She's alive. My God, she's alive.
After six months of pure, nonstop torture, I find her alive. Unharmed. She's okay.
She's not dead. She didn't suffer the same fate as others I've known had.
Two days ago, she saved my life. Not having backup was a mistake. She took care of that. Out of nowhere, after being gone for so long, she came at the moment I needed someone badly. I needed her. Because at the time, I didn't care if I was ambushed. Those people shooting at me filled me with relief.
Death wasn't so bad. As long as it was for me. As long as I had no one to leave behind.
Nikita showed up. She saved my life. In many ways.
I'm allowed to breath again.
Last night I met her again. She looked so scared. Vulnerable. Alone.
I've never missed anyone as much as I missed her.
Valentine missions always kept me awake at night, making me feel guilty for what seemed like cheating on Elena.
I didn't feel guilty about this. It felt too wonderful to be wrong. I could breath again. After so long, I was taking my first breath.
It felt good.
I swore, so hard, that I'd never fall in love after Simone's death.
I failed.
I fell in love.
I love Nikita. More than life itself.
So much, that I've been thinking up random cliches.
I hate cliches.
Nikita's alive. My love, my life, is alive.
I allowed myself one day to wallow in this wonderful new feeling.
Tomorrow I'll go back to the normal. To being closed in and denying any sense of emotion inside
But the facts will still be there. Now that they've been acknowledged and brought out in the open, they'll be harder to fight them. It'll be a hard battle, but a battle nevertheless.
OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO