AN: This is the 2015 revised version of this fic. Hope the edits make it easier to read. Enjoy!
Colorful Kuchiki
Chapter 3: Kenseikan Makeover Part 2 – Fourth Division Kitchen Infiltrated!
Two days left…
Rukia stared at the clouds developing in the skies - with them looming above her, she could not concentrate on her work at all. And she had hell of a lot of work to do. Unsurprisingly, Ukitake-taichou was on sick leave again. She was practically running the whole division by herself!
"Kuchiki-fukutaichou! Kuchiki-fukutaichou! I stamped this perfectly! Look! Look!" Kotsubaki waved his document fervently.
"Oh yeah? Look at how nicely I write, Kotsubaki. It is something the likes of you will never achieve even in a thousand years!" Kiyone taunted.
"Duh! Who can write like you? It looks like a talisman!"
"What did you say?"
"Talisman! The stuff you put on vampires' heads!"
"There are no vampires, Idiot! And you are a shinigami too! Look at how shameful he is, Kuchiki-fukutaichou!"
"Oh yeah? Your behavior towards your comrades is shameful too, Kiyone! Punish her, Kuchiki-fukutaichou!"
"But fukutaichou!"
"Look at her, fukutaichou!"
…and those two were not helping the slightest bit…
"Would you two just shut up for a bit!?" Rukia yelled, releasing her zanpakutou and waving it around angrily. As though in revenge for what she did last night, Shirayuki's white ribbon slipped under Rukia's sandals and tripped her as she approached the duo.
"Kuchiki-fukutaichou!" they yelled in unison.
Rukia struggled to get up from the tangled mess. What she didn't notice was blood dripping from her mouth when she accidentally bit her lips during the fall.
"Oh no! Kuchiki-fukutaichou has blood in her mouth!"
"Maybe she got the disease from Ukitake-taichou!"
"Or was she abused by Kuchiki-taichou from the sixth division?"
A crow's sudden cry caused Byakuya to choke on the green tea in his mouth. Renji turned to see his taichou in a very uncomfortable position.
"Taichou! I told you someone is doing something bad behind your back. Look at all those omens!"
Byakuya spat his tea in Renji's face.
"Don't be troubled by your illusions, Abarai. I shall now go attend to some important business."
When the rain of green tea finally settled, a soaked Renji asked the air, "Damn…does that mean I have to clean this up?"
After beating her two third seats unconscious, Rukia sat back in her seat to glance over the paperwork. On the top of the pile was a document that had to be approved and sent to the fourth division.
"Fourth division? Isn't that where the kitchen is?" Rukia smiled mischievously, causing a gazillion crows to gather at the fourth division headquarters.
"Ara? What is this?" Captain Unohana looked into the skies.
"I'm not sure, but my telepathy with my sister tells me she is in trouble…" Isane answered.
"But isn't Kiyone-chan always in trouble?" Unohana replied with a sweatdrop.
Rukia walked onto the fourth division grounds with the document in hand, knowing she could now move freely without raising suspicion. Despite that she seemed to have an important purpose for being there, her mind was really preoccupied with plans to repair the kenseikan. Strolling into the division office, she bumped into Hanatarou, causing everything in his hands to go flying onto the ground.
"Gomenasai! Gomenasai! Gomenasai!" Hanatarou repeatedly bowed and apologized.
"It's fine, Hanatarou. You don't have to freak out like that…"
This finally caused him to look up towards her. His eyes widened upon recognizing her face.
"Oh! It is Rukia-san! I didn't even notice until now!"
"You never notice anything," Rukia replied jokingly with a smile, "You should quickly pick up your things, ne?"
He started gathering his stuff from the ground, only to also pick up two white tubes that looked eerily familiar.
"Isn't this the kenseikan…" Hanatarou muttered, causing Rukia's eyes to dart towards him and snatch the fabric before anyone noticed.
"Shhhhhh! Don't be so loud!" Rukia shouted. Everyone looked at the two until Rukia coughed with vice-captain pride. Taking Hanatarou to the side, she explained everything to him.
"So those things called scissors accidentally, and I mean accidentally, cut through the fabric…and the tube just happened to fall into the bubbly tea or whatever it is called…and…" Rukia stuttered.
"In other words, you destroyed the kenseikan…"
"That's not what I meant! It was an accident!"
Hanatarou nodded hurriedly to prevent Rukia's killing intent from intensifying further.
"So how may I help you?"
"Well, would you get me some of that foreign dried noodles with a hole in the middle? You know, the ones Inoue-san brought over last time she trained here?"
"You mean the stuff called pasta?"
"Yeah, that! Get me some of that and some natto."
"Hai! I'll try my best!"
After Rukia dropped off her document at the fourth division office, Hanatarou met up with her, his head hiding under the green medicine bag he normally wore.
"Wha! What's with that look, Hanatarou?"
"I was trying to conceal myself. You know, like thieves!"
"Err…that just makes you more suspicious…"
"Oh right…I didn't think of it that way...but anyway, here are the natto and pasta you requested, Rukia-san. Ganbatte!" Hanatarou whispered, hurriedly handing over the items before scurrying away with the bag still over his head.
"Uh…Hanatarou…your bag…"
Rukia left with a sigh. Hanatarou is Hanatarou is Hanatarou. Not like that would change any time soon. But looking at the stuff in her hands, she couldn't help but smile mischievously again. She was totally saved this time!
Making her way back to the thirteenth division office, Rukia placed the items on her desk after knocking out Kiyone and Kotsubaki again (poor things…) She dug out the kenseikan and laid it on her desk like a fish about to be dissected.
"Hehe…here I come, Kenseikan-san!"
Her evil voice made the two third-seats shiver in their sleep.
Pulling out the box of paints Ichigo had so generously shoved her last Christmas (not that shinigami celebrated Christmas…it was just Rukia's excuse for a present), she pried open the container of white paint and dipped a strand of dry pasta, the size of a kenseikan tube, into the liquid. Taking it out and placing it atop of some paperwork, Rukia whipped out her sword and used its powerful reiatsu wind to blow-dry the strand. As if that wasn't enough torture for her zanpakutou's actions earlier that day, she used the blade like a butter knife to spread the strong-smelling natto slime onto the side of the painted pasta so that it would stick to the remains of the kenseikan.
"All done!" Rukia shouted in happiness, taking little notice of the person who just entered the room.
"May I inquire what has just been completed, Rukia-san?"
Rukia jumped at the voice and whammed her back against the wall in an attempt to escape. Raising her shaking fingers at the newcomer, she managed to stammer.
"Ne…Nemu!"
"What has made you so fearful, Rukia-san?" Kurotsuchi Nemu asked in her characteristic monotone. Rukia's eyes darted to and fro between the twelfth division vice captain and the just-repaired kenseikan.
"Ah…I…uh…just spilled some of that white-out stuff on my paperwork…that's why I got a little nervous…"
"I see…but may I ask why you would have Kuchiki-taichou's natto-smelling kenseikan on your table?"
Rukia sighed. She had no choice but to tell Nemu the truth…
"So that was what happened…" Nemu answered after Rukia finished her story, "It is indeed quite unfortunate, but the possibility of these coincidences occurring together is about one in a billion, which is lower than the probability of winning the Shinigami Lottery."
"If you don't believe me, I'll resort to violence!" Rukia released her zanpakutou again. Nemu waved her hands robotically in a gesture of surrender.
"If you don't mind, I would gladly help you test the stability of the repaired kenseikan, Rukia-san…so long as you put down your zanpakutou…"
Rukia reluctantly sheathed her blade and followed Nemu to the twelfth division headquarters.
The Shinigami Centre of Research and Technology had always been regarded as an extremely mysterious place. Dim lights flickered and flashed, machines and wires lined the walls, members of the division were always sleep-deprived and worked behind glasses glinting evilly in the darkness. A particularly scary-looking man reached out with a thin, gray arm, leading Rukia to leap back and crash into a computer.
"Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou…experiment c57bl/6 has just been completed…would you like the results?" he asked in a croaking voice.
"I will take a look when I'm done my business with Kuchiki-fukutaichou," Nemu replied, continuing to lead the girl deeper into the building. Turning a corner, they reached a strange-looking tank that looked like it really needed some cleaning.
"What the hell is that, Nemu?"
"This is the kenseikan-testing machine. Due to the shrinking population of nobles, and with it the market for kenseikan production, this machine hasn't been used for over a decade."
"Even if shinigami don't age significantly in ten years, machines sure do…"
Rukia handed Nemu the kenseikan which she placed on a tray in the tank. With the press of a button, a strong wind started blowing along the tubes.
"This wind is traveling at 1000 meters per second in order to test the kenseikan's durability when its owner uses shunpo. Despite that the new strand is only attached by natto slime, it seems to be holding well against the simulation."
"Well...it is natto after all."
As they spoke, the wind withdrew and a powerful blast of lightning hit the kenseikan mercilessly. Rukia could only take a peek into the blinding brightness, making out the outlines of the kenseikan that had stayed strong despite the battering.
"This is the simulation for high-reiatsu conditions. It is necessary for the kenseikan to stay in good conditions during high-leveled battles that noble shinigami engage in. Not only does it have to withstand the opponent's reiatsu, but also its owner's."
Rukia finally opened her eyes when the flashing faded and water started pouring in. After passing the first two tests, this one should be easy.
"I guess we should just stop this. I have to hurry and give it back to Nii-sama."
Nemu quirked an eyebrow. Maybe it would be better if Rukia kept watching, because what just happened was...rather drastic.
"I think you might like to reconsider your decision, Rukia-san," Nemu said, pointing at the paint that dissolved in the water. Rukia widened her eyes at the scene and stared down at the paint bottle she had subconsciously picked up on the way to the twelfth division headquarters.
"Water-soluble paint!?"
Meanwhile, the fourth division was still trying to figure out what happened to their natto and pasta. Perhaps the kitchen was…infiltrated?