The Big Dating Question
Disclaimer: I own... Andrew-Squee...which is actually me... but whatever... I don't own Shrek or anything else.
A/N: Now I'm just getting sloppy... gheesh! Okay, this chapter should be up to par... maybe... P.S. Plus, this is chock full of REALLY corny jokes... just a forewarning.
Chapter Five: Golfing with the Stars
Charming was sick to his stomach. Well, technically, there was a leech there, but that's beside the point.
Why was there a leech on Charming's stomach?!
It all started the morning after the big date with Snow White...
Charming, Fairy Godmother, Lucas George, Cruise Thomas, White Vanna, and Pico Della Mirandola were scheduled to play a round- 18 holes- at Fantasy Greens.
Ms. Vanna was a poor golfer, and therefore set to partner with Mr. Mirandola, who had a plethora of free time on his hands after participating in the Far, Far Away Renaissance. By now they were at the Reformation, but that's a history lesson that no one cares about. Mr. George was to go with Fairy Godmother, Mr. Thomas with Charming.
Mr. George wasn't such a bad shot, but he had a problem finding the holes at times. (A/N: If you took that any other way but in golf...) Fairy Godmother was decent, but was evenly matched with Mr. George. Mr. Thomas was probably the second best next to Mr. Mirandola, but his putting game was sub par... Charming was an amateur. He was perhaps the worst, ignoring Ms. Vanna. But, then again, he didn't have enough focus, nor care enough, to be a good golfer.
Vanna led off with a poor shot off the tee (she was a slow starter), and was far surpassed in distance by Mirandola.
Of course, no one quite cares about the golf game, seeing as Mirandola won, but his team score with Vanna was horrid. The best team score was Fairy Godmother and George. Of course, there were a few points of interest during the round.
On the ninth hole, a par three, George got an eagle or a hole in one, and did a rather impressive dance for an aging white man. (Okay, okay, so cabbage patching poorly isn't THAT impressive, but it was rather amusing to the other players.)
On the sixteenth hole ("Thank goodness!" Vanna exclaimed. "I was beginning to think this silly sport lasted forever!" "It does." Charming replied. "Unless you're good."), a bird was flying across the par four, and when Thomas went to tee off, he hit the bird square on the head, knocking the poor creature unconscious. Fairy Godmother, using her special powers ("Voodoo magic!" Vanna exclaimed, fainting.), revived the poor thing, and the easily excited Vanna.
On the last hole, Charming could have sworn that he saw Li'l Red, so he hit his ball into the water trap. Then, since his mother had a tendency to be cheap (even though she was one of the richest in all of Far, Far Away... she didn't get rich being STUPID you know...), she told him to go and get the ball.
So, of course, ever the obedient little puppy, Charming went into the dark, murky lake, to search for his ball.
Whilst he was searching for the small white sphere amongst all the other small white spheres, Charming felt a sucking, pinching feeling on his stomach. So, being the big baby that he was, he ran out of the water, screaming. That, of course, was a stupid move, because he was underwater. So, Charming floated to the top of the murky lake. Fairy Godmother, using her magically powers moved him from the top of the lake to the fairway.
And there he was revived. Shortly. For, when he saw the leech, he let out a piercing scream and fainted.
Thus, Charming had a leech on his stomach, and this is where you found him.
That, however, is quite beside the point. For we now join Fairy Godmother, a week later, on the Winfrey Oprah show.
She is there to promote her new book, "Love Potions and You" a book about, well, love potions.
"Thank you, Ms. Godmother, for appearing on my show." Oprah remarked.
"Thank you for having me, Ms. Oprah." Fairy Godmother replied.
"Oh, please, call me Winy." Oprah responded.
(A/N: Insert your own joke here)
What proceeded was a series of hard-hitting questions like "Why'd you write this book" and "What's a love potion exactly" and various other things.
Towards the end of the interview, there was a rather intriguing question asked.
"Fairy Godmother...what is..."
(A/N: Scene edited out for time)
--
"Will we ever know what Oprah asked? What about the leech? Will Charming survive? All this, and another date, next time, but, for now, Mirror out!"