Covered in rain
CHAPTER FOUR

Months passed with loaded memories that brought imminent change in all things. Botan, who was once as lively as spring now sits in a balcony overlooking the street, looking like the entire world has abandoned her.

But it already did.

It was a rainy month, and she was accustomed to her husband not spending most of his nights in their home. He reasoned that it rained everyday and it was safer and more practical if he was too stay at his ancestral house, which was reasonably nearer. Botan reluctantly agreed, her thinking that it was her husband's commitment to at least come home to her every night. But she loved him, and like she always would, she pushed all reasons aside and succumbed to this compromise.

But she is still his wife who has every right to worry, and because she was one stormy night, she knew she just had to go there.

Thereafter, things were never the same again.

"Lenma?"

There was a rumble of sheets. An auburn haired girl emerged, followed by her husband who had an agitated look upon his face. "Is she the one?" said the girl, who was positively smirking by now. Lenma, however tersely nodded, his face an unreadable mass of emotions. "Botan, this is Yumi and she—"

"HOW DARE YOU INTRODUCE ME TO-TO-TO YOUR WHORE!" Botan sputtered.

"WHORE?!" the enraged girl said. "Listen here missy I'm the one who's going to carry Lenma's pride. Yeah that's right," she sneered, seeing the abashed look on the other's pitiful pretty face. "I'm the one who's going to carry the child you cannot bear him."

Something burned in her eyes, seized her chest and made her scream in agony. She felt her husband kneel beside her and press her against his bare chest. She wanted to push him, hurt him but all she managed to do was to cling to him and let the tears that flowed to his chest speak the volumes of questions. "I'm sorry Botan," he whispered. "I just have to. I need a child, and—and"
"I'm not able to give you one."
he bowed his head in response.
"Lenma, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to think about this—I just want to forget but I—I—can't!"
"But you can, we can go on and just forget about this"
"How?"

Botan got the answer in her mail two years after. Lenma decided to leave her for his other woman; it said so in the pristine white envelope. She was cordially invited to his wedding.

She wanted to scream at that time but no words came out. All that ever did was a strangled cry, wrenched from the pit of her despair. She knew that he would never be fully happy with her, but somehow she managed to delude herself in the past two years that they were together. Everything just seemed so perfect and right that she hardly thought that this was possible. But it was.

And just what was she expected to do? She could not fight for him any longer, what right does she have to? She was just his wife, someone who was expected to give him what the world hasn't. The only problem is, the one thing he wanted was the one thing she couldn't give.

Her feet continued to walk the lonely trail of the past. Along the way she saw restaurants, café's, shops and trinkets that made her miss him immensely. He was something that was hard to replace and she knew it would take more than walking along the street towards some unknown destination to shake the past behind.

She stopped at the playground.

It's funny how one thing could eject a thousand more. She stood there frozen as the tide of emotions overwhelm her and racked her body with so much pressure, she could hardly comprehend what was the best way to let it out. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to close her eyes and let it all take her—but she was powerless. There was nothing left to save her.

It took a voice to take her out of the void that pressed itself upon her.

"I never saw you again… until today."

She turned and saw his hazel eyes filled with remorse. A tug of the heart was all to blame for what had happened next.

She threw herself unto him, letting him press her against him, melting comfort into the heat. The tears that she had so wanted to pour spilled unto his shirt and stained his heart. She was broken and in his arms she was almost whole again.

He wanted to interrogate of her despair, but he felt heartless doing so. When someone has been so badly bruised, you have no will power to touch the part where it all hurts. And so, feeling like this was the only thing he could offer her, he stayed with her and shared her sorrows.

"I—I—I'm sorry." She cried, hitching a breath. "I just need somebody right now"
He tightened his hug around her. "I'm here."

She gulped throwing all sense behind. "M-My Husband,"

"…He left me. He left me for another woman. Why am I so…Why? Why did he…? Oh. God why"
She threw another fit of uncontrollable tears and Koenma couldn't help but feel resentment for the man who did this to her. For the man who had discarded something that Koenma would've given heaven and earth to gain---her love.

And now he was left with nothing with her jagged and torn pieces, scattered throughout her existence and there was nothing he could do but to hold them together until all the pain would stop. But he knew pain as he felt pain too, and he knew nothing could save someone from the hollowness of its embrace.

"Botan-chan, gomen nasai…" he trailed feeling his emotions overwhelm him.

The light slowly died over the horizon and the astral prince knew that it was his time to go. But he couldn't leave her. She was the weakness he was afraid to succumb to, but already did.

"Botan, let's go home"
She looked up at him. "I have no home"
"You do. Come with me, onegai."

She would've said no, but he was her faith. She allowed herself to be pulled to her feet and she took his hand in a grip of trust as he led her to busy streets and quiet neighborhoods until they came to a stop to her old house.

"You know my place?" she said, her face registering awe and shock.
"Yes." He said, without flinching. "Keys please"
She handed him his keys and watched him turn it 90 degrees to the left and push the door open. They entered soundlessly and Koenma took a moment to marvel at the Botan's ancestral house. The Dojo was well maintained with the moon spilling its light on the flat well kept lawn. There was a stone path that snaked across the lawn and towards the dojo. Botan tugged on his hand gently, urging him to move forward. He obediently obliged.

They walked towards the dojo soundlessly each confined to their own thoughts. Koenma looked at her, admiring her silhouette against the silver light. She was slightly subdued, although it still was highly likely that she would have another episode.

Botan slid the door open and walked across the room to light the single lantern perched on the stand. "Gomen, I wasn't expecting a visitor to come, I'm afraid there's not much to entertain you"
"It's fine." He whispered. "Shall I proceed to make dinner"
"If you must." He answered and watched her disappear towards the kitchen.
He would have wanted to offer her help but unfortunately his cooking expertise only measured up to a thimble. In the meantime that she was not present; he preoccupied himself with his thoughts.

He remembered his mother, collecting every faint memory and every story that he was fed with. There were many versions of the past but he knew that one version was true. His mother was a half-ling: a child of God born out of a mortal's womb. His father and mother lived in peaceful wedded life until the war between the Reikai and his mother's kingdom. It was time for the sub-divided worlds to be reduced to only three and his mother's kingdom was to one of those who were going to fade to exist as a mere subordinate of Rei Kai. In order to achieve this, the council refuted the right of Koenma's mother to the throne. His father was incapable of going against the council's orders and so his mother was promptly disposed of and Koenma grew up without her. The last his heard of her was her death.

And this was why he felt so much for Botan. He reminded her of his mother, pushed to helplessness because she wanted to give her husband the privilege of an easy choice. But they were not just an option for decision-making. If they had loved them in the same vein as he did, they would have given them more than just this. If they were unable to give them fully what they want, is it a crime to at least give them an ounce of consolation?

But it was with her that he realized that the sacrifices they made were not out of their stupidity or their martyrdom towards their doomed fate but because they loved completely that they wanted to offer them an easy way out. And she voiced out the life his mother led.

"Koenma-san?"

He looked at her with an odd detached look upon his face. "Hai"
"Daijoubu"
"I'm fine." He answered giving her a faint smile. "That seems appetizing." She bowed her head. "Arigato"
"Shall we eat"
She nodded.

They ate in complete silence until Koenma asked, "What really happened Botan-chan"
She gulped, restraining her tears. "I thought you wouldn't ask about that anymore"
"Gomen," he blubbered as he fidgeted for an explanation. He didn't want to sound as if he had no care for her feelings; he merely wanted to know everything so that he could offer her a decent sound advice. "Its okay. I would have told you anyway," she smiled before placing her chopsticks down. "I cannot bear him a child."

Koenma looked at her with intense eyes. However she did not seem agitated and continued on with her story. "I thought that he did not mind. It was my misfortune to think that it was okay. I should've—I should've just left him be"
He looked away, disgusted of the measure of her husband's love for her. "You shouldn't blame yourself for something love is responsible for"
"But if I had more common sense"
He cut her off. "Your only fault was to love him that much, Botan-san"
She looked at him and she flashed him a watery smile. "I don't want anyone blaming him because I don't…I just wish I could've been the one who could give him everything"
"You did," he said in a toneless voice. "You never gave up on him even when he gave up on you."

Two tears flowed to where his palm was ready to catch them. "Botan-san," he whispered. "I'm here. There's so much more than just this"
"Koenma-san…I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I did him"
He silenced her with a hug. "He's not the only one who could love you"
Whatever those words have meant had lost itself to the air, to be remembered only by the past. She returned his embrace wounding tighter around him. "I know you have to go, but please"
"I'll stay…

I'll stay…"

The doors of her room slid open and a man entered soundlessly inside. He watched her sleeping; her cheeks marred with tear stains. She was still disturbed even in her dreams: he could sense her soul was wringing in her torment. Her emotional scars reached even to the depth of her soul and Koenma mildly admired her martyrdom.

He took a small paper from the inside of his jacket and in a flourish was done and was laying the piece of paper by her side.

I will be back.

With that he gave her a small kiss on the cheek and left.