The Big Dating Question
Disclaimer: I do not own Shrek or anything else that is someone else's
A/N: If anyone is still reading this after my forever hiatus, I don't deserve such loyal readers. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint
Chapter Eight: Following the Butler's Footsteps
London Bridges Falling Down came from the clock on the bed stand. Slowly, a hand appeared from under the covers and began groping the stand.
"ARGH!" Charming screamed, ripping the covers off of his head and slamming his fist down on the clock. "Stupid… grumble, grumble… clock… gonna… gimme… an ulcer…"
"Well, sweetie, I don't think that clocks can give you ulcers." A plump woman with graying hair and a strong southern accent said.
"Who… are you?" Charming asked. "And what are you doing in my room BEFORE I'VE DONE MY HAIR!"
"Well, sweetie, your mother hired me to take the place of her, oh now what was it… butler I think, and she said that one of the things I needed to do was-"
"I can get myself up in the morning, thank you very much. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to do my hair."
"Oh, but sweetie, I think that you ran out."
"Ran…out? How could I have run… out? YOU MEAN I HAVE NOTHING LEFT! I'm going to be forced to have bed head, and cowlicks, and, and, and, ruin all of my beautiful hair?"
"Sweetie, I don't think that it'll be ruined, it just won't weigh a ton."
"My hair is light and fluffy like the feathers on a newborn chick."
"You are kidding, right, sweetie?"
"Why would I be kidding? We're talking about my most prized possession, my hair."
"Sweetie, it's not about what's on the outside, it's about what's on the inside."
"So says you. Now, leave before I have to call my mother."
"Children today…"
-
"Barbara Jean, would you come here for a moment?" Fairy Godmother asked. "There is something I need you to do."
"All right, hon, what is it?" Barbara Jean questioned.
"Well, there is this matter of stocking the shelves… Walter always did it, and I was wondering, if it wasn't too much trouble…"
"No problem, hon. I'd be more that happy to."
-
"Who does that lady think she is? Barging in on me before I've done my hair. Honestly. The lack of decent people around who don't disturb you before noon…" Charming ranted.
"Sweetie, be careful that you don't get your head caught on fire." Barbara Jean remarked, sticking her head in the doorway and then disappearing.
Charming stared at his reflection in the mirror for a minute, before shrugging and continuing to do his hair.
-
"I'll show her…" Walter muttered. "Replacing me so quickly. Just thinks that she can do that, huh? No forethought or anything. Hire the first person who sends in an application… bet that pansy child of hers will be wishing I was back soon. Bet the replacement is nosy and actually wants to do her job. Ha! Just wait until the whole house turns on you. Then see how it feels to be the hired help!"
-
"Rapunzle, Rapunzle, let down your hair. That's all I hear all day. Like I'm really going to let down my hair for some miscreant like you and get it all dirty?" Rapunzle asked form high up in her tower.
"Well, if you really don't want to leave…" Charming began.
"It's not that I don't want ot leave, it's just that I don't want to get my hair dirty!"
"Oh, I know the feeling."
"The dirt and the grime…"
"And the cost of maintaining such perfect hair."
"Exactly! You understand how I feel!" Her inner voice disagreed, however. "You could just be trying to bait you. He just wants to get inside your pant…ies. He'll sweet talk you until you want to get him to shut up. And then, next thing you know, you're naked in his bed waking up to the sunrise."
"Typical royalty." Red muttered to Puss as they walked passed Rapunzel's tower. "They never know when they've got it good."
"Si, senorita." Puss agreed.
Charming was looking around, waiting for Rapunzel to make the next move, when he spotted them. "Oh, um, look at the time; I really must be going…" He told Rapunzel.
"Hey! Wait a minute! Where are you going!" She asked, as she watched him dart across the street narrowly missing two carriages that were clearly exceeding the twenty five hoofs per hour speed limit.
"Red!" Charming called, "Wait up a minute!"
She gave him a strange look, but didn't stop.
"Whatever is he doing?" She muttered under her breath.
"It appears, senorita, that he has gone muy loco." Puss replied.
Red nodded. "So it seems."
Charming was out of breath before he was even halfway to her. Defeated, and breathing much harder than was good for you, he watched as she walked over the hill, and didn't come tumbling after.
-
"Sniff…that was kind of sad… maybe next time he'll have better luck, but now I need a tissue… Mirror, out."