the car and getting us back down the road. For long minutes we just drive in silence, and it's getting to me. We kissed, we admitted our love to each other and now…where are we now?
He must have felt I was getting edgy, or he must start to feel edgy too, because suddenly I feel his big hand covering mine. He gently grasps it and brings it to his lips to brush a kiss against my knuckles. I shiver and manage a little watery smile.
"We'll be okay, Sarah."
His promise calms me enough to relax for the remainder of the ride home. While I take my own car to drive to my place, his absence for the first time this evening already strikes me as another loss. How can I miss him so much already? How can the several feet separating us feel like light-years? What's going on? I force myself to watch the road. In my rearview mirror I can see Harm blinking his headlights just to let me know he's still hot on my tail and somehow that simple token appeases me enough to relax in my seat.
Harm's POVI'm not mad about the sudden hesitation that seems to set in between us as we leave the safe haven where our fairytale began. I can actually understand it, as I feel it too. Here, on the outside, in the grim dark of the parking lot, we have to face the real world again.
It feels like every other time I took a girl home after the first date, hoping that she'd at least let me kiss her, or maybe just a bit more (since we've already done the kissing part), but much, much worse.
Worse, because we're adults, worse, because if this doesn't work out, I won't bounce back like I did when I was just a boy. Back then, if a girl didn't want to hang out with me, be my girlfriend, or whatever we called it back in those days, I would fret or maybe cry a little for a day or two, before the pain was over and I was ready to move on.
It was pretty much the same idea with most women in my adult life. With the exception of Diane, whose death left a profound pain in my heart, now reduced to a dull, sometimes aching place. And Mac. The one who's always on my mind. If something, anything would go wrong tonight and I end up losing her over it, I'm sure I won't recover. Not in two days, two years or two decades.
That's why it's worse.
The only solution is not to let anything go wrong. To follow her lead for now. She's made her choice, to have "the talk" at her place. It's fine by me.
As she drives alone in her Corvette in front of me, I know she must feel the sense of immediate loss of contact as profoundly as I do. Even after just a few hours I can't bare not to touch her. And even though I'm very much aware that this is no longer a fairytale, but real life, and I'm Harm, not Prince Charming, I hold on to that knowledge like a beacon.
Because I thinks she needs one too, I flash my headlights once. Don't worry, I'm right here.
Mac's POV
Only when I open the door to my apartment after waiting patiently until he caught up with me, do I feel the goose bumps again. I feel like I'm about to sign away my soul, either to the devil or to love. Whichever one resides in my Flyboy's body tonight.
Tentatively I take a seat, feeling strangely out of place in my own apartment. A trail of evidence of my earlier preparations can still be seen. The towel is discarded on the bedroom floor and the doors to my bedroom and the bathroom both stand ajar. A myriad of perfume bottles, body lotion, scrubs, creams and nail polish is haphazardly thrown all over the bed itself. The curling iron, my razor, nail file, several stockings and underwear (whoops, that's supposed to be a woman's best kept secret) are tumbling out of a the half-opened drawers of my vanity… Clearly all this tells the tale of a woman getting ready to impress. Like you would do when you're in love.
I can see Harm's eyes follow mine as he comes in right behind me. His mouth curves into a grin when he surveys the 'grime scene' I left behind. He looks relaxed and amused, apparently taking some kind of pleasure in the sight before him. Maybe he's flattered that a woman will go through so much trouble just to look good for him? Or is he used to it, does he take it for granted?
His smile is barely there at first, but suddenly it splits open like the Red Sea. My heart sinks as I realize what he has just spotted.
With three strides he's in my bedroom, fingers smudging the heart drawing on the vanity.
"Feeling romantic tonight, Ninja Girl?"
Harm's POVOkay, so I thought I got into this date all the way, but now that I overlook Mac's bedroom I really wonder what she was thinking when she got ready. This place looks like a regular disaster area, all that's missing is a yellow crime-scene tape and the outlining of a body on the floor.
Drawers are wide open, all kinds of interesting lacy stuff peeking out, as well as a variety of devices that look like they belong in a medieval torture chamber.. Spread on her bed are bottles, containers, pencils and in the middle of this nuclear war zone there is a heart drawn on the mirror with familiar soft pink lipstick.
A heart. Like a schoolgirl. A heart…for me. Because she's in love with me.
Now I asked her if she's feeling romantic…nervous about her answer, hoping she won't regret it.
Mac's POVI gulp, not knowing what to say. Please don't let him think I planned to seduce him…wait. I did plan to seduce him. Maybe not consciously but still, when have I not secretly planned to seduce Harm Rabb? When I said Marines go in prepared, what was I preparing myself for if not this? So if he's here, and I'm here, and neither one of us forced the other one to be here, than what the hell am I waiting for?
Out of nowhere, the thick, suffocating cloud vanishes as the fact of the matter comes clear in my head. All of a sudden I feel wonderful and alive. So I prepared myself. Harm's looking good enough to eat, he's not laughing at me, not making fun of me. He's in my bedroom, he's still smiling, he's not running as fast as he can in the opposite direction, he's…he's mine for the taking!
So, I repeat: what are you waiting for, Marine?
I answer his question with a sassy grin as I glide over to the threshold of my bedroom. His smile grows wider.
"Feeling very romantic, Sailor."
One step further and he catches me in his waiting arms, kissing me hard and hungry. I don't mind that the tenderness takes a backseat for a while.
The mess that is my bedroom gets an aftershock as the tsunami of our passion takes over. The beautiful new blue dress gets discarded right there at the doorstep, the jacket of his tux covers it, the dress shirt takes residence somewhere in the vicinity of the chair, my strapless bra flies…jeez, I don't know, I've got better things to do than focus on the LZ's of our garments. I have skin to caress, lips to kiss. It's pure carnage, tenderness has left the building hours ago.
But it's okay, we'll have plenty of time for slow and easy. And I know he'll never hurt me. Though to be honest I'm not sure about the other way around as I feel him gasp. Damn! Poor Harm, first, I almost choke him trying to rip his bow-tie off, and now my paws with the perfectly manicured nails are leaving scratch marks on his back…
I wish I could get into the juicy details, but the moment we're both naked as the day we were born, all details fly out of my mind and I can only feel. And feel in do. Wonderful, alive, vibrant…loved. Even if he hadn't told me, he's making me feel it with every fiber of my body. In between, I can only hope he knows I love him too.
And I can only hope you still like my story...next and last installment coming soon!