CHAPTER ELEVEN
The television faded into darkness and the room held its breath.
Koenma stared at the floor, thoughts clouding his vision. He had already predicted this situation and had tried to come up with different styles to avoid any further conversation about it. But it is technically impossible to do so; he had allowed that part of their lives to finally come to light.
"You lied to us," Shizuru said after that moment of steady silence.
She wheeled around to meet him, but only saw his back turned. He was emotionless and he was steady, like he was on the verge of something you couldn't name. "Koenma?" Shizuru inquired, watching him look at the window, watching the steady roll of the dark clouds. He sighed, turned, and without another word to anybody, walked out of the room.
"Matte!" Yusuke screamed. He badly wanted explanations, but as it looked, Immortals bleed too. He looked at the others as if to challenge anyone to speak up in his behalf. A minute passed before Kuwabara broke the thick silence. "So Koenma and Botan did have a past. That explains a great deal of chemistry surrounding the two"
Yukina nodded. "But don't you think it's sad, He could only love her in memory." Her eyes bore a melancholic expression. "I guess love could never save anything." Said Shizuru remembering the heartache she herself underwent: loosing something she never had.
"Hn. You may just be wrong about that, human." Hiei said, finally saying something optimistic. "If there is a stronger force than forgetting, it's love"
"What made you say that"
He averted his gaze from her to the blackened screen. "Because I know that"
"But if love could save her memory, why is it that Botan hasn't regained anything of it yet?" Yusuke inquired. The handsome redhead smiled. "Because there isn't a spark to ignite, Yusuke. All this time that they have been together: whether working or otherwise, there hasn't been anything that would relive her feelings for him. The trick of it is that she will remain confused unless something or someone would be able to send the message to her"
"But why doesn't Koenma do anything then? Why can't we?" Yusuke exclaimed.
Kurama frowned. "Because we need to have stronger ties to her past, and neither of us possess that. And as with Koenma, I doubt if he had time to reconsider it"
"So why don't we make him then"
"As I've said, he might have considered it but had not time to re-consider, slow and gradual as you can't force memories as you can't force time. But think, how do you think Botan reacted to him all these years? He may have lost hope altogether because of that."
Kurama's words sparked a realization within Yusuke. All those times that Koenma went to Ningenkai with Botan, his obvious concern for her, and that—stare; Koenma did send her gradual signals. But to Botan, it was a sign of their friendship, and perhaps, Koenma, knowing nothing else settled for that as well.
It was always the papers that took him away from everything.
When his mother died and he had to assume his position as the heir to the throne of Rei Kai it was his workload that he buried his misery into: spending night after night trying to busy himself so that it was easier to deal with pain. His work was like a magic slate; it allowed him to erase pain as easy as it was etched unto him. But just like the wax that lives behind every slate, there are traces that even forgetting could not erase.
Even his work could not pacify the emotions that he had so tediously tried to overwrite. Friendship could never put to whole something love has shattered to pieces. So even if he tried, Koenma could never be a better best friend than he was a lover.
He looked at the papers on his desk and tried to understand the lines that were inked unto them, but they appeared to be lines and lines of endless black dots that swirled into a blur. Nothing on this paper made sense to him and try as he might nothing in this room would ever do. Everything was muddled and thick with her.
His refuge became his hellhole.
There were knocks on the door: pleading, waiting and eager. He paid no attention to them, until a voice called out to him. He swiveled around and saw, her.
"How did your evening go"
She didn't answer his question but sat on the chair adjacent to his. "You're sweating"
"It's kind of humid here. How was Lenma"
"Jealous"
"Why would I be?" Koenma scoffed. Botan paid no attention to his stinginess, and tugged on his hand. "There's a shower of stars in Ningen kai tonight let's go"
"I don't want to." He said defiantly. "The stars don't shine here like they do there. I want to see them; let's go, please"
Koenma's brows furrowed. "You go; I can't"
"Just this once, and I'll never ask again. Please. Let's go.
Despite the rage in him that said don't go he found himself moved to her beat and unable to resist it. Somehow he knew he had wanted this too, to stand with her on a rooftop and watch the stars that shrouded them once in dreams. He had made a promise to her, and intended to keep it. He would never forget the stars and tonight he would relive them.
So he let himself be lead out of his office into the hallways and corridors that he once ran to get to her, the memories pressing unto him from every corner. Everything passed by him in a strange blur: the past mingling with the present as he watched her hair fly from behind her, whipping out a strange spell of deliverance.
And then they were in Ningen Kai.
He couldn't care how he got there. They might have flown on her oar, or would have taken a portal--- he didn't know. All he knew was that she stood there in front of him, looking at him in a strange loving way, and that was all reason he needed. Moments later, he found himself on top a roof, sitting beside her. She was looking at the sky, wearing a pensive expression that didn't suit her. Her knees were tucked together under her chin, like a child. She laughed bitterly. Centuries ago, the both of them were not like this, so quiet and so full of secrets. Centuries ago they were full of dreams, dreams that didn't quite make it.
"What are you thinking?" he whispered, his eyes fixed on the shooting stars crashing unto the distance.
She heaved of a small laugh. "How much do you remember Koenma-kun"
He blinked. She never called him Koenma-kun. "What"
She faced him, and reached inside his robes. She pulled out the necklace that he gave her, the one his mother used to wear before her untimely death and the only memory she left of her with him. "I've always wondered why you always wore this. I knew you had strange things on you, like that pacifier, but even a man of quirks would never wear a woman's necklace"
"It was a gift, so I think it proper that I should wear It." he said defensively. She looked at him with sadness now. "I never thought you'd wear it though"
His eyes widened in shock. What was she telling him?
"I remember Koenma-kun. I remember everything. I remember this and I remember that I told you to never forget the stars, and you never did. I've always thought it was unfair you know? I told you everything about me, but you always looked like you were keeping something from me. Now I know why. I just want you to know that despite me not remembering, all this time I loved you."
She looked at him and he looked back. Without thinking about it twice, without feeling anything for nothing but her, he pulled her into a tight embrace and forgot everything else.
And this time, there were no traces of echoes and shivers that could not be erased.